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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions infidelity husband had 2 one night stands

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infidelity husband had 2 one night stands #1926874 08/13/07 03:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 1 A annlr Junior Member
annlr Junior Member A Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 1	The His needs Her needs book is excellent and I got a lot out of the Infidelity segment of the marriage builders weekend. But it seemed to me to be talking about affairs that start up with someone through emotional attachments of one kind or another. I feel my pain is just as great as that of someone who finds out their spouse has a lover. My husband said "he was drunk, they didn't mean anything it was just sex and he can't even remember what they look like, they were nothing. It means something to me though and to hear that he could just give away something that was promised to me only in our wedding vows. Hurts me very deeply and makes me feel less than nothing. Where does Dr Harley talk about this type of infidelity?

Re: infidelity husband had 2 one night stands annlr #1926875 08/13/07 04:28 PM
Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 11,539 la la land aka land of fruits ... F faithful follower Member
faithful follower Member F Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 11,539 la la land aka land of fruits ...	He did this twice? Drunk both times? Does your H have a drinking problem? Get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Harley. Yes ONS is still an affair and still hurtful and destructive to the BS. I think I might be more concerned about his lack of awareness when drinking. How long have you been married and do you have children? Faith me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49 DS 30 DD 21 DS 15 OCDS 8

Re: infidelity husband had 2 one night stands faithful follower #1926876 08/13/07 04:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Is he a black out drunk? Is he an alcoholic? "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: infidelity husband had 2 one night stands MelodyLane #1926877 08/13/07 07:31 PM
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 91 H Hope_Full Member
Hope_Full Member H Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 91	ONS.... It seems they almost always involve drinking. These are interesting in that there may not be much or any emotional attachment. I would imagine the recover process is the same with an emphasis on how the WS will deal with drinking in public / without there spouse. Many people do things they would not normally do when alcohol is involved. I know I have. Harley says no one should be trusted. I know I can be trusted without alcohol. Drinking in the presence of other women and the right environment. Well, that is a different story. Hope_full Me - BS - 35 Her - FWW - 35 3 children 12 year marriage Affairs were during 2005 OM#1 Met/Kissed-2/05, EA 2/05-5/05 OM#2 First Night Stand 5/05,Kissing 7/05, EA 05/05-12/05 Emotional DD w both OM's - 7/05 Physical DD - 7/06(Intial) - 5/07 (Details) NC OM#1 5/2005 NC OM#2 12/2005

Re: infidelity husband had 2 one night stands annlr #1926878 08/14/07 04:58 AM
Joined: Apr 2007 Posts: 214 P Principled Member
Principled Member P Joined: Apr 2007 Posts: 214	Hello Ann Sorry to hear about your situation. Quote Where does Dr Harley talk about this type of infidelity? Pages 21 - 23 of Surviving An Affair. I recommend you get a copy and read it if you haven't already. Harley says that recovery is easier if there is no emotional attachment like with a ONS. It's perfectly understandable for you to be so hurt. You have every right to be. Being drunk is no excuse nor is the fact that they didn't mean anything to him. That is horse**** pure and simple. Worse still he obviously thinks this it is a justification and that he can continue to have more ONS in the future. Don't accept it. IMHO your marriage is in serious trouble and you should get help. SAA is a good place to start and maybe you should consider MC with Harley. Do you have children? I wish you the best of luck. I hope he's worth it. My Main Thread Plan B Success Stories

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