Letting him go could give him the much needed push toward the bottom. You won't know until you try, and then you can have more peace.

What day was that CHASING THE GERBIL page?

November 30.

Thanks guys,

Yes he still is very foggy. And I am thinking of going back to plan B. Might plan A a little longer.

And I will read Nov 30th about chasing the gerbil.

Still

Hi,
Just wanted to check in it's been over a year since I last posted. Had to change my username from Stillhurting01 to Stillhurtingnot. Someday I hope to get to the point where the hurt is just a bad memory.
Not sure if anyone remembers me or not. My divorce has been final for almost a year and I hate it.
Right now I'm standing by my vows and still praying for exWH to get back to God. It's difficult and alot of days I want to give up but I feel God is telling me to wait for just a little longer.

Just wanted to check in and say hi...think some of this is the winter doldrums.

Still

Thank for dropping a line Still.

What is xH position at the moment?

Hi Imagine,
I guess exWH is in a on again off again relationship with the ho. They broke up last summer for awhile but are back together now. Who knows for how long... only God knows that.

Unfortunately last fall he moved up the street from me, so now I run into her going down my street to visit (and those times I do literally want to run into her, my car is much bigger than hers). At least they are not living together that would be even harder on my kids.

Still

What happened when they broke up. Did he try contact you?

I found out after they broke up... so I'm not sure how long that lasted. He had bought concert tickets for our daughters for christmas for a concert at the end of July. Apparently he had also bought her a ticket. I knew something was up when he asked our son if he wanted to go the concert. Just hoping and praying that he wouldn't bring her and ruin the concert for our daughters.

After the concert my DD18 and I went out to dinner and she mentioned in passing that her dad asked if they were curious why he had an extra ticket. They said not really and he told them she was no longer a part of his life. That didn't last long. I can tell you the relief I felt when they were broken up.

He came around more and helped me with things. Even took me for a short ride on his new motorcycle. Now he's back in fogland.

Still

I have no qualms using devious tactics breaking devious connections.

Anonymously send her a large vase of flowers with a note that says "Thank you - You know who"

That's a good one. Now if only I knew where she lived. She has moved out of our town and living in the town I work.

May God forgive me for what I'm going to say because I have struggled with weight for a long time (until the infidelity diet) but I swear she has gained all the weight I have lost (about 50 + pounds). It gives me great satisfaction.

I will try to find out where she lives and have flowers delivered.... would dead roses be wrong???

Still

LOL... I think this might spoil the effect on xH.

Do you think that overweight was an EN of xH. Any road you keep slim.

I don't think so.... she wasn't heavy when they first started out. He also was losing weight (red flag). Right now he has also put on about 50 pounds. It must be all the wining and dining they do.

When he gave me a ride on his motorcycle it was all I could do to get my arms around him lol. I plan on keeping the weight off... don't have much of an apetite. Now I just need to get back to the gym to firm up.

Okay so the flowers must be alive.

I did buy myself a dozen roses for Valentines day and I think he saw them this morning as he stopped by with my son to pick up something this morning. We'll see if he says anything. Ocassionally he'll say something about me dating... and it seems to bother him.

Still

Still:

Your still his "Plan B".

If Ho don't work out, He still has you to fall back on.

Read Bugsy's thread. When Drac is Ho-less for a week or so, he's all over Bugs with phone calls and emails.

So, its ok to be available. It OK to let him know that there is a place for him, if he wants to return and do the things that can recreate a quality marriage for you.

Or you can Plan B him.

Mortarman called it the slow turning out of the lights. You have divorced him. That extinguishs many lights. He needs to see the rest of the lights going out.

Send the Flowers to your Husband. When he THANKS his Ho for them, she will say: "What? I didn't send you flowers!" Sending them to her means nothing. She already KNOWS he cheats, so any excuse for the flowers is going to cause issues. Pay cash for the flowers. Ship them from the town that Ho lives.

Keep him out of your house. Call him one night and tell him to get here early to pick up the kid DS14, cuz your going out. Get dressed up, and GO OUT. Doesn't matter if all you do is drive for an hour and a half on the interstate, and then return. It will get back to him.

But you should be in Plan B. It hurts you too much, and he enjoys the attention.

LG

LG,

Thanks for posting to me, there is always alot of wisdom in your posts.

I'm not sure if I'm even his plan B if things don't work out with her. Will have to see if that happens if they ever break up for good. And although I am standing by my vows right now it's very difficult as I get lonely and who knows if I will be there when he is ready.

He doesn't come into our house very often, usually DS16 has hockey practice and he just picks him up from there.

I always look good (if I do say so myself) when he sees me, at son's hockey game, church and around town. Sometimes he'll text me that I look good tonight or that I smell nice, although that doesn't happen very often. He was never one to compliment me.

The only thing about sending him flowers from her town is that is the town I work in so he may think they were from me first. But it is something I will think about.

I do those things dressing up nice and leaving... just drive to the mall or such. He has to drive by my house to get to his and has made comments about my not being home and such. The nights I don't have my son I make it a point to not be home when he goes to his place. He does think I may be dating, the night I went to see Fireproof with a girlfriend we had gone out to dinner before. We had been playing phonetag that day I can't remember about what but he tried calling and I didn't answer because I was with a friend. So when she got up from the table I tm him that I was out to dinner then a movie and I would call him when I got home. He tm me back a date? Didn't answer and he tm I guess so. When I called him that night he was all pissy at me. Maybe he is a little jealous, IDK.

I really don't have a whole lot of contact with him so I guess it's as plan b as it can be with kids.

Yes it still hurts, it hurts even more the times I have seen them together. And the less I see him the better it is on my psyche.

Still