Rin,

How are you possibly containing yourself?? How excited you have to be!!

What are your colors???

Hi BUGS! I am very excited...I finished my color palate today...

I'm going with a Deep Earth brown on the walls, my silk comforter is Moss Mulch and Amazon SIlt, two beautiful shades of green with silver delicate detail...so my trim will be a silver splendor...I stopped at the fabric store have have two choices for curtains...I'm not sure yet but I think that I might go with a Caramello, yellow, gold...shimery color...

I have planned to install a garage door and opened ASAP to secure that area...I priced that today and it's not bad at all, just need to find some help on the install...that'sa two person job...

ALso, I had to ick up the kids from POWS...they were on their way back and POWS hada blowout on the camper...so they got home late...he gave my Sept. CS and said that he would have the arrears check later this week...

It was a short but pleasant conversation...He also said that he would let me know if he was going to be out earlier that Sat. so that we can move back in...also mentioned that we would have to work out getting the cable swapped over to my name...bills, mentioned something about trying to work together to take care of what we needed to...

It was fairly easy fro me to talk with him...being able to seaparate the disease, his addictions, from the person I know...I actually feel that I saw my DH tonight...

That DOES NOT change anything for me or the sitch...MOF, he said something about this is how he wanted to be all along, to not make things difficult...HE DOES NOT realize that his words and actions do not line up but I was able to see it...that's okay I just have to accept the fact...

I really didn't speak a whole lot...I do not want him as a friend...I did recognize that he is accepting of the sitch and ACTUALLY seems positive about it...not the usual negative that I'm use to...

I'm still choosing to talk to him as little as possible, to deal with him as little as possible...I'm ready to move on...Friday was a big day for me in a lot of ways...there was alot of closure for me...I feel that I can live my life and allow him to live his...

So for today, I was not fearful of POWS, I was able to accept what he had to say to me without being judgemental, I was not critical of him...

The only important thing is that we work together to parent our kids, and L said soemthing tonight that his dad told him that make me reconsider the idea of him beign a father...

HE WAS a horrible father in my eyes when i was home, spent little time with them, and I think/hope that this will be better for him...we all make mistakes when we first become parents and he's only had to step up to the plate in teh last six months...he will have to learn on his own...

Fathers are very different from mothers in the way that they parent, I think...he MAY turn out to be a GREAT part time dad...and I wish him that for the boy's...

I just know that POWS and I are not healthy TOGETHER...

This was the first interaction I have had with him in six months...Did I mention that I dropped the TRO? POWS thougth it was a BIG< MAJOR TRO and was very concerned about it...I had already discussed it with my lawyer before the question was raised from POWS'...

I had several reasons for dropping it and told my lawyer should I have ANY problems with him in the future that I will file another, call teh cops, wahtever it takes...

So my plan is to be in Plan B as much and as deep as possible...I can not accept or be a part of his lifestyle...I have to think about and set some boundaries as to the relationship that I will ahve with him for the sole purpose of our kids...

I ahve heard that some couples have a better relationship once they are Ded...I will pray on the subject and ask for guidance...awareness is the key...being able to recognize when he is trying to control...and sticking to my boundaries...

I AM a much stronger person today than even a week ago...I ahve gained a great deal of confidence in the last two weeks alone...especially having this court date work out the way that it did...

Dealing with all of the accusations and pulling through the ordeal...it wasn't very longago that POWS' statement were MY TRUTH...today they are not and neither is other people's...I kNOW AND TRUST MYSELF MORE...

Today I feel whole...My recovery started right here amoung these forums...engulfed in pain like so many others...today I am pain free...a better person...and a success in my own right...

D-day was a horrible experience, I wish didn't happen to anyone and it's hard to turn that into something positive, Plan A, but it's determination and taking one day at a time, sometimes, one hour at a time...

I love my life today...I am grateful for the littest of things...the road HAS been hard and VERY bumpy but it DOES GET BETTER...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning! The boys and I were running late this morning...so I had to pass by the house...

No triggers, bad feelings, nothing...I did see POWS standing outside by himself, drinking coffee, dressed in plain clothes, so he must be stepping up and doing what he needs to...

I have to thank my MIL for stepping in, whatever her reasons, not wanting to lose her grandchildren, whatever...I think that she is the reason that things went so smoothly Friday...every time that POWS talked to his Attorney, she was right there...my lawyer said that she was being the voice of reason...

it's amazing how that one day has changed not only me, but the sitch...none of POWS threats were carried out, and as I was hoping the wind "appears" to have been knock out of his sails...I have stood firm and am feeling the rewards...

If BC is lurking, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to call me or contact me...I would greatly appreicate it...

WEll, let me get to work...I have a few things to get to this morning...check on a few more...

I'm really feeling at peace, in the middle, to swinging from one extreme to the other...

Oh, well it looks like I'll be having a B-day party at my house for myself after all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I really would like some input on how to how a co-parent relationship with POWS or thoughts about how to deal with him...

I do want to keep him at arms lenght...

Wow!!!!

From needingcomfort, striving4better days!!!! To Rinderella to Striving4Better.

Looks like you got better!!!

Surrendering to win!!!! Book burning.

I am truly proud to know you, you are an inspiration. The growth phenominal.

Wow!!!!

Hey, Rin. I'm glad things went so well for you!

One question:



Is this a typo? Do you only get the boys ONE weekend per month?

Fox

Thank you Frog! It has been a very humbling experience...

I remember when I first arrived here I wasn't even able to express what I felt...I was numb...remember I had to print a list of emotions...LOL...

I still have that list on my desk here at work...

I don't think that we ever graduate but today I'm at peace...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thank you! Thank you SOOO much for all the time that you invested in me, helping me, supporting me...

I'm here Rin

Just gettin caught up. I'll try to remember to give you a call this afternoon.

There was no doubt in my mind that you wouldn't walk out of court smelling like a rose, probably looked like one too.

Co-parenting is going well lately. Our conversations are strictly about DS and nothing more. There is no contact outside of that. We only have to see each other on Sun hand offs. I wouldn't even call em conversations, they're more like quick DS meetings, potty training progress, any conflicting custody plans, any DC issues, bye.

My only real advice about Co-parenting is to keep it civil and business like. FM's been doing pretty good lately so I think I'll start calling her STBX now. When I talk to STBX it is all business. I am polite, but there is no personal conversation. I'm not trying to be her friend.

Talk to you soon and congratulations on everything. You deserve this as much as anybody I've ever known.

Hi BC! I look forward to hearing from you!

NOW, YOU KNOW I was in GODDRESS WEAR...of course, I didn't think I looked all that hot...I lost 10 pounds from the time that I bought it to the time I wear it! LMAO

But it still hada good shape to it! LMAO...

Well, I have found someone to install the garage door, fix a plumbing problem that has to be corrected ASAP or I lose my pest control contact (This was suppose to be done I LONG TIME AGO!), install some security lights, and Oh, the garage door opener! So that's all taken care of, oh, ann an alarm system...all lined up!

just waiting on POWS to get out...

I also took care of getting my own ins. policy today...court ordered that we each pay our own auto ins. since the renewal was up...I'm still coming out cheaper...

Finanically I'm going to be just fine, and I new I was...things had been a little tight without POWS paying CS, but I had everything paid on time and we were still able to enjoy a movie or something from time to time...

I've worked really hard on lining up my ducks and getting them in a row...one of the benefits to the past six months...

Oh, BC, thank you very much for the kind things that you said, I really appreicate that!

And for sharing how you are handling STBX...that's the way it was last night...if it remains that way, I can handle it...five minutes here and five minutes there when I HAVE to and I'll be good...

right back atcha!!!

Just proud to be in such great company!

Hi Wild! I missed your post...

No, it's not a typo...I do only get the boys one weekend a month unless there is a 5th weekend, then it's mine!

POWS was requesting more time with the boys, and because sometimes he works so late in the afternoons and because the boys have religion and tutoring, I felt it would be better for them to keep a routine during the week...

That way I can keep them on track with homework, baths, and bed on time...

I just wanted to say congrats Strivn. You deserve some peace in your life!!!

Thank you FCF! I really appreicate that!

Another thing I'm going to have to work on is WHEN I DO hear something about POWS, not getting worked up about it! Well, not worked up, that's not it...just to let it go and not think about it...

It's been confirmed that he is back with the OW (the busdriver)that he cheated on me with and then, he's cheating on her...

It just makes me want to tell her should I ever see her face to face...

but then, there's really no point to it...she'll have to learn on her own I guess...what is gross to me is that she could be his mother...

But that's my boundary for myself...not his...

Rin,

Not that you need advice, you seem to be handling your sitch very well.....However, since you asked, co-parenting is tricky with someone who has a history of abusing you. Be cautious. My abuse advocate gave me some really good advice about this when we had our first court hearing. She was nice enough to accompany me to the hearing and helped set up boudaries that would protect me from WXH's controlling abusive behavior. Keep contact to a minimum as BC said. If you set the precedence of only speaking to him about matters that involve the children, hopefully that will minimize the conflict. Be clear that anything outside of that is unacceptable.

Keep your guard up. POWS is going to make it appear that he agrees with everything now and until the D is final. After that, he may try and push the boudaries of the agreement once he is out of the courtroom spotlight. Keep pick ups and drop offs at your daycare provider. That keeps the conflict away from your home and provides you a witness if POWS tries to pull any funny business. Setting these boundaries now lets POWS know that he cannot use your children to control and intimidate you.

One thing that WXH has done is talk to our neighbors to try and keep tabs on me. I found this out last week when my neighbor across the street stopped by to ask about buying my second car. Apparently, WXH has been stopping by and interrogating my neighbor about me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> With POWS close relationship with your neighbors I would be careful.


You are doing great! I was so glad to hear about you getting back in the house. Is that part of a temporary agreement, or one that could be more permanent? You should have a "house warming" to welcome yourselves back to the home once you have moved back in. That would be fun!

Ewwww!

Hi, LL...I have a question to ask you offline...can you email me please, it's in my profile...

I really appreicate you sharing your stuff with me...I know I will have to watch out for the HNs...

This is temp, but could turn out perm..I have a feeling that it will become more perm...especially with my MIL kind of on my side...

I have also thought about a house warming party...I want to get some security in place before that...and some repairs...but I am looking forward to inviting all my friends over and "let the HNs, talk!" LMAO Who cares???? LMAO

I'm sure that they will be talking REAL SOON with the guys I have coming over to help with the repairs on the house!

LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I second what Sis said,

Ewwwww, Ewwwww!

I picture one of Marge Simpson's sisters driving that bus.

Ewwwwww.....

(((((:O >>>>>>>>>>>:Marge Simpson Puking Emoticon

Fricken hilarious!!!

LMAO...well, that makes me feel SOOOO much better that the two of you agree with me!

I mean that's a 17 year difference...I can't imagine dating my DAD!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I'm going to have to really hold my tongue...mind my own business...not his... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />