This is also in my other post but I feel not many people will get a chance to read - I think its pretty good. I believe it can be for a spouse or a friend.<P>The Fence<P>There once was a little boy who had a bad<BR>temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control<BR>his anger, the number of nails hammered daily<BR>gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to<BR>hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led<BR>him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a<BR>scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they<BR>always want to open their hearts to us.<P>God Bless<BR>

Isiah,<P>Another good posting on your part today. I replied on your thread about the pray also. You are just on a roll today. Thanks for this story. A friend emailed it to me the other day, but it's always nice to be reminded, especially since we'd all like to say hurtful things right now. But of course we all know it won't do us any good..... <P>Thanks again <BR>T2W

Isaih,<BR> <BR>I have read both your posts, and loved this one. It hit the spot! I copied it, and I am going to send/give this to my stbx. <P>I am about a second away from starting precedures, for divorce, and "so not wanting" this. I have lost all hope, and faith in this situation, totally. I am sep, for almost 9 mths now, the first 4 mths, I did the usual, cryed, begged, pleaded, yada yada, yada... Came across this, and other webs sites, that helped, <BR>ME" alot, if nothing else, it made me stronger to do what I have to do, to deal with this. <P>Unfortunatly, I can no longer do anything with/for my stbx. he left, he has shut his/those doors, (longer then I knew it was shut!) and seems he`s totally locked me out, emotionally. He has to come and visit our daughter, 11 yr old, who adores him, and loves being with him. He is a good dad. (So good he poors her with gifts, to make up for loss time). He visits, 2 times a week, evenings, (takes her for a bite to eat), and takes her every other sat/sunday. <P>He has been asked by her, things about us, and refuses to talk to her about it. It is just like him, because, he never talked to me about things either. He is showing her how to avoid all problems, run from them, and never deal with them, fortunatly, she has me. I love to talk, and there is nothing I won`t finish out, even to the bitter end, if need be. I feel the silence is wourse, and there is nothing any one can`t concur, (can`t is not in my vocabulary, only his, now) and he has never given me/him self, even one chance to try. (I am his second wife, this is his reason, says it never works)<P>any way, I feel he has held in his recentful feelings for so long, (anger) says he has not loved me in 3 yrs of our 12 yr marraige, but I never knew or even picked up on this, and I feel he is just so angry now, (mostly because I have delayed things, for him). I still love him, and am having a hard time letting this go. I am now giving him what he wants, and I have not done the begging pleading thing, in the last 4-5 mths, but it seems I am darned if I do, and darned if I don`t, (no offence) and I have written many letters (in the beginning), that were very emotional, ( my freind/family say, any one with any feelings what so ever would have melted at my letters) and made him feel even more guilty. now he is just growing impatient, and wants this over with, asap.<P>I know this story won`t help, it is like putting his anger in his face, and he will most likely get even more offended, but to me I have already lost him, and he needs to hear some of these things, and MAYBE!! he`ll come back to earth again..<P>thanks for this story, sorry it was so long!!<BR>AV

A, I'm sorry that things are not going so well for you right now, but look ahead, and you keep your head up and believe that things are going to get better and they will. You must take care of yourself and your daughter. Your strength will prevail and things will get better, all you have to do is believe.<P>I use this alot but I hope it helps:<P>Do not pray for easy lives!<BR>Pray to be stronger men and women.<BR>Do not pray for tasks<BR>equal to your powers.<BR>Pray for powers equal to your tasks.<BR>Then the doing of your work<BR>shall be no miracle,<BR>but you shall be a miracle.