Oh, man, I read your post to late...I did use the little little demo they have to look at the colors in daylight, floreence, and the other kind...

I liked what I saw...MOF, I loved the way one of them changed with the light...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin, I am just so happy for you. I am getting ready to 'do' my bedroom soon too. I am looking forward to the change. I really do like working on my house.

I finished the tile work in the bathroom; it's a slate shower and floor (12"x12" tiles), and PWC laid the threshold, so I can mark that off of my list. Next is the bedroom, then our computer room. Hopefully, we'll get to look into new hardwoods for the downstairs. I would love to have new floors.

I am really sooo happy for you.

Now now Rin. Remember to keep it good clean LEGAL fun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LMAO...me and my Typos...LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks PM! Let's see anyone have some "JOINT" compound?

Something for "DRYWALL"?

SL- Heck, I want to help out at your house, sounds like you're having some fun too!

I have so many ideas and thoughts about what "I" can do...

Let's see t-minus................2 DAYS!!! HURRRAAYYYY! LMAO

I don't expect to get in the house any earlier that Sunday...

BTW, I do want to say that I am not happy with the visitation schedule but I have to accept it...there were a few things that have come up with weekends, and then I thought about the summer and it does bother me...

So, I'm going to have to work on that...I was able to work out the problem with the weekend but my mind went to:

"Who's going to keep the kids while he's at work?"

Then, I thought, that is not your problem, plus, it's in the future...it's not today!!

So, I stopped that line of thought...

Oh, SL...when/if the house does become mine and only mine, I have plenty of things that I will be doing...complete kids bathroom remodel...kitchen counter tops changed out...I will make a space for my dryer INSIDE the house...add central AC/heat (only have heat now)...

I've got plenty of things to add to the value of it! Lots of dreams and hopes for the future!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I was advised, while separated, to keep upgrades to a minimum, as I wouldn't see that money if we had to sell the house, so I did stuff that was fairly inexpensive. I laid carpet in a room myself, it was inexpensive stuff, rec room type carpet squares. We had already done most of the work on the bathroom, so I did the finishing touches.

The bedroom is going to cost probably around $200. I bought fabric for the wall behind my bed for ~$80. Bought a staple gun (does square, round and brad nails, too) which was about $40. Next, I will need to purchase some fabric for curtians and curtain rods. Paint will be in there somewhere, too, so may $250 all in.

We got central A/C a few years ago, and I'm happy with it. I'm sure it would be nice for you to not have to deal with the elements when drying your clothes (as well as keeping your undies out of sight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />).

I enjoy making my house over. It's my hobby, I guess.

You two are killing me.

So I got a name for the show with both of you. Hammerin Honeys or something like that.

Girls with Guns(nail guns that is).

Frog-
Gasp! I think someone has found his calling... as a porn-movie title maker upper! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin-
I envy your enthusiasm... I tend to think about all that I want to do, but then when it comes down to it, I don't have time, or I lose motivation.
BTW- the colors that you chose seem very nice!
Good luck this weekend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LMAO...Hey SL, I like the Hammin Honeys...we could have a show on the Men's channel and teach them how to fix up the house!!!

Sadmo- Only YOU would think of that...I'm in love with my colors...a beautiful chochlate brown, with two shades of green, moss like, and a silver/white trim...when I look into the bathroom, there will be a red wall...I'm looking forward to doing a fw red walls in teh house...

I decided on a mushroom color for the dining room, white trim and MAYBE a red wall in there...kitchen will be a green color, hard to explain that one, cabinets white...a friend and I even talked about doing some colorwash with some of the walls...I guess we'll figure that out when we get there...

BUT like I said, first things first...POWS is being removed from the bedroom, new sheets that HE'S never slept on...I want to scent on him around...none of his stuff...it's going to be a pure RIN ZONE!!! LMAO

I've even picked up some pictures for the walls since I've been gone...L will be moving into the spare room, which was F's room before we left...but F wants the other room, and L agreed...L's room is already painted a blue, so all I have to do in there is finish the trim work...F's room has already been started with purple and Gold...OUR FAVORITE TEAM!!!! So, some finishing touches in there and we're done...

It's not really work to me, it's more like fun!! Especially when you have some good friends to help! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Isn't there a show called Toolbelt Divas? They would do a spin off,,,,,,,,,,with Remodeling and Romance Advice. They have one toolbelt for remodeling and a different "toolbelt" for the romance?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />he he!

We need a catchy name for that,,,,,,,,,

Oh, I can not wait for you to sleep the first night back in your house!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

ME either BUGS...I just verified with my guy who's going to install the garage door and opener...he'll be there SUnday morning in measure and I'm sending him to the store with a check...so, by Sunday evening that will be done...

He works for our company, so I'm going to get him to do alot of the things that I won't have time to do...then, I can pay him a little at a time...LMAO...not like he can't find me...LMAO

POWS won't know what happened to the house when I'm finish with it...of course, it's not like I'm going to allow him inside...he can stand outside all that he wants when he drops off the kids on Sundays...MOF, I have no intentions of walking outside to greet him or talk to him...

As far as I'm concerned I'm sticking with PLan B and remaining as dark as I possible can...

We have that strom possibly coming in, they don't know what's it's going to do yet...so I won't get around to the yard fro a little while, but that's okay...I have lots of stuff to cut down that's overgrown...and the house probably needs to be pressure washed...I KNOW the concrete does...it looked horrible...probably hasn't been swept since I left...

I know it sounds like a lot to do, but I don't feel like it is...stuff I would normally do if I was there...and then I can always ask for help...something I did with POWS but rarely got it...

My Aunt's already talking about me helping her with her paint job when she's ready...and I don't mind...

Sadmo a porn movie title maker. I don't think I can support a family on that. Seems like a hard job anyway(pun intended)

Toolbelt Diva with B.O.B. Feela on romance.

LMAO....

Well, I found out some new info about POWS today...I wanted to explore my feelings on the subject and see what you guys had to say...

It appears that POWS is making the same mistakes with OW that he did with me...and I really think that it's a shame that HE doesn't see this...

I know that it's my inner child wishing that HE would see and not repeat his past mistakes...which of course, resulted in failure the first time...ME...

I WANT TO SAY something like: I wish you could see that you are repeating your past mistakes, and this is what you will be teaching your boys. BUT, I won't say anything, just b/c I want to doesn't mean that I will...

It's just VERY TOUGH to see and hear the downward spiral that he's on...from what I understand he's living with OW during the week...we moved into together really fast...he's letting her take his truck...I drove his truck at the time without a license and that was the vehicle that I learned on...plus, he's cheating on her...he cheated on me when we were dating too...

Now, I have no anger or resentment toward POWS for what he's doing/has done to his family...I will continue to teach the boys right from wrong...

MOF, yesterday on the way to get the boy's hair cut, F said something which resulted in a conversation about his dad and he said something about him going to cheat on OW2 with OW1...I had to tell him that his dad was cheating on OW1 with OW2...it was one of those things: IT IS WHAT IT IS...

F knows that his dad is seeing OW2, he didn't say anything after that...I know that F has told me that he will never cheat on his GF or DW...I pray that he holds to that...

But like I said "I WISH that POWS would see!" Not for me...and I've thought about asking "Is THIS the kind of morals YOU want to teach your children, that's it's OKAY to break up your family?"

This subject is not something that is at the forefront of my thinking, and it doesn't depress me...I actually pray for POWS to see the errors of his ways, to become remorsful, and to make amends to those that his actions have hurt...I do not want revenge b/c revenge is not mine to be had...

And I do feel sorry for OW1 b/c he cheated on me with her, and perhaps somewhere in HER mind she has that "It won't happen to me!" syndrone...being 17 years older than POWS, he'll get tired of her...that's apparent, that he's seeing OW2...

Let's see, their Adultry started in/around the middle of 05' I believe...I didn't get NC during this time, well, not completely...at least once or twice a month was the lowest I could get it...so does this renewal start the process all over again according to Dr. harley...or is it still two years? Of course, POWS and I were together for 5 years before we married, and POWS will get tired of no overnights when the kids are no there...I'm sure that I will have to drag him back to court...being that he has already done this...

I don't know, these are just my thoughts and I think I needed to write them down...I feel for the boys...it's like they have been cast aside, like me...for what, an addiction, selfishness, denial, whatever...I just have to let them know how IMPORTANT they ARE, like I've had to learn about myself...teach them that their dad's choices are NOT a reflection of them or me...

I think that I have a pretty good handle on the subject, from my POV anyway...LMAO

Rin,

I feel for you that you think it will affect your boys if they use their father as a role model.

You are a role model too. So just let them know, without judgement, that it is wrong. NO long explanation it is wrong.

They already see the consequences of thier fathers behaviour and if you continue to be the person you are they will realize what a loss it was for POWS and treat women with respect and dignity, becuase that is whay you demanded.

As far as OW is concenred. If you lay down with the dogs you will get fleas. She knew what she was getting herself into.

Good luck

I believe that I AM a good remodel for the boys...it was rough for me to leave, just for me, but it was completely different when I thought about the boys...

I AM the lighthouse...I believe that they are seeing that their father is suffering some consequences...going from a nice house to living in a camper trailer, a throw back from teh 80's, at that...oh, course, if I was a kid I would think living in a camper was cool!

F mentioned something about his dad picking them up with the camper attached to his truck...Then I haven't mentioned to the kids that their dad has to sell the motorbike...I'll let him explain that one...that's no my stuff...but should F or L ask me about it, I'll say something to the effect that the judge told your dad he had to sell it to take care of the two of them...

When I look back to when POWS and I got together I can see that I was needy, clingy, and thought he was my savior...today I am not those things...today, he got the better deal out of our relationship, I was his caretaker...he COULD NOT balance a checkbook, pay the bills and without having something turned off...no different then the last six months for him...

NSF charges...cable turned off...I INVESTED in him...it was a shame that I didn't see my worth sooner but I AM stronger today and will be aware in the future...

I don't NEED someone around me to make me feel like a person...or happy or loved...b/c I love myself and am happy with myself...crazy what 17 months can do to you...and that's from D-day...I was fighting his A months before that! Years before that begging for it just to be us...

No longer will I tolerate being mistreated...So I do hope that the boys SEE the person that I have become...

I have chosen to break the cycle...I'm moving forward each day...I have the opportunity to reinvent myself...that's a blessing...a whole new life...beginning today!

Hey, Rin.

Do you have a right of first refusal clause in your custody orders? If not, maybe you should ask for it in the permanent orders. That way if he needs a "sitter" when he's working, you get first option instead of him dumping them off on whichever OW he's with at the time.

You have such a fine line to walk with your kids ... it's hard to let them know that things that their dad is doing are not right, without badmouthing him. I'm glad that F feels open enough to talk to you. It's not always easy to have that kind of openness, especially when you have to be the primary day-to-day homework and chores and school disciplinarian. Way impressive that you've been able to keep those lines of communication open with him -- good job!

I think I'd refrain from getting into details about his dad's A's, though (or whatever other opinions you have of his dad's actions), if you can help it. IMO, it doesn't really matter which OW he is cheating on which OW with -- they're both OW since you're still married. I think I'd stick to "how do you feel about that?" questions and the general message that it's not ok for anyone to cheat on anyone, because it destroys families and hurts people.

Too much digging into specific details is really just mud slinging and opening a door for he-said, she-said types of battles. (Can't you just imagine your STBX's reaction when F says "mom says you are cheating on OW1 with OW2..."?).

It's hard to find that middle ground between keeping things open, so you'll hear about it when something really goes wrong, and getting into the muck with STBX. Might be hard for your DS to figure out that difference, too. Especially if he gets attention and reactions out of you (or out of STBX) when he "tells on" STBX (or you).

And I agree, you have been a great role model for your boys. You're a great mom!


Love the plans for the house. The colors sound beautiful!

Do you guys have a final hearing coming up now that the temp stuff is figured out?

-AmI.

Hi AmI,

I hear what you are saying about STBX and F and how to tlak about those kinds of things...I think the best things I've learn of late is so keep my mouth shut on certain things...LMAO...still needs work but I'm getting better...

I do try to keep those conversation VERY short and to the point...

Thank you for the compliments...I've had to learn to be humble AND accepting of those...now I believe them, another change...

Final hearing...six months away...no date or anything still waiting for the custody papers to be wrote up from the judgement last Friday...I do have plans to have first right of refusal, NO overnight with the opposite sex (until Jan 1st 2009, I'm thinking), and no drugs around the kids...I thought about alcohol too but that's too hard for even me to comply with...

We still have to work out the holiday schedule that was not done in court...so I guess I'll call my Attorney next week and talk to them...

So, you want to come help paint too? LMAO... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> There's plenty to do!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You can pick your favorite color and I'll give you a room! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

My father was an alcholic, adulterer who was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to my mom. He was also self centered and irresponsible.

My mom divorced him (of course) and that taught me you can treat a woman poorly but she doesn't have to accept it.

If you want a good woman she won't accept being treated poorly, at least not forever. So treat them right or they may be gone.

I think my mom pounded that in to me in a general sort of way.

Do you remember the kinds of things that she would say?

I'll tell you what that just gave me a ne perspective on my mom Ding my dad when I was three. I've heard all kinds of stories, mostly bad, that my mom cheated on my dad and that's why she left, but I really didn't think that was true b/c of her history with my SD...

My dad was the one that ran around I think, of course, I have no proof...

I'll tell you this, not matter how chaotic home life was with my mom and SD, I would have chosen that one over living with my dad...I'm am grateful for not living with him...

Not really but they were teaching lessons.

Maybe on TV when a dad did something wrong that my dad did she would say "that isn't right a man shouldn't do that"

If a man was treating his wife badly she would say stuff. But really my mom was a good person, it wasn't hard to see.

My dad ended up with an A parnter that quite frankly wasn't in the same league as my mom. I loved my step mom but she isn't half the woman my mom is.

Ah...that's something I can REALLY relate to...

Well, I talked to POWS a little while ago...tlaked about a camper site that he was looking at, apparently the water there is contaminated and he was not aware of it, so he said that he would be looking for something else becasue that can affect the kids...

There was a lawsuit and the victims who were getting sick were paid, but the water problem was never taken care of...apparently the lawsuit stopped at that point...

He thought it was his weekend, and he will be callinga gain to set up a meeting with our lawyer and us to talk about holidays...I had to explain the first right of refusal to him...he was thinkign that during the summer he would continue to use the same sitter that we have had all along...so that's a good thing...he said that his schedule is more flexible now, so on the weeks that he has the kids he will go into work later...

He said the only thing that he had to get out of the house right now is his guns...and we talked about the locks...apparently the locks were changed but there aren't now...that my key will work...

Well, I will not be giving him the opportunity to walk into the house...you can bet on that...new locks are in my car waiting to be changed...

Anyway, I told him that as I understood it the new schedule didn't start until Oct. He was find with that...next weekend I have a painting class to go to...

So, all in all in was a civil conversation...I have to change the gas and cable into my name...no arrears check this week like he said but I wasn't expecting it to begin with...just like him moving out early...

Hey, I'm getting better at this stuff with him...kind of like my HS, HB, SM, and dad...I see it when I see it kind of thing...

Anyway, I'm taking the kids to go see Surf's Up here in a little while...I figured Sat. night we can rent movies and veg out our last night here! Popcorn, candy, cookies, whatever we want, make it an awesome night...

Oh, POWS informed me that my swing was shredded to pieces by my dog...so somewhere down the line I will have to replace that too...no biggie, it was an Anniversity present from him on Valentine's, the same morning that he took a rose out of some flowers that another friend had sent to us to give to other woman...the same swing I cried on ALL D-day night...so she actually did me a favor!!! LMAO...

And I will be replacing stuff like that as I go, should something pop up, a trigger but I really don't foresee any...

I did stop by a thrift store today just to see what they had and found a BEAUTIFUL STATUE OF A WOMAN on a black base and she's a bright silver...flowing...and I thought "THat's ME NOW!" So I got it, a little house warming present to myself!!

Well, let me try to get these kids to eat so we can go! I'll be back on later...