Go Rinster!!!!

Fabulous Job, again, Angel!

Insert Tim the Tool man rooting sound here,,,,,,,

Oh, and Thanks Mom!! Glad you put the money to good use!

Wow, Rin! It sounds like you had a rough day yesterday. Sorry I wasn't reading up. I'm here now, and want to say that the thing with the boys; it's normal. Kids fight. The thing with the homework; it's normal. Kids forget, or put other things in a place of higher importance, especially without their parents CONSTANTLY on them. Even with two parents, these things happen.

AS a single parent, I think you are amazing! Now, give those boys a swat across the head and a big hug from me!

WOOOOWHOOO!!

Thank you SOOO much...I did thank MOM! And I'm going to Thank DAD too for giving me the talent the next time I see him!

WEll, ignition is still a problem...I will be SOOO happy to get a new vehicle, get all of this community property settled...I'm hoping by this coming June!

WEll, time to get something to eat, finish homework,get these boys down for the night, and go to bed early...

If I could just train myself to sleep all night and NOT get up! I know it's bad habit now...okay I'm exhausted!

I lost my post!

Good Evening! I lost my post from earlier today, it was a good one too...I did get aggravated...but that was the last thing that I got aggravated with...there was something at work this morning that set me in that direction...

Being blamed for something that was not mine to own...as if I should have been able to read minds...know what I could not know...

So, when I lost that post I had it and came home and took a nap to wipe the slate clean....

When I got back to work I was expecting to hear something about the profit lose but I didn't and it was SOOO busy that the hours flew by...I got off early to bring the boys to get their hair cut and then I brought them shopping for presents from their dad...

Well, I had a loyalty program that could be converted to dollars and it was almost 300 dollars that I had been saving at the Harley shop... not more than 15 minutes after we were their POWS appeared...

We spoke about the change in the holiday schedule, I will have them all day Christmas day and he will pick them up the following day and go to the ILs...

I was going to pick out some things for the boys being that he was there made it easier...I asked if he would do it and bring them to the counter...well, it came up to more than I had in points, so POWS paid for it...there was nothing it the lot for me...and he asked if I got anything/ if I wanted anything and I said no...he asked if I was sure and I said I was positive... I got my Christmas early...

The presents that he picked out will be from him to the boys...at some point we will meet and I will give them to him...he ever purchased something to drink for me because I was digging for some money for the coke machine...

Well, POWS hugged and kissed the boys, he was on that side of town paying the bill that was in my name...and just "happen" to stop by...

It was the first time that I had stepped foot into the Harley shop since I left...I reconnected with a friend that works there and we exchanged numbers...I got to tell MY side of the story and I felt validated being that my friend just went through the same thing and could relate after their nine years R...POWS and I were being so friendly that I was even asked if we were back together...

I said no, MOF, that was in my post today, that even if POWS came to his senses I don't think that I would take him back...I'm enjoying my life...

The intense fear that I had is gone, we are able to talk about the kids, nothing personal, happy go lucky, and we both went our separate ways...no triggers...no emotion from seeing him... not like last month at the voting polls...nothing...

Not even judging him in my mind, accepting the moment for what it was an occasional run in, that worked well to my benefit...

No anxiety about loving him...wishing that he would change, so that we could be a family again...The kids and I just went on with our lives...to the pet store...and then home...not a word from them...

It's the good life...I'm not even sad that it has turned out this way...

I feel really good...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I had been dredging stepping foot in that place, thinking of all teh things that POWS had told everyone...

Another place Reclaimed AND with POWS there to witness,,,, AND you dealt with all of THAT interaction Tremendously!

You ROCK!

Thanks BUGS...I didn't think about it that way!

Yes, I reclaimed it! I certainly did! WOW! Pat on the back, go me!

You are so awesome!

Hi Rin!!!

Just catching up with your post. Totally cool how you are reclaiming your life, your past, your places and your independence.

Just thought I'd pop in and let you know I'm rooting for you!

Rin,

Actually, I can't take credit for recognizing how you reclaimed a part of your life,,,,,, that goes to Sis and the folks on her thread. I read about her going places which triggered her or in which she was afraid of running into her WH or RT. She faced it with class, bravery, and dignity, of course! I immediately thought of her when I read your story.

It really stuck with me about reclaiming parts of our lives, and especially 'places'. It's an important part of recovery, IMHO.

Well done, Angel,,,, Well done!

Hi, guys...thank you for the wonderful support! I must be reclaiming my internal place too...

This is the second morning that I dream about POWS...I cn't remember what yesterday's was about but it wasn't a nightmare this time...

Today's we got into an argument, we WERE working as a team before that...so I left and went outside, it was night time and POWS came outside well, I was in the shadows, RIGHT in front of him but he didn't see me...

NIL walked outside and they were sitting together, she started saying not so nice things about me and I sat there and listened, not saying a word until POWS said something about where I was...

Then I called the dog over to me and that's when they saw me...I wasn't more than ten feet from them...

I didn't say a word about the horrible things that MIL said about me, just let the look on her face say it all when she realized that I had heard what she said...

That was enough for me...and when I spoke to POWS it was pleasant, no harsh tone in my voice, no wanting to set the record straight, nothing...just said whatever I had to say to him and moved on...

I woke up b/c I was laying on my shoulder wrong and couldn't move it hurt so bad...so I'm up a little early this morning, thankful that it's Friday...I'm bring the kids to see some awesome Christmas lights in New Orleans tonight with Spon. and her H...

I was thinking to myself last ngith about the interaction and wondering it if was conflict avoidance, but there's no conflict b/t us...as far as I'm concerned what's done is done...it's the past which I can not change...

No reason to rehash...useless...I have nothing that needs to be resolved with his input, I've doen that for me...I know where I've made my mistakes and I'm comfortable with that...

When I talked about redefining my R with POWS, one strictly of co-parenting, I didn't know how to take on that task, where to begin but it also seems to come natrual...

In a way I guess that I have forgiven him for all the pain and hurt that he has caused...at least on the surface...I continue to work it out in my dreams...this morning it seemed that there was no inner conflict with him that I am truly at a place of peace...

I'm sure that there will be more things to work on...old behaviors arising from the ash as time presses on...but like I did last night, simply question, in all of about a minute, and then dismiss it...

No committee in head, no anxiety...a fleeting thought...and then moving on to what I need to do...

I truly feel that I have learned my lessons from the M, my part...trusting untrustworthy people, my codependent behaviors, giving myself away, my resentment...all my fault and I'm okay with that...no kicking myself...what done is done...

I can look back at some of the comments that POWS said during the M and even find some truth in them...where I was living in denial and refusing to hear what he said...b/c I wasn't the one with a problem HE WAS...

I lived in the problem...POWS...instead of living in the solution...ME...now that I have figured that out...I know that the more that I focus on me the better friend, mother, sister, etc. I can be...

Once I couldn't see the forest for the trees and today I have admired each leaf, turning it over and studing each each vein which life flows...able to see the beauty when all I saw before was the fungus growing on the trunks...the moss hanging from each, thinking to myself that the fungus was smoothing the life...MY life...well, I put the moss there to begin with, thinking that it would be beautiful and as it multiplied, I didn't like it, grew to hate it actually...
it was alot of hard work removing that moss but I wouldn't change a thing...

Rin

Rin,

You certainly are doing so Well!

I know you are coming from a place of great strength right now and that is fantastic! I just want to issue a word of caution on proceeding too quickly down the co-parenting path. I'm not saying NOT to do it,,,, just take it slowing and with caution to keep yourself strong and protected.

OK?

You have learned and changed a great deal. Yet, it's like with anything 'new' that we learn, it takes time to really integrate it into our daily lives & habits.

We both know it is a continuing process and that there will be bumps in the road. As long as we watch for those speed limit signs and control the velocity of our travels, we'll not get thrown around or have to activate those airbags when we DO hit those bumps!

Have a fantatic weekend!

Good Morning...I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR...

I'm not interested in getting all buddie buddie with him...I don't want him to think that I'm okay with what he did, the choice he made...

I'll like to think that I'm in a modified PLan B...I like to stay hidden as much as possible...I'm not ready to hear about his life and some of the things that he does with the kids...MOF, for the first time with him, the less I know the better...

I like being removed...

I completely agree with you that there will be bumps int he road that I wasn't expecting...a trigger here and there...something that will set me off...if I go for two weeks with talking to him about the kids so be it...I don't "need" it...

Besides, I don't need him mistaking my kindness for weakness...I perfectly capable of taking care of these boys without his help...and doing fine...a little stressful sometimes but I can handle it and I will not EVER admit to HIM that it's stressful...definitely my pride there...

IT will be a cold day in ****** b/f I swallowed my pride for his sake...

Outside of that, last night I went with Spon. and her H to New Orleans to Celebration in the Oaks in City Park...Oh, the Christmas lights were beautiful...they had a laser light show...a HUGE CHristmas tree...Christmas music sung by kids...

The BOYS ran around, we ate juke food...I had a hot buttered rum...WOW...that was a first...I liked it!! But they played and played and played...on the way home, all three of us were asleep...

LOL...Spon. gave me a hug when we got back to her house and she said "Sorry, we kept you out so late!" I have to laugh...they are in their early 50's and here's me and the kids...we're the ones sleeping...

We left right after I got off of work at 5 and didn't get home until 11...YS went right to bed...I had to tell OS that I was going to bed and it was time for him to do the same thing...

On the weekend, it's a free for all as far as bedtime...but the weekdays I'm strict about...always been that way...the weekends are our play time...I always hope that they will sleep late but that doesn't happen...always up early...at least they are old enough that they can get their own breakfast and stuff...MOM can SLEEP...LOL

I don't have anything else planned for the weekend as far as going somewhere...MAYBE rent some movies, b/c I have to put gas in my car! And we're going to do some baking...OH, the kids and SPon. planned a night during their vacation that they are going to sleep at her house...they plan to bake gingerbread men! THey are SOOOO excited...

I had to help YS count the days on the calendar this morning to when school let out and when Santa was coming...

Well, I would have said in the past that I'm in my "lazy" mode...have been for awhile...but today I said that I'm in self-care mode...if the dishes sit in the sink a little longer that's fine...same thing with the clothes...LOL

OH, OH, OH...MAJOR...I have a realor doing a walk through of the house Monday to compute a value on the house so I can use it to get this community property thing on the way...I called my Lawyer yesterday and talked to the para...

She said that we can start negotiating now and she was going to talk to Lawyer...I'm going in with gun blazing but the truth of the matter is that's purely for effect...there's not much I want...the house, my car...I got the kids...and just pay me for the rest...I DO WANT THE KIDS PICS BACK...that's a must!!!

Anyway, I'm moving on that...I may not have to get an appraisal...and I was thinking about asking for a 529 account for each of the boys for college...but that's it...

I have to find out more info on the 529...

well, let me get to resting! LOL

have a great day BUGS!! and everyone else...

I was thinking about a 529, too....a co-worker suggested going through the plan that the state offers. She has two kids in college and said that it has proven to be very easy to use.

Dunno if you have one in LA, but it might be worth checking out.

I see it as a step forward; a way of working towards a future for you and the boys. Good for you!

(don't forget to plan for your retirement, while you are at it!)

Ladies and Gentelemn, may I direct your attention to this site for info on 529 plans. Great info on all states plans.

www.collegesavings.org

Thank E...I appreciate that!

Sis, thanks for being that to my attention...I wonder how I can do that?

I don't have a 401K with my company...too small...not sure about IRAs and the other things that are out there...I was interested in a money market account and CDs...

start a Roth IRA. Money that is put in is after tax, so when you withdraw it at retirement there is no tax on it.

I recommend that before the traditional IRA.

But I am not a financial adviser so do your own research <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi Rin-

Just thought I'd post a recommendation on finances. Have you ever heard of a guy named Dave Ramsey? He has a book called "Financial Peace Revisited" that has info. on this like this-investing for college, getting out of debt etc.

He's pretty down to earth.

Hope things are going well down your way. It's sunny and cold in the PNW. I'm headed to my YS's ROTC drill team meet. They spin rifles in formation. It's very cool.

Thanks E! As always I appreciate it when you post...

He's the info hwy lately keeping quiet about what he "thinks"...LOL

JT, Thank you ma'am! I really appreciate that too!

I hope that your son did well...that's a wonderful thing to watch...they are really good at it I'm sure!

It's been HOT down here all day, been running the A/C and sweating!!

JT - Dave Ramsey is the man. I did the Financial Peace program at our church some time back.

WEll, the kids and I watched movies at night...YS is asleep on the sofa and I'm headed to bed...

I feeling a little sad and vunerable tongiht...I watched Stepmom...

And then I've been fighting a slight headache tonight...the combo is not sitting well with me...a little lonely...some sleep should clear things right up...

Thanks for sharing you guys/gals...I appreciate it and the road that you all have walked with me...

Good Night!