Yeah, I think you're right -- the attorney would be a faster way to get a judgement and contempt filing. And you're probably very right that their degree of helpfulness depends on if the CSE office there works in slow, very slow or molasses mode.

My main thought was more along the lines of long term enforcement. I think that this guy is going to be playing games for a long time to come, so a slow start might make it tolerable to have CSE be the ones dealing with getting judgeemnts, taking tax returns or siezing accounts on a long-term basis. Our CSE office is expecially good at that part of things. (Not so much on actually getting CS or back-owed ordered).

WOW, I get busy and come back to wonderful info...let's see if I address everything...

I really don't think that there's been a court order yet, since we haven't made it to court to date...his A came up with this amount and we're not happy about it...

I don't think that I can yet CSE involved to date, I think that I have to allow my A to handle the process right now...the amount that he "HAS" paid is about 300 dollars less then the standard...five months gone, two payments...

In the last letter that we got from POWS' A is said that he had once again reminded his client of the importance of paying CS...POWS told his A that he would "do his best" to pay the arrears and get current...I think that was a few weeks ago...

Things are tight but we're not hurting for anything, so I'm willing to be patience, just trying to understand the process...

I have told my A that when we DO go to court that I would like to request that CS be garnished from his checks due to his history of payment...

This is a cat and mouse game in my POV...at least right now!!!

I'm looking forward to the turn out really...I have learned to be patience and be still...I was thinking last night when was the last time that I felt anxious and I can't remember...

I can say this, I feel like my WHOLE LIFE IS DIFFERENT, like I'm a completely different person! And personally, I love it!

OH< I was also wondering and can't find it, how much in arrears b/f they go to jail?

LMAO...I remember POWS saying in the past, he would rather go to jail then give me anything, well, he can make all of his dreams come true, if that's what he wants!!!

Thank you both!

I don't think there's a set standard for how much before jail. I think jail comes into play when the payee totally ignores the judge's order even if he has the means to pay. Once you have an order you have more power.

I think if you get your attorney to address this at the hearing it will show POWS that you aren't playing around. Right now, since there's not an order in place, he can get away with not paying. However, once you guys have that hearing make it clear that you want his wages garnished. Then the only way he can avoid paying (temporarily) is to quit his job. After that, there's other means, IRS refunds, etc. In Texas if you don't pay, they can suspend any professional license you hold, including your driver's license!

Rin - so good that you are able to laugh in the midst of all this.

So glad you are loving yourself! That speaks volumes to where you are in your own road to recovery.

Rin,

Yes, oh yes,"Let ALL his dreams come true."

I seem to recall telling Drac a while back that he should be careful what he wishes for, he just might get it all!

Reminds me of 2 songs. New one by Chris Daughtry that even says that exact line, and an old one I heard the other day by Garth Brooks, about being thankful for unanswered prayers!

Rin!

He seems intent on cutting his own throat... let him!
In my state, they pretty much insist that the other person's checks get garnished. You need to make sure that they do it for POWS...

He is slowly but surely digging his hole...it is amazing, isn't it??? LOL!!!

And as far as your job interview... look at is as PRACTICE... practice for future interviews...

I am thinking of you... stay positive and strong!

Good Morning! Thank you all for your support! My board meeting was cancelled last night and move to this coming week.

So, i was in a hurry to pick up the kids from the sitter, b/c it was past L's bedtime. Well, I passed by the house and not a single light on, grass over grown, etc...I got SOOOOO pissed off....then, i got home and F said that he had some homework he couldn't do b/c he had to write in cursive and he doesn't know how to do that yet.

Well, we sit down and come to find out he had more thanjust that to do! I was livid!!! Told himt o pick everything up and go to bed. He had 4 1/2 hours to do it and then, he didn't copy off the board what he needed to be able to do it!

I said well, that not my problem...explained that I was extremely mad b/c he was being irresponsible and untrustworthy. Told him that I didn't feel that he was being fair to me b/c now I felt that I can't attend next weeks meeting, or I have to bring him with me. That I enjoyed going to these meeting, and that I was very angry for several reasons.

The look on his face was one about to cry, I told him how disappointed I was in him.

I have a reward system that I will be starting for the boys today, separate from each other...and I told him that he was not allowed to watch TV or even have a snack after school until his homework is completed...Also, that if I had to remove him from the sitter's and put him in aftercare (if they have one) that I would do that, so that he would be around teachers who would help him with what he needs to do!

I got mad at him this morning, again, b/c we get to the car, adn we're already running a little late. Well, mr. F doesn't have his belt on, so I sent him back in...he came to the door and asked if it was in his school bag b/c he took it off at the sitter's last night....

Well, not in there...so we left, and get to the sitter's RIGHT when the bus gets there, so he gets out of the car and straight on the bus, NO BELT...

I figure OH, WELL... if he gets in trouble for not having his belt, and shirt tucked in that's his problem...he'll have to suffer the consequences, same thing with not having his homework!!! he's in 4th this year, and if he doesn't pass the LEAP test then he fails...he just may have no suffer the consequences of his actions this year....

I had to write about the whole thing last night...this time being angry was different...I was aware that I was already mad, b/c I found out about the homework...I was angry with POWS about the house....

Then, L said something to me, and I just stopped and looked at him, asked myself, if I was mad at him too...No, so, I told him that I was angry and that it was best that he be quiet and that I wasn't mad at him!

So, after I got them in bed, I called a friend and she asked that I write a letter starting with POWS and ending with F...so, that really calmed me down...

This morning, i have to go to L's orientation...Oh, not to mention that I went to the mechanic yesterday, got the oil changed in my car, no signs of burning oil, but he put a thicker weight in it, and I have to watch it for the time being....Then, my key has been getting stuck in the ignition and not wanting to come out, so, I have to change THAT!!! Good thing he's going to work with me on the payment...

I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed this week...so much go go go go go...I'm hoping that I can slow down this weekend and relax some...I need a break...

So, this is where I am this morning...one good thing, i cancelled POWS from my cancer policy and it finally went into effect so, I have a few extra dollars on my check from now on! A little gift in the turmoil! LOL

Well, i have to get out of here in a few minutes, so let me see what I need to do here!

okay, I'm having a REALLY BAD DAY! The whole filling out school forms and not knowing what address to put, not knowing whether or not to include POWS name and all that GREAT stuff is really hitting me hard today with all of the other stuff that's going on...

I also called my Dr. about samples of my ADs, I've been off of them for a week or so, I don't remember...so I'm waiting on a call back from them about that!

my shoulders feel heavy today, I'm just down and out...so many triggers in the past week...been so busy it really hitting me hard...

Rin,

Good luck with that boy. If he is like mine it is going to be difficult.

I just bought a laptop yesterday so I have a computer when school starts.

Last year he monopolized it. Then because he was in my room I couldn't sit behind him to see if he is procrastinating.

This year he can do his research right in front of me.

The belt is just like mine too.

I swear we will all be getting ready and i look over at him, no socks, hasn't brushed his teeth no hat to cover his messy hair.

Meanwhile we are standing at the door. LOL.

Sounds like you are doing great. Try getting one of those oil additives that helps from buring oil.

Soon enough it will all pay off.

You are doing great.

Stop. Slow down. On a day like today, take care of what only NEEDS to be done (and not because you've set your own deadline!). You are NOT superwoman. What's the worse thing that will happen if you don't get "A" done, what about "B", what about "C"?

It's like my mom used to tell me when I'd get stressed about the kids when they were little (4 of them) and trying to get everything done. "Honey, that dust in your house isn't going anywhere. Those kids are. They'll be grown in a blink of an eye. Don't waste your time getting frustrated about things that won't matter in the end or that you really can't control. Just do the best you can and love those kids every day. No one's going to remember if you "got it done".

Hang in there kiddo. You just need a mommy break.

thanks guys, I just talked to the para...POWS claims that he is living at home, he will pay CS, and the motorcycle was sold in 2006...

she said that we will just have to subpona this guys and ask him to prove that it was sold to him...but that will not be at this sept. court date, this is STILL just for custody, use of the house, CS, etc.

i don't know...rock and a hard place...35 days to court...he's such a lair...out and out bas!ard...

Let Him raise you up! He will!

Just ran across this one - it's a good 'un:



perfect for so many us us who have been in the storm of infidelity.

thank you, i appreciate the thought...

Why renew insurance on something that you don't owe?

I faxed the renewal policy to my lawyer's office showing POWS paid the first premium!

Rinnermeister...

Hey, hey there...roll it back a moment.

What about driving past your house and seeing the neglect, the disuse, hit you so hard?

You know he doesn't take care of what is important.

You already know what he does and doesn't do.

You know that reality. Find out what it symbolized to you, felt in you, and trace it to the belief it's coming from.

Because your A is smart and good hearted and I know you'll tell him to include in the transition to home to ask the judge to include in the order that WS is responsible for restoring it to decent shape and set a compliance timetable.

And your A will take pictures with date and time stamps on them. And asking for a supervised walk-thru with an unassociated third-party (like one of the A's or an employee of the court). Documentation.

Just part of the process, right? Addressing what is within your power and letting the outcome go.

You just lost a little center for a moment...which is reasonable, understandable. Great to be aware of...you remain new...with old reactions...because you are still retraining your brain, aren't you?

Feel, know, trace...breathe...raises awareness, lowers heart-rate.

And when you get in your center again, review that incident with F...and see what you see now...and share.

That's it...there's no being wrong or right...there's being...and you are...a feeling, thinking, believing, perceiving and viewing machine, aren't you? Me, too. We can't turn off any of what is ours, can we? Useless to try...even in distracting from our thoughts, we are choosing them...and choosing to distract from our feelings...and we have them...

You know this...so I'm reminding. Not a bad day...feeling anger is healthy...it's a healthy signal that something is crossing your boundaries...what you don't know yet, is it might well be you!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Understand the frustration...nail what expectation it's coming from...might be unreasonable...a fantasy one...which is ticking you off because when you realize it, you believe you're stupid to have it...and you're not...and that knock alone is giving you some heated anger signals.

What do you think?

LA

Nice post, LA.

(((Rin)))

It hit me so hard b/c I know that he's not living there...TBH, I don't care where he is...but I care that he's a sorry human being who will not allow us to live in the house...the only time that he's there from what I understand is to pick up something or when he has the kids...

I don't consider that living there...

yes, the house and yard is a mess...it means that I will have pleaty of work to do when I get there...Thank God, not by myself...I have friends who are willing to help me out...

It's more of the same for me, me being responsible and POWS not, me handling the load and POWS not...once upon a time it didn't bother me...I enjoyed it, thought this is how I take care of him, well, it's different not...it unacceptable behavior to me...more of him not manning up...not only to caring for the yeard but caring "enough", or "at all" of his kids...

It's his words not agreeing with his actions again! THAT'S what makes me angry, extremely angry...

KNowing that it's more of the same doesn't change my reaction...it still makes me angry and I honestly feel that I'm entitled to my anger...I can be mad at myself for living in that illusion that he wasn't like that and now I see that this is the way he always been...

I was the one wishing that "as he got older he would mellow out, and do what he needed to do!" That was my fantasy, hoping and prayign for someone that I didn't have to begin with...

I was once told by an IC that I had control on the surface but POWS really had the control....

I want to lash out at him, call him out, TM him to catch him in more lies, ask him in a round about way where he's living.....BUUUTTTTT, I don't, it's me choicing not to behave like I would have...It's me not reacting to him...it's me not giving my power away...

I want alot of things, think alot of things where he's concerned...There was one friend that I wanted to call today but I chose not to b/c it would be me wanting him to do some dirt, find out where POWS is living...ME, forcing MY solution...

A waste of energy, even if I find out, it doesn't mean that I can MAKE the court move on it...get this over any faster...just the mere fact that I'm powerless in this sitch eat at my, most days I'm good with it b/c I know that God's time is better than mine and there's a GREAT reason that this is happening...

Still didn't stop the depair that I felt today...so I just sat with my feelings...I am powerless, I have done ALL that I can DO, and I have to trust that God will take care of me and the kids...

KNowing all of that still didn't help with my mood...it wasn't until I was on my way to pick up the kids when I saw a friend checking her mail by the road...I didn't know where she lived...so, after I picked up the kids, we stopped to visit her...it was great for me, just what I needed...

An while I was there I got to help her...she hada doorbell that would ring when it wanted too...well, I fixed that problem for her, and told her if she ever had any problems like that in the future to just call me, even if she just needed some help...

I enjoy doing stuff like that...LOL...You know that!!! And that simple little task made me feel sooooo much better...

I also cleaned our room and rearranged it...not clustered now...feels better...I usually do this once or twice a month...it really helps me to clean my mind too...


LOL...I could ask WS to do that through my lawyer, doesn't mean that he would...I can see teh contempt charge right now, but I will keep that in mind...thank you!


I feel like it's more than a moment...since this past Tues, when I found out that POWS and the driver of the boat was drinking witht he kids present...

I REALLY REALLY want to block POWS out of my mind...I want a dark dark dark plan B in my mind with him...it's like I have started obessing on "How is HE trying to screw me now?" I feel hopeless, like I've been screaming to the world..."CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT HE"S DOING TO ME! MAKE HIM STOP!" This is why I chose not to call that friend of our's...

I wrote my second FU letter to POWS last night, I was so much better after I did...I just think that right now, there's sooo much coming AT ME...

i came home for lunch and I told SPon. that I just wanted to go to sleep andfelt that was the only way that I could shut down...

Well, i'm getting extremely sleepy, I think my eyes closed three or four times...there I go again...I'm going to bed! rest up, tomorrow's a new day...it's the heat down here...heat index 121...

Good night!

Rin,

Glad you vented it out here and in an unsent FU letter to POWS.

On Sat, go back and read what you posted above. I am so darn proud of you. Letting go and letting God!

Resisting those urges to call and find out more about what POWS is up to! Fantastic control!!

Hope you got some good sleep. I am up now for almost 21 hrs straight with no sleep on the horizon right now. Just catching up om todays posts.

Enjoy the weekend!

(((Rin))),

Just want to send a hug your way. It will get better, and those damn down days are fewer than before.

Still