Rin,



Good for you!




MAAHHH-Ve-LOUS!! THAT kind of purchase is in the TRUE nature of a Goddess. Buying yourself something to visually remind you of your Goddess Nature. PERFECT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

HEY BUGS!!! THank you so much! I really am happy with her...she's still in the car wrapped up and I'm so in love with her...

I am having a little struggle that I'm trying to nip in the bud...having talked with POWS has my mind thinking of all kinds of things...

I walked outside this morning and my thoughts have been on him since last night...I had to tell myself that I can change the past...

I guess it's still part of the grieving process because it comes and goes...feeling a little sad...the "wishing things were different"...wondering if he's changed, well, I know he's changed some...

I think it's still part of accepting my current life without him as a major part...perhaps a small amount of fear of the future and finding someone to truely love me the way I need to be loved...grieving the familiar, what was, the good parts...

These feelings are the reason that I choice not to talk to him but then I wonder at the same time that which this choice am I avoiding the grieving process or am I just protecting myself from more hurt...it's hard to figure out...

Like I've mentioned before I want to be as dark as I can in Plan B, I like my darkness, but with kids you can't remain that way...you have to be a turtle and poke your head out from time to time...Then, there's clearing up other matters too that have to be done with the two of us...

I can wish things were different all I want the reality is that I will continue to do what I'm doing and go on with my life...even by myself I don't feel as lonely as I did when I was home with POWS...

How can you feel so lonely when that person is laying next to you or is in the same room as you? I didn't understand that, I thought once that it was because I was emotionally abandonded...

Those are the kinds of things that I remind myself of when I talk to him and my mind wants to change the past...wish for somethign different...I have to remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing...

But like I said am I avoiding the grieving process or protecting myself?

There's SOOO many things that I wish I could tell him, but my words didn't do anything in the past and I can't imagine them doing anything in the future...I think that's when I need to write it all down, that way I'm at least getting it out...instead of stuffing...

I think I understand why there has to be NC for life...b/c I wonder if this is part of the withdrawal too...I did good in the conversation with POWS but it's the after...

So...LMAO...I'm trying to figure out things to keep ME busy today!!!! I have some more packing to do, but the car trunk is full and I have to have room for those darn kids...LMAO...I imagine I'll have to make another trip to get all of our stuff out...

F said last night that he can't wait to be home, I said me too!!! So we are all ready!!!

Oh, if anyone has any ideas on how to do this holiday schedule I would appreciate it...

Well, let me find something to busy myself to make the day go by faster!! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Morning Rin!

I am SURE you will have no problem finding things to keep you busy. Just trying to keep one's MIND completely occupied sometimes is the harder struggle.



I TOTALLY understand what you are saying! It's good to get it out in a constructive way for yourself, so keep on writing it down.

Perhaps someday, you will be able to say some of this to POWS. I think about that. My family says all of the time about "the day when you & Drac can talk. When this is behind you". Well right now, it is hard to imagine that day ever coming, but I think that it will,,,,,,,eventually.

I think this wondering, thinking about what COULD have been different is totally and completely normal right now. This is another HUGE life change for you. Of course you are going to think about it all.

Despite all of the horrible things our WHs have done, these are men that we loved and still do each in our own way. We promised forever with them and for us, we truly meant it. Moving on has it's stages. Allow yourself all that comes with each of those stages for you.

Evaluating, talking here, working through it continues to be part of our journey for our self recovery. YOU, my dear, are doing GREAT!

Have a Great day!!

WHERE are you putting the Goddess in the house? Do you have a special place of honor picked out for her?

She needs a name,,,,,,,,,,,,

I think that I will call her Venus...I'm a Libra, and I am ruled by Venus the Goddress fo Love...She can be my reminder that I need to love myself and take care of me before I do for others...

That's kind of what got me to the place that I am today...giving myself away...

I'm not sure if I want to put her in my room, perhaps the best place, so that I can get dressed every day and do it Goddress style! LMAO...Yep, I think she'll live in there!! She will be a nice assest to the tiny silver detail in my silk comforter...

I also, can't imagine the day that this will be behind me and POWS...I do know that he was headed to blame me yesterday for something when we were talking about the locks on the doors and he stopped and said "Let's not go there!" ANd that was the end of that...I was like WOW...

Anyway, I do love him in my own special way, not everything was bad, it was getting pretty horrible at the end, and I wish alots of things like MC and IC...but that was about him and not me...

I think that was the hardest part to learn when I got there was everything that he was doing was not ABOUT ME but about him and whatever he was feeling, thinking, believing...I took SOOO much personal and I think we all do...the enmeshment, the co-dependency...

I really don't think that I "GOT IT" until I was out of the picture and sometimes I think what if I would have got it when we were still together, would that have made a difference? I grew alot while I was at home, but thinkign back much of my growth came after...faceing my fear, learning that POWS' threats were just that, learning when my inner child was screaming to be heard, facing my feelings, etc...

Spon. says that she can see a huge difference in the kids and I from when we got here until present day...how we interact...having more fun with each other...talking...

Anyway, I finished packing our room, and I will have to make more than one trip...I'll probably sneak over here during my lunch break this week and wipe everythign down, vaccum, etc...I went to the store this morning and got a few things that I needed to replace before we return home...

SPon. has become more than a SPon...a friend and mother(she my mom's age!)...she cried after court...she'll have some grieving to do herself...they will ahve the house back to themselves and she has said that she doesn't know what she'll do with the house beign soo quiet...

So there's plenty room for everyone to adjust to the changes...

Well, Bugs, it's good to knwo that I'll not alone in my thinking that this could be part of the process...I really don't see how I could ever not love POWS in some way b/c of those beautiful, intelligent, wonderful cretures that God gifted to me! They are so loving, wanting hugs, and kisses all the time! Which of course, unless I just punished them AM MORE THAN WILLING to give to them...

They keep me going...they are my inspiration!

Thanks BUGS, I apprecaite your post...my heart is filled with love, compassion, and understanding...hope...

Just have to keep POWS stuff separate from mine now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin-
You sound so happy, so alive.... so GOOD! And that is WONDERFUL!

I know what you mean. You wish you could tell them things, and BAM! a lightbulb would go off over their heads... but it is not that simple. IF they ever want to acknowledge how they have affected everyone... that is one thing. But most likely they do not want to know, or do not want to know.

It really sounds like you have grown by leaps and bounds... you should be proud!

THanks Sadmo! I do think that I have grown tremendously!

As you can tell, I can't sleep! LMAO...I'm like a kid on teh first day of school...ALL excited and I was trying to sleep but it just wasn't coming!! LMAO

I was thinking about taking things down off the walls, and I want to do this and I have to move this, and where should the TV go...I can build this in the closet for organizing my clothes...and it would be less expensive if I built it than bought it...should I paint the trim and the tile the same color...what about L's room?...LMAO

MY list goes on and on...then I was think I wonder if he's there now...I could sneak over and see, the kids would be fine b/c of SPon...what about my dog...no one's really loved her or trained her since I left...how am I going to get her back in the house (HE has let her live outside!!!)...Boy, she's going to need some work...

LMAO...KID AT CHRISTMAS I TELL YOU!!!!

So many thoughts and I just want to jump on it...I've already planned to take this coming Thurs. off to work around the house...a friend of mine is off that day also...LMAO...probably should take more time than that with how excited I am, but that will have to do...not like the house is going to walk off...

I talked to my mom tonight...LMAO...she said that she would just have to send me a gift card this year for my birthday so I could accessorize the house...LMAO...I said that sounded great to me! OW, I hope my plants are still alive!!

I am a sling shot right now, pulled back and ready to go...not like I can do a whole lot RIGHT NOW, with everyone sleeping...I don't even know if I have internet at home...it would be nice, that way I could write and let you know what was accomplished today!!

Oh, I get to love on my dog...GO-GO's her name...short for Lady Godiva...she was found in a dumpster for you newbies...A lady went diving in the dumpster to get her...get it...Lady GOdiva!! She's a beautiful black with white tip paws....floppy ears and she use to love laying on my feet when I sat on the sofa...she'll be a year in Nov., we think...well, from what the vet had said...So I counted it back and I picked Nov. 4th...she'll get ice cream for her birthday...

Kids will not have to go to the sitter's in teh morning anymore, I work like three minutes (b/c of red lights) from home...the kids are RIGHT there within five minutes...

I'm the pick me kid....you know the one who knows the answer and has his arm in the air yelling pick ME!!! or OWE, OWE, OWE!!

Oh, we all enjoyed our movie night...watch Firehouse DOG, really great kid's show, and Eragon...I rented another called Conversations with GOD, that sounds awesome...I realy want to watch it so I'm saving it for tonight...that way I HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF SIT DOWN!!!

I have washed all of our clothes so that one less thing I have to do, but I will have to wash my sheets for my bed...no biggie...

Okay...4 hours to the alarm clock goes off and both of the kids are swearing that they will be up before then!!! I'll let you know on that one too! LMAO...I'm not tired yet, but I'm going to go try...I'm looking forward to a wonderful cup of coffee in my house in the morning!! Hoping that everything's there to make it!! LMAO...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Real quick:

I got a vmail from Rin today - she was extremely upset that POWS had taken most if not all of her tools and various other things from the house. He was only supposed to take his personal belongings.

She was quite distraught, but making the best of the situation. At least she and the kids are home.

Project Restore Rin's House is officially underway <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey, Rin.

Welcome home! Glad that you and the boys are finally back in your own space. I bet it will take some getting used to, all sleeping in your own rooms and beds again!

Hope you had a great first night home. Frustrating about the tools and things -- any chance he might have sold or pawned them over the last several months, when he was having $$ problems? That would be my guess, over him taking the time to pack them up and move them into a trailer. Who knows. The lawyers will have to hash that all out -- hopefully that's all stuff you had on your video that you took of the condition of the house?

So happy that you're finally home!!

-AmI.

Hi everyone...I got one of the first computers every to run after some work...LMAO...

I'm trying to make light of the sitch...pretty much everything in the home is here...but POWS hit me where he knew it would hurt...ALL of the TOOLS....I've found a screw drive or hammer here and there but he didn't even leave nails, screws, or washers...the shred is EMPTY...

I'm calling my lawyer tomorrow, b/c I understood that he was only to take his personal things...

THen, he took ALL but one photo album of the kids...THAT'S WHEN I Broke down and couldn't handle it...when I saw they were missing...

My room has paint on the walls, needs to be trimmed out...the bathroom has one coat on it...my bedroom is in order for the most part...

No running water tonight, sewage problem was being fixed and we developed a water line problem...so we went back to SPon. house to take baths...

Heck, I'm surprised I have interent and I could get this computer to run...

GOGO's doing wonderful...I'm really surprised at her behavior...we'll see how she does tonight sleeping in my room...the house is a war zone...THE YARD is worst...I talked to my undcle and he has someone that cuts his grass and I told him I just need someone to come in and do a really good job and then I can handle it from there...

POWS left the lawnmower but took the weedeater and pretty much everything else...he left my router and my sander...generator, ladders, tablesaw, skill saw, jigsaw...

So, my birthday is coming up and that's ALL I want for my birthday...TOOLS or giftcards to get them...

I couldn't install the garage door besides there's nothing to secure anyway...I did change the locks today and had to borrow my uncle drill...a friend came over and she stopped and brought me a hammer, a screw driver, a pair od pliers, and a pair of needlenose pliers...

F saw everything gone and said several times that he hates his dad...he's very angry with him...POWS took their bikes and their playstation...My cousin bought over a dresser that he had to replace one of the boy's because both of their is broke...

I moved POWS dresser out of my room and into L's room...he can use it...

My aunt sent me to the store to get a specail paint for the bathroom tile to prime it and I broke down and SOBBED all the way there, collected myself to go into the store and SOBBED all the way back...

My uncle came over and finshed framing the front door, but POWS took the latches that were to secure them, so I'll pick up some more tomorrow, I have to return soem stuff anyway...

My uncle will finish framing the back door, i think tomorrow when I get teh right stuff...and the plumbing should be finished...

I felt beat down...

ANyway, the good news is that POWS didn't take a single manuel from my filing cabinet so I can track the tools and stuff that we had...air compressor, nail guns, finishing guns...so that will help me...I figure it's something like 10 to 15K...

My dad had given me some of my tools and he took those too...ladders...

Anyway, I'll get over it...I'll replace them...I'll fight for them in court...I have wonderful friends and family that showed up...BC THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF ME HEART FOR STOPPING BY...I know you couldn't stay long but it meant the world to me!!! YOU are A GREAT FRIEND TO HAVE...PBS, YOU TOO MAN...THANKS FOR LISTENING...

JOHNSTWIN, got your email and I will write you back...THANK YOU SO MUCH...THE SUPPORT IS SOOOO NEEDED RIGHT NOW...

I didn't think that coming home would ever be like this!!! I can do it, a little work, and determination, and one day at a time...

I'm a fighter and I'm not about to stop now...I have always said that "they" can kick me, knock me down, but I will rise but I will NOT let "them" win...I started saying that with my SD when I was little...determined to succeed against the odds...

and here I am again...this time it's not just for me!!!

Well, I guess I better try to calm down and get some rest...first night sleeping by myself and L wante to sleep with me but I said no...

Momma's got a date with her pillows, silk comforter, and a wonderful memory foam mattress pad...oh, how I've missed my bed...

Good night...everyone...

OH, Hi AmI, my cousin saw him with teh truck and utility trailer LOADED down a few days ago...it's a matter of what's mine is his and what's his is his...I own nothing in his eyes...I contributed nothing...HE did everything attitude...

THANK YOU SOSOOOOOO MUCH FOR STOPPING in and posting...I really need some support...it took the tools of my talent...remember my remodel on teh garage!!! Best work I did in my eyes...working on my house or with wood is NOT work to me...it's pleasure...

SO...here I AM, being...tomorrow's a new day...

while the tools for rebuilding your house may be gone, the tools you have developed and honed for rebuilding your life can never be taken away.

never forget that!

Rin, just keep looking back at how far you have come. This is a setback, and an emotional one, but look how well you are coping and pulling together the resources to recover from it.

You will be great. You may feel down right now, but you are on your way, my friend!

Welcome home!!!

Rin,

Honey I am so sorry that you have had to deal with more of the POWS's B***s**t!

Yet, you are IN the house. It's all going to come together in time. With the exception of the pictures, which I am praying will be returned quickly, it's all just STUFF. He just wanted to hurt you and unfortunately, he did. That's OK.

Chin up. I LOVE how stupid he was to leave all of the documentation that you needed to prove what was there! Silly POWS. What slays me is how he continues to be cruel to the boys. Taking their stuff is beyond childish. What an a$$. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Think of this though,,,,if everything had been GREAT,,,if the house were in perfect condition just as you had left it, you may have spent your first night back there feeling the emptiness and perhaps missing his presence in what was your home together. This way, as hard as it is, THAT is not happened! Just like my signing the D papers the other day - it was Better for me to have a reason to be angry vs just being sad.

Hang in there. You are so darn strong now. You are entitled to your tears, to your frustration, but you are a fighter. You will be just fine. Sounds like you have great support to help you through.

Hang in there!

Hi, thank you all...i appreciate all the words of encouragement...i'm calling my lawyer this morning...

Now Rin. Did you really expect anything less?

Somehow deep down you knew something like this was going to happen.

One of my Dad's favorite sayings was "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."

He got the tools and get this "He got to keep some power over you and your emotions".

I would call my Lawyer like you said you would have him contact POWS lawyer and say "my client does not want to spend thousands of dollars fighting over this. She will buy new tools to replace what STBX took and add it to the final divorce. Tell your client thank you because my Client will enjoy the NEW stuff and he can keep the old. He has until 1pm on saturday to drop it off."

EZ peazy lemon squezy.

Rin until it is done and over with you will be dealing with this. If not the tools then the kids etc.

YOU CANNOT continue to let his childish behavior effect you.

You don't need TOOLS to create a HOME you just need LOVE.

Rin,

I have kept abreast of your sitch and you have and are doing great!!! I read the post above about the tools, photos, etc....and thought I might add something.

You POWS EX is a classic control freak. It peeves him to no end that you have "won" (we all know nobody won, but to him you did). He intends on somehow "getting at you" about whatever he can. The way you make a believer out of people like him is simple consistency and repurcussion/consequences for bad actions. Never tell him something that you don't intend to do. In other words don't threaten him...If you tell him that you are taking him to court for the tools, photos then the day after have a summons served to him. Make a believer out of him and he will quit with the BS.

Rin,

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with you lately. My dsl has been on and off the past week, hopefully it stays on this time. Don't fret about that stuff he took from the house. That will be dealt with in court. If he fails to return items that are determined to be yours or that you receive in the divorce settlement he will face contempt of court.

My XWH did the same thing to me. He broke into our home while I was at work at took what he wanted, including our iMac G5 computer with all my pictures and work items on it and DD2's baby book and other personal sentimental items. He took what he knew would hurt me the most. I cried and cried when I saw he took DD2's baby photos and the camcorder with the recording of her and I at the hospital after she was born. I demanded that those items be returned to me in the divorce decree and he agreed to do it. I am due to get them back any day now.

Keep your head up. God will provide a way for you to make the improvements to your home. Hopeandpray is right. Show him what you are made of.

Hi, This has been the worst day...my coworker went off on me, had to bring L to the doctor, talked to MIL...the boy's are getting there bikes back...

I faxed a three pages list of things POWS took from the house, my boss called me into the office after my coworker went off on me, she was send home...not more MB during the day...no water again tonight, it's rained all day, i haven't gotten to the grocery store so we are finding what we can...

Conversation with MIL was not good...I told her I was checking into where POWS was in contempt of court...she said that it wouldn't be because he was to take his personal belonging, and said that I had taken stuff from the house too...so much for my lawyer's idea about talking to MIL and her being the voice of reason...THIS One I didn't expect to go well anyway...I got what I expected on that one...

I called the electric company to tell them about my street light being out, and the phone company about the home phone...

So, I got some things done...MIL called F at school and talked to him saying that his dad would return the bikes to HN2 house...I told her about L gets tonsitis one more time in the next month and a half and he gets surgery...

Anyway, F and I are sharing our stuff with each other tonight...L been napping since I picked him up at school, off and on...

Well, our make shift supper is done...

H&P- thank you so much for sharing that with my...

Frog- I guess I'm just naive ... :shrugging:

LL...thank you...

Naive? I don't think so.

Some days I look into the mirror and I wonder who the heck is looking back at me. I don't see Frog the 38 year old father of 2 soon to be 3 in my minds EYE. I remember myself as the young Frog. LOL.

You still see your STBX as your H when things were good and those things creep in. Making this possible. It is normal.

Those things will change as you see more and more of this.

Don't lose the trusting part of Rin because of him. Lose the trusting part of Rin toward him.

I am sorry things went so bad today. It will get better.

Frog says so.

Rin...

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with so much just to be able to live in your house.

About teaching your boys right from wrong...

In my opinion...

Your STBXWH doesn't have respect for women or even really like them as people. To him, women are simply objects for him to use for as long as it suits him. Their feelings and well-being don't matter to him.

Teach your boys to respect women and people in general. Expose them to strong, moral women like yourself. Seize any opportunity to point out GOOD behaviors in men, and openly express your admiration for good, moral, Godly men.

Also, seize opportunities to discuss the bad behavior of people...whether in real life or on TV. Ask them what they think about it and let them know WHY such behavior is wrong.

Teach your sons to be champions of those whom they see being oppressed or treated badly. Show them the ways they can help...appropriately for their ages, of course.

You are already showing them that YOU are the parent on whom they can rely. YOU are the parent who makes sure their needs are met.

And, Rin, be watchful of your sons. Even though they may hate what their father has done/does, as they grow older, some of those behaviors may manifest in them, no matter how much they hate it. Nip such behaviors in the bud and make sure they are well-counselled. Continue to be a strong mother to your sons. They know you love them.

Frog, thanks for that perspective...this is exactly why I chose not to talk to him or deal with him...

LC, Thank you for your post too...

OS said something about all men being bad...I said no, not all men or bad...I told him that if he sees something that he doesn't like then he needs to do the opposite...so, I am having opportunity to talk to him...Frog and I talked about this the other day, I was doubting myself again...

He told me about how his mom taught him and I will look for using those moments to teach them...YS doesn't see or I don't think that he sees...he doesn't say stuff like OS does...

When OS said he hated his dad, YS repeated it, but I know that he was just coping...

My assignment for the night is to read on expectations, and a few other things, I can't remember what exactly Spon. said when she called...it was only an hour after my boss and I talked...after she left all I could do was sit there...she asked me if I still wanted to take Thurs. off and I said with what I'm feeling right now, I want to take the rest of the week off...

My co-worker told me to get off it...She said I see you faxing things to your lawyer, on the phone, blah, blah, blah, and that's when my boss walked in, they are sisters...

Good thing is that she doesn't come in tomorrow, so I wouldn't see her until Wed...

I tried to tell myself that this was about her and not me...I feel like I've been overstepped several times with her...

So anyway, I unpacked a few boxes tonight...OS was told that their bikes would be at HN2, he was excited saying that MIL said they would be there...I tried to tell him that what MIL says and what POWS does is not the same...but I let him call and find out for himself that they were not there...

I've been throwing away stuff...a garbage can went out today to the road, I ahve another one almost filled, and am working on another...some of my old clothes now, that I have nice ones, old shoes, the boy's broken drawers...broken ice chest...all the junk and trash...

I'm getting to see that the kids know I'm the parent to rely on...I'm having a rough time keeping up my spirits up...so I decided to take it really really slow tonight...not doing to much...a little here and a little there...

I'm sick and tired...at least I'm not sick and tired of being sick and tired...

I've cried so much today I had to take my contacts out b/c I couldn't see throguht them anymore...I'm doing the best I can right now and that just doesn't seem like enough...

Oh, bugs, I have the Goddess up on top of my dresser, she's beautiful against that chocolate brown...I put her next to some candle sticks...

okay, thinking positive, I am almost 51% through with this D...a 180 days to go...sounds SOOOO much better than 365!!!

WEll, let me see what esle I can get into...thanks for everyone's support...