Both she and her WH had an appt. with Steve this morning...

Limbo,

I look forward to hearing the outcome of your session...

MEDC:

Because I sooo love him, I will say my H IS A GOOD MAN...who fell down and got up....What a GOOD MAN..to be highly respected by ME for that..

I know you have your opinion about this..

I respect that...

I say this out of LOVE AND RESPECT FOR MY HUSBAND...not speaking about anyone else...

Sorry for the T/J...back to LIMBO...

Mimi, I know your view on the subject.

I see your post with the ending "AGAIN" and I read MEDC's post and know that you two often don't see eye to eye on this one. I fall in the middle. I believe that good people can make mistakes, sin, come up short, in fact I know it. Perhaps your FWH was one of these that made a terrible mistake, judgement, choice and has lived to regret it and make ammends for it. I think this is possible.

But, I do agree with MEDC that some WS's behavior, actions, choices, inaction, thinking, et al leave one to wonder just whether or not this person was all they were cracked up to be when we married them. Maybe we saw them for who we wanted them to be, not who they really are. After we are cheated on there is a tendency to hang onto the person we married or so thought we married in order to not have to look too close in the mirror at ourselves and our own decision making. I do believe there are those WS's that simply aren't worthy to be married to and for some reason we chose them, made excuses for some of their behaviors over time, looked the other way, etc in order to peacefully co-exist until the point the "true self" made their appearance in the form of an affair and the WS destruction, blame, gaslighting, abandoning, etc of the family for another person, lifestyle without regard for anyone else including the children they help sire. This kind of WS is one I believe that didn't just make a mistake but just got tired of covering up who they really are.

mimi,


I'm responding to this comment from limbo:


If she was still undecided....I wanted to encourage her to participate.

Limbo,

Hope your day has gone forward with hope and promise for you, whatever that may be. You are strong, and it's time to be strong for you, whether he comes along for the ride or not.

Best Wishes

(((((((Limbo)))))))


FTS

Hey Limbo,

Been praying for you all day.

Acey <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, everyone.

We did both have the appointment this morning. I think it was helpful. We are to speak with him again on Monday.

In the meantime, H has some things to do. SH told him that he has a tough sale to make (or something like that) to convince me to stay.

Not much more I want to say at this moment, except please continue in your prayers. Thank you.

WhoMe, Yes, Dc is hot and humid, but I am so happy that 20 plus years after living here i am so much healthier that I am more comfortable than I used to be in this weather.

Hey Limbo,

Glad you both got to talk with SH.

Hope H takes a serious look at what is at stake.

How're you doing?

Acey <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Look at you...handling the humidity and everything else...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Not as far as No Sweat, but close?

Yeah, I'm bad. I'm bad. You know it.

Prayers are powerful, aren't they?

You really are not who you were before, in many ways. You are new...are you feeling that way?

LA

Hi Limbo,

Hope all's well. Haven't heard an update today.

How are things goin'?

Acey

We have had lots of touristy days, showing the boys (especially DS13, who has never been, and is unlikely to be capable of travelling with a school group) the sights.

H is acting as if he means it this time, but who knows? I am not allowing myself feelings. I can't.

But I am getting through the days, mostly. Not having meltdowns, and trying to limit the LBs.

Hi Limbo,



I thought the same thing every moment of our 10 day vacation. But I took solace in the fact that he was there with me, saying the right things. And we were reading MB books at the time....I think it was Love Busters. How appropo......that's how we made it through those 10 days.



Protect your heart....very needed at this time.



Glad to hear you're doing OK, under the circumstances. LB's will bite back eventually so it's good you're able to keep them under control. I'll keep praying for your 'semblance of peace' to continue. What time is your appt. on Monday with SH?

Thanks for making time to check in.

Acey <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Acey,

Appointment is 8 am central Monday morning. I asked H to wait until we talk with SH again before sending her any message. He has not to my knowledge made any efforts at contact while we have been away.

Thanks for checking in on me!

Why would he think D-Day #5 would be any different from D-Day #4? What are you doing that is different? Moving could send a clear signal, but nothing you say -- no matter how angry, no matter how hysterical -- will matter. What will matter is what you do.

I agree with Plank (below). I'm coming up on surgery #4 (old injury) due to physical abuse. I understand the difficulty that you face. We all have our different abilities to tolerate. I certainly acted like someone having a nervous breakdown on D-day #1 and one of our children nearly died a week later due to my carelessness, but I have been willing to tolerate lots and lots of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.

"Love endures all" .... does it really mean you live the way that you have? And what will be the consequences of your willingness to tolerate in future years? When will you have that heart attack?

Take care of yourself. Sometimes love means removing yourself from those who choose to hurt you.

Cherished

ILL,

I offer my sympathies for your finding yourself wandering down this tough road again.

If you never listen to anything that I have to offer but this, then please let it soak in.

You have to change the dynamics of your relationship with your WH. He has demonstrated through repetition that the chance that he is going to offer this to you is nearly as remote as never.

I’m an AVID MB’r, as I’m sure that most people that read my drivel would agree.

But in your situation, I would exact nothing short of a full legal separation with your H. He wants to treat you like a girlfriend, then fine. Make yourself a girlfriend.

But honey child, you are going to be one ****** of a powerful girlfriend when this is all over and YOU get to dictate some terms of your relationship just as he has done through lying, deceit, and trickery to this point.

He might be an addict? Oh, shut up.

I think that the dynamics of Harley’s program work for the most part because of the fact that they bring about a certain level of realized self destruction that the WS has to own during the plan A or plan B efforts of the BS.

All addicts have to hit rock bottom. Ask any counselor. Ask Mr. Harley if nearly EVERY SINGLE addict has to hit rock bottom before they can finally sink or swim.

Right now, I’m worried about you. You are a GOOD PERSON and you DESERVE better. Period.

Take the reigns. Look fear in the eye and do the things that you know are going to be good for you and your children.

I get to lay a bit of DJ here because I’m Plank and that’s what I do.

Your H is acting like a pompous [censored] and has earned the treatments of same until he can earn his way back into the ranks of the trusting or the dignified.

Best regards,

Hi Limbo,

How'd it go today?

Ace

P.S. Plank.....you're tough...but I think you're right! Also....love to hear your take on my analogy re: the MB Buffalo/Lion Attack video Chrisner posted on the Recovery Forum.

Thanks, friends.

Today was OK. A long drive/sightseeing day. We are n NY now for 3 nights to see DD20. Call with SH is tomorrow at 8 central.

I am not sleeping. Eating OK. Getting a lot of walking, so exercising. (Pedometers are great! )

HAving hard discussions late at night, every night. I am all over the place, one minute ready t walk out, the next, ready to let him try. Bottom line, I need to see change to stay. Presumption is that I must leave. But I have a few things to do for me forst before I can leave.

I have not given up hope, just that the facts are so awful, so over the top.

Hey Limbo.....been praying for ya all morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hope your SH session goes well. Not the ideal way to spend vacation, but at least it gives you time needed to do what you say you've been doing:


I can understand this "being in Limbo", but maybe that title of your thread was right (last summer)....maybe you do need a new name, new image of you knowing what you want and being able to clearly seek those goals.

I am guessing you do want your marriage. You just need to set/reinforce boundaries and your H needs to be remorseful and sincerely repent. There is a difference. I've heard it said that repentence can be merely lip service; it's the accompanying remorsefulness (I want to change) that really means you're on the road to recovery.


I'm saying this via post not email b/c I'm hoping to be corrected if I'm off.

And I say it in love because I care:

What if you need to change in order for him to change in order for you to want to stay?


On whose part, yours or his or SH's?


Your H may use this fact to his advantage. He's got you for now b/c of unfinished project(s) you need him and your M to accomplish. What if he discovered that you don't need him at all?


Again, I remind you that I say this because I care even if I may be wrong:

The facts of your scenario are no worse than many sitchs on MB. The issue is WHAT DO YOU WANT and WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO TO ACCOMPLISH THAT?

I also say this in love: You seem to have a bit of an overabundance of BS FOG.....natural occurance BTW.

Thanks for checking in and for giving me the opportunity to grow. Like I told sexymamabear, I want to learn so if 2x4s are in order, bring 'em on. I'm honored that folks care.

Ace

Hey, Limbo.

Thinking about you. Hope the session with SH this morning was helpful. Sounds like others here have the good advice part handled -- I don't have a clue what to say. Just want you to know I'm in your corner.

I still think that you are inspirational. Hang in there.

-AmI.

Hi all.

I may well be enmired in BS fog.

SH session was OK today. SH told H in no uncertain terms how dire the situation is. And then he told him he can take action to restore hope for me.

I said I currently have no hope, but am willing to act as if hope is a possibility for a limited amount of time.

h is going to write another NC letter. SH says email is OK.

H has named some precautions he can take and accountability he can give. He has been told to expect my head to go to every bad place and that it is all up to him now.

He is going to give me complete access to work email, have his private line changed or eliminated, and give me his cell phone and pager. He is going to let me read (not him) and delete any emails from OW. We are talking about moving.

And Sh tells us that everything we have done before,we have to do again, only to crank it up a notch.

So, suspending disbelief, I am acting in what I think is my childrens' best interest, and giving him one more opportunity. I really don't have it in me, and am running on fumes.

H's talk is more and more like he "gets it." If he doesn't,may God have mercy on his soul.