Rin,

So sorry I was not around earlier, but some great posts came in!

Do not stress about having the occassional down day. Allow yourself to be down, and then move on. You know you can not and do not have to STAY feeling low. You have the skills to avoid going and staying low, that doesn't mean it won't happen from time to time!

I,too, am not a supporter of Only positives with my kids. A slight bit of pain/consequence worked well for me growing up. I focus MOSTLY on the positives with my kids, but they get a bit of the other as needed. Every kid is different and they grow and change, so you grow and change with them to do what works. I am not saying completely SWITCH styles, as consistency, I think, is the key. Just change the rewards/consequences as needed to adjust to their age, their actions, etc. Just my 2 cents.

Tell me what fun you have planned for YOU this long weekend!

Hi, ALL! Thanks for the feedback...Let's just say I was F's motivational coach tonight! I'm dealing with those up and down days and today I was feeling pretty strong!

I talked with the sylvan lady today...expensive yes but worth it SHOULD I need it...

Since we went to Open house and I met with ALL of his teachers...I learned about another program, 10wks...$65 for the whole program, starting soon...I'll check into it tomorrow...I motivated him when we got home, then told him about the tutoring program, I will be putting him in, and then said that if this Mon., Wed., Thurs. wasn't enough that I would enroll him in Sylan and take two more days from him, Tues, and Sat.

I talked with his teacher from last year and she talked with his primary teacher and we're ALL working together...I will be writing a note in teh morning arequesting daily behavior report b/c if I have to motivate him every day I told him that would be in the cards ALSO...

BUGS, that motivation is the pain/consequences that you were talking about...didn't bother me when I was growing up either...I haven't really been doing the old stuff that I use to b/c we are not living at home, and didn't feel like I could be the heat is on...

I refuse to allow him to use this D as an excuse...told him that would be like me saying "Oh, poor me, I'm going through a D, well, I'm not going to go to work today or take care of the kids b/c I have it SOOOO bad!"

I gave him so other options too...L got to watch the motivation in actions and was quite...caught F overguard too! Bigger impact!!!!

F did really well tonight, he earned extra pebbles for his jar...when the jar is full, he gets to pick where he would like to go like bowling or something...McDOnald's...etc...

So, first night went well! Now, I'm off to bed...took my meds. and hoping to sleep well...told the boys that I would let them sleep a little late since we got home so late...

I am really grateful for the ideas...

LMAO...oh, I don't have anything planned for this weekend...trying to converserve on money...did talk about meeting with a new friend for coffee but that's about it...

Well, let me try to get some sleep...

Thanks Still...I've missed you too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

MR. W,

I wanted to tell you thank you again, this has been the cause of a lot of concern on my part. I had to go back and read your post again. It brought a great deal of peace and for that I am sooo grateful!

Thank you for taking your time and providing me with a guess!

have a blessed day...you certainly blessed mine! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

When we took OS to the IC he said "punishment is necessary" but it should be fast and fair.

So last year I took away all electronics. IC questioned that. We talked a lot about that. I said it is two fold. He uses them too much and it is a very big reason he is not doing well in school. We went back and forth because he said it wasnt' a time frame. His big thing is kids "need" dicipline.

So now we do that. He also said go non verbal. Say very little. Your talks may be counter productive. I tried to explain to OS too but the IC said due to limited attention capacity of a 12 year old boy he didn't get much.

I would say get the tutoring and find a weekend work program for volunteers. I am sure in your area you have Habitat for Humanity. Drop him of there and let him do some manual labor. Then explain quite simply if you continue down this road you will be doing that when you get older.

Morning Frog-

Funny that you wrote in this morning...I JUST got of the phone with the tutoring program...He starts this coming Wed., one day a week, teachers all will have their Masters, 10 week program...$6.50/week sponsored through our local university...I'm excited...Mr. F will not be!!! LMAO

As far the manuel labor, that would be RIGHT up his alley...building a house...that would not be a punishment...he would eat that alive, be SOOO excited!!! That would be more of a reward for him!! he's a great worker...

I'll have to arrange my work schedule on those Weds. to provide transportation...no big deal, and if I have to I find something else to supplement that...

So, religion will be starting soon and now tutoring...Tues and Wed. are out the window for him!

Also, funny that you mention say very little..I use to say A WHOLE LOT...well, I figured out a few weeks ago that I needed to change that...he'd get in the car and I went off on him, explaining...well, I stopped, am very short with him...WELL, LMAO, I'm working on that...

So, thanks, I'll continue to work on saying little...I wish I could use electronic but we don't have those...no computer, etc...watch TV on the weekends mostly...loves outside...and if he doesn't get his work done...no outside...

The altimate punishment calling his dad and telling his dad about his behavior...HE doesn't want that to happen...once POWS broke a paddle on the child...F fears his dad...once told me that he thought his dad hated him...

I'm sure that you remember all that stuff...F would rather deal with me any day...it's figuring out what works! I'll get it...with help...from awesome people like YOU! Sharing your stuff! Thanks again!

I guess your mom's doing great too? And you? not spreading yourself too think huh? LMAO

Hi Rin-

After reading some of the things you said about F's homework attitude and that he would love to build houses, my teacher brain got whirling. F's reluctance to do homework may come from the way he learns and expresses what he learns. There are a couple of books that might help you unlock the way he approaches learning and, in turn, can help him understand how to be a more successful student.

There's a really good book titled "The Way They Learn" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. She is an expert in learning styles and a mom of twin boys.
It's written for anyone who wants to understand how their kids learn-parents, teachers and the kids themselves.

You can probably find it at the library. Sometimes it's in the parenting books. Sometimes it's in psychology or education.

Also, there's another one called "The I.Q. Answer" by Dr. Frank Lawlis. It has action plans on what to do about low achievement, ADD, and learning disabilities. Since that is about 90% of the high school kids I teach in my program (it's an alternative program) I thought it might be useful for me to use in my classroom and with my DS15. So far, so good. I've seen an improvement in his attitude and focus. School starts again Wed. so we shall see how things go.

Dr. Lawlis' ideas are based on the newest research in brain based learning (now that we have machines that can map the brain as it is processing) and physiology-body and brain chemistry but it's written in a very practical way.


BTW-I think you are doing an amazing job with your boys.

Hope this is helpful-

Np rin.

Mom is doing great. I am thin, but I think I will just have to deal with that forever.

Price of being a parent. LOL.

Then make him do non manual labor. IE typing a letter of apology to his teacher for his behavior.

Oh and by the way if he doesn't do his work and doesnt' turn it in. Make him do it anyway. My OS missed work that the teacher wouldn't let him make up. I made him complete teh assignment.

Don't ever bring POS into it though. That removes you as the ultimate autorhity. You are the end all be all.

I tell my FWW that too. Never say I will tell your dad or ask your dad. They lose respect for you.

Once the structure is there it becomes easier for them to do it then for them not to do it and that is when you will see the results.

Johnstwin- YOU HAVE MAIL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Frog- Thanks for the advise on bring POWs into it!

Well, I have L taken care of! Shot thing is all clearer up!

So, both boys are good! I'm good! Life's good!

Two weeks to court! For the time being, I'm excited!

Well, got the call from my Attorney, POWS will have the kids this weekend and there was no response to giving me my laptop!

Para said she didn't know if they overlooked it or that was the response...I said that was the response! This is how POWS responses, by not giving an answer! At least, I haven't gotten an answer about the kids clothes, or their DVD...and now my laptop!

That was suppose to be my Christmas present two Christmas' ago!

I have determined that I will nto even try to meditate with him, we can go straight to court! Let the judge deal with him!

So far he has been true to all of his threats except burning the house down...and if he does that well, I will survive that too!

I don't know of any other way to handle him!

You know how to handle him......

If you have an expectation he will clearly fall short.

There is a reason this is happening, the D that is. Don't expect any co operation from him.......ever and you won't be disappointed.

You also won't even be getting upset. It is what it is. His last hurrahh. Let him have it.

He is winning you know, when you get upset!!!

Yeah, I understand that I'm giving my power away...

I'm not really upset...okay, I guess I have to take that back b/c I just looked at my feelings list, and under mad is: irritated and frustrated...fed up with him...

I am so sure that I'm doing the right thing by D'ing him!!!

2 Weeks to go as of tomorrow...then I want to push for a trail on community property!

Name 5 things that made u feel good today.

Then name 5 things you are thankful for.

K!!

Feel Good:

1.took care of L's shot stuff

2.got F in tutoring program

3.knowing that I will be paying my first mortgage note BY MYSELF

4.talking to F's teacher again, a few minutes ago

5.my cup of coffee this morning viewing a beautiful sky

Thankful for:

1.My job

2.My kids

3.a roof over my head

4. food to eat

5. a car that run good

Wow you have a pretty good life Rin.

Nice!!!!

Geez lots of people would be begging to by you today!!!

I got you!

good!!

When you get down. Stop look around and find things to be thankful for.

We all have plenty to be thankful for.

POWS TMed wanting the kids early, I asked what time?

So, I agreed to him picking up the kids an hour and a half early...just wrote back fine, he TMed Thank you and I didn't response...have a feeling they are going out of town...

POWS also called the mortgage company yesterday saying that he would be paying the it...SOOOOO, I'm all set to pay the next note!

I'm excited about paying it! Go Me!

So, I get a quiet three day weekend, need to figure out what to do with myself! I'm SURE I can handle it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

What are you going to do with 3 days to yourself???

Massage? Pedicure? Manicure? Read an entire book while laying on the chaise lounge, sipping a cool beverage Goddess Style?

Go shopping and just browse around as much as you want since you have no DEADLINE to be somewhere? I find it hard to do that when I don't have the kids,,,,,,,,,,,to relax completely as I am so used to having to be Somewhere at a particular time ALL of the time! he he!

Enjoy the weekend!

Hi, BUGS! Well, I started out yesterday by going to the library and renting some movies, and reading up on divorce law. Then, I went to the bookstore and read for a little while, a frind called and I talked to her for a few minutes.

Then, Chili's was right there, so I walked there and got some Southwestern eggrolls, one of my favorites...Then, I came home and another friend called to see what I was up too...

Sounds like she wanted to get out of the house, so I picked her up and we went to IHOP and talked forever...She wanted to see where I lived so we drove my the house, and went to see where our rummage sale was going to be...finally got a building!!! HURRAY!!!

Then I came home, watched some of the movie, until Spon., and her H came home...we got to talking and needed some boxes for the rummage sale stuff...so I left the house at midnight to get some boxes, came home, watched some more of the movie, and was getting tired...so, I took my med., and went to sleep about 1:30.

LOL, got up at 11:30 today...called SPon. to see what she was up to, so she came back to the house, we loaded boxes in her car, and went to work on rummage sale stuff at the garage, finished there and went to the other building where thigns are being dropped off at...

Got some of that stuff sorted and labels...and just got home...it's been great!!! I'm going to go lay down for awhile to cool down...I wanted to go back to the library and read up on the law some more...guess I'll get around to it...no big deal...I still have movies to watch...could read some...converserving money the best I can right now...

My friend that I were eat with said she heard that they were going to have A HUGE SALE of they clearance racks soon, and that she would be calling me with that, so I'm waiting on the shopping thing for the time being...told her I was getting tired of the shirts that I have...

No POWS at the house last night, so my gut says that they are all visiting the in-laws and that makes me feel really good...I know that they will be fine there!!

So, life is good...next weekend I'm going to take them swimming at another friends house, huge pool, and she said that we didn't even have to tell them that we were there, so I'm looking forward to that too!

Well, let me go rest, we did ALOT today, the stuff is more managable now! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank for asking...guess we'll see what tomorrow brings!!