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Ace, I'm late replying but thanks for the postive feedback.
Things are OK with me - the business is sucking me dry but that's par for the course.
When I think of where we *could be* if XH woke up one day and decided to repair and rebuild - we *could* have it all - we did have it all. I don't really have any personal debt (lots of business debt!), neither does he at this point because he killed his credit. Once GF left him he paid off his bad debt and closed his credit card account. The downside is his credit score is likely in the toilet and he has nothing to fall back on in an emergency.
My good credit is intact, I recently finished paying for my vehicle. XH holds the mortgage (for now anyway), but that's the only debt he's got, unless he hasn't paid up those old back taxes from our home country (dunno about those - they won't affect me unless I refi the house in my name if there's a lien).
Money is just money - like others, I'd pay every cent I own to change things and have a good marriage to him again. He's out of town now - instead of going to his GF's, he chose to go home to visit his parents - that's a good move on his part, IMO. I don't know what the "status" is between he and GF - but it's dying an extremely slow, painful death.
I keep hoping that maybe once she's out of his system completely (read: she finally cuts contact because she's found another ripe sucker...) he may reconsider things - I can't imagine that he could possibly think that life with me was nearly as bad as some of the things he's gone through with her (and that's only things I know about - God only knows what else has transpired that I don't know about). I don't know that he will, and I don't know that he won't. So I'm just carrying on doing my thing, keeping my head above water and making the best life I can for myself and the kids. If XH wants to catch up to us and join us down the road - that door is still open, at least for now.
I can't say I wouldn't have chosen to divorce him in hindsight - we were stuck in a horrible rut that no amount of effort on my part was able to "fix" - he had to choose to fix himself, and he only chose to do that after the fact. So perhaps it was a means to an end, and I guess if he's better now (for the most part - got treatment for his depression and became more functional again), then to some extent it was "worth it". It was the only way I could let him know that I was serious about enforcing boundaries - because nothing else was effective.
There are times when I wish I could turn the clock back, at least part of the way -but I can't do that. All I can do now is look ahead, learn from the past, and not repeat the same junk over. I haven't been the sharpest tack in the box either - I've made some stupid mistakes too.
Anyone in a state of marital conflict, or the fallout of a divorce, is in a sucky situation.
JinGA
F/40, DD15 DS13
M 1989
DDay his EA May 1998.
S Aug 2004.
D Dec 05. I filed.
4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R.
6/23/07 XH said no to R.
8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B".
1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day.
Ask me about Geocaching!
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Hi Flyrec, You are an inspiration. I hope you continue your individual recovery and have peace in all your choices. I married at 20, managed to get my college degree in 1999. I, too married at 20 and gutted out my senior year to get my degree. It's tough, I know. I had an EA in May - June of 1999. I don't know why, even to this day. If you read my Mr. Romance Sage attached to my sig line, you might realize you had an EA for the same reason I had several. (Actually, as you'll see, mine were different, and I called them AEA's.....you'll see why.) When I finally knew for sure, in June 2006, was when the depression really hit! I fell apart at work, couldn't stop crying, and my friends and supervisor there were wonderful! My first D-Day was also in June 2006. I actually did OK until D-day #3 7 weeks later. That was gnarly, but I learned to lie by ommission quite well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I took a major road trip during Thanksgiving with the kids, and it gave me a lot of time to think. It really was a turning point for me and I realized I could never change him, I could only change me. It was up to me if I was going to let this get me down, and be a bitter, unhappy person for the rest of my life. I chose to be happy. It's not perfect. I have my moments when I break down. But I see an IC and that helps a lot. I quit smoking the beginning of this year, and got a new job the beginning of the summer, and I love it! I'm working out, eating healthier, and no longer take the AD's. Good for you, FlyRec. It would be great if you started a thread on the Recovery forum to give others hope. One of your other posts (on your first thread, I think) mentioned a court date in Nov. Is that proceeding on track? So glad you found MB. Please make sure that you know what you want. Sounds like you are very confident, but if you have any doubt, make sure. Miracles do and can happen. Sounds like your personal recovery may involve a few of those. Keep posting, FlyRec and I'll post to your recovery forum thread if you start one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Ace
FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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JinGA, You said: There are times when I wish I could turn the clock back, at least part of the way -but I can't do that. All I can do now is look ahead, learn from the past, and not repeat the same junk over. I haven't been the sharpest tack in the box either - I've made some stupid mistakes too.
Anyone in a state of marital conflict, or the fallout of a divorce, is in a sucky situation. Yeah, it does suck, ....in all areas. But like Flyrec says, we each have the choice to be bitter, angry and full of hate......or choose to be happy and look towards the future....like you said, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And you're right, JinGA, money is just money. Relationships are priceless, even when they may seem to be worthless. As long as the potential is still there, it's got some value. Mine seemed worthless AND hopeless before the A, but we are now blessed that we appear to be one of the statistical couples who get to experience a better M post A than before. Of course, our M was so low that that's not saying that much....and we are both working hard for what we are finally experiencing. Thanks for posting. Ace
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Hi, Ace!
I read your story, it is pretty detailed! A lot of people on this site have way more patience than I do. Of course, if I had discovered this site a year ago and actually had a real plan, things might have been different. I was running completely on emotion.
What you said about the AEA was interesting. I guess our situations are somewhat similar. SF with my ex was not a problem til the last 3 years of our marriage. I guess I wanted attention and flattery from someone else. I think a lot of that came from low self esteem growing up. My father criticized me most of my teen years for my weight. He had the idea that all women were supposed to look like super skinny super models. I look back at pictures of myself at the age and realize there was absolutely nothing wrong with my weight or how I looked; it was just HIM!!!
My stepmom was critical, controlling, manipulative, jealous, bitter and resentful. There are issues there that started a long time ago, choices made which didn't involve me yet got taken out on me.
I met the ex at 18, and I think I was really trying to get away from my home atmosphere and belong to someone. I worked hard to go to school, having kids and living on financial aid and loans, and whatever employment my ex had at the time. I have always pushed myself hard to try to be successful. I guess I wanted to hear my parents say they were proud of me. My Stepmom has always been critical of me and how I raise my kids or keep house. She is very into a clean house, to where it's almost OCD. I still do not feel comfortable in her home to this day, like I shouldn't touch anything. She favors my boys and dislikes me and my daughter. I know now nothing I do will ever be good enough for her, so I do not go out of my way anymore. I merely tolerate her for my children's sake.
So, I think my craving for approval is what got me to the AEA. I even fight wih this now. But now my view of the male gender is very tainted, not just because of my ex, but also my ex SIL, who just threw out her abusive, drug addicted cheating husband, and a good friend of mine whose husband gave her an STD after visitng prostitutes! I try to focus on the fact there are good men there, like my brother who has very high morals and is an honorable man, and my Uncle and many on this site, but it's hard.
Thanks, Ace!
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Hi Flyrec, Glad to see you posted your own Recovery Thread on that forum. It will be a good place to vent and grow, even if few read or comment on it. I decided to restart (and rename) my recovery thread "Smiles & Trials II". I think you only have 60 days to edit and I like changing my thread subtitles. What you said about the AEA was interesting. I guess our situations are somewhat similar. I've never been without electricity or missing other 'survival' resources, but we are similar in our relationships. I have always pushed myself hard to try to be successful. I guess I wanted to hear my parents say they were proud of me. I was blessed to have very supportive parents even if both barely had 3rd grade educations. But they emphasized college and although I was fearful to attend, I also pushed hard to succeed and am still working in the field of my degree nearly 32 years after I earned my BA (double major). So, I think my craving for approval is what got me to the AEA. I even fight with this now. Admiration is one of my top EN's, too. I, too fight with overextending my efforts to please, just to receive validation. You have the potential to not only regain what the affair $ucked from you, but to accomplish far more. And.....on your way, you can encourage many who may have less dire circustances than you've experienced, but may seem more hopeless because they need to change their perspective. So glad you're posting Flyrec. Btw, how did you arrive at that name? I'm just curious. Ace
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KNITGIRL posted this on the 50 Something (+ or -) Thread (discussing retirement stuff) on the recovery forum but it's relevant to this thread, too. Knitgirl
Member,Reged: May 29 2007, Posts: 223, Loc: Midwest
Re: ****FIFTY-SOMETHING (+ or -) FRIENDS just shootin' the breeze ***So WHAT do YOU wanna be WHEN YOU GROW UP (AKA "Refirement") [Re: Ace_in_bucket]
#3293382 - Sat Aug 18 2007 07:59 PM
Thanks Ace. Nice to be here. I'd like to chime in on the retirement thing. WH and I both worked for the last 30 yrs., so built up a nice little 401K for us. I quit corporate 3 years ago, started a business in hopes of building a nice little retirement business for us - you know, something to give a little extra income in a few years. Well, guess what? That's all now going in the [censored] due to WH's wunnerful little A to a 2x bankrupt, 2xD gold digger. They're going to walk away with half of my 401K, so looks like I'll be working a lot longer than I thought. Yes, Affair$ $uck big time.
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Knitgirl Then FlameOut came up with an intriguing (sp?) idea that I'll copy here below. Ace
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Here's FlameOut's response: flameout
Member, Reged: Jul 20 2007, Posts: 100, Loc: NM
Re: ****FIFTY-SOMETHING (+ or -) FRIENDS just shootin' the breeze ***So WHAT do YOU wanna be WHEN YOU GROW UP (AKA "Refirement") [Re: Knitgirl]
#3293412 - Sat Aug 18 2007 09:38 PM
Hey Ace, Knitgirl and all,
I saw you’re talking retirement. Okay, I’m not 50 yet, but please don’t kick me out. As you said Ace, A’s suck years off of your life – I know that came from a BS, but it is true for the FHS as well, keeping in mind that we hold the responsibility for it in the first place (I don’t want to let that ever slip my mind). Anyway, I have a nice IRA that I rolled over from another company and a 401K from my current company. During the A when I was considering going with OW, I said before in my post that it was hard for me to think of retiring with OW, and I knew that all those retirement dollars were not just mine, but also FlameBacks, and for 24 years I had been picturing my retirement with her, not some other woman. I mean, FlameBack left college in junior year to put me through, she didn’t go back but she did say home to take care of our kids and worked really hard so I wouldn’t have to do as much since I worked two jobs (for a small time I had three, but that gets old really fast). Somehow I knew splitting the retirement income was not as nice as sharing it together, since we both worked for it. FlameBack was sick at the thought of OW getting a piece of it – it was bad enough that she got a piece of me, so to speak. I guess I never realized how much OW steals the life from the BS, and yet my OW had the nerve to say of FlameBack, ‘what did I ever do to her?’
Knitgirl – I’m sorry to hear about your 401K. That is not fair. There should be a law that if anyone has an A, they don’t get anything if they leave the BS, and in fact they should be charged a penalty or fine that the WS has to pay to the BS, like $1,000 for every month of the A and a $2,000 bonus for every 10 occurrences of SF with OW (or OM) and make it cumulative if WS has multiple As. Instead of criminal law, make it civil law. You know how they have prenuptial agreements to protect your assets before marrying someone? They should do the same if the other person has an A – have a contact regarding the financial consequences of taking that action. Let’s see, you could make it $500 per month of EA, then add $1,000 per month for length of PA then add the $2,000 bonus for every 10 occurrences – so I calculated mine. Wow. That’s a lot of money. Of course, if you did implement a law like that, then only rich people would have affairs. No one else could afford it. Or perhaps fewer people would admit to it.
See the twisted mind I have?
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_________
FlameOut
"Amoris vulnus idem sanat, qui facit. Translation: The wounds of love can only be healed by the one who made them". Syrus Publilius
FWH (Me) 45 / BS 45 / DDs 16 & 12 / D-Day 7-23-06 / NC 10-24-06 / Married 25 years on 8-7-07 Anyone have an inclination to enact new "Protection from the A" laws? How about an insurance policy regarding "asset preservation for the betrayed"? There must be a way to avoid what Knitgirl (and other BSs) are having sucked from their lives when BSs are the offended party. If none exits now, it should for the future. Any ideas from the legal minds? Ace
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Knitgirl, Member, Reged: May 29 2007, Posts: 226, Loc: Midwest
Re: ****FIFTY-SOMETHING (+ or -) FRIENDS just shootin' the breeze ***So WHAT do YOU wanna be WHEN YOU GROW UP (AKA "Refirement")
[Re: flameout] #3293549 - Sun Aug 19 2007 12:01 PM
Flame,
I like that idea, but I think it's too late for me. Most people only think of prenups when money is involved, but if I should ever do this again believe me, I will do a prenup on fidelity.
Yes, it makes me sick to think of how much debt he has gotten us into already (run up of cc's), and I know that he has given her some money too, but not sure how much. And if that isn't enough, we will have to split all assets including equity in a house of 20 years, investments, 401K and IRA's. Since she has a gambling problem and has already filed bankruptcy a couple of times, I have no doubt that she will go through it in no time flat. I've worked 30 years to build it all.
She's losing NOTHING here and gaining everything. When this is all done and the money is gone and the lust wears off, WH will have lost everything. Maybe he'll be "lucky" and keep OP after that.
I will of course have lost a lot too, but I know that I can go on without having to look behind me at the wreckage knowing that I caused it. WH will have that view.... Personally, I'd rather be the BS than the WS. Somehow I have to think that the consequences of being the WS are going to be waaay more painful in the end.
Ace,
I wanted to post on your affair$ $uck thread, but to be honest, I'm afraid to tally it all up. As you know, it's not only cc debt, but those indirect things like lost value in the house and rental property because he doesn't maintain them anymore, the downturn of my business because I haven't been engaged and have let things drop, etc. You get my drift. If I were to tally it up, I would be sick I believe.
BUT, this is supposed to be a fun thread, so I later will have to tell you about my most embarrassing incident. My friend and I still talk about it after 23 years. I have to run now and do some real work so that I CAN keep my business going.....
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Knitgirl One of my hopes with this thread is to reveal the real cost$ of an affair (a brief fling with pleasure) for any lurkers who might be contemplating having an affair to solve their restlessness or whatever. Any other insights regarding these topic$ will help. Thanks, Ace
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Ace,
Additionally, there should be some child support reform. The OC takes precedence over the COM if the OW files for support first. The COM are calculated as needing less to support them and they suffer from the CS given to the OW. Some of these OW get PG on accident (because they are stupid) others, like mine, intentionally pick the WH because they want the child and CS. The courts treat it like the OC would have been raised by both the parents and deserve equality, instead of, the OW planned and monitored her fertility to ensure the outcome, and WH has to pay greater than 50% of OC's support because the HO won't work, she plans to play mommy and live off the dumb wit that she used to get PG in the first place.
Me BS
D Day 4-2-2005
OC born 12-2004
DS 21, DS 12
Married 1993
May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.
Recovering....it's a long road, even with a dedicated FWH
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Good question, scarey answer.
Like some mentioned above, some of the $ is lost opportunity and somewhat hard to quantify. Here's a short list, but my no means all inclusive;
The first and most damaging financial cost was my FWH buying a biz in another state. This was encouraged by OW and I was put down for not supporting the idea (she had nothing vested in it though!), poor FWH who had to put up with me! Now there wasn't any biz/financial plan, no money was saved to do this, there wasn't any legal/financial professionals sought for advise...FWH bought biz from his "best friend" for $100k after he was laid off from corporate job w/benefits in 2003. There is the commission on the house sale in NJ of $20K, closing costs on house in OH, gain on sale of house was mostly used for biz/to live off of.
Biz has drained us since to the pt of bankruptcy. We will lose equity in house as we are moving and under chapter 13 you can only keep the house if you live in it, otherwise it goes to satisfy the debts...FWH 401k, gone, pension from AT&T, liquidated, stock options from my co. liquidated to survive, credit cards used for biz and for groceries, maxed out at over $100k in consumer debt, 401K loan from my acct. of $30k taken as a distribution as I couldn't make the loan payments...son's college fund, gone, middle son's current college tuition, couldn't pay so MS couldn't go to school, couldn't get a college loan as I couldn't co-sign...school graduation delayed by over two years, MS is starting to make progress with a job/saving $. Oldest son worked at biz w/o pay for 1.5 years to help out, instead it just enabled the biz...accountants/lawyers fees of about $10K and growing, lost pay raises on my side due to inability to handle all of this, medical cost for me for stress related 'stuff and depression...3.5 years of FOW not making any money, FOW is currently selling cars working 55 hours a week and bringing home $280/week...and it goes on and on...
My BS fog was about is thick as they come, or maybe that is my skull! I forced FWH to close the biz at the end of January this year and the dust hasn't settled yet.
On a positive note, I took a job back in NJ with a good company and an excellent pay raise (which will go towards the creditors). I just look ahead to the future and take things one day at a time, and lots of prayer.
Me-49, WH-51
Married 02/1983 yrs, Sons - 27, 26, 20
1st PA - 1985, 1st known EA - 1992/1993
2nd PA - 06/02 to 11/04
1st D-day - 09/03, D-day 2 - 10/04 D-day 3 05/08
NC e-mail - 11/04- it wasn't real
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This is what "no fault" divorce did. The intent was to avoid long, bitter divorce cases where the spouses dragged each others character through the mud, in public record. Often kids had to be dragged through the muck too as each side had to show who was to blame. The decision of fault played a big role in how the assets were distrbuted and custody issues. So, no fault was to save money, court time and be less painful.
The result is all of the above posts. Did't turn out so well, did it? Now you can just walk away (whether it was affair related or not), take half of the assets, destroy a family and the court moves that process right on through.
There must be a better way...
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Fled, I see your frustration. $ystems suck, too. Nabohio, I've been in 6 digit consumer debt praying for a miracle to educate our kids (not sure if the credit apps for student loans would be approved). Our miracle is on the verge of happening....will share when it comes to fruition. sickofthis1961, I figured something must have been in place at one time and I will look up which states do and do not have no-fault divorce. You're right, there must be a better way. IMHO education is the key.......Intellectual, Emotional, Social, Financial, Parental, and Marital....our school system barely covers the first..... Thanks for posting and to all lurkers, thanks for reading. Hope these concepts deter at least one potential A from coming to pass......I hope....... How do we undo what we've done as a society? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Ace
FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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[color:"blue"] I posted this on the 50 Something thread recently:[/color] Hi Knitgirl, I copied your earlier post and FlameOut's idea on the Affair$ $uck thread to see if others might have any solutions. If not maybe dialogues could begin, policies could be adopted and/or laws could be changed to protect all betrayed spouses. Change has to start somewhere....why not HERE? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> In the meantime, you don't need to add it up to know that your life and resource$ have been sucked from you by the A. [color:"blue"] Knitgirl then wrote:[/color] Ace, I saw that you copied my post - thanks. I read your story last night. My 34 yr M was so much like yours - never much passion. We seemed to live more like brother and sister - good friends is more like it I guess. It was just within the last couple of years that we started to become a little more close - then the A. I'll have to write my story sometime and post it.[color:"blue"]Please do. I'd like to read it and I'm sure others would, too. [/color] It looked to me as though you showing your WH the door finally made him turn around. [color:"blue"]Yup. It made him realize how much he'd be losing and he saw me in a different light. [/color] I like your idea of starting a movement. Let's band together and make a trip to Capitol Hill. If nothing else, we'll get in the news, get a book and movie deal, star as ourselves, and I can get some of that retirement money back. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> [color:"blue"] I like the way you think, Knitgirl. You can be the star and pick your leading man to be your H!!!!! I'll have to be a behind-the-scenes staffer ~ maybe a gaffer, whatever that is ~ since I have to remain incognito! [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> [color:"blue"] Ace[/color]
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Click here for detail$ of our major miracle on my [color:"red"] [color:"white"] ..... [/color] | [color:"white"]..... [/color] V [/color] $miles and Trials Recovery thread . Ace
Last edited by Ace_in_bucket; 09/01/07 11:13 AM.
FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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God really does resupply. We now drive a car that's paid for, DH's school is paid through a scholarship, I have a GREAT job making very good money, I'm building a 401K, DH is getting design and installation jobs on the side, and we're about to move into a smaller more affordable townhouse for just the two of us because we found a place for our 15 year old nephew to live (major blessing). Life is good and getting better. Definitely miracles happening here.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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PM, After what you've been through, you deserve all the blessings coming your way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Did you see the legal questions that surfaced just before I let this thread slide? FTS said: Ace,
Additionally, there should be some child support reform. The OC takes precedence over the COM if the OW files for support first. The COM are calculated as needing less to support them and they suffer from the CS given to the OW. Some of these OW get PG on accident (because they are stupid) others, like mine, intentionally pick the WH because they want the child and CS.
The courts treat it like the OC would have been raised by both the parents and deserve equality, instead of, the OW planned and monitored her fertility to ensure the outcome. WH has to pay greater than 50% of OC's support because the HO won't work, she plans to play mommy and live off the dumb wit that she used to get PG in the first place. I got the impression somehow that you're working in a legal type profession. Am I right? If so, what's your take on sickofthis1961's perspective: This is what "no fault" divorce did. The intent was to avoid long, bitter divorce cases where the spouses dragged each others character through the mud, in public record. Often kids had to be dragged through the muck too as each side had to show who was to blame.
The decision of fault played a big role in how the assets were distrbuted and custody issues. So, no fault was to save money, court time and be less painful.
The result is all of the above posts. Did't turn out so well, did it? Now you can just walk away (whether it was affair related or not), take half of the assets, destroy a family and the court moves that process right on through.
There must be a better way... What are your thoughts, PM or others? Thanks for sharing. Ace
FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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sickofthis1961 brought up no-fault divorce and how that change negated much of the A-related 'causes/compensation' for the BS in a subsequent 'dissolution of M'.
What might be the 'better way' or is there a way to decrease the deva$tation of No Fault D's?
For instance, if a BS moves from a no-fault state to a traditional D state, is there a residency requirement before filing or being filed against?
What states, if any, are still traditional, and have not passed No-Fault D laws?
If there are no assets, are the debts divided evenly in the No-Fault state even if one spouse ran up all the CCs?
Hopefully I will never need this info for myself, but I feel that others might benefit from it now.
Thanks,
Ace
FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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Joined: Apr 2006
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The one thing my stbxw didn't realize was that in a no fault divorce, she owes half of my medical bills.
That gunshot wound is over $30,000 at this point!
Sometimes karma is SWEET!
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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Joined: Dec 2006
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I think most states have a residency requirement.
I can't speak to other states but in Texas it's "no fault" and everything's community property except under special circumstances. So it's easy to get D and unless a major battle ensues, everything is pretty much split down the middle (including debts). As for the kids, the measure the Judge uses is "in the best interest of the children."
I know that even though it's a no fault state you can use adultery as a grounds to seek a disproportinate share of the marital property. Especially if one party has not worked or earned less for most of the marriage. Texas even has a form of alimony now to help the party who has not worked or has less income to get on their feet.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Pariah, Is your story on one thread somewhere? If so, could you link it for me? I have seen some of your posts alluding to your challenges that nearly cost you your life. How does it work having her owe half of your 30K health debt? Does it come out of once-shared assets sold, or will they bill her or....? So sorry for your pain. Thanks for posting about it. Karma (or whatever) is somewhat satisfying, isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Ace PM....will respond to your post later. Your insights are intriguing, but gotta to go work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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