Hi Bugs,

I am reading your thread and watching you work through very similar issues of not controlling the "other" side. I admire your strength and wonder how you learned to do this.

I look at you and your story and am so amazed at your strength to push forward and create a new life. We really are not that far apart and yet you are so far more ahead.

I am very honored to be getting to know you and see your strength come through even when you have rough times. You are such inspiration.

Hey Bugs,

What's happening in your world?

Hi Queenie,,,,and Everyone!

Loooong time no post! Glad to see the new forum back in action.

Wow, let's see. What's happening in my world?

We had a great Easter weekend. We hosted a baby shower for my niece last Saturday and had a ball! Literally, we had a Ball - - we did a basketball (Baby Madness) theme instead of the 'standard' baby theme. The hostess all wore "coaches' t-shirts that said Baby Madness, we handed out 'playbooks' instead of games, and had b-ball food (popcorn, hotdogs out of a hotdog machine, chips, etc). Lots of fun, lots of gifts.

Easter was great. We hold a FAMILY Easter egg hunt. Even the adults participate looking for specific gifts with their name on them. We have so much fun!

On the Drac front, we've done nothing but fight. Long story short, he doesn't read the parenting plan. He just makes his plans and expects everyone to agree. If you don't, then you are a POS. He expected me to give up my Easter holiday because he & the Ho just moved into their house and he wanted DD to be there for the weekend. It just got worse from there, even to the point of him calling his lawyer. It's all really stupid.

I talked to my attorney,,,,we ended the conversation with the standard joke about how even global warming is MY fault! ha!

It's just gotten to the point where I don't care what he thinks. I stand up for what I know to be right. So, in return, he didn't let DSS come over for Easter. Needless to say that HURT really bad. Drac didn't even tell me himself,,,,,,,,,he had DSS tell me.

It sounds as if the pressure is already getting to Drac over in the A-house. I made DD call Drac one night and mentioned that I didn't need Drac getting mad at me if she didn't call. DSS says, "He's not mad at you Bugs. He's just really unhappy. He yells all of the time. He gets mad at me a lot, too".

I guess getting everything he said he's always wanted is really turning out wonderful for him. He got rid of the last cat (that I bought for him) as the HO brought her inside dog & cat to the Ahouse. DD said she couldn't talk to Daddy about missing their cat because "he'd just yell at me and send me to bed".

I really hate it all for the kids,,,,,,,,,but I can not control it. He is making his own damage path with his relationship with the kids and he will be the one to have to repair it. The HO is totally in the picture with DD talking more about her and I try very hard to control what I say in that regard with DD. That's my biggest challenge right now.

I am off this week with DD for Easter break. We are headed to the zoo today! It's the last nice weather day for the week. Lots of other stuff planned for indoors the remainder of the week.

I am still trying to let go and let God. It's going well. He is always faithful,,I just have to stay out of the way! I did TM Drac last night about this coming weekend and I did make the mistake of coming off in the "I am right" mode,,,,but I really don't care. I am tired of his crap and he needs to start going by the parenting plan he agreed to in the D. I figure with everything being my fault, it doesn't matter anyway. Then, I realized that is not who I really am anymore and I have pledged to get back on track with handling him in my new improved ways.

Less is more.

Hope everyone is well. I hope to get caught up on everyone's threads later tonight.

(((((Bugs)))))

Oh how I can relate to the struggles with biting the tongue when the little ones talk about OP... I know it's like a knife twisting in the gut, but just remember.. they are sharing with you parts of their lives.. it could be worse.. they could not want to talk about their lives at all.. at this rate she wants to include you in everything.. she doesn't understand that it hurts you.. there's no perspective on that for a kid.

Keep your head up hon, you're still an inspiration to us all. Keep those eyes on God as you said and I'm sure all will come out for the best.

Oh.. and kudos for not taking any more of Drac's crap.. I'm finally about there with WW myself.

Bugs:

You have an attorney to help with the parenting plan.

Drac wants as much control, and the ability to poke you that he can get.

The parenting plan does that for him.

So just let the attorney handle it. Document the issues and turn it over to the attorney.

And leave it there.

Your DD telling you about her life? The most precious thing that can ever happen. And the parts about the HO are going to hurt. One day your daughter will appreciate ALL that you did.

(((Bugsy)))

LG

Hi guys!!

Yes, I realize how GREAT it is that DD shares her life with me, and I do mean her ENTIRE life. As a matter of fact, she came to me yesterday with some questions about how babies are made. We had a very nice chat in which I told her that I am SO happy that we can talk about ANYTHING. It was one of those precious life moments that I truly treasure.

LG, I agree that Drac is going to use any opportunity to take a poke at me through whatever means possible. I TOTALLY don't understand it, but I do recognize it.

As so many have written on this board,,if they are SO happy in AffairLand, why the need to poke at the BS?

I did, in fact, have my attorney respond to the parenting plan issue. This weekend was not in that response, so it was necessary to communicate with Drac about it. MY ERROR, however, was having any expectation of truth or decency about it from him. DUH!! I expected him to recognize & acknowledge that I was giving him part of what is my holiday,,,,,,,,,,that I was being "flexible".

So silly of me to expect that from him. As I wasn't flexible in the exact way that he wanted, it isn't going to be acknowledged by him. I have to remember,,,, Bugs = Evil Ex who is responsible for Everything Wrong in Drac's World! Oh, and don't forget about the global warming! ha!

We had a GREAT time at the zoo yesterday!! Lots of laughs and talks about everything.

She still asks about Drac & I getting back together. I think that with the recent holiday it's been on her mind. She said that "SOMEDAY, Daddy's going to say he is really sorry for everything." She then asked me what I would do if he did say he was really sorry. I wasn't sure how to answer that, and so that is what I told her, "I don't know".

Last week she asked me if I still loved him. I somewhat skirted the question and did not answer head on with a yes or no. I DID explain to her that it is possible to love someone even though they have done hurtful things. I don't want to give her false hope, but I don't want her to think that when someone hurts you that you just stop loving them. It's such a fine line to walk.

Last night DD's best friend from school called & she went over there for a sleep over. So Bugs gets a day to her self today! That is an unexpected surprise!

I think I'll finish straightening the house & go outside to get started on yard clean up. I am SO ready for SPRING!!

Hi, I was just checkin in to see what was going on...I'm sure that I'm thought of the same way by POWS, if not I will be soon...LMAO

The lost of his lawyer, financial ruin, the lose of his kids, his house and soon his 401...

My thought: WE reap what we sow...consequences sure are a B((CTH..

:shrugging:

Good to hear that you and DD are doing so well...I'm sorry that I haven't gotten back to you...I completely lost my senerity yesterday but the world is beautiful today!
Rin

Hey Bugs,

How's life? Keeping busy? Learning new stuff, enjoying those kids?

I miss you

Page 5 or 6, I can't remember it's too early.

You stop in and comment on some threads and don't let us know how you are doing? WE MISS YOU....

Bug Bombs with no update. You must be doing well!

Hey everyone!

I really can't believe it has been so long since I've updated. Sorry & thanks for checking on me.

Just seems less important to write about myself and my sitch than it once was. Turing over most of the worry to God helps me focus on more than just 'me', and it's working out pretty darn well.

Let's see,,,, where to begin?

Drac, DSS, the HO, and her son have now setup house. THAT has been VERY hard for me. Yet, I continue to hold to the hope that by having 'reality' now in their lives that it will help lead to the eventual demise of the A. Many things have happened in just the first month of their new setup that indicate it's not "The Happiest Place on Earth".

Drac continues to be an A #1 A-Hole as often as possible. I'm continuing to improve with letting all of that slide right off like water off a duck's back. There are times where my feathers get ruffled, but not nearly as often or as severely as in the past.

Matter of fact, recently he turned a communication about his NEVER YET paying a penny towards DD's activities into the usual rant of his about things *I* have done. I simply told him that I refuse to go over and over and over the same old drivel all of the time. Then I said, "Believe me or don't. Pay your share or don't. I really don't care."

It felt GREAT!!

Turns out that the boat that he "Will never sell EVER",,,remember the one that he is going to go down with to the bottom of the lake someday because that boat is soooo important?? Yep, he sold it. AND the 4-wheelers. AND remember that motorcycle he DIDN'T buy while we were still married? Seems he sold that too. Poor baby. Mean old BUGS never wanted him to have any of those toys but he bought them anyway because it was important for him to have what he wanted.

Gone. Every one of them.

However, rest assured everyone,,,I am quite certain that the sale of the toys IS most Definately MY fault. Along with everything up to and including Global warming,,,,ALL Bugs fault.

For now.

DD and DSS both are doing well with me. Not so much over at the A-House, but Drac doesn't see it. He only sees the 'happy family' he's trying so hard to create. I'm just sitting back and waiting for reality to burst that bubble. I am not going to risk being hit by the flying debris when the explosion comes,,,and it will.

The Ho's son is a handfull. I've already had several conversations with my kids about how to handle that sitch. Drac doesn't see how his relationship with both kids is being negatively impacted. He won't admit it but I know he sees that things over there are not well. He told DD the other night that she needs to stop telling me things that the other boy does because "Mommy's going to stop letting you come over here".

WTF??? Good thing baby Bugs has such a good foundation, as she knew that was a bunch of crapole.

I talked to Drac's dad last week, ran into him at work. He told me "Babe, I wouldn't trade 3 of her for one of you. Never." He didn't have to say that and it did make me feel good. He went on later to say that he is certain that Drac and the Ho will NOT last. And even HE had not nice things to say about her son, and he's only been around him one time! YIKES!

Now, I will say that I still have a great amount of feeling for Drac. The other day I was out of town on business and got a cell call from a friend. This is the wife of one of Drac's best friends from high school. We spent a lot of time together as couples/families,,vacations, etc. She & I have kept in contact.

She needed Drac's number,,,she was at the hospital totally hysterical as her husband had just attempted suicide. Yep MAJOR bad. He's going to be ok, Thank GOD!! But they have a long road ahead.

So,,,,,,,,,,I did call Drac after keeping her on the phone until she was a bit more together and someone had arrived to be with her. He had apparently just heard from someone else. I spent just a minute giving him a bit of encouragement & trying to be sure he was focused enough to drive safely to the hospital. He just asked me to take care of DD, as he was supposed to have her that night.

He did call the next am, but I was on the phone for business. He sent a VERY brief email update, as he wasn't sure if his wife's friend had called me yet. That's the last I've heard from him about this. I KNOW him and KNOW that this is having a MAJOR impact on him emotionally. How exactly that will be,, who knows? Will it draw him closer to the HO? Maybe. But, I am leaving that to God.

I had thoughts of doing more in the sitch, but after praying about it I didn't. There were people I could have called to help him, or I could have sent TMs or called to see how he and his friend were,,,,,but I didn't. I just felt that it's no longer my place to provide the support even in this kind of sitch. He has chosen the Ho, it's time to see how their R bears up under this kind of pressure. It's going to be long term effect on Drac.

I am very thankful that our friend is alive and going to finally get the help he really needs. That is the most important thing. He has a good wife and 3 beautiful little girls who love & need him. He's a great guy and I am so grateful he did not succeed. Please keep him & his family in your prayers!!

As for me, to quote a good friend of mine, "I'm livin' the Dream, Baby"! Really, I feel pretty good and am happy. I still have a meltdown here and there. I still have love for my H, but it's been a very very long time since I've seen him. I wonder if I ever will see him again. Still hoping that I will.

Gotta run,,,,time to get the kiddos ready for church. I will try to update more frequently in the future,,,,,,,,,,,but will most likely drop the Bug Bombs more than the updates. It's so much more fun!

kids are so smart aren't they?
my son said the other day that he saw "some guy riding with ow the other day" did not know who he was or if maybe they were carpooling to work but said he was sure his dad wouldn't like it. (his dad is out of town for 6 weeks for training) **snickers**

then my dd says "gee, i wonder if she is trying to wreck another family"

out of the mouths of babes.

mlhb

EXACTLY!! I still encourage the PLAN B scenario for you although not necessary since you are divorced. Let him learn that she cannot meet those needs.


WONDERFUL NEWS!!

It's sooo GREAT to hear from you...

Visit on THE GODDESS THREAD if/when you get the chance...

(((((BUGSY))))

Well, I think we can all agree that your plan A did heat the planet a smidge

Could you please send some of your global warming my way?
It was snowing again this weekend.

I wish I were as powerful as you!

Atta-girl! What are you doing for FUN these days?

Ahhh.. yet more inspiration for those of us trying to recover ourselves while riding on the D-Train..

Sending massive amounts of respect in your direction woman. You're doing awesome.

Slowly making my way there. Got a long way to go to catch up with you, but it's great to see that there's happiness and contentment not too far away.

(((((Bugs!))))

Bugs:

Glad to hear from you!

No, if we could just sniff out LilSis for an update, that would be great.

Glad to see that things are going well for you.

You have a very perceptive ex-FIL. To bad he didn't bring more of those thoughts to the surface with Drac earlier in this process. Water under that bridge, I guess.

(((Bugsy)))

LG

Hi everyone!

Thanks for stopping by!


My daughter is one of the most perceptive people I know. Kids ARE simply amazing!


I do try to keep up with the Goddess thread. I hope to have more time to contribut here in the near future. Plan B is for me for the forseeable future. As you say, Mimi, let the Ho fail to meet the needs all on her own!

Gee, I DO miss some of thoe 'hot' days of Plan A,,,,for a lot of reasons!

I am working on my Global Warming skills. I am trying to perfect the positioning capabilities. If successful, you all will be invited to test my new business. GWVG,Inc

Global Warming Vacation Guarantee, Inc. You give me the dates & location of your vacation and for a reasonable fee, I guarantee warm weather for the duration!


I'll be honest, I really do have days that I still struggle. I suppose that means that I'm not as 'done' as I would have hoped by now.

A recent exchange with Drac surprised me, or perhaps just reminded me at the WS ability to twist reality so much. I laugh about being responsible for every wrong or bad thing in the world, but it does still hurt sometimes. It hurts that the person I loved (love) so much has created in his mind this image of me that is so WRONG.

He has managed to totally vilify me in his mind. It just amazes me how that is possible. No matter what I do or say, he takes to the totally wrong place. I don't manipulate/control him or anything situation that has to do with him. I don't concern myself with him, the HO, or any of their activities and I try very very hard to keep communication to the bare minimal facts necessary.

I am happy. I do enjoy life. I spend time having fun with my kids, doing activates with them, working in my home & yard, spending time with friends and family.

And yet there is still the Longing to have the man I still love come forward and say that he was wrong. For him to SEE ME, the REAL me that he loved enough to marry, the one he once said was 'perfect', the woman he KNOWS is loving/kind, and for him to acknowledge that not only am I STILL that person, but am an improved version. It wouldn't even need to be that he loves me or wants to reconcile with me. I just want him to admit that I am not the person he has been making me out to be for this last year.

Why do I care about what he thinks of me? I don't know. I don't want to care, but I do.

Don't get me wrong. I KNOW that I AM a wonderful, loveable, worthy, special, giving, loving, caring, sexy, fabulous Goddess! It's not that I am totally lacking in self-esteem. That has definitely improved from my very low point of this situation. I know that God has a plan for my life, and for my kids, and even for Drac. I am content (for the most part on most days), to sit back with Him in the driver's seat for my life. I know I don't have to worry,,, about anything. He will provide. He's always working in my best interest and as long as I allow Him, he will guide my path.

I also am together enough these days to acknowledge that feelings of "I want" still exist when it comes to Drac.

I still want all of the things above from him.

I still want the affair with the Ho to end

I still want him to realize the anguish and pain his actions have caused the entire family

I still want to rebuild my marriage for me, for my kids, my husband

I still want him to address the issues/problems of his past so that he can heal & have a happier life/future

So, thanks everyone for the kudos of my 'success', , , I do appreciate it. I just want you all to understand I'm not 100% - 100% of the time. The good thing is that the good feelings are there most of the time. I'm not perfect, never will be, and that really is one of the things I've learned to like about myself!


LG, you are right about the water under the bridge. In fact, I try very hard to toss all of my 'If Only' thoughts into the river to flow under the bridge. It is hard sometimes, but haning on to those thoughts hurts, too.

HEY SIS!! If you are reading this give us an update. We miss you!

Hi Bugs,

I miss talking to you and seeing you on here. What you have just wrote is my words exactly.

The growth in your is simply amazing and yet the elogance of still showing the pain and accepting it for what it is, gives me hope that I am not crazy and will somehow survive this. As hard as it is.

You know that Drac is a fool, we know it, but somehow that just feels empty at times and I admire how you acknowledge the pain, but keep moving forward building a life.

{{{{{{{{{{{Bugs}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi BUGS