1. I am damn good looking
2. I am great with kids.
3. I have a way with people.
4. I am persistent in accomplishing my goals.
5. I am a great father.
6. I am a great husband.
7. I keep my life in perspective. I am no more or less important then anyone in this world except to the people who know and love me.
8. I am an intlegnt, intalegent,itelecutual, oh a smart guy with a great sense of humor.

1) I raised wonderful young men.
2) So, I'm a GREAT mother.
3) I'm fun-loving, lots of FUN.
4) I am talented in MUSIC.
5) I am a peacemaker.
6) I live a Christian life. I love the LORD and PRAISE HIM.
7) I am intelligent and well-read.
8) I am "PRETTY" inside and out.

Thanks for the opportunity, RIN..

That FELT GREAT!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

1) I am closer to God than I ever was before.
2) I am far more patient than I ever thought I was.
3) I'm stronger than I gave myself credit for.
4) I'm ok for the first time with not being 'right' all the time.
5) I'm devoted to my wife and children.
6) I work hard at my job and enjoy it.
7) I am a good cook.
8) I am a talented musician.

WOW, SG! YOU ARE TRuELY AMAZING!!!! pat yourself on the back! 80lbs., a growing R with your HP...WHOO HOOOO!!!

how bout' thinking of yourself as a WOMAN, not a girl? And you don't like boys, you like MEN, REAL ONES, WHO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT AND ALL THOSE OTHER GREAT THINGS!!!

Think it and you will believe it! think it often! Write a note! Spray paint it for all I care! LMAO

As far as my story, I need to post a link to the orginial...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'll be a vet before long! LOL

LMAO...THAT's why we get along!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Two peas in a pod...good looking, sense of humor, great parents...

How's the wifie by the way? I'm all about some babies...OP's that is... LOL...When she due again?

This month!! WOW!

Mimi, you are more than welcome! great moms think alike..it's that what they say...i aspire to be more like MIMI... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

james- Good stuff man...you and Mimi got that music stuff going on...

i'm a singer...I LOVE TO SING!!! BUT I haven't worked up to singing in front of a crowd or anything...high school thing...I WAS in the chorus...

I'll be so glad when I get home today...it's an interesting day here at work...

oh, I did go to the bookstore but EO, they didn't have a copy of that one on hand so I'm going to order it...I did pick up a few other ones...five total...two more al-anon books, a co-dependent one and another on emotional abuse...

Hi, I have had several of you mention reading my story so I have created a little sumthin, sumthin to make that easier...

besides, I need to go back and read some stuff myself...

I want to go back to that time in my life b/f I left and look at that...

I hope that it helps someone...

Well, STBX, TMed me this afternoon, I just realized it was there...asking me to kiss the boys for him...

I thought about replying but I really have it in my head that's not in the best interest here...

So I let that go...

I have the kid's report cards that I need to copy for him, I'll figure some way to get it to him without seeing him...

I know that he's going to try to push the envelope right now and I just have to stand strong...

Rin!!!
You are sounding like yourself again... I am SO HAPPY!

I will also get on the '8 things' parade...

1. I love that I was able to recover after my D, and become ME again
2. I love that I now know HOW to have fun, whether it be with my kids, or friends, or by myself
3. I love that I have been able to transform myself to be TRUE to myself
4. I love that I judge people on how they ARE, not how much money they make, or what color they are, or how much school they have
5. I love that I am loyal as heck to people (THAT DESERVE IT) and they are just as loyal to me
6. I LOVE the fact that I can tell my family members that I LOVE THEM, even though that is something that is normally "not done"
7. I love the fact that I am doing just fine without my EX, and that I have made changes in my life that have caused me to be happier (like get a new cat, when the EX would NEVER have allowed it)
8. I love the fact that my girls are seeming to be fine, and that they have adjusted ok to the D. I think that I did a good job with it.

There, there is my list....

Continue on, dear Rin!

MO

YOU ARE RIGHT. I am WOMAN and I like MEN, REAL ONES. AND ONE DAY - G-D WILL BLESS ME WITH ONE. AFTERALL, I AM A GROWING, WELL REDUCING IN SIZE PROVERBS 31 WOMAN.

Ok, I KNOW about this. In my district we have a database program that allows for family access to grades, etc. Do you know if you have something like that? Or you could ask the school to give you a copy, hand them an addressed envelope and ask them to send it. I do that for parents in my school when prompted.

Thanks Mo!You could be next on my visit list! LOL

SG- Good JOB!!! On the report card, we just started with the program on the computer, I'm going to bring it to work and make a copy then it will I guess have to wait until he drops of the kids or I'm wondering if the school will email it to him...is that possibile? It would only be OS's, YS's was still handwrote...kindergarten...

I've given him the forms to change his address but he hasn't done it yet...he would have to get a P.O. box...I can't make him...

Well, off to bed, I was headed that way earlier but got caught up in something...like normal!

If they are putting the grades online, then yes they could email him a copy. Or they could scan a copy of the report card and email it that way, or if the teacher is doing the report online, they could or the office could convert it into a pdf file and email it to him.

Or if none of that is possible, ask them to make a copy and leave it in the office for him to come by and get. If you are in Plan B, have the intermediary let him know he can pick it up.

My office will help anyone out as much as we can. Of course, Starbuck cards go a way longer way, but seriously talk to a secretary and ask her what options are available.

Rin,

As SG says, talk to the school about options on getting him the grades. There is the option to let HIM worry about it, you know?? Chances are he isn't even aware it's that they are getting their report cards. Just send a copy with them next time he is scheduled to have them. Don't overload about it.

Good job not replying to the TM!!

Morning bugs! I'm just going to make a copy and be done with it! Like I have in the past, b/c you're right, he's probably unaware of it being report card time...

I have been reading back over my threads since Chris recommended it and a few people have asked about my story...

Now, that I see how ENs relate to me and actually sat down and figured out which ENs STBX fillfulls for me, not to mention putting the "wanting what's BEST" together...then reading a section in this new book, on Second best...

I'm working hard on coming to terms with the fact that I have settled...from my POV, he did too apparently...but he's neither here nor there...his stuff...not mine...

Fact is he could met my needs but it wasn't to the way I needed them to be...ALL THE TIME...and for a GOOD, GREAT M, I need that ALL THE TIME...not just half the time...or half @ss...

I haven't had any desire to call or contact him...no loneliness feelings...not unhappy feeling b/c he's not around...nothing like that at all...Mimi mentioned that I would have to go through withdrawal again and I'm looking for that stuff...

thing is I am happy with him not being around, I'm not constantly waiting for the ball to drop, when am I going to stop getting what I need...like I was waiting to see when he was around this last time...I didn't know what I was looking for at the time but when I saw it, I knew...

I always said that he was "never" there for me...partly true...he was there for me HALF OF THE TIME...and when I really needed him it was half of what I needed, or not the way I needed so it wasn't good enough for me which set the ball in motion for me building anger and resentments...my bad attitude affected him and the dance began...same thing with his stuff I'm sure...

Sugarland-Settlin'
(Tim Owens/Jennifer Nettles/Kristian Bush)

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together
For Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Lookin' like another "maybe we could be friends"

I been leavin' it up to fate
It's my life so it's mine to make

I ain't settlin'
For just gettin' by
I've had enough so-so
For the rest 'a my life
Tired 'a shootin' too low
So raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin'
For anything less than everythang (yeah)

With some good red wine and my brand new shoes
Gonna dance a blue streak around my livin' room
Take a chance on love and try how it feels
With my heart wide open, yeah, you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Who changed her mind and changed the world

I ain't settlin'
For just gettin' by
I've had enough so-so
For the rest 'a my life
Tired 'a shootin' too low
So raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin'
For anything less than everythang (yeah)

Needless to say, I liked this song b/f the past wekk but it means something deeper to me now...in the past I have questioned whether or not I settled for him, and now I have the information to say yes, I DID!

I think that I did my best, tried to talk to him about it, figure out what the problem was, make the changes, but it never lasted or I just felt that I wasn't heard that it didn't matter...

So this morning, I'm not down in the dumps but I'm not smiling happy either...I'm just kind of...hmmmm....blue...and that's okay...I'm good with that...

Rin,

I don't have much to add to the wise words that others have posted. Just some love to send your way.

((((Rin))))

Morning SL! I hope that you are doing well in your recovery...

I wrote a little note and posted it to my computer this morning so that I can see it everyday...

It reads: You settled the first time; don't make the same mistake! You deserve the BEST!

I'm almost finished reading this book called: Encouragement for the Emotionally Abused by Beverly Engel

It's a really good little book and I haven't wanted to put it down...it looks at our childhood, the messages that we send, and just encourages...

I see why NEDC said I need to work on me and no deal with another R, and you know I'm okay with that...I really don't want anyone in my life right now...I kind of like it the way it is...I like having the closet to myself, cooking whatever I want, not having to share my space, and all those little things that I have come to love...

I'm not feeling blue as much as I was, it wasn't a BIG blue feeling anyway...I can't "punish", for lack of a better word right now, myself for something that I didn't know I was doing...

I went from the abusive home straight to college...in a R to R with STBX...and I realize that I was trying to stop enabling a long time ago b/c it just wasn't working for me anymore, but there was no reason for STBX to change...like Frog said he had it made...I created that from the beginning b/c that's what I was taught...women generally are...

STBX actually encouraged me to visit my family that was local, encouraged my to dress better(I took that the wrong way!), encouraged me to made friends (I felt I couldn't, didn't know where to start, was afraid to go places, etc.)...

I'm still looking at the voilence that occurred at the end of our M...STBX had a strong belief in not hitting women, i think that was b/c he had to protect his mom a few times, but I'm not really sure he didn't talk about his childhood alot...

I think part of my fear was a result of my childhood...there was one time when things got out of control at my home growing up and my SD had me pinned to the wall with his hand(s) around my throat...that was a really bad day...my mom took the phone and raked it across his chest...I think he was drunk but I don't remember...later he came to me and said look what you did to me...I said I didn't do that your wife did...he had some pretty bad cuts across his chest...

There were a few other times when him an I got into it...I think that part of my fear with STBX and what he was doing played into my anxiety of the sitch and what he was doing...I remember not being afraid when he punched the wall...I remember telling him that I would not be afraid of him any longer and what I meant was speaking my mind...afraid of him being angry...I didn't want to back down just because he was mad at me...

I wasn't afraid when the glass broke and things went flying across the room...I remember saying in a very calm voice that I was not going to clean it up...

Now with my books, I remember the fear I had that he would take then away, hide them, burn more of them, so for some time I was hiding them, taking them with me...books have always been precious to me...I have used them as a means to escape in my childhood b/c I felt that the only way out of my environment was to go to college...

Talk about turning a bad sitch into something good huh?

I'm not excusing his behavior, he should not have done the things that he did...I'm just trying to figure out if I let my fear get the best of me...of course, it did propel me to leave and that has worked out...I was truely afraid of Plan B...

I knew that I could care for myself and the boys...but that didn't stop the fear...what would people think played into that too...I was afraid to leave that was the hardest thing I have EVER had to do...it was truely standing up for myself and saying OKay, I've had enough and I can't take this anymore...standing up for myself was sooo extremely scary...

And I have to wonder why? The answer I get is because when you have stood up for yourself in the apst, you were "forced" to do what you didn't want to do and standing up for yourself didn't matter so why should it matter this time...what I wanted was unimportant...I was taught this...all of the fight was taken out of me as a kid and that didn't change until recently and I struggle SOOO much with that...

I'm worth standing up for myself...if I say no, then I mean no, and I have to stick with it and not back down...

Out of all the wonderful things about me this is the hardest part...this is the one thing that I have to work on more than anything in my life...

When I left, I did it for my kids b/c I had a hard time doing it for me...i was more afraid of staying then I was of leaving... fear propelled me...

So, I'm feeling pretty good about what I've shared...i want to look at where I'm minimizing the end of our M...I need to do that for me...I need to know the truth...

I find it helpful to STAY OUT THE PAST and to BE HAPPY in spite of my unhappy childhood.

I don't think about it anymore because it interferes with MY PRESENT...making a NEW SELF..a NEW LIFE...

I do have an OBSERVATION. He BURNED the books. He could have just thrown them away or taken them away. The BURNING PART would be SCARY for ANYONE! Doncha think?

yes, that was the day I announced that I was thinking about a separation...he asked why and I said that it was because he refused to give me NC, and didn't want any part of MC...

I left and went to the park...there was some Tming...I don't remember what, then someone called the other and that's when I found out my books were burned...I couldn't wait to get home to see if it was true...

he felt they were a threat...man hating books...MOF, I didn't go straight home b/c I was avoiding him, but I did past by the house on the way to town...I was going to the bookstore...he saw me and followed me so I stopped the car and we talked...he asked where I was going...I told him...

He wasn't happy but he was on his way to work...still working night shift...when I got home...I gathered the evidence and put it in a ziplock bag, put it in my car and kept it at work for the longest time...until I gave it to my Lawyer as proof...I felt that I had to hold on to it and anything else I could b/c no one would believe me...

WEll, STBX doesn't even have to be around to LB these days...and it completely wipes everything I was feeling out of the water...

I got a letter in the mail today from about his truck note...guess he's in a bigger bind then I thought...the truck will be in repo mode this coming Friday if he doesn't come up with $1247 dollars...the last time it was paid was 11-27...

There's no denial in that for me...I NEED to feel secure and he can't provide that and I'm fixing to kick his butt in court again with the settlement...also, NO CS today...

Then had the nerve to TM and ask how we were doing and what the boys were up too...so I fixed that...I had the boys call him...then I was nice enough to speak with him and DROP the bomb on him...only mentioned the letter and the mail he has here with his copy...he said something about coming by tomorrow...I said that it was outside all day today in case he dropped by....

No mention of CS from him, so I hung up! I'm pissed and I want this settlement over with even faster, that truck is in my name too...I WILL BY CALLING my lawyer Monday about the CS and getting that paperwork on the house over as quickly as possible!!!

I'm up to par now baby! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow, Rin.

Catching up with you rthread makes my head spin! You have been on one heck of a roller coaster ride.

What ever happened to detachment, disentanglement .... seems like STBX is pushing a lot of your buttons recently, first one way then the other. You've gotta get those buttons back under your own control, girl. His behavior, his problems, his issues, his calls, his txts .... they're supposed to be losing their control over you. Hopefully getting back into some Plan B darkness will help that a little.

Been thinking about you.

-AmI.