Ace treat them as cash OR don't treat them as cash????
I'm confused, I will only use the CC IF I can pay them off when the bill comes. BTDT with running total...seems you'll never get them paid. I don't want to go there again unless situation is dire.

OOOOps....sorry mvg. I dug for this thread to bump it for Bob P to see that we have the plane/hotel and 'barbie' fee (for the trip to Australia now that BK invited all of us!)

I didn't see your question before.

You're right. Don't use the credit card unless you put aside the same amount of cash for the bill when it comes in. I will continue to put everything on CC to get the air miles....and pay the card off EVERY month.

Ace

I was hoping that is what you meant. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Here's another idea to keep affairs from $ucking too much during the holidays.

Dig out last years Christmas bills (the ones you couldn't pay when they arrived) and try to remember that feeling of regret. (the easy part)

Don't repeat it this year. (the difficult part)

Ace

OK,
Ace,
now that our paths have crossed .....you've got me reading up on some of your many posts.

So lets see:
$$$$ and Affairs.

Alright,
this pisses me off (if I were to dwell on it).

Both my W and the CLB left their positions due to ramifications from their work place Affair.

Problem is the CLB started there about a year before my W did.
As a result when he resigned .....[rather than be terminated] ......he was about 6-7 months past his 5yr anniversary (of employment) and as a result was able to walk away with all his retirement Money (as being past the 5 yr point he was fully vested).

On the other hand my W was 5 months short of 5 yrs when she quit [thereby according to company rules she was Zero invested] .....so she got NOTHING.
Nada, Zippo!
That still rankles me.

Thats of course over and beyond getting new jobs, moving to different state, selling home, paying 2 mortgage/rents, and all the rest.

Plus add to the fact WW wouldn't go for sexual harrassment and be able to retire early ......well that still gets my Goat Every morning when she's complaining about going off to work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

As they said on Kid Nation "Deal with it"!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Dang you Aceee,
now ya got me thinkin bout this in the down time, while driving around.

OK so how's this one?
CLB is a huge breast man.
Wife begins to really see (dwell on it) it as he's always making "chest" comments about other female coworkers throughout the hospital.
Wife begins to get message of what he likes.
In their banter the idea is implied.
As a result,
CLB is smooth and works on WW for 6-8 months with all his sly subtle suggestions on how Good/hot/sexy she would look with larger headlights.

After letting the comments sink in and rattle around & do their work,
they have further discussions and W decides to get the upgrades.

I'm only told after the decision is already made. [With of course NO Idea about his desire or input or soon to be "hands on" approach to testing them out].

Problem is:
I'm the one that footed the Entire Bill for the surgery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
WTH!!
That stuff ain't cheap.

However,
the CLB got at least half the benefit from them .....and probably more since they were put in mainly at his request and for HIS benefit.
(Keep in mind W was totally AGAINST anything like this, up until they started doing the snake trouser mamba).
Plus,
He sure did more kinky stuff with them then I ever did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

So with that
I'm STILL WAITING for him to cough up his Half of the [color:"green"] CA$H [/color] for the surgery.

In fact that was one of the texts that got him to report me to security & then to the police. (My asking for His Half of the boobie money).

Hmmm,
Should I relay my request to his W instead?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Wonder how that would go over. (heee, hee)

***************
And here's a silly but annoying one.
Gum.
Yes, I said gum.

At the time of the A my W was a smoker.
Since the CLB was not she always took to having minty fresh gum around as not to offend him as much.

[censored] me, thought she was using the gum for the benefit of her patients.
Soooo,
I would actually make it a point to go out of my way to make sure she had her gum,
and would actually stop and get her some if I knew she was out or just about to be.
So yes,
in hindsight .......I feel like such a total chump for thinkin I was doing something good/nice for her ......while all the while only HELPING THEM OUT.

So guess that one is less about the money,
and more about making me an unknown/unwilling accomplice to their depravity.

*************

OH yea,
I don't post that much anymore ---
So CLB = creepy little [email]B@st@rd[/email]

YIKES, Top Rope......I aim to impact, but not to the point of obsession. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

(btw, sorry about not replying to your post last night...DH called out that it was time for ********* just as I was looking for this thread).

So what's your story, TR? Sound's like you may have some resentment simmering regarding $tuff you may not have dealt with....yet. You mentioned that you don't post much anymore and, to be honest, your Crybaby thread was the first time I'd heard of you. (Sorry).

Can you post/link your story here or on the Success Story thread? (If you haven't already, you can read my strange story attached to my sigline.)

Glad to get you thinking, TR, but I hope you're able to get some sort of resolution soon. Feel free to vent away as you think of more thing$ that you may have to get out of your $ystem.

Thanks,
Acey

Hey Ace,
please have No distress on my account.

No,
I'm fine ......its just your thread was one of the last ones I read before going out,
so it was fresh in my mind.

No worries,
I'm not obsessing or anything,
No Way .......I got over that a while back <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> (thank goodness).

And no,
any small resentment I may still have is not really Simmering or festering.
It is well under control.

With that said,
There will most likely always be at least a little bit of residual left over,
that when dwelt upon will come out.
Honestly,
other then when reading others posters threads on this board, its not something I think on often anymore.
AND believe me, that's a GOOD Thing!

However,
on your thread ......actually I was more Funnin ya then anything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
I can actually laugh and joke about this stuff now (even at myself) ...cause it No Longer has the same emotional effect on me that this all once did.
{Oh yea, I'm not implying the subject is comical .......just that I can find humor in it now as where once it was ONLY pain/hurt}.

So although it may have come across as major venting (to those in a much earlier place and timeline).....I was really just having a bit of fun poking around at the old carcass.

Unfortunate that in this medium you can't get all the Non verbal clues to what a poster is wanting to convey.
Believe me, I had more of a grin as I was typing then any old frown. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

[stunned]
[floored]
{flabbergasted}
You mean you really don't remember me?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

[indignant]
After all we've shared! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

You mean you don't really read the posts that come on the very threads you start?
Even though well meaning folks put in their time and energy crafting responses in order to help the needy.

So it Ain't So Joe!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Haaa, haaa, ha ......Relax , relax
I'm just kidding with ya. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
{you shoulda seen the look on your face} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
Hey you should Know ya gotta have a little fun with this stuff occasionally ......am I right??

Although
Honestly I have posted to you at least a few times on one of your many threads.
I believe it was one about exposure.

Thinkin back though,
since my position didn't reflect your good buddy (LG's) one.......perhaps you just
disregarded my posts entirely.
OH well, it happens. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Guess I need to make my posts more memorable so that they can get the Attention some others seem to garner.
Have a good one.

edited-sp

Hey TR!

Here's where you replied to Acey on her first thread! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Top Rope's Post on Acey's Thread

Semper Fi,

RIF

Sooooo glad you can laugh because I was laughin' out loud, too.....Top Rope, you should join us on the 20-90 Something Recovery Vaction Thread....we're planning that BBQ Big K invited us to in Australia.

Pop on over sometime when ya need a break from all this drama. Did you see where I found the thread where you first posted to me....well it was the first AND LAST post until your Crybaby thread. I had just written a poem about my DH lying a couple weeks ago and BK and RIF were introduced to each other posting to that thread. That's when RIF said he wanted to take Mrs. RIF to Australia. I didn't have time then, but I promised that I had an idea (go to Australia) that I would post on the Vacation thread later.

Then I started reading about the BBQ competition on your thread and when BK challenged all with an OZ BBQ, I had to jump at the segue he gave me. So, because of that thread, we are actually thinking about Spring 2010 at BK's house.....well, as long as he tells Mrs. K in advance....or finds us a park somewhere. Do ya wanna come? (I even invited Justuss!)

Thanks RIF for bumping that thread for Top Rope, but I'm glad it slid off the first page without inciting another exposure debate. YIKES, I didn't even think about that.

Inner Strengh started chatting on that thread, too and it reminded me that she emailed greetings to all, especially Mark. Hope ya got that, Mark.

I've got another tip for keeping the holidays from $ucking too badly, if that's possible, but I'll post it later.

Acey

Have you disappeared, Top Rope? I can mainly post on the weekends so I'm sorry if I've missed you.

Here's another idea to help decrease the affair $ucking affect during the holidays. (Side benefit, it increases intimacy, too!)

Plan in advance to make heart-felt home-made gifts for each other.

Here is the idea I posted on the EN forum about EN gifts for Christmas. (Hope the link works but if not I'll repost it.)

***************************************

Ace_in_bucket Member Reged: Jan 14 2007 Posts: 2938
Re: EN gifts for Christmas?? [Re: star*fish]
#3343846 - Tue Nov 27 2007 06:49 AM



Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This Christmas, we're only allowing homemade gifts.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Last year, we had no money so DH and I agreed that we would make gifts and limit supplies to $10 each. He wrote me a 3 page heartfelt letter with hopes and dreams and apologies for his A. It was wonderful, so unlike him.

I made him a box, actually 2 concentric boxes I decorated with a poem "The Gift that Fits to the T's" I posted on the creative affection forum.

Inside the first box was the second....with a continuation of the poem pasted around it.

Inside the second box were 20 oragami-folded type pieces of paper with one-word-thoughts or brief promises of our new life together. ("Adventure", "Fishing", "Vacations", "Files from Piles", "Regular Reading Times" etc.)

(Someone mentioned including SF cards, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> but we opened this as a family and he read every one of the items out loud. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> SF cards could have been something added for private later!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


*******************************

This year is different and we are having to POJA this concept now that we have funds for gifts. I know, a good problem. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Homemade gifts promote intimacy because they require so much thought and personalization. Even if you read this now and feel like it's too late for this Christmas, you can do the same idea for Valentines Day!

Enjoy! (E$pecially when the huge credit card bill does NOT arrive!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace

One of the best gifts DH and I ever gave was during the second Christmas of our recovery to our daughters. We too didn't have much money (we were still recovering from the devastation that the affairs caused.) Both of our girls had had babies. So, DH and I drew pencil and ink portraits of our grandchildren (we both worked on them), and had them enlarged to 8x10s, matted, and framed. We wrapped them up for Christmas presents.

When my oldest daughter (who is married to an attorney and well off) opened her gift, her mouth dropped open and she burst into tears. She was so overwhelmed by what we had done. Her husband made the comment, "Well there goes that $300 bottle of perfume I got her for Christmas. You guys just blew me out of the water."

My youngest daughter was thrilled too but my oldest daughter's reaction was priceless. This was a great experience for us and moved us further along in our recovery. We worked TOGETHER and the reward was great.

Thank you for your wonderful idea, PM.....gave me boose gumps and nearly made me cry. Artwork is special and I'm glad your DD and her DH were touched by your thoughtfulness.

Again, thanks.....anyone else have any ideas in addtion to PM's? (btw, funny elf dance ya did!)

Ace

P.S. I have an update on how we POJA'd our difference of preferences mentioned earlier. Last year we had no money for gifts, but thanks to our $pecial recent miracle, we do this year.....bit I still wanted to make heart-felt gifts again (and DH wanted to buy)! I'll share what we did yesterday later. !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> God is good... and POJA rocks!

First,
thanks RIF for the assist there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So very kind of ya ......you [color:"red"]Devil Dog [/color] You.
Semper Fi indeed.
{Haven't seen any of my old buddies in close to 20 yrs .....miss em sometimes)

Next

Well, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Actually, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Uhhmm, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


Errrrr, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I must confess that there WAS more than a Single post on your thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

If you go back & read there is one on pg 2
AND
then yet another on Pg 3.

So in effect that would Actually DOUBLE my previous post count on one of your threads. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Hey,
just tryin ta help keep things Accurate is all ........
{OH man don't ya just hate a wize Azzz??} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
hee, hee, he

Lastly to you Princess M,
that was one cool idea and project.
Sadly,
I doubt my skills would lend to that particular present ......but I'm sure it was a Huge Hit.
What a heart felt and PERSONAL gift. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Small Problem is,
how do you continue to top THAT year after year?
Yikes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

LOL. You don't, but it makes for a heck of a memory. Unfortunately, we're back to giving the traditional commercial gifts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I stand corrected, Top Rope....it was the first and last thread (not post) until your crybaby thread.

My bad.....oh well...it gives you something to talk about. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

**************************

As promised, here's what DH and I decided to get each other for Christmas.

As stated, we did not have much money last year (or for the past several years) so we agreed to exchange handmade gifts from the heart with each other ($10 limit for supplies).

We have funds this year, but I still want to make gifts but DH wants to buy something nice for me (and I don't want him spending as much money as he wants to).

My main objective was to share from the heart again and not spend any 'major purchase' money. He wants to do the heart gifts, too, but he also wants to get me/us something big.....a flat screen TV cuz our 20 year old one is fuzzing out. (I don't watch that often alone, but we like to cuddle in the evenings before the fire ~~~and he needs to watch sports for his career....which I enjoy, too.)

I don't mind getting the TV but I don't want to spend 'new TV' amounts of money, even though we have it now.

DH suddenly remembered that he got a bonus credit card from his new job that he will lose if he doesn't use it before the end of the year. So yesterday, we purchased a flat screen TV, (paying only the taxes) and DH and I will also exchange 'gifts from the heart' on Christmas Day with the family.....and we are both enthusiastically in agreement to both scenarios.

What forgotten accounts might you possibly find to offset cash purchases at Christmas this year? That will help keep thing$ from sucking as badly during the holidays.

Thanks for reading.....Any other ideas?

Ace

PM, even if you gone back to commercially purchased gifts~~~(which may eventually go away), no one can ever take away the memories of your personal gifts that year.

Ace

PM that is a GREAT gift. I wish we were as talented.

mvg....you ARE talented at things you're probably not aware of. Just think of what you're interested in and I'll bet you can find a way to create thoughtful heartfelt gifts using those skills and abilities.

This guy gave DH and me a huge glass bottle terrerrium (sp?)one year. It was cool, but even more special to discover that he had planted it himself! (I guess they have really long skinny tongs he must have used as this bottle only had a 3 inch opening and it was about 26 inches in diameter around the bottom and about 30 inches high.)

How 'bout wood framed photos taken in unusual poses? Or a fabric covered scrap book or photo album? Or a certificate for a special time (dinner/game night/movie/dvd/shopping) appointment or time block?

Don't limit yourself. You either, Top Rope....somehow I don't think I need to say that to you.

What IS your story, Top Rope? It's not attached to your sig line and I don't have the know how to dig through the archives looking for it.

Thanks,
Ace