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Joined: Jun 2005
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God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 240
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Hi MLHB,
Hope you're feeling better. If not, you will be.
This all reminds me of when I was newly "out there" and I was telling a friend who had been divorced for years about this guy I knew. She said "if he's that good you might want to save it because those first ones never last".
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774 |
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,707
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mlhb, First, congratulations on your music ministry! That sounds both exciting and fulfilling.
I just wanted you to know I've been reading along and identifying with a lot of what you're feeling and I had a couple of thoughts I wanted to offer. The first guy I dated, a couple of years after XH left, was codependent, too. My therapist at the time said, "The bad thing about your relationship is that you're both codependent and the good thing about your relationship is that you're both codependent." Someone in my Al-Anon group once pointed out that our shortcomings are often just our assets taken to an extreme, and codependency is a good example of that.
The other thing, which you already kind of said yourself, is that I, too, am fine and happy when I'm single, but the issues I deal with in relationships, the insecurities and fears, only come up when I'm in a relationship. The biggest one is trust of myself and others. My XH lied all the time ~ as they say in AA, you can tell an alcoholic is lying when his lips are moving! He lied and I believed him, over and over, because of my fear of knowing the truth. Since then, I've been told things that I think were probably meant sincerely at the time but that turned out not to be true and I find I'm even more untrusting than ever ~ I don't trust others, even when I think they're sincere, because I don't think they're any better than I am at discerning the truth. Maybe what I really want is a crystal ball! I'd almost rather be the overly trusting wife I was than the older and wiser, though sadly jaded divorcee I've become.
FBS, D'day 12/00 * NC since 5/02 * divorce final 5/06 * property settlement 9/06
What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has Magic, Power, and Genius in it. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Joined: Jun 2005
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i want to thank everyone for letting me unload since my therapy session. however, i am talked and posted out. in fact i think i am going to take an MB break for awhile.
i am going to continue therapy but have asked that this thread be deleted.
i just want it to be me and my therapist.
but thank you.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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