HIYA BUGS!!! I understand the feeling about telling the kids what the WS says is a lie...I had to do the same thing with F the other day...MOF, I've had to say it several times come sto think about it...just b/c POWS says it, doesn't make it so...

F sees and knows...that's just ME reinforcing POWS unacceptable behavior when I'm asked about it...it's like F needs the validation also...L hasa long ways to go...learning what POWS does...but they don't need me for that...in time...they see...will continue to see what POWS does...your 2 also...

It's heart breaking for me...probably you too...to watch the kids learn but I'm not enabling POWS anymore...I'm not covering for him, I'm not playin peace maker...that is more stress than watching the kids learn about him now...

LA-My LADY!!! LMAO...I feel like singing to you this morning...LONDON BRIDGE!!! :shrugging:

LMAO...don't know why...it's just there! LMAO

Just a reminder on how much I LOVE your perception...I love what you said about L biting and F calling names...I know that L told him to stop several times before biting F...

This is something I will bring up with both on them I think...not calling each other names...but I will wait until the next time...that teachable moment...I feel that if I bought up the subject now, I would be unheared...I will talk to L about his biting...

I thought it was strange b/c this is not something that he normally does, but I guess he had enough of his brother...

My POV is that we have been in close quarter for so long that it's getting to all of us...it's time for them to have their own space again. They usually play well together...so just a little more patience with all of us...

I'm going to have to keep in mind the boundary issue...look at these things as a boundary issue for them...that will help me...b/c I didn't see it that way until you mentioned it...

It's one of those DUH!@($#@&^@#_ for me...oh, well, I'm a work in progress...a whole complete work, learning new thingies LMAO...

Thank you for opening my mind today... LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL with your LMAO...because it's fun, and you tickle me...that I tickle you.

Don't need a reason...may I advise NOT a Duh moment? Rather, a "Ohyeahhuh" moment.

See, if you tell the kids to not call one another names, ya gotta stop yourself to yourself...although "Duh" may not be to you...my "Duh" was always followed with a "You idiot. What were you thinking!"...maybe yours isn't.

I know removing DJs from myself is what freed them from my life...God's design is incredible, I promise.

And my YS came up with the "ohyeahhuh" when he was little...and my DH and I have used it for a decade or so...and really like it.

I hear you on the space and believe that may be part of it...other stuff in there about their fighting...and I think it ties into using those who love us more cruelly than strangers in there...which is really important to impart that we treat our loved ones as guests, too...because that's who we really are...don't relieve our stuff by hurting others...by stating it. Let sharing do the work...

What do you think?

Mull through it...they have some stress points...with school recently restarting and F may be getting jibed about his younger brother...who knows? Might shake up the relationship for awhile...along with close quarters...not living in their home...still angry at not having all their clothes and toys and not having the room for them.

It's a jumble...many sources...focus on their choices, acknowledge they didn't choose this, that it's temporary, and what matters is your relationship with each of them, their relationship with each other...and thank them with huge hugs for their fighting because it gives you all an opportunity to be closer and you love that.

Then watch their eyes pop out of their heads.

And smile.

LA

LMAO...they will certainly think that MOM HAS LOST IT! LMAO...that would be funny...me thanking them for fighting...

well, actually...thinking about it, I'm sure that in the past I have thanked them...only with sarcasm...or at least I can remember thanking POWS with sarsacm for something of that nature...IE fighting...saying something...so to honestly thanking them for fighting would be a turn of events...

I haven't used sarcasm in a long time...I remember the last time I did...I thanked him for showing his true colors...

ANyway, I look forward to sharing some stuff with them...I have a thought in mind...a little family powwow of our own...little indians in a circle...a meeting of the leaders...LMAO...a game but not...thay have indian names already and I think that it would be easier for them to share their stuff in pretend...

Counselors use puppets....I'll try indians! Create a teachable moments...talk about name calling..., etc.

Oh, LA...you get my creative thoughts flowing...LMAO...I'm looking forward to it...maybe I can have them make hats...just me thinking out loud!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, I just got back from my Dr. appt...everything is well, my Blood pressure has gotten back to normal being out of my old environment and they did give me something to try for sleep...

So, I'm looking forward to trying it out...this Dr. and nurse have been "friends" with us since L was born, so we were talking about the sitch and I told them about the double dose of meds. and the Dr. outright said that it was child abuse...

I mean I knew it but to hear it out loud was completely different...it was like "finally Someone says it!" To hear it was amazing...anyway, they are glad that I'm doing better...they knew of the sitch b/c of the STD testing that I went for and the nurse saw the D filed in the paper...wonderfully supportive people...

I walked out of the visit feeling good...it's little things like that, and the hugs, that make you feel really good...hearing that they will be praying for me...the world has become a different place since I left...

I value the friendships that I have IRL, and here immensely...

Well, let me get back to work... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

So glad to hear appt went well. Good to hear your BP is better! That is, you know, a testament to the positive changes you have made in your life.

The support you got there is great! My OB is like that. I won't tell you the name he called Drac when I told him what was going on! Made me laugh thru my tears when I, too, had the STD tests done.

Look how far we've come!

AH, BUGS, i was just reading up on your thread...so seldom do I have any advice for you! I'm so sorry... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We HAVE INDEED come a LONG WAY!!

I remember when POWS found out I went for the testing, he was mad, asked if I thought he should have gone years earlier...I said he had every right and should have!!! he didn't know what to say at that point! Only made HIM more mad....

I try SOOO hard not to kick myself for mot seeing things earlier...to accept that God only gives you what you can handle when you can handle it...

yeap, I have done ALOT OF GROWING since D-day...

We were so ate up with them...world revolved around them...well, MISTER(S), things have changed!!! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I posted this on another thread, thought I should add it here!

I was kicking myself pretty hard on this one...thinking WHY did I share this info...I was not trying to "get" anything, I do know that! In a way I still wish from time to time that it was different...I'm losing some good things here...maybe in the future I'll want different...to not have them in my life...I don't know...

As uncomfortable as it was, and I had no intention of talking to her to begin with, F asked her if she wanted to tlak to me and then vice versa...it was nice to hear her voice and just talk...

Hey Rin,

Thanks for the pick-me-up earlier today. Just stopping to see how things are going with you.

I have some in-law struggles.

Hey, you know what the difference is between inlaws and outlaws?


Outlaws are wanted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hear you on the in-laws. If you figure out how to have a meaningful relationship without feeling as if it is a huge risk...either emotionally or in terms of intel being shared with POWS, please let me know.

I would love to have a relationship with MIL, and no matter how much I concentrate on curbing my expectations, etc....I think I'd end up feeling hurt. One way or another...ouch.

Take care of ourselves, right? (I've been reading...and reading, and reading)

Maybe we just need to be patient...let it work itself out. One day at a time.

PBS- YOU are such a goose! LMAO...Thanks for the laugh this morning! I'll be counting down the days with you! I have faith that things will work out just as they should! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sis-I will let you know...I know that there's a thin line between hoping and expectations, but I'm hoping that once this custody thing is out of the way that we can have some type of relationship! I think that it's important for the kids to know them and the family...

They have always been very active with the kids...taking them on trips, etc. I would hate for the kids to lose that! It would be such a lost for them!

I'll let you know if I figure something out!LMAO

Definitily take care of ourselves right now! Most important! If we're not right then all the balls we are juggling will fall! I use to think that the kids came first, well, NOW I know that I have to come first! If I'm not right then they aren't right!

Well, my first night on meds to sleep was okay, woke up twice, not bad! I remember dreaming too! HOW EXCITING!!!

LMAO

Well, MIL mentioned something about F missing a shot for school, I don't think that's possible but I have to check into it. For some reason, they sent HER a letter! WHY? I'm not sure, she's five hours away!!! I have to make some calls on that one, so I can get it cleared up as soon as possible!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good Evening Ladies and gentlemen! I hope that you are all doing well!

I have to be honest I have been feeling pretty low today...just wishing that this court date would hurry up and get here! I keep hearing about the house, the house from teh kids and Lord knows that I'm ready to go home...

To have our own space...to have some down time from them, from everyone in the house...

The mortgage company called me again today asking about this month's payment...once again I had to refer them to POWS, and said that I didn't know if they made notes on the account but asked that they please bare with us, explained about the court date and thanked them...

F was askign me about a three day weekend with their dad, apparently POWS said something to F about it...I just told F that I didn't know that their dad has not called me about having them for another day...

Oh, and I got a letter about that missing shot today and it was NOT for F it's for L...so I have to call and check on that...I just brought him for shots and they said that he was up to date, so I'm a little confused...

I'm just trying to keep it together the best that I can...trying not to think about how long we've been gone or how many days to court...trying to remind myself that I AM EXACTLY where I need to be for reasons unknown to me...

Trying to make good decisions regarding the kids, me, and paying the bills...like the mortgage for Sept...I need to talk to my lawyer about that, b/c if POWS is going to be in the house until the end of Sept. than my thinking is that he should be responsible for that month's mortgage and not me...

There's SOOO much I try NOT to think about right now, trying to focus on today and today only...I have Open House tomorrow night with no sitter, so I drag the kids with me...

I'm trying so hard to remember that I have to turn my will over to the care of God as I understand him...I was watching a movie the other night "City of ANgels" And Cage asks "Am I being punished?" ANd the other guy says you know better than that! It hit me...I really am not being punished...I wasn't thinking that lately but at one point I was...

ANd I'm SOOOO tired of F's attitude about Homework, when asked to do something like go to bed...the deep breathe...the look...

I actually thought tonight that I can't handle him...I am trying so hard to be understanding that they are going through some stuff too...but with F this is repetitive behaviourfrom previous years and I'm at my wits end about how to deal with this...not wanting to do homework, lollygagging...talking in class...the grades...not wanting to do the work...

I stopped punishing for bad behaviour like my friend with the Master's degree said and reward for positive behaviour...maybe it hasn't been long enough...I don't know...

So many things are out of wack and I'm trying to remember what I am grateful for....a roof over my head, food to eat, a great place to sleep, clothes to wear, my boys, my job, my friends, etc...

I'm trying hard to stay positive, thinking I'm almost there, just a little longer, you've made it this far, just a little longer...I can do this, I am doing this...

Today, I found myself thinking about how I would look at POWS in court...or if I passed him giving him the wing of the bird, adn I know that this stuff it not helping...so I tell myself to stop...ask myself "What are you doing?"

I've just hada really down day, even went to a meeting at lunch and didn't talk...felt I should listen adn then a member commented on me not talking so I said a few words...

I'm not in a bad place but not in a good place either...I actually thought that it could be a little depression realated to the sitch and the waiting for SOMETHING to happen...

Then, it's back to no, I'm fine, I'm exactly where I need to be and I'm sucky right now and don't have a whole lot of people to relate to...wondering if this is normal...

i want to go to sleep to get away from myself...I just went check on the kids...still up...F didn't do what he was told...not dressed...books all over the palce...so I can't get to L or my bed for that matter...

I'm worked up and I'm stressing...right now this minute that's where I am...and I'm so grateful that I'm typing this all out that I have a place I can do it too!

Today celebrates 11 months that I have been in the program of recovery and look at me...

OKay, a few deep breathes...remembering to breathe right now...let me go back and check on these boys...and calm down...

I'm going to calm down so I can think rational and not work myself up more than I am...breathing...

Morning...doing better this morning...actually dreaming when I sleep so I think that's good...I figure real soon, I'll have the kinks worked out...

Well, i walked into the bedroom again last night to check on the boys again and F had the room cleaned...I didn't even hear him move his school bag to the front of the house! I was so happy to see the floor clean...

I changed clothes and crawled into bed...F and I talked for a little while, then went to sleep...

Tonight I have to bring them with me to Open House...I was hoping to have a sitter but I don't...No big deal, I'm sure that L will be excited to see his big brother's school!

I hope that everyone is doing well...we have 16 days to go...I was thinking this morning, hopefully we won't have to wake up so early to get ready for school...the kids are tired in the afternoons...so am I for that matter, and they are in the mornings too...

Once home, we can sleep at least another 30 minutes before we have to get up...that will be a blessing in itself!

Have a great day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Be Still and breath.

I am a very level person. Try not to get to high and too low.

One of the things I like to think is "Will this really matter in 6 months."

Some stuff is yes and some is no. If it is no I put it in perspective.

Try to take it easy on the highs and the lows.

Day by day. There will be ups and downs. Don't get too high or too low.

If in six months it will matter then it is important enough.

Hope all is well.

FROG!!!!! I'm SOOOOO happy to hear from you! I don't get posted too much these days...

As far as F, I'm looking into getting him a tutor or something....

Had to call my Attorney this morning about POWS having the kids for the long weekend...we don't have a schedule set up yet...I get nervous every weekend the kids have to go there...

Also, I need to figure out this mortgage thing...whether to pay it or not for Sept....will ask my attorney when they call back...

I do have to say that my downs or NOT as bad as they use to be...the sleep thing is getting better so, i think that is helping BIG time...

I do have my bad moments...usually when I have to much time on my hands...but for the most part...doing OK...it just seems like time is dragging on...right now at least...

Making the best of it... doing the best that I can and trying hard to enjoy life...

See if they have an after school progarm for studying.

I saw the stuff on the medicine it just sucks.

I would say take the A's advice on the mortgage. I owuld pay before it goes to default.

The thing is you are getting to where you need to be. Just don't let the little bumps affect you so much.

Thank you...How is Mrs. Frog doing? i hope that things are still going well...

No after school program...sucks too...checking into sylvan...just got another call from the teacher about Mr. attitude...

I won't let the house go default...and STILL waiting on my Attorney to call back...I know that I've asked this question before...

LMAO...I need some closure on some of this stuff...

Yeah, meds sucked, it's like the fourth time he's put the kids in harms way...at least he's developing a pattern...LMAO...can't wait to see what happens this weekend...LMAO

I'll be praying!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Your attorney will be more familiar with your case and the specifics regarding the mortgage and it's payment.

I am not a divorce attorney.

My best guess.

Pay the mortgage and bring it up to date. Typically, late payments prompt penalties, late fees, penalty interest....all of which YOU may or will be held, at least, partially responsible for. Next...it sounds like YOU are asking for possession of the home...what better way to ask for it than to assume the cost and responsibility for payment of such home. If WH is opposed to such...you'd have a nice little argument (on top of the obvious that it's the kids home and you have custody) that you paid the mortgage ON TIME. You are also demonstrating good faith by paying something without being ordered by the corut. Then...you petition or motion includes a request for an accounting/adjustment of the September mortgage payment that YOU paid in full...despite WH being there and you not being there until such and such date.

It's a joint debt anyway...if you've got the funds you may as well pay it and see what adjustments can be made later without incurring the costs of being late.

Just my guess.

Mr. Wondering

Sylvan is expensive.

Find a high school kid.

I saw what your friend said about rewarding only. I don't know about that.

My OS was the same way attitude and no homework doing.

Now it is simple we will be getting daily reports this year. I am on top of him. If he messes up he goes to bed.

Swift and fair.

I like manual labor too. I took him to field day and made him help fixing the baseball fields. Told him if he doesn't like this kind of work he better straightne up in school.

He starts next week so we shall see.

Mrs frog is not happy. Pregnant with boy #3. Imagine that sneaking in a pregnancy to have a girl and it is a boy.
LOL. She started talking about child #4 I almost fell over laughing. I will get i cut off before that happens.

Thank you Mr. W...I appreicate that...I was thinking that it would look good or in my favor if I did, but WH is being SOOO horrible right now...I appreciate that SOOOO much...thank you again!

LMAO...Frog...oh, I bet she was hot...should have taught her a lesson...well, some never learn...I'm going to figure out something with F...

Well, let me get out of here...time to go...

I am so grateful for your perpectives, very grateful!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

(((Rin))

You have come so far...IRL we always have down days. But li0ke you said they don't last quite as long.

I can feel my "fog" li7fting more and more every day. It feels so good to feel like I actually ca survive all this crap.

Again spelling errors are Logan. He is just so happy to see me.

Still