It might be in your state laws, but I doubt that there is a "minimum visitation".

It's whatever the judge decides is in the best interest of the children, and that all depends on the sitch. I bet there are people with just a couple of hours a month, supervised .... and there are others with 50%. It just all depends on the facts of the case.

When both parents are in the same area, and can get kids to school, etc., then visitation is likely to be more generous than EOW. Maybe at least an additional dinner night or one weeknight overnight a week. I have seen a lot of examples based on the non-primary parent's work schedule. The general idea is that it's important for the kids to maintain a relationship with both parents.

"Minimum" could probably be down to nothing, if the facts supported it. I don't think you could get it down that low, though.

a~

I'm not sure about Louisiana, but in Texas the parents can work out their own schedule, OR they can go by a court-ordered schedule, OR they can adopt the standard visitation schedule which is usually EOW, one night during the week, certain holidays and then two weeks (maybe more) in the summer.

Louisiana is probably similiar. If you really have issues with POWS getting standard visitation you would have show the Court WHY it wouldn't be in the best interest of the children.

Thank you both...well, talked to the Dr., she said probably slept Monday b/c of the meds...

I do have a problem with POWS NOW...suppose to be doing EOW, one night a week...haven't set up anything for holidays, and nothing was set this summer...

This is the fourth time that he has put the kids in harms way...I'm just trying to cover all of my bases...nothing serious yet and he's got one more weekend to screw up before court!!!

Not being able to protect these boys has me wanting to control as much as I can in regards to visitation with him...I'm not out to "get" him...they need to know each other but not at the cost of the kids' well being...

I should be meeting with my Attorney in the next couple of weeks...Tomorrow is six months we're gone!!

Well, I have to go to L's open house...Oh, he's got five prescibtion that I have to pick up...upper resp., trac., and sinus infection...

See you all later...Thank you SOOO much once again!

Rin,

It is natural, normal, and Right that you want to protect your kids. They are #1 always.

You will do what is right for them, as you always do.

Hope he gets to feeling better!

Won't be long now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank Bugs...he's still whiny...doesn't want to get ready for school in the mornings...so we're working out the kinks...

Well, I have the house to us starting today until the end of this weekend...I'm trying to figure out something for us to do this weekend, I was invited to a singles get together, but that's not my thing right now...

I'm not up for meeting single people who are looking to date and hook up and all that other stuff...I got things that I want to do/need to do before that even happens...besides, I'm still Med...

Well Six months out the house today...5 1/2 months POWS has been served...AND 22 DAYS TO COURT...

We're getting there...one day at a time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have been trying to stay busy today...but I am feeling tired and worn down...yesterday I was feeling better but it's back again today...

Just feeling down and not wanting to be here...just wanting to sleep and I don't know really...

Life's not busy, the kids are fine, money's cool, all in all things are good, but I'm just feeling worn down...

Doing my best to stay positive but that seems to take so much energy right now...

Rin,

I hear ya! Sometimes when things seem to quiet down, I feel the most exhausted and unmotivated!

Used to be that those were the times I could really gear up and knock out lots of projects. Recently, though, I would rather do nothing.

So, am making myself a new dedication to motivation both work and home. Not easy, but I really want/need to get that fire back and darn it, I will.

Not to say that we can't or shouldn't take some serious downtime when we need it. We just need to be aware of the difference.

I'm off for another shot of caffeine!

Rin,

I hope that when my sitch works out today that you and others can get some inspiration.

Rin,

Had a thought about your fury...

When I felt run down, I mostly identified it as feeling let down. I had a a tape playing in the back my mind, over and over again..."It shouldn't be this way."

That created a lot of anger in me...which was like resistance inside me...brought me down, my energy low...became that unconscious hum...took a lot out of me to sustain that reaction to that phrase.

I felt really relieved when I began to hear..."It is what it is" in it's place. Or when I heard the old phrase loud enough to catch, I said, "Yeah, I know I wish it was different. It is what it is."

And you see all the great stuff...you listed them...didn't dwell in them, though. Dwell in your great stuff, Rin. Identify what voice you have repeating at the back of your mind...there may be a few...constantly feeding your feelings...

And in my warped perception, look how awesome you got to connect with your son...hear his stuff, honestly, open...because of what POWS did...

What a gift...and I know you've had a lot of QT with your boys since moving out...where you don't have POWS contradicting what you're sharing with them...lecturing...putting in his opinion a fact...and they've been sharing with you...what a gift, IMO.

Gotta tell you how huge it is that F got to state his anger, be heard, not judged or shut down...that's life changing in a boy's life. Hear, acknowledge and validate...that's what you're doing...confirm the frustration...just as you showed L his part...his power...you extended that to F, as well.

I see abundance and big changes, Rin. Smile at yourself...keep smiling until you feel it to your toes.

Btw...you inspired me to volunteer...so I found a place. I get trained in September. We'll see, eh? Very scary for me...doing it anyway. 'Cuz YOU were brave and true.

Thank you.

LA

Hello, well, I can say that I feel better, I went home after picking up my watch, it's been at the jeweler's for a few months being repaired...and ate a little something and took a quick nap...

So, that tells me I need to get some more rest...being that it's just the kids and I, I will do my best to get into bed early tonight...

Bugs, I'm glad that I'm not the only one that it having that trouble right now...

PBS_ I hope that you DO inspire us ALL...I look so forward to hearing that another BS is the one with the leg up!

LA- LOL...Your welcome...COOL! About me inspiring you and you volunteeing...I believe that you have to give to get back...of course, that program stuff...LOL

I was reading your post and when I got to "shouldn't be this way"...I said to myself "IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY!" and then I pictured that little kid temperture tantuam again...that's what I was picturing Tues. night...

I said that we should be treated better than we are...

I'm going to have to flush the word "should"...expectations...all mine of what Should be done...so I'll have to practice "it is what it is!"

My co-worker's were talking about POWS with same OW, BTW, this pass Friday and him PICKING UP THE CHECK FOR EVERYBODY...(sorry about the caps)...when he's behind on the truck (two Months), house, and bike...

It's really hard to NOT hear about POWS...heck, even see him here lately...I almost have to question if I'm being tested by God, fortified for something coming up...I saw POWS Friday, and Monday...

I've said that it's easier for me if I don't hear about POWS...it drains me...

So, he's back with the 17 year older mother figure bus driver...Good for him!

I have forgotten things about her, her bus number, her phone number...good for me! She doesn't bother me anymore...

MOF, I was thinking on the way back to work of a little box that I had with somethings that POWS gave me when we were dating...and I'm ready to throw those things away when I get to them...a lottery ticket that he got me, two tiny little bears, one white and the other brown...the symbol of us...a paperbag with a little message on it...

As far as the boys, I have enjoyed those little moments, the teachable moments...I like your WARPED perception...I am very proud that he shared his stuff with me, it's not like him at all...

Of course, I was the peace maker at home and I'm not standing in the way now, I'm safer for both of them...I so enjoy my time with them...

I laid down with L last night and L turned over and put his back to mine...I hadn't planned to stay there, but I figured I would soak up the moment...then I fell asleep...LOL

I'm making a Dr, Appt and an Eye dr. appt for myself this coming week...I haven't been in SOOOOO long...and I really need to take care of myself...I really need to get some more rest...I'm sur ethat will help some...


I'm so excited for you...new things these days for you...triatholons, volunteering...WOOHOO...what next lady!!! Sky diving!!!????

Thank you so much...look at all the gifts I have...

I don't feel AS drained, tired, worn out, thin, as i did before my nap...

I have to chair the meeting tonight...i signed up and I am regretting it but it's where I need to be...I have to pick my topic...well, off to work some more...

i'm hoping the day flys by...it's getting rough with court so close...I've BEEN praying that nothing else happens and I'm probably using a lot of energy subconsciously thinking about that...LOL...I'm been "let down" (There you go there IT IS!!!!) so many times, and I just want it over...

There's that voice!!! WOW!!!

Yes, LA, when are we going to hear about your skydiving????


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

wELL, I MUST BE LOOKING TIRED AND worn down b/c I came back from running errands for the company and my boss asked if I wanted to take a vacation day tomorrow...

Said that I looked run down and needed a break...so, I schedule my eye examine tomorrow and Monday my dr. appt.

She said I looked like I needed a three day weekend...I said that I was tired and needed a break...

So, tomorrow's a self care day...get the boy's off to school and then, i'll go take care of mom...

LOL, AmI & Rin...

I'll let you know when I save up for the skydiving...I figure next Spring. A girlfriend of mine in Montana is going to do it with me...so it's more complicated in the scheduling.

Absolutely gonna do it, though.

Volunteering isn't a new thing with me...not a first, like the triathalon or skydiving. Something I've been away from, though, for about 11 years. Wow. That long.

AmI and Rin--you're both already doing a lot of firsts...keep your lists...know your stuff. And Rin, I love that saying, "Take the day off!" very much.

LOL

LA

I'm excited about the day off...I really feel I need it...I'm not one to take a day off...

Well, i got some exciting news for me...my credit score went up 54 points...LMAO...that's even with POWS late payments and stuff...I look forward to it increasing more with the two things that I have paid off IF POWS doesn't screw that up and get something repoed!!!

WEll, I'm off to bed...I hada hard time focusing on the meeting tonight, so tired...and then the boys were makign some noise in the back...L chose to bite F for calling him a crybaby...had to explain to L "just b/c someone says it doesn't made it so!" and that he should have ignored it...

Then I told he "remember sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" He apologized to his brother later, when I was in the meeting...but got mad at me afterward because I wouldn't let him have a piece of candy...he didn't eat his supper...rule is noting else to ewat for the night...consequence...boy they don't like that! LMAO

Oh, and LA, I look forward to the pics!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good night!

Well, We're doing well, L is getting better...I slept most of the day Friday sleeping, except for my eye dr. appt...

Today has been rough the boys have been at each other all day and I need some down time...I slept alot today too...L and I napped...we were to a potluck tonight...we didn't stay long b/c of the boys...they were interesting to say the least...

Well, now that I have them calmer, I think I can relax some...I feel like I've spent most of the day fussing them...

Okay, let me see if I can unwind... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

20 days to go!!!!!

Rin, no reflection on you or anyone else. Matter of fact I said the same thing to my kids when they were growing up.

BUT I've come to realize that this old saying "sticks and stones..." is WRONG! We teach our children that "words will never hurt me" when they really do.

Your message to your son was right on about just because someone said it doesn't make it so, but I personally believe that this saying should be put to rest by ALL parents because it just ain't so.

Anyway, just my 2 cents about this. BTW, YOU are a GREAT mom!

Morning PM! I can tell you this, that was the first time that I have used that phrase and it didn't sit well with me...

I can't understand why we were told that as kids because I would rather that a physical injury then hear something that hurts to the core...

I do understand that words can only hurt if I allow them too, but sometimes that is hard to do...to not allow those words to hurt...

I think the best thing I can teach them IS "just becasue someone says it doesn't make it the truth!"

I REALLY appreicate the compliment...it was a rough weekend witht he two of them...one was touching the other, the other was screaming about it, then the other was saying something, then the other would get mad...ETC.

This went on ALL weekend...I was at my wits end...I would split them up for my peace of mind...then the oldest was questioning WHY the little one didn't have to do this, one saying that the little one didn't do this...then, it was the same with the little one...

I MADE IT THROUGH! So happy to be at work today!!!Shame, I have to come to work to get a vacation from the two of them...LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This morning was better I do have to say...little one got up with no problem, got dressed and was ready...I made sure to reward him for the change in attitude...the oldest wasa little slow but it was good...we even made it to the bus stop on time! HURRAY!!!

So, I got plenty rest this weekend, only woke up twice last night! THAT WAS AWESOME!! Watched some movies, and read a little bit at one this morning! Not too bad...I have a Dr. Appt. at one today...going to ask about the new sleeping meds that are out, the non additive ones!

Well, we have 18 days and counting...moving back into the house seems like a dream...I guess I don't want to get my hopes up, so it seems unreal...I guess we will see how that goes!!

Rin:

Morning..

I don't post on your thread much, but you seem to be doing great!

Keep it up!

LG

Hey Rin.

Glad you re-charged over the weekend, despite the boys being at each other. My kids go through those days, too. It can make you want to pull out your hair, but you made it through!



I tell my DD and DSS this All of the time. In particular, I said it in reference to the fact that Drac has told them that we are NOT married. He did this several months ago. I told them both flat out that "just because he said it doesn't make it so" in this case. I HATED having to tell my children that their Daddy lied,,,,but I won't cover up for him in that way. I didn't open that door, he did by first having his A and then lying to his kids! Stupid Selfish WS!! UGH!

So, definately keep up the count down while maintaing a controlled amount of hope on the house. As you say, you don't want to get yourself over the top about it until it is confirmed, but it is VERY VERY likely going to happen, so allow yourself some positive thoughts and dreams for that future! You deserve it.

Have a great week!

I'm with PM about the old cliche...to me, it was the first gaslighting I can remember.

What do you mean being called names doesn't hurt? They hurt! They really do!

What I saw was L enforcing a boundary...albeit a sixth-level one...F has the "freedom" to hurt L as much as he wants to...we all do...and F knows how much being called names hurts...without question...I would be addressing F on his license to harm...teach him how to give his opinion in statement form...not name-call...and go light on L, asking for all the steps he takes BEFORE he bites.

My middle son was a biter...I remember. I was told many times to bite him to show him how much it hurt.

I didn't.

One thing my OS learned was to bite himself enough to show the indentation and then say his brother did it. That was a mess.

lol

All those years of protecting their skin...and now they are grown and they've pierced and tattooed themselves...and I can still here their tiny voices, outraged, saying "He bit me!!"

Go figger.

Funny how the biting one turned into a talkative boy...as if he switched from using his teeth to building a vocabulary to bite with...hmmm.

You got through the rough weekend and noticed they aren't all like that...unusual...the duration...wasn't it?

And they amended this morning...sorta, eh?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

LA