First, let me say that I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers. Just knowing that I was covered in that way made be feel better about the situation and the outcome was what I expected it to be.

The MB site was thrown around a lot in the trial today, so I want to be careful of what I post here in case WW really does get on here and start snooping.

It basically boiled down to the fact that they had nothing that proved she was a paramour, and everything we had showed she was nothing more than a friend. End of case.

I think the judge's mind was made up very early.

I am gonna celebrate by going out with some GUYS from work and eat some wings.

As for the overall situation, WW proposed canceling the 3rd mediation session. I agreed - she ain't gonna agree to anything. I am going to seek sole custody.

Oh, and we do have some leads on some other items I don't want to give details about yet. Contact me offline if you want and I will share more.

IAPBS,

How were the wings? Did they have that special flavor of Victory added?? Hope you enjoyed your time with the GUYS!

I have no doubt the judge decided early on in hearing the facts that is was nothing but a load of youknowhat. They have little patience for these frivilous accusations. Any chance you might get the same judge for the custody determination?? That would be SWEET!!

I understand your reluctance to give much away if WW may be snooping around here. However, I have to ask if you can share in a bit more detail what you mean when you say that the MB site was thrown around??

Hope you have a great day today with this load off of your mind!

Hey Bugs,

yeah, the time out with the GUYS was great! The three of us went through 50 wings.

I would much rather spend time with my wife, but well you know how that is.

What I meant by "The MB site was thrown around a lot in the trial" was it was mentioned several times about my reading and participating on the MB website. I mentioned it in my testimony as did theboysmom.

You know, it boggles my mind that she would think that I would do something like expose our kids to a paramour. I know that is wayward thinking on her part and just shows how deep into the fog she still is.

Even though this small battle is over, the war still continues, and for that I am sad.

It's coming up on the 1 year mark since DDay #2. Needless to say there is some emotion stirring within me.

I know its not plan B, but part of me wants to confront her again. I am quickly getting into financial strain and dragging this out only gets more and more expensive. If she wants out so bad, then she can get out - I'm not holding on to her - just don't ruin my life and the kid's lives like she is doing.

I was looking at old pictures last night. She is a shell of the person she once was and that I fell in love with, and her heart is a shell of the heart that I knew within her.

My heart aches for me, for the kids and for her even still. That last bit of love is locked away.

I feel like I am slipping into just existing enough to get by. Not motivated to do any more than required.

Just hanging on for now.

((((((PBS))))))

I am so sorry that you are feeling the way that you are...

You are not alone in your grieving process...but I'm still sorry that you are having to deal with all of this...

It's okay to stay still for now...remember to breathe...take care of yourself...

You have been doing SOOO great and you are going to be okay...

You are getting through this with grace, charm, and intregity...you are a blessing to those that know you...you inspire others to move forward and you are certainly a blessing in my world...

You have made great strides and I know and see tht you can go the distance!!

God's speed to you and the kids!!

IAPBS,

Oh Sweetie! I hear ya! In fact, I am right there with you right now, I am sorry to say.

Yesterday, I felt exactly as you describe. I decided that I needed to let myself feel that way. I gave myself permission, for one day, to do nothing, to feel what I felt, to just sit and cry. Then I sat and stared. Then I just sat. I prayed in between times, but for the most part, I just felt miserable.

I made myself a promise to do more today. I put DD to bed last night and looking down on her angel face I knew I had to do more today than yesterday. I don't feel like doing it for me, but I HAVE to do it for her. So, that is what I am using to motivate me today.

Don't get me wrong,,, DD knew nothing of what I was feeling. I put on the Good Happy Mom face for her. I refuse to drag her down when I feel so horrible, but that sure isn't easy either, is it?

Rin said this,



I will certainly second that. You are a blessing to so many, especially your kids. I know they are your #1 priority, too. So, hang on to that. Hang on to being such a great Dad knowing that your kids love and need you.

I go between missing Drac so much I can barely move,,,,,to wondering HOW I could possibly care about someone who has done and continues to do so much damage to us all!!??!!

I don't have any answers, really. I just want you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. I know that we WILL be ok. It doesn't feel so much that way right now, but I am trusting that it will again later.

Hang in there my friend. I am thinking of you and praying for us both today!

Thanks Rin and Bugs for your kind words. I appreciate your encouragement.

I'll get a little me time this weekend while the kids are staying with her. Maybe a little college football in HD can cure my ills <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Also have to go into work for a project Saturday afternoon/evening but it will be kinda like a social event so that will be fun also.

I let myself sleep in some this morning and I am feeling a little better today.

PBS,
Sometimes, you have to just get by. Just tread water for a bit, remaining in the same place. It's not bad to catch your breath.

I found that each day got progressively better after a trigger or a Dday or anniversary or monday or whatever.

I would put on a smile for my son, try to play with him, get some TLC at the same time, just by giving him hugs or making him laugh. It wasn't a cure all, but it sure helped the time pass in a pleasant way.

Just wanted to provide an update to all my MB friends here.

Yesterday marked one year since my WW decided she did not want to be married and gave me a letter asking me to "let her go, let her fly, let her live." This milestone has been in my mind in recent weeks so I was ready for it, but still it was a trigger day.

Yeah, she's really free, really flying, really living now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


WW still continues to push the boundaries of plan B. With it being a modified plan B to allow for communications regarding the kids, unfortunately this happens. For the most part I have just been able to let her bang her head against the boundary walls, but with yesterday being what it was I got triggered by two e-mails she sent - one regarding a discussion on holidays and another on the continuing situation with BHOM.

Spoke with a good friend with a good ear last night and I am in a better place today. I'll get some "me" time tonight as the kids have their weekly overnight with WW.

Sorry for the slowness in updates, I am still being careful just in case.

Took DS to his counselor and WW and I ended up talking to the lady the whole time. WW said she wants to settle. She is worn down from fighting - and get this - she blames me.

I said I want sole custody, because the current joint custody arrangement has not worked very well. The minimum I will accept is joint with me being primary custodian.

All the other stuff is not so important. I just want the kids protected.

What did she say?

PBS,

Of COURSE she blames You! Who else is there to blame? Surely not herself?

I am not trying to be hurtful. You know what I'm saying.

You continue to be focused on the right things. #1. Your kids and #2. In direct support of #1, yourself!


We all know that the other "stuff" is not important, but set your mind not to just go quietly into the night on anything.

Now, I personally think there may be a glimmer there with her stating that she is worn down. It is a sign that she may be getting a bit closer to hitting the bottom,,,but she still has a ways to go with her continued refusal to accept any responsibility. Just let her continue that ride to rock bottom. It will still be up to HER if she wants to come up out of that hole as your W or as the WW. Nothing you can do but let it happen and protect yourself & your kids no matter the decision she makes.

{{{PBS}}}

MOrning! I hope that you enjoyed your night! I got your TM late! I'm glad that you got some rest...

YOU NEEDED it!

Hope you have a great day! Take care!

And of course, you know BUGS is right!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Bugs and Rin for checking in.

Bugs - I agree, she is closer to hitting rock bottom but not there yet. I get what you say about "blameshifting" and fully agree.

She is caught in so many lies she does not know what the truth is anymore.

I'll have more later.

Impatiently,,,,, tapping,,,, my,,,,,, fingers,,,,,,,

Sounds like there is a LOT more to this story?

You are killing me with the suspense!

I will be patient, however, in consideration of your concerns of it all being read, printed, used,,

Just wanted to let you know am thinking of you & the kiddos.

OK let me see if I can keep this to a short story rather than a novel.

She brought up so many things that I was able to easily refute. Many of the same things already discussed on my thread here on MB.

All of this was discussed with the counselor present:

She said that she wants this to be over. She is worn out and exhausted. BHOM is "terrorizing her." She blamed me for dragging my feet and dragging things out, that this is the reason she feels worn out and exhausted. She said BHOM is e-mailing her and calling her and coming to her house. I asked her to send me the emails - no answer. I asked again - she did not want to because I would use them against her. I don't think they exist. The last time I asked for the e-mails she supposedly had from BHOM she pulled the same thing. I told her to give them to her lawyer and then she could give them to my lawyer. Haven't seen the first e-mail yet.

I asked why could we not work on reconciling. Why do we have to settle for less than the best? She said she did not feel like doing it. The counselor said even though she did not feel like it now, that it would be something that we could work towards and see how it goes. She did not have to decide now. WW just kept shaking her head. I did say that if we were going to think about that, she absolutely must end all her affairs, and that it never happened in the past. She did not even say anything in response to that. The counselor agreed that was a "reasonable" request, and said something about me being able to put the past behind me. I agreed that I would like to be able to do that but in the proper way.

The counselor said something about joint custody rather than sole custody. I said that the current joint custody agreement has not worked and I was not inclined to try to continue something that has not worked between us.

WW brought up that I was not willing to work with her when she wanted to change the whole weekend schedule back in July so she could meet with a counselor herself on the weekends. This was due to the fact that this counselor also has kids and their weekends did not match up so that they could meet. I said, wait, I proposed an alternate solution where I would make alternate arrangements for the kids one day during the the week so that she could meet with the lady. WW got mad that I would not agree to her solution and NEVER brought it up again.

WW said something about me saying she needs to experiences consequences. I asked who she heard that from - she would not answer. I pressed a little and she still would not answer. I told her I know who I said it to (BHOM), and why did she feel the need to believe anything BHOM said to her when he is "terrorizing" her. Again, no answer. And I DO thing she should experience consequences, not in a vengeful way but in the way that God tells us that we reap what we sow.

She made a comment about me taking the kids away from their mom. I calmly explained the real story - she took them away from me for 3 weeks last year, the judge ordered them back home, I agreed to allow her to keep them during the day. I then agreed to allow her to have 1 night a week. How is that keeping the kids away from their mom? Then she says "I did not say you were keeping the kids away from me." I looked at her and then the counselor and said "Did you not just hear her say that?"

She said she did not get her subpoena to be in court for her hearing Monday, that it was supposed to be mailed and she never got it. Funny thing is - BHOM called me 2 weeks ago and gave me the dates and times of both of the hearings (the one for the RO and the one for the assault charge). If he knew of them that early why did she not know of them?

She tried to bring up that I was not concerned about BHOM being around the kids since I was welcoming him into our home. I set the record straight there too. I told her that I did not know anything about what BHOM was doing until after he had been to the house a couple of times, that she had not told me anything until lat Monday night (10/1). The counselor asked how she knew he was coming over, and WW said something about somebody informing her. I said "Yeah, it's the next door neighbors taking pictures of things going on at the house."

So she is thinking of going up to Virginia when her aunt goes back - thus leaving the kids with me again to deal with. She does not want them at her house - again for fear (real or made up) of her safety. She did not want them today - I had to make arrangements Friday.

As we are leaving, she hands me the RO which clearly shows the children are not covered, and like I said above she said she was "trying to get the judge to change that." She said she took a copy to the school to have on file. I called the school Friday and asked about it, and the lady said she did not understand why WW brought it up there since the kids were not covered.

As we were getting in our cars she asked if I would call her to "talk" - about what I don't know. Probably more blameshifting or about settling. She is supposed to be letting me know what she is doing and whether she will got to Virginia or not.

On the way home, BHOM called me and asked if WW had told me anything about him. I told him I did not want to get into it at the time, that I had too much on my mind. He said the police were looking for him again. Who knows what's going on there?

I talked to my attorney today - I told him if she takes off again I am putting the kids in daycare and even if she comes back in a week that I was not taking them out. he agreed. I told him I think the interrogatories that were sent was going to reveal a ton of stuff and that is why she is wanting to settle. The noose has been tightened.


So, where am I right now?

My heart breaks because my wife would STILL rather walk away than try to fix this. I still wish I could get her to talk to Steve Harley one time. I know I am in plan B, but I still want to try to reach out at this point, hoping that the fog might clear just a bit to reach her. From her words and actions I described above, I know that she is still pretty foggy and there is no remorse from her at all. I just want one more try (cue that 1990 song by Timmy T).

IAPBS,

Oh the ramblings of fogged out WW. I am sure you noticed as your wrote the above it is ALL about HER. Not the kids, not you, just HER.

Lord, there are days I wish I could be so selfish!

You are right, she feels no remorse. How could she? In HER mind she has done nothing wrong. She's fighting hard, hard, hard to keep up that fantasy and it's not working so well. As you say, the interrogatories are going to bring a very bright & harsh light to some truth that she doesn't want to face.

Remember, whast she does or doesn't do as a result of that is up to her and out of your control.

Wait & watch. Reaching out right now, IMHO, will only hurt you. You may get that chance some where down the road - but I do not see now as the time.

{{{IAPBS}}}

It's so funny that I can see all her babble for what it is, and that I have the truth to trump her lies. Truth always wins.

I am trying to get darker in my plan B. I don't think that here is any other way to deal with this.

There is a consent order is in process, stating that there has been a change in circumstances, that WW agrees I will not pay CS any longer, and she agrees that I can have them put in preschool/afterschool care.

This does not change anything else at this time, including custody.

My attorney said they will end over a proposal next week for everything else.

Spoke to my attorney yesterday, the consent order was signed by him, WW's attorney, and the GAL and he was taking it to the court house.

So I guess I can look at that as a victory, but I know that unless something changes we will all lose in the end.