Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 129
K
khb5 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 129
h is v.p. of co they work for and he freaking that if ow h calls me back ,he'll go to co. and make big trouble. my whole being said he needed to know the skinny on his w but looks like maybe i opened a can of worms .she must have called him this morning . she's not in our state so they don't work day to day together . now don't know what to do if guy calls me .

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058
KHB%,

When he calls, tell him what you called him for.

Your H won't be "MAD"; he'll be FURIOUS!

The conversation will go something like this: (Only giving his lines because you don't really need to reply to his tirade)

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"He's gonna call the company and stir up trouble there."

"I was going to give you a chance and try to work on the marriage, but after this...no way!"

"You just blew the only chance you ever had."

"How can I ever trust you again?" (I still laugh at this one when I hear it)

"Great! Now you've ruined their marriage, too."

"You shoulda kept your nose out of it. I would have handled it." (Yeah...he'd have found a way for it to go deeper underground.)


He'll probably say a bunch of other things, too. All of which are simply a bunch of hot air that means nothing of significance in the grand scheme of your marriage. Your marriage can survive his anger but cannot survive a continuing A. It's all just gaslighting on his part.

Just so you know..anyone who ever exposed their S's A to OP's S has heard nearly the same things, just about word for word. As you listen to him try to remember that you already know what he is likely to say. Also try to focus on the absurdity of it rather than it's content, since at least then you'll see it for what it really is. Listen, pause and think..."You should have thought about being sued when you started this tryst with a married woman you work with..." (If it will make you feel better, add "Moron!" to the end of that....Don't say it out loud, you don't need to out shout him to be right.

Just trying to let you know what's coming and that we've all been through it. It will pass. It will pass faster if you can ignore it rather than respond it it and turn it into a shouting match.

Mark

PS If you expose to the company, it won't be so much of a shock to them when OWH calls to file a lawsuit...

Last edited by Mark1952; 08/02/07 08:48 AM.
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 186
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 186
khb5 - good job on exposure khb5 !!!!!!!!!! stand firm, you can do it!

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 129
K
khb5 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 129
thanks for conversation preview mark ! I can hear him saying exactly those things . when u say ingore ,do u mean him telling me not trying calling ow h again ? how do i evn know he heard message last night anyway ...could be h and ow telling me that thinking i'll believe my work is done . guess i just try again tonight .
i' sick of all this and only been 1 wk. can't complete anything this morning ...walking in circles and feel like i'm tripping
thanks for your encouragment

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 94
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 94
You probably should make sure you talk to the OW husband. That way you know HE heard you. THe message wasnt deleted or anything else thats possible


Me - 26 & Hubby - 27
In Love since 10/99
Married 6/01' - love our 2 sons ages 4 & 6
Problem: Communicating & Making Time for Our Marriage.
Status: Started Recovery June 11, 2007 -Our marriage is happier & stronger then ever - It's been a year and we are SUCCESSFUL!

Completely head over heels in love with my romantic hubby
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
Khb5, the OWH is your best friend right now!!! Talk to him!!! This is the single best piece of advise I can give anyone in this situation. Yes, your WH will be angry and so will OW. But as a team, you and OWH have a lot more power than either of you on your own. My OWH and I still communicate and still pass information back and forth, even though most of the nasty business has been settled. He knows things that I don't and vice versa. The truth is out there - he can help you find it.

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 129
K
khb5 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 129
thanks tabby ...left message but he hasn't returned my call . she probably intercepted .and don't know where he works so will porbably try again this evening. would even try this morning but hate to call real early..would look like i'm desperate or wacky LOL .not sure of next step

just hate this whole thing
thanks for ur thoughts

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
Yeppers OWH is your best friend and definately won't be hostile towards you as your husband might have you think.

I called OMW and we have had many a good conversations through our crisis. Mine is taking a different direction than her's, but it broke up the affair nevertheless.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
2 members (2 invisible), 42 guests, and 51 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mwid, Shepherd, alg, Pelican89, SRL
71,672 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,525
Posts2,322,541
Members71,672
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5