BN,

I concur with Jim and Michele, you have to start doing something. What more could we do to encourage you and make you take some action?

Stand up for yourself. When she comes home, take her [email]d@mn[/email] keys and hide them if you have to. She has no right to blatantly carry on an affair in front of you. If she doesn't come home, then follow her to her secret rendezvous spot with your GPS and interfere. Also document it with the court that your WW didn't come home on _ nights in a row to see her children while she was off running around with her lover. The courts can award you primary custody if you WW is being shown to neglect them. Don't be mean, but cut her entitlement down a rung or two. Also, I think your 10 and 11 year-olds are old enough to know that "mommy has a boyfriend who is married." Fight fire with fire. Call up and talk to her parents some more. If they are retired, see if they can hang out at the house with you for a while. I think you confuse plan A with being a doormat. You should be actively trying to break up your WW and OM. Screw worrying about if she'll reconcile with you afterwards. I'll bet you a $100 if she doesn't have OM to go to, she'll come back to you. Find out OMW's maiden name and tell her parents. Shoot, tell the whole neighborhood he lives in. Talk to his school today. Tell all the teachers. Make your WW no longer worth this SOB's effort. Who cares how you look? If you save your family, won't it be worth it? Do all your WW's friends and coworkers know? If not, they should. We'll tell you how to expose the right way.

Bluenote

As a teacher I just wanted to tell you that you might not get too far with the superintendent or principal about the A because, if it's not a student, they really don't have any legal thing they can do. There might be an old moral turpitude clause in the Code of Conduct but I doubt it.

BUT (and this is important) if you have proof he used school resources to contact your WW, then you have something that can be a problem for him with his supervisors.

If it's a public school, then he used public resources and $ for this (computers bought with public money, phones etc). Every email is available to being read by the public and even the phone lines are only supposed to be used for work related calls. If it isn't a public school, he still used resources that belong to the school.

So, that's my two cents worth. Hope you do follow through.

I was just reading earlier on the OW website that an OW who worked at a school was in danger of losing her job.

Seems that "somebody" had covered all 200 cars in the parking lot with a copy of an NC letter from OM's atty. and an e-mail alleging a "makeout" session on the school parking lot.

She was hauled in because of this "sweeping" exposure.

She can't retaliate with legal action if every thing in the
flyers was truthful.

She's actually in trouble according to her, because of her and Om allegedly being in the parking lot after hours.

Sooooooooooo, if you can't get hold of OMW, I would see that EVERONE know the truth (his co-workers). (but I would wear gloves while billeting the cars hee, hee )

About this "victim". I have no sympathy for her. Another
"Ho-down" She played and got burned.

All,

Thanks for the advice! I will back off of the D talk for now.

Johnstwin, OM used actual class time to contact WW via txt msg. I have records of this. This is the angle I want to use with the school!

JMWC -- I will get a GPS. I have extensive documentation on WW's daily activities (coming and going) just in case our situation goes south!

I did speak with a lawyer yesterday and am prepared to file for legal separation.

I will get more active! In fact, I told WW that I will eventually meet OM. A secret rendezvous surprise meeting will be uncomfortable to say the least!

Interesting thing happened today! My WW caught OM in a lie (with my help) this morning. I can tell WW was ticked off!
She said I could expose him to whomever I wanted! She even helped me confirm that the OMW that called me to say she knew of the A WAS NOT the real OMW.

My WW told OM to go work on his M and that she was going to work on hers!

WW and I took the day off! We went to lunch and had a productive talk today! My WW said she misses her H (although I do not put too much weight on that statement).

I do know my WW has been unhappy since I cut her off financially! WW said that she would not leave a good situation (financially) for a worse one (which she would be doing).

Thanks all for the encouragement!

Bluenote, have you noticed that every day you make plans and every day you don't do them? You still haven't touched base with the OMW, still haven't exposed to the school, still have not filed for seperation. And every day you make plans to do this.

We can't help you if you aren't going to help yourself, BN. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I agree, all this talk is crap. She's going to "try" and work on her marriage, but her continued contact and withdrawal from OM will only make her think she is giving up her "true love." The affair is on the ropes. GO FOR THE KILLSHOT!

I tried to respond to this thread earlier today, and actually wrote you a book Bluenote. I unfortunately lost what was written when the server crashed.

I'll try and re-write my thoughts for you.

1. MelodyLane is right. You have some real pros here helping you, that is a true blessing. Take their advice.
2. While my advice to you may or may not seem wise / make sense / etc, know that I fully realize it's easier to give it than follow your own while in the mess...and that's why...
3. You should listen to the people here who are trying to help you and give you that birds-eye perspective.

I can sense your anxiety, fear, and hurt. It's all very natural. You don't have to get rid of those feelings, it's tough to do. You do need to be calm, cool and collected when making decisions and taking action.

Facta, non verba. Deeds, not words.

You are the field general in this war, and the folks around you the general staff. They will NOT steer you wrong.

Onwards.

Please think of the betrayal, hurt and eight thousand other forms of pain you are experiencing.

Done?

Good, now make it your next mission to bring the truth of OMWs life to her attention. OMW deserves that, she MUST know. Someone once told me that integrity is doing the right thing when no one else is looking. You are doing the right thing fighting for your marriage, please do the right thing and EXPOSE to OMW. (As in immediately)

More notes:
GPS trackers are wonderous devices. I'm glad you are all over that. They will save you money should you need to hire a P.I. for anything. Be careful, if the vehicle is not in both of your names, it could very well be illegal.

If you can't find someone, such as OM's parents, OMW's phone number, etc. Hire a P.I. They (Private Investigators) are not that expensive, and have access to databases you will not find on the internet. They can find info for you rather cheaply.

Good call on no D talk. Never, eva, eva, talk divorce. "Attorneys talk divorce, I only talk marriage".

I often find (oh so many times...) that divorces get filed on these forums reactively. Someone gets mad and then...D is filed. If you survive exposure without a D filed, which most of the time D's are not filed after exposure, don't push for D or file it yourself.
(Notice I said ACT. You will feel angry, indignant, sad, depressed, lonely, hurting, all of those things. That's natural on the Emotional Rollercoaster of Infidelity)

That's my $.02.

Oh, and if I haven't mentioned, listen to Melodylane's post above mine.

Get started!

My prayers and best wishes,

Jay

Let me add that the Legal Separation is something different, and my opinion matches the vets on that. On the D subject my advice is: If you don't want to be divorced, don't talk about divorce.

Bluenote, it's great that you had a productive day with WW. The rollercoaster climbed a hill for ya today. It will come barrelling down the tracks as soon as WW breaks NC if she has told you she's through with OM. They had a spat, she's put out with him, NOW is the time haul into the principal's office with your proof of on the job phone records. Now, before he sweet talks her again, His wife need to know NOW. You have the upper hand right now, Use it! Let him wallow in what his actions have created for a while. His wife deserves to know what she's married to, don't you think? Please, act before she starts off on "closure" meetings with him.

Bluenote, how's it going?

Update:

I had my GPS tracking last night and found WW and OM hugging in a parking lot!

Tonight, the GPS spotted WW and OM at a motel room! I even found the room number. I knocked on the door but OM did not open. I yelled thru the door thatI knew they were in there and the yneed to come out!

My WW later called me from the motel room saying that she and OM were 'laying a trap for me' in that they knew I had a GPS tracking device on the car because it was beeping!

My WW was simply lying!!! I know she is lying because the device is STILL tracking them this very moment! They are now at Pechanga Gambling casino after 11pm.

I even spoke to OM and WW on the phone while at the motel!

I pretty much told my WW not to bother coming home tonight! She better enjoy that time with OM (because she will have an opportunity to spend as much time as she wants with him until he screws her figuratively and literally!

Little does she know that divorce is coming! I am sorry to say this! I just cannot take this anymore!

I really apreciate you MB personnel who have helped me up to this point! I love you folks and feel like you are my second family!

I am truly confident that although God hates divorce, I am certainly justified in executing it! I truly feel a peace about this decision!

God himself will deal with my WW. She has truly gone to the 'darkside'.

I actually feel sorry for my WW, but she has to live with the consequences of her actions!

Hi Bluenote,

I just wanted to express sympathy for what you are going through. Everyone has their limits and it sounds like you have reached yours.

Best of luck to you.

MW

Expose her to everyone that would be in a position to pressure her to end her affair. Expose OM to everyone as well. I'm not saying that you should take your WW back, but you need to realize that people have recovered from these things. Your WW is an addict, so expose her to the consequences of her actions. Don't bargain in divorce or legal separation, fight for everything that is yours. Now would be a good time to strike while the iron is hot, given that your WW can't take care of the kids because she is out with OM all night.

Oh, and make sure you talk to OMW. Also, make sure your kids (who are over 10) know why you are divorcing their mother.

OMW NEEDS TO KNOW! Has this been done?

BN,

Every single BH I've read about or talked to says this.
My advice? Silence is golden for now. You don't have to talk to her while you sort through your feelings. They will change eight thousand times, I guarantee it. When you have something to say to her, it's prolly best to keep quiet right now. You are angry, and rightfully so, but you have to be in control.

WW has a lot of power and control right now, at least she thinks so. Everytime you lose control from anger you give that to her.

Post here, vent, pull yourself together. Maybe you don't realize it yet, but everything you just said and have been feeling has been felt before by each and every one of us. We've said the same and done the same.

Of course WW is lying about discovering the GPS tracker, she opened her mouth didn't she?

No matter what, you'll need to pull yourself together (if even momentarily) to think about this. My guess is that you told her she was tracked by the GPS from what you are saying. Remember to not give her details on how she got caught, WS's just get better at it after you tell em' your secrets. WW may probe you on phone calls for more on how she got caught, be on the alert for this.

OMW needs to know, immediately.

Bluenote,

I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do, but I do recall a poster here who's H was having an A with a teacher. She emailed an exposure letter to all of the teachers in the school. I don't know how the district is where OM works, but our school website has a directory of all staff along with their school email addys.

I would think this would put a little pressure on him if ALL his coworkers knew what he's been up to.

Like I said before, your WW needs to hit a brick wall, put that wall in front of her by showing her the consequences of her actions.

I'm not sure who said it, but I think it was Jim, exposure should be like a nuclear explosion. Do it and make it worth your effort.

From a FWS POV exposure would be that brick wall I mentioned. Scary as he** to even think about and exactly what your WW needs.

She is rubbing your face in this, don't allow her to do that. She isn't taking you seriously, show her how serious you are.

You can do this.

If you need some moral support imagine everyone here standing right behind you while you do this confiming this is the right thing to do.

LC

Bluenote, Ditto the last few posters. Until OM's BS know about this, you will continue to be disrespected.

What did the little girly man say to you as hid behind WW's skirts in the motel? Can't have been much or he would have faced you like a man.

Do his BS a favor and tell her what a jerk he is. And then do the taxpayers a favor and let the school know what he does on their time.

I'd almost bet that he will squeal like a little girl once
his BS and the school know what he has been up to.

At this point, you have nothing to lose.

Bombs away with exposure!

If this POS OM is going to continue to pursue your WW, he should have to PAY for it. Then you'll see how much he's willing (or unwilling) to give up for your WW. Right now there are little consequences. Slap him with some MAJOR consequences. I like the idea of exposure to the entire school. Gossip is so big in schools, that he will have trouble showing his face.

(Jim)
I already began re-exposing WW last night and will continue today. I also informed my older kids last night. I will fight for everything I can in a D! OMW will be hit as well thru exposure!

(MicheleG)
OMW supposedly received a package I sent to her, but I need a personal visit with her to ensure she is the real deal. I will hit her housing development and try to ‘sneak’ in tomorrow am.

(Jayban)
Good word Jayban – I will keep quiet. In fact, when I am quiet, WW and OM get very nervous! You are right – I do regret letting WW see me get angry!

…I did not let on that I tracked WW with a GPS although she suspects one. I told her “I have a huge network of friends!’ GPS is still tracking and going strong!

(Lifechoice)
Excellent idea! I will use this method as well as see the school district superintendent tomorrow am with my evidence.
(I do not want the local school principal to keep this matter in house)


(22 Devestated)
…I agree with you on the disrespect dished out until OMW knows! OM did not say a word or answer the door – I eventually left and returned home since I had my DD5 with me! When I did speak to OM on phone (when I returned home), I told him he could ‘standby’ and that we will meet real soon! You are right in saying that I have nothing to lose.