WEll, I'm in a good place...mom's coming in tonight...boy's just left with STBX...

He did have something for me...he had to dig in his bag for it out in the rain...he returned one of my opal earring that my mom gave me...he said he thought that he had both of them but couldn't find the other...said he was sorry that it's not as good of a gift without the other...but he knew how much I loved them...

I said thank you! I thought that I had lost them...he said as soon as he found the other he would give it to me!

So, anyway, the boys are off...I have that meeting tonight and a coffee get together with SPon. tonight...got to start packing for my trip and prepare the room for my mom!

Thanks James...I am in a good place today! Excited about my trip!

Hey Guys! Just wanted to tell you that I'm going good...jammin to some Akon this morning...working myself for up my trip and having a great time!

Mom came in last night, so I haven't been able to check things out here! SHe's kind of old for her age...I was having to order some stuff online for her that she's been looking for...

It's also going to make my visit with her easier...she had ALL these places that she wants to go an shop b/c you can't get [email][censored]@ss[/email] stuff there...like food items...

Just goes so show you can move the cajun out of state but you change the cajun...LOL... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, we'll be doing alot of shopping...and I think that's good...I'll get to put my stuff with STBX on the back burner...she's be leaving the day that I leave for my trip...so there's another few days that my mind will be taken off of things...I think that's great! I think that I need that...

I went to my meeting last night and what I was feeling the other night was extreme remorse for MY stuff...I wanted to apologize to him so bad, but I knew that was not the right thing to do...what I learned is that I can do a living amends by continuing to be myself...same thing with the kids...the only way I can make up what I've done to them is to be me, the new me...the one that's not angry all the time...that can and does still yell sometimes but I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on someone or change the sitch to fit my needs...

I really didn't know that I was SOOO controlling but that's what you get for living in denial...not like I can kick myself for things that I didn't know that I was doing at the time...live and learn...results of the childhood stuff...

What's really great to me is that I recognized that I was in crisis mood, knew how to handle, made that call, and was able to move on SOOO much faster than I have in the past...

I was thinking about the last time I was in crisis mode and that was the day we moved back into the house...Sept. 22...big difference from being in crisis everyday...feeling like I was losing my mind...

If I had one regret right now, right this minute, not like I may feel that later today, it would be that I wouldn't have changed things in my life until I was a year into my program...my recovery...but at the same time I have to know that it takes what it takes...there are reasons, unknown to me, that this had to happen this way...

Have to remind myself that I am where I am for a reason...I mean heck, look my mother has graced my doorstep for the first time in my adult life...right now, Sleeping in OS's room w/MY DOG!!! The only thing that I have to do today is run to work for a minute and go to the bank...THAT's it!

She wasn't there for my college graduation, my wedding, the birth of my kids...never saw me pregnant...only saw the boys a handful or so times in all of their lives...lots of old stuff there with her and SD...and I don't question it either...

Just a thought, a dream but what if this is what it took to have my whole family together...which included STBX in the future...there's no telling...only God knows...but like I said merely a dream right now...not even a dream really...Dreams are something that you strive to achieve, I think...that would be more of I'm looking at all of the possibilities that the future CAN hold...

I'll continue to enjoy life and see where it led me...kind of like dancing to some really awesome music that gets into your bones and you just move with it...enjoying the freedom...not worrying about what OP think, just getting into the music and moving your body to the beat...

So, with that the Black EYed Peas and I are going to continue our morning, enjoying the quiet for a little longer, and then I'm going crawl back into bed for a little while...sleeping four hours at a tiem right now...I'm really happy about that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

I'm going to keep this short & sweet with a simple instruction.

ENJOY THE TIME WITH YOUR MOM!!!

You're IN LUCK!!! I can do THAT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin:

Keep growing girl!

Where your WERE, is not where you are GOING.

That place may include a new improved POWS, or not. Let the future determine that, and his actions!

Just keep growing. MB is WORKING for you.

MB isn't just about saving marriages. It's about saving oneself.

Good luck!

(((RIN)))

LG

Thanks LG! I really appreciate that...I hope that you continue to post to me...like I've mentioned I'm going to follow through with this D and I've made that really clear...

I had an emergency at work that I had to tend to so my mom went down the bayou to see her parents.

STBX even TMed me last night to let me know that they made it safe...I appreciated that b/c when they left we were under a severe storm warning and that is a long drive...I just said thank you and I wished him luck hunting...

The best thing that I see now...b/t STBX and I is that there is NO tension...I don't feel uncomfortable around him and I'm sure some of you remember how much I feared him for the longest time...SO, I'm happy to be in that place!

ANyway, I'm looking forward to not having contact with him and doing all the things that have presented themselves to me, even if they are at the last minute...

My goal with him RIGHT NOW, and for a LONG TIME is to keep those button hide...move them, should I have too...

Should we get together in the future again, one, I don't know, that remains to be seen, it would be a fresh start...but I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch and after this D is final, we will see...I think he still has alot of lessons to be learned and one is in this community property settlement...

I have to let him know b/c of my past behavior that I will stick to my guns...I have to do this for me...to be taken seriously...I've had to work on that with the kids too...and I've seen the difference that it makes...

yes, I agree that MB is working FOR ME!! I do stand corrected on that statement... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Have a great day!

Hey Rin! You back from your trip yet? How's it going? Happy New Year kiddo.

Hi! I'm back, had an AWESOME TIME!!!

It was an amazing trip! I've have to post about it later!

Thank you so much for thinking about me!

I hope you are doing well and I'm wishing you tons of blessing in the new year!!!

Welcome back Rin!!

Glad to hear you had a good time. Hope your New Year is a great one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />!

Welcome back Rin.

Happy New Year!

Can't wait to hear about the trip!

Good Morning! I had the best time! A month ago I was scared about going but of course I was going to do it anyway! This was the third time that I have ever flown and as far as the biggest city I've ever been to it was Houston...

Well, I was worried about going and had made arrangements to be picked up at the airport but when the time came there was some scheduling problems and I had to make my way from the airport to the train and then to the hotel by myself...which by the time that occurred I was comfortable with it and felt that I could do it...

of course, it's great to have wonderful friends to help you out before so I knew what I had to do and got to the hotel with no problems...the feeling that I felt doing it by myself was soooo awesome...here I am, small town girl (I say small we have a population over 100,000 people), and was able to do it with no fear...it truely added to my self-esteem...

So, I checked in early and hit the mall a few blocks away...VS was having a sale and you know a girl can't pass that up!!! I didn't even get to see the whole thing!!! LOL...My feet started hurting, so I only got to see HALF!!! LOL...So I went back to the hotel to wait for my companions and fell asleep...when they got there we were eat adn I met some wonderful people!!!

The next day, we got up late and I was the first in my room to wake up so I headed to Starbuck's right around the corner and got some coffee...then we headed out to meet our friends at the ESPN Zone...that place was awesome...I would love to watch an LSU game on the big screen!!!! Bestill my heart!!!

We took the train to the dome area and the street was littered with people...ended up at this wonderful bar...hung around there until it was time to head to the game...it was so awesome...the Georgia DOme was nice...I like Tiger Stadium better...the view at night is breathe taking!!! We had a great view of the field and I had a blast watching the Chick-fil-a Cow drop parachutes into the crowd! Needless to say I started drinking at lunch and continued until after midnight!

I made a beer buddy in the next section from us...I went to get some beer and got three well when I got back, one of the guys had gone to get beer, so my beer buddy said I'll give you $7 for it...SURE!!! Well, I went down again and he asked me to bring him again but didn't have any change for a hundred...I told him not to worry about it just when he went to get one to bring me one back...Well, in overtime, I GOT MY BEER!!

It was a great game!!! We had AWESOME people around us! IT WAS SOOO MUCH FUN!!! So, we got out of the stadium in enough time to hit another bar close to the dome...and that's where we rung in the New year...

I was actually on the phone trying to talk to the kids, but couldn't hear them so they handed the phone to STBX and I was talking to him about the boys at the stroke of midnight...he build a huge fire for him! We hung out there and then headed back to the hotel via the train again!

I drank ALOT!!! MOF, the bartender at the first bar before the game gave me a slice of cranberry with my vodka and I had to go back and pick on him a little to get another glass of straight cranberry juice! then at the last bar we were doing shots of Patron...I gave up half of my last one...that was TOOO strong for me!!! LOL

Didn't have a hangover yesterday, felt great...was second up in the group, still feeling good from the night before and headed back to Starbuck's for coffee and a parfait...

I SLEPT ALL NIGHT GO FIGURE!! LMAO...if I have to drink that much to sleep all night you can hang it up!!! LMAO...

We grabbed something to eat and headed to the airport...I was there extremely early but my friends had to get back home...that airport COULD have give me a headache...FINALLY got through the long lines for security and flight was delayed, then I still had to drive home...

I was SOO READY to be done with the airport...picked up my car with no trouble and GOGO was SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE ME...it took what seems like forever to calm her down...she has really turned out to be the best little dumpster dog...she's been rally good about doing her stuff outside...

We're still losing some clothes from time to time but that will work out too...

ALL IN ALL, I WOULDN"T CHANGE a thing about the trip...I feel really confident about doing something like that again! I was able to handle myself and that felt so awesome...

I did have the housekeeping steal a hundred dollars from me and I presently have a call into the General manager about it. I will be pushing the issue and if it's not resulted to my benefit I will be writing reviews of the hotel on the internet...word of mouth! This was a nice hotel and I'm sure that they will not like that idea...I plan to ask for his email address so that I can email hima copy of the reviews...

I didn't notice it until I got to the airport and was buying some things for the boys...whoever it was really had to dig to find it...

But that didn't even make it a bad trip or anything...So I HAD A BLAST and WOULD definitely do something like that again! LOL...Perhaps when I get my refund this tax season!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you all for checking in on me...I had a wonderful time with my mom too! It was a wonderful holiday season!!! I'm looking forward to getting the boys back this coming Sunday! They should be heading back from MIL with STBX today! They are doing well and have had a great Christmas too!

well, plenty of things to do here...after being off over a week!! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

STBX called me on his way back from MIL about 30 mins out of town and asked if I could watch the kids for him for a few hours...said he would explain later and he had to go pick up some stuff...

-I KNEW-....-I KNEW- what he was going to go do...I had a gut feeling since yesterday that something was no right...I felt like something bad was going to happen and it wouldn't go away today...

STBX and OW broke up...he went to her Apt. to get his stuff...so it's back to the camper...So...A started I think around Oct. 05' and here we are today...

Ok... so Oct 05 until today.. that's a touch over 2 years, so we're in the Harley timeframe.

What does this do to Rin's state of mind? Anything at all?

Did he explain this to you or are you guessing?

I would caution you not to just be a soft place for him to land.. keep your boundaries firm. I'm sure you will, but just a word of caution.

Keep your chin up and your eyes on God.. get direction from Him if you're unsure.

Rin, please be careful and don't change your course. Your life is good right now and you don't need the drama added by your WS.

just my opinion.

Hey, James...Yeap, STBX admitted it to me...said not to ask any questions...I didn't want to anyway...he just said that he didn't know what happened with this one either...

I went to dinner with him and the kids...he was TMing somebody...I got tired of it and finally said "You know I have calls to make too." He said well, go ahead! I said I was trying to give you my undivided attention...

It took a second, then he said he was sorry...another TM came through and he wanted to look and I said to go ahead and he said that it could wait...

I was a little uncomfortable being with him around the kids TBH...still processing it really, thinking about what I want...last night I was running it through my head and I was in a NO, I can't do this frame of mind...that was after I had to save his @ss...

He TMed me about 11 asking if I was asleep, said the kids were asleep already and they just ran out of propane at the camper...if it wasn't for my kids, I wouldn't have got, that interrupted my sleep...so, I ran to the store, brought a space heater and brought it to them...stayed about two minutes to make sure that it worked and left...it was already extremely cold in there...got down to 30 degree last night...

I didn't even let him know that I made it home safely...

During some earlier TMs...which started about the kids and the pebbles that they earned at dinner he asked if he earned any...I said one...he said that he would have to try harder...

He admitted to being bitter in around about way and I said that it was pointless and a waste of energy...went on to say that we all make mistakes and it's the amends and swallowing the pride that's the hard part...he said that swallowing the pride was the hard part...I said that I agree...

And he came back with we live and we learn, we just have to apply what we've learned...I ended the conversation...

I'm going to take the next few days for me...rest, relax, visit some friends...

I don't know if I can make up my mind at this point...I really don't know if I want him back...I think about all the cheating on his part and my part over the last 15 years and I'm not sure...

There's no way that he's moving back into this house...one thing's for sure I'm following through with this D...-THAT- I'm certain of...

I was talking to my mom about it when she was down here and she said that my nonnie, SD's mom, Ded her H for a year then remarried him...I'm just not sure so I'm sticking to what I know right now...MY LIFE!!!

Thanks for stopping in, like I said I feel like I have a lot to process...and it was good to get it out this morning...you know you think that you will never see the day that the A ended and I waited what seemed like forever...now, I'm just not so sure...

Well, That was STBX calling me to let me know that they made it through the night without freezing and to "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" (His words!) Said he was going get propane right now...30 sec convo...

Well, I have to get to work and I'm not finished getting ready...just had to get some stuff out...

OH, BTW, I've been keeping up with your thread, just haven't had anything to say...just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you...

Rin,

Just remember to ask for what you need, no matter what. If he can't give this, then it's not worth the uphill battle.

It's crazy, ain't it, this whole affair mumbo jumbo...

Morning SL...YES, the whole A thing is crazy...

That's the thing that I need to think about...WHAT I need from him...I'm really not sure right now...that's part of what I need to process...with my mom being here and my trip I haven't thought about it...

I know that being around him last night I sure didn't feel love for him...MOF, I was pretty quiet, mostly talked to the kids, laughed and played with them b/c that's what was comfortable to me...

STBX even asked What was wrong b/c it looked like I didn't want to be there...TBH, I don't even remember what I said...I think I said no, I was fine...

I think the main thing is that I don't feel comfortable with him right now...not in a bad way like being scared of him or anything like that...it's that protection factor that weighting in alot...I've got my guard up really high, especially NOW that They "broke up"...does that make sense?

It was up before but even higher now?

RIGHT NOW, I can't EVEN imagine living with him, kissing him or anything else...

I do know that I need some space right now...I need to think things through...I plan on going to a meeting tonight, talking with Spon., talking to you guys here...stay focused on me... keep my head clear...

Okay...got to get some work done! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow, what a turn of events. I echo what James said about the 2 year time frame.

I will be praying for you, that God will give you the direction you need at this point.

If you were able, what you would think of talking with Dr. H about this?

Well.. to be honest I think you're doing the right things.

Though you are having conversations with him, and he's starting to open up, and at least talk remorse. We do know that actions are what we're looking for, not words...

HOWEVER.

Choosing to follow through with the D is certainly your choice, and I don't think anyone here could fault you for it for even a second if they've read through your sitch.

Let me ask you this though, would it (if you choose to seek reconciliation) hurt then to put the D on hold? Can you do that in your state? If the term is for him to make it a year, can you just postpone the D for that long? If he makes his progress in that year then drop it altogether?

I'm not saying rush into anything if the A 'ended' just last night.. you know there's going to be withdrawl.. you know there's going to be ups and downs, and having a D on hold can very easily be handled improperly and used as a manipulation tool.. you'd need to be very vigilant about that.

His comments about living and learning, swallowing pride.. they're one of two things, indications that he's done some serious soul searching.. or he's trying to find a soft place to land. You're the only one who can 'see' which of those two it may be.. and certainly you'd be well counseled to give him some time to heal on his own, without using you as a crutch.

If you -are- interested in the possibility of reconciliation, now may be the time to start being completely open and honest with him (unless you think it would hurt you in the D). Let him know how you feel about the things he is doing and saying.. let him know where -you- are at.. and if you haven't.. show him the road home. You obviously already know, but he's going to have to realize that it's going to take time... care.. and patience.

Well, I can tell you this...he's not going to get any sypmathy here...the first thing I thought of when I walked into that camper last night was: He needs to live in here for six months to experience what it was like for me and the kids...

I certainly know that I haven't forgiven, just the pain has gone...the triggers have...the dreams of him and OW...

I haven't forgotten...

As far as being O&H with him...I can on SOME things right now, others he doesn't need to know right now...he has to earn trust before I put myself out there...thus the protective barrier...and I have let him know where I am...I am following through...

I have has a history of reniging when I say I'm going to do something...it was hard to put my foot down...I was so afraid...I will see this to the end...FOR ME!!!

Then, no matter what happens or who I M, I will have a real wedding...compared to what I had...MY DREAM!!! The wedding dress, the cake, the dancing, nothing big...MY FAMILY THERE!!! I didn't have a soul of my family at my wedding...I was 5 months pregnant...IT SUCKED!!!

yes, withdrawal...I don't think that he's healed from me yet...from what he said about being bitter...

Past history tells me not to expect a DARN thing...and that's what I'm sticking with...