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I hope that you are feeling better and your b-day has turned around for you!

I've missed you today...you ARE going TO BE FINE!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

((((PBS))))


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Hello all..Nice to meet you.. I have been reading your replies and comments as PBS is one of my friends and I am apparently unbeknownst to me or him some kind of adulterous woman...I feel the need to defend myself since this is my character and integrity that is at stake here.

I know that none of you know me but if you did I am pretty sure that you would see where my heart is. I have been nothing more than an encouraging friend to PBS. (On a side note, I have tried to be the same friend to Kiliki as well…)

A few months back, I told him that I can not build back what she has torn down but that I would try to show him that he is a good, kind, carrying, considerate person. As a matter of fact, I have prayed Philippians 4:8-9 for him on several occasions. vs 8) "Finally , brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. vs 9) Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, ore seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you ".

My prayer has always been and continues to be that I am appropriate around him and for him. As well as I have prayed that God would work it all out for the two of them according to His will.

I am a single mom of 3 trying young boys (DS6, DS5, DS3) and when they are with their dad I soak up every second of my freedom and during that time some of it has been spent with PBS. This time spent I felt was good for the both of us nothing more than some good laughs and encouraging times. Please forgive me if this is naïve talk but I can honestly tell you that I have NO hidden agendas nor secrets nor anything to hide. I have even tried to be a friend to his WW. How else could I allow her to come to my DS3 birthday party and be able to look her in the eye? She could not do the same in return but I tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible and did not want her to feel left out.

Please know that I am truly sorry for any damage my naivety may have caused but I can unapologetically tell you that WE have done NOTHING illegal, immoral or Wrong!! And I stand by my innocence as well!!!

Thank you!!! The “Alleged” Other woman.. Lord have mercy.. I never thought I would have heard anyone call me that…I just divorced my husband back in February because he stepped outside of the marriage. I would not intentionally do to another woman what has already been done to me!

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THEBOYSMOM...I knew it was you when I saw that name! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Welcome!

As you know, I've only been here a few short months and am still trying to get into the swing of things. I don't know everyone that well, but know everyone has good intentions.

I honestly do not think anyone here is looking for an explanation or anything from you. I'm sad to see that you've been pulled into this mess.

I can vouch 100% for these 2. It is true that you only have a pure heart toward the situation.

I too thought it odd for you to invite her to DS3's party IF you were the "other woman"....HA! You were nothing but friendly, cordial. Didn't the boys even invite her over to the house afterwards? WHY on earth would you ever do that if you were OW????? Oh wait, "ALLEGED"...sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Like I keep telling PBS...we have to stand strong to know that in God's eyes we have done nothing wrong and that He is on our sides. These x's or soon to be x's are just trying to cause trouble.

I am so sorry that the 1st message you post here is trying to redeem your name! We are all just trying to be positive influences and build godly friendships. We're all going through the same thing and it STINX!!!!!

We all know the truth will prevail!!!!!


Me, BS 33
Him, WH 33
Kids, DS3
Married July 23, 1994
DDay-11/24/06 (day after T-giving)said he was unhappy & left
2/7/07 -mutual friend (co-worker of his) hinted if I thought he might be acting "improper" I might want to get it checked out.
2/14/07 hired PI to check out his A with coworker, someone I know!
2/23/07 Solid proof of A from PI
Sta: sep, primary custody, he has visitation
1st Med: 9/5/07
2nd Med: 12/12/07
1/8/07, found out violated RO with DS & OW
DV-Day....2/5/08 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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Hello, I agree with Kiliki, there's no need to explain yourself...this is just a WW creating a mess to draw the attention from her misdeeds...

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this mess also...I have heard about you guys and there's nothing to be ashamed of...

And you are right!! The truth will prevail...worrying is wasted energy...

It will be okay...

E, keep your chin up...WE KNOW BETTER...YOU KNOW BETTER...IT WILL BE OKAY!!!


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Thanks all.

Meeting with attorney this morning went well.

Off to mediation now.

Keep praying.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

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Hope all is going as well as possible. Prayers going up for you and yours.

((((IAPBS))))

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Just checking in to make sure the "real life" friends of IAPBS know not to ever make even the slightest mention of this forum to his WW or anyone who might tell the WW. If you do, IAPBS will lose this forum as a support system.

I'm guessing if the MB folks had known that IAPBS was spending a lot of time w/a single woman they would have advised him to stop. It doesn't take much of that to get people's tongues a-waggin'. If you're having to pray to make sure you are "appropriate" around him, then clearly there's a possibility of at least an emotional affair developing.

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Praying that your mediation goes well!


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I will have more later...after I hear how mediation goes.

My first guess is that this adultery ploy is to garner a better position in mediation. get you scared. My wife tried the same thing (and even worse...claimed child abuse!). And her attorney at the last minute tried to bully me.

Might have worked if I wasnt such an SOB! All that did was make me want to fight even more!

Anyway, let's hear your update and then I'll chime in.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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I don't feel like things went well.

I'll post more details later tonight.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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PBS,

Just remember...it's MEDIATION, not court. Mediation means that you present what you would LIKE (lay out your demands), she presents she would LIKE (her demands)...and then you'all try to negotiate and say "I'll reduce this if you raise that."

If you don't agree or if you think they're full of "hot air" and you have truth and evidence on your side, go ahead and go to court. At some point you can prove your side and her attorney will advise her to take the offer. Also, just so you know, people RARELY agree in mediation, mainly because WS's usually want no consequences for their choices and thus make unreasonable, unrealistic "demands"



~~CJ

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We did not reach any agreements, and I felt like I was on the defensive again. I know that (Like Dr. H says) mediation is just a way to facilitate divorce.

I even stated I felt like I was being punished for being the one who is working. WW stays home, works some little job, and presents herself as the better option.


I guess I did not work hard enough or do enough these last 7 months.

Not sure what the next steps are, will spend some time in thought and prayer this weekend.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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Details...???


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Mortarman - you've got e-mail.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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and I will say that the concept of plan B was used against me.

CJ as intermediary
"Reduced" communication
Me creating healthy boundaries for myself


All spun into something negative and as not being in the kids best interests.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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I'll check the email.

Who spun it this way? Her attorney? Who cares what her attorney says? That should be expected from her attorney. If you wore blue boxer underwear to the mediation hearing, expect her attorney to make it into a Federal crime!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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both GAL and her attorney.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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PBS,

At this point I'll say more to you off forum than on, but I do want to say two things here in front of everyone.

First, at this point I think Mortarman is going to be your best and strongest ally, and here's why. Not only is he wise in the ways of being strong and defending your family in the face of evil and court, but also he successfully saved his family and marriage. He may not be a lawyer, but he does have lots of wisdom about how to relate to the WW and the legal system.

Second, I want to strongly remind you of something, PBS. At this time, almost EVERYTHING done by WW and her attorney is going to be in an attempt to make you look bad and her look good. They will be going for the jugular, so if you expect that you won't be so hurt when they do that. She will lie, cheat, and steal her way into getting the courts on her side. I STRONGLY suggest that you do not stoop to her level, but rather maintain your morals, your integrity and most importantly THE TRUTH. Do not allow the assails of evil on all sides to throw you off the path. To do that, I want you to say this to yourself at least 20 times a day for a while: "Did she say/do that in order to get a reaction out of me?" I'm not talking about breaking plan B--I'm talking about "get under your skin, make you angry in front of others" kind of reaction.

Here is an example. My exH and I had a business. He was the computer guru, I was the office manager guru. He left the state for a year to live with the other woman, completely abandoning the business. I was left alone to try to run it as best as I could--yet the loss of the CEO is pretty devastating to a business!! In that time, some of our customers left because I did not have the PC knowledge he did--and some left because frankly they were his friends. But eventually I hired a kid and I got most of them back and it was building back up. Well IN COURT he was crying poor, he had no income, etc. and I produced documents that showed he had been earning $7k/mo in our business. Then he said, IN COURT, 'Well she destroyed the business and lost all our customers. I can't earn that now." Oh I wanted to tear his flesh apart with my fingers right there in front of everyone!! I wasn't the one who walked away! I STAYED and fought with angry creditors and angry customers and got most of them back!!!!!! HE harmed the business, not me!

He was LOOKING for a reaction out of me. He wanted me to react in front of the court so he could point a finger and say, "See how abusive she is? She's nuts" and he could discredit my version of what happened. What DID I do?? I asked for a bathroom break. I gritted my teeth. And through clenched jaw I said, "That may be your opinion of how our business diminished, but mine differs greatly. May I show you documentation of my version your honor?" And I was calm on the outside. I didn't react.

So PBS, you will have to learn how to NOT react to all her shinanigans. Let her carry on, and you just remain a calm rock. Let her actions, her lies, and her inability to prove her claims be her undoing. And you let YOUR actions, and YOUR truth, and YOUR ability to prove your claims speak for you.

Your mama bee,




CJ

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Fully agree CJ.


Happiness is not having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

WWPBSD?
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Did you ever go talk with Dr H or his staff and get their approval of your plan B?

I suggested this to you REPEATEDLY...the reasoning was simple. If you have the "experts" buying off on your plan, it makes it MUCH more difficult for them to 'use it against you'.

You need to start PLANNING YOUR BATTLES here. This was part of it.

If you suspect the enemy is going to use something against you, you prepare for that possibility.

I'll say it bluntly...you were given advice on how to avoid this, or at least mitigate it.

What is YOUR attorney saying in all of this?

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