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Ha Ha.

The details grew over the weekend. Tonight, I promise <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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OK, so here we go. You will probably find that you can anticipate some of what what happened, after all it's in the script <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thursday when the kids came in the door I asked DS if he had already been to the school - he said no. Why should I have expected otherwise?

Anyway, we get to the school and walk to his class and who is already in there? Yep, WW is hard at work filling paperwork out already. I walk in with the kids and introduce myself and DS to his teacher (Ms. M). WW continues on paperwork. Ms. M is talking to us and I am asking questions, she speaks to DS and he is pulling his shy act. WW continues to fill out paperwork.

So I sit down and begin to look over said paperwork. Ms. M makes copies of several things for me and I start to look over what WW has already filled out. Meanwhile the kids are all over me, saying "Watch this Daddy" and so one, not even really interacting with WW at this time. So what WW did was fill out some of the info on DS, name, age, general stuff like that; but I noted that she always left the address info off. Also, on the emergency contact sheet, she made sure to get her contacts at the top first with MIL as the first one, and our neighbor second (the one whose DD she babysits).

I just filled everything out that needed to be done, did not say a word about anything, did not speak to WW. I added my own emergency contacts and figured I would come back and change the order ASAP. Once sheet was regarding how DS would be picked up in the afternoons, and also Ms. M inquired aloud about this. WW was quick to respond that she would be picking him up. I let that go, again not wanting to make an issue of it at that time.

Ms. M showed me where to drop DS off in the morning and where he would be picked up. WW did not go with us.

Finally we were ready to leave and the kids and I walked on out. WW was bringing up the rear.

So like I said, you probably anticipated all this.

Well on the way back from Atlanta Sunday, WW TMs me saying that DS is still not feeling well, sore throat still, and she would bring the kids to me at my house (there that is again) at 6pm, that DS needed medicine and I should get the prescription that DD got a few weeks ago for the same thing. Well funny thing, because they went to a birthday party Saturday and church Sunday morning (more on these in a minute) and suddenly he is too sick to go to church Sunday night? It gets better - DS asks if we are going to church, I say no becuase he is sick, he says he is not that is throat is not sore at all. And to look at him I would not say that he was sick either.

OK, so I need to back up a bit. Saturday, WW took the kids to a birthday party. Well, this party is for a single mother friend of ours whose oldest was in DS's class at school last year (her H had an A and they divorced). Well, her H thinks that she and I have something going on because we get together with some other couples and our kids play together - and he has even accused her of adultery - the whole thing is COMPLETELY unfounded. Well I sent her and another lady who was to be attending a quick TM that said watch out that WW and her exH don't get together and gossip (maybe that's not plan B but I can't afford to have crap like this come up Thursday). Evidently there was some drama along those lines - I don't have full details yet - but it seems something might be brewing. Do I need to plan to defense this or chalk it up to WW grasping for straws?

OK, so next thing deals with church Sunday. In talking with the kids Sunday and having confirmation from soem friends I talked to, seems WW took it upon herself to switch classes for DS. In the past, DS and DD have been in SS for the full two hours since they were in the preschool department. Now that DS in the the children's department he only goes to SS for 1 hour and is supposed to sit in worship service the other hour. In the four years we have been at that church (and even since WW left the house) we have attended the 9am service since it is the more contemporary service. Well, WW took DS to SS the first hour then they went to the tradtional worship service the second hour. DS was not with all his friends he was expecting to be with. How messed up is that?

I sent an e-mail to the GAL today informing her about how the start of school went for DS and I also gave her the same details above since I consider this a major shift in his schedule. And along those lines, the GAL finally called my references Monday. I am not sure how to take that - either she is behind ans rushing to get this done, or she has made her decision and is making the calls more to confirm her decision rather than perform fact finding. One person did relay back to me that she told the GAL that she would not trust WW to keep her DD now, despite the fact that we have been close family friends for about 6 years and had always exchanged babysitting favors.

Having said all that, for some reason I am really getting nervous about Thursday. Please keep me and the kids in your prayers, as well as WW. I just would like for God to protect my family; however He chooses to do that is up to Him.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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Hmm, seems this birthday thingy does work <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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LOL

Happy Birthday!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

Last edited by Marshmallow; 08/22/07 08:21 AM.
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Good morning! Happy Birthday! Hurray!

I'm sure that things are going to be fine...but I completely understand the nervousness!

You have been a wonderful father and will continue to do the best that you can...WHY? B/c that's YOU!


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Well, this day has taken a bad turn.

I got an e-mail from my attorney - WW is claiming adultery on my part, backed up by a PI report. She wants her attorney to amend her filing to now be based on adultery.

Don't know the details yet, but I spoke with my attorney and I maintain my innocence.

Seems like she is really grasping for straws now, but I don't know what to do about this especially since we have mediation tomorrow.

Help. I could use some guidance and/or comfort. Even a 2x4 so it would knock me out.

Last edited by IAPBS; 08/22/07 09:36 AM.

Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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Hmmm...the question comes up if she's got pics of you and the woman you'd mentioned in your latest post. Have you ever hugged that woman at any point? Or held her hand...the reason I ask is because its possible that a PI could have taken pics of something like that totally out of context of cheating...but the photos look incriminating as heck.

What do YOU think she's basing this off of?

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IABPS:

What is in the D record about her activities?

Alot?

Nothing?

Ask for the copy of the PI report.

And address it. Have a conversation with the named individual. Add her rebuttal to the case.

Why worry?

Mediation? IF WW wants to add THAT at this date? So be it. It just delays everything.

Happy birthday.

Sorry about the big fat crap sandwich on top.

LG

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What is the extent of the relationship with your supposed OW? Have you even been alone with her at all? It seems like a desperate ploy to me. I'm sure enough witnesses could easily dismiss those charges, especially since your WW is a serial cheater.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Oh, and remember....silence. Your WW is trying to provoke you out of your plan B again. Don't take the bait. I'm sure you'll get the adultery dismissed and win primary custody and then your WW will crash. This is a last ditch effort of a desparate woman.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Also,

Do not allow yourself to be alone with AOW (alleged other woman), and do not speak to her any more than you have to. Make sure everything appears on the up and up. Don't worry, your attorney will tear them up. There is no way that a PI could come to the conclusion that you are having an affair if all you have done is attended group play dates where the AOW is present.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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will answer ?'s later. Have to go take care of stuff


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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First, Happy Birthday!

Sorry WW chose to try to ruin it with the 'allegation'. Which, btw, is all it is, an allegation.

The other thing it is would be WW opening the door for you to enter all of the info and documentation on her Confirmed adultery. She's merely trying to take the offensive role to try to put you on the defense. Don't worry!

You have the MB Special Teams Squad on your side, not to mention total innocence,the Lord's protection, and being a great Dad!

Be sure to be cautious of anything that could be misconstrued and just go about your business.

You will be fine!


BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07

"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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E- from a legal standpoint, adultery would mean you were having a "sexual relationship" with this alleged OW. That would be very hard to prove since you're NOT. Circumstantial pictures alone wouldn't prove it either. My guess is it would take the circumstantial pictures along with testimony. Do you know anyone that would lie for her? I think she's grasping straws as well. As you know, you can CLAIM anything in a lawsuit. Proving it's another story.

I agree with Bugs about her opening the door about WW's adultery. What's good for the goose is excellent for the gander in this case.

I also agree you need to stay away from alleged OW for the time being.

BTW- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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PBS,

There are several things here worthy of note before you completely freak out and lose your mind.

First and foremost, there are only five legal grounds for divorce in your state:
# Adultery;
# Desertion for a period of one year;
# Physical cruelty;
# Habitual drunkenness, including habitual drunkenness caused by the use of any narcotic drug; or
# On the application of either party if and when the husband and wife have lived separate and apart without cohabitation for a period of one year.

As I understand it, you and WW were going for LSA, and she has upped the ante to divorce...and she had to pick SOME reason. Hmmmmm...you haven't deserted her or physically harmed her or been habitually drunk...and you two have lived apart but she was the one who left not you...that leave ADULTERY. And she doesn't have to particularly prove it in order to file, just have some basic excuse, and the PI report is exactly that excuse.

NEXT, also as I understand it, your physical evidence of HER affair is not overwhelming. Now you know as a couple that she did have an affair and she is the one who has physically and emotionally been with another man...yet your CONCRETE EVIDENCE to that effect is not stunningly concrete. Thus her (and really it's probably her attorney's) strategy is to mitigate HER affair by claiming you are the one who had the affair. In other words, muddy the water! Now, some of your documenting may come into play--all nights she was not home...maybe even some of the posts you wrote here on MB will document her actions and where she was while you were home being a husband and father!

NEXT, this may sound incredibly shocking to you, but I hope this is the DEEP AND FINAL last straw that actually convinces you that a wayward will not be "fair" and will not think of you when it comes to getting what they selfishly want. (BTW--I mean a wayward who is so lost in their fog that they're never coming out. Some waywards do eventually come out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) So often, as BS's we think something like this: "Oh my WS wants their A and is sort of selfish right now, but they would NEVER do that to me! They remember that I worked hard for our family and was a good spouse. They'll be fair." NO THEY WON'T!!!! A WS who is this deep into their fog will lay waste to whatever they have to in a scorched ground maneuver in order to get what they want!!! "So what if it breaks up the family? So what if it destroys my former spouse? So what if it emotionally abuses the kids? I am in control and I will get what I want!"

This is why we advise people to get their financials legally protected. This is why we advise people to secure their home and their children's custody. Not because we are trying to "be mean" to the WS or instigate legal fights, but because those of us who are "oldies" here on MB have seen the lengths to which WSs will go!!! So, although I know it feels to you like complete panic, I want you to trust us a little. Yes, this is scary--but NO it's not unexpected. This is her attempt to get you to react--this is her attempt to cover up her own affair--this is her attempt to get in a better position to get better child support and spousal support.

AND...it is time for you to batten down the hatches and truly defend your family. Now is the time to do what is wise and godly, and stand for the legal rights of your children and your family. Let Mortarman guide you and your attorney tell you what will put you in the best legal standing whilst also maintaining a strong moral grounding.
You can do it, PBS!!!

Your mama bee,



CJ

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BTW, MB'ers....

I have spoken with PBS, and here's the deal. The alleged person is that lady from the party this weekend (the one who's kids play with his kids) and it is a situation of "DUH--it didn't occur to me this might not look right" but at the same time, there were always kids present and/or other people, and yea--it's the ploy of a desperate woman because it can easily be proven a false allegation.

The issue is this (and I'm sure you can understand): now PBS is a little concerned about what we'all are gonna think of him. Yes, it was a newbie, dufus mistake to not think of it--but no there was nothing inappropriate at all. The problem is that it's a lot like an allegation of some sort of abuse--once it's out there the perception of the person may always be a bit different or sullied. Know what I mean??

So I can only speak for myself but I will say this. I've been here on MB for seven years. I've seen how separations and divorces go -AND- I've seen some of the nasty stuff that WS's will claim in an attempt to cover up their own wrongdoing. I don't really view you any differently than I did before except to say 'WHACK'...there's my MB 2x4. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Goofy move dude! Don't do that again!



~~CJ

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This is all I am going to say at this time.

The allegation is frivolous and desperate. I maintain my innocence. I am not an adulterer.

Just pray.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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See, E...it was a mistake, over and done with, easier to resolve...

There's plenty of support here...you're done great...IT WILL BE OKAY...

Equal to the same stuff POWS is trying!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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OK my friend...you know how I feel about this. Yes it may have been a "duh" moment. I've tried to not have those myself. Just know and have faith in your innocence. I KNOW you are innocent! I just think 2 certain people are just trying to plot something. Do you think she has actual proof? Or just speculation?

I think you've got enough credible witnesses to back you up.

Why do we have to play all these games???? It is making me sick on all accounts!!!! Why do we have to look over our shoulders and be nervous about friendships, etc when we know nothing is wrong?!?!?

Please don't let this get you down my friend. I know it's easy for me to say. Remember to look at that leg!!

We are all here for you & you know you can just ask.

Prayers are coming your way.

Remember too that she's got to grasp at what she can. What does she have???? Not much?? No job, no reason for the divorce, no anticipated alimony, etc. She's trying to make you look bad. I've seen God do some great things for people around me...I have faith it will happen to you!

I'd sing Happy Birthday to you, but can't afford the royalties on that! Just know I'm sending special birthday wishes to you!


Me, BS 33
Him, WH 33
Kids, DS3
Married July 23, 1994
DDay-11/24/06 (day after T-giving)said he was unhappy & left
2/7/07 -mutual friend (co-worker of his) hinted if I thought he might be acting "improper" I might want to get it checked out.
2/14/07 hired PI to check out his A with coworker, someone I know!
2/23/07 Solid proof of A from PI
Sta: sep, primary custody, he has visitation
1st Med: 9/5/07
2nd Med: 12/12/07
1/8/07, found out violated RO with DS & OW
DV-Day....2/5/08 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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Sounds like it's time to subpeona the cell phone and laptop to see who's really been committing adultery.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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