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#1930464 08/21/07 11:43 AM
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Hello. I am curious as to everyone's opinion on this matter. Who should pay for meals? The man or the woman?

Specifically, in the beginning who should pay?

After a few months of dating, who should pay?

After several months to a year or two of dating, who should pay? The man or the woman?

Or each?

Thank you for your thoughts. All opinions welcome.

Have a great day.

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I say whoever did the asking should pay. And they should choose something that they can afford.
I think I'm in the minority. I always offer to pay, but feel that some men are put off by the offer.
I'm all for 50/50 with paying, but think alternating payment works better than splitting the bill when you are out.
Dinners in at home count toward repayment too.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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Newly, thank God for women like you. I wish more women felt this way.

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I'm a little more old fashion. If a man asks me to dinner, then I think he should pay. A few months of dating exclusively, I will offer to pay. My fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years now, we both take turn paying, but again we don't keep track.

I have kids and he doesn't, when we all go out, he does pay for everyone and I do too. It's never been an issue for us.

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A few months?

*cringe*

I'm not looking forward to restarting this part of my life.

Last edited by Seabird; 08/21/07 03:01 PM.
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Part of me wonders, if you are dating the kind of woman that expects high-priced entertainment, and you resent the implications, are you really engaging in sustainable recreational companionship.... or is this a version of bait and switch...

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Was that to me chobbs or to the group in general? I'm not dating anyone high priced or otherwise. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

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Seabird,

LOL...We had a LDR, so a few months, was more like 4 months for us; we only saw each other twice a month, but communicate via phone every day.

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A general "you", maybe I should have said "I"...

But then a smartypants might have asked if I, a married woman, was dating... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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moving - Okay, that's a bit of a relief. It's been soooooo long since I've been in that scene and I have no idea how much things might have changed in the prevailing years. I was thinking in terms of the kind of relationship where you and your SO are together several times a week. I had a sharp stabbing pain in my hip when I read your post. Right about where my wallet sits. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

chobbs - good chess! You definitely thought several moves ahead because I am definitely that kind of smart...ypants. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

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I haven't dated in 20 years. But if a man asks me to dinner and I accept, I expect him to pay. If we go on several dates - as in when we are "seeing each other" or whatever the current terminology is - then I'm happy to pay my share or alternate. It feels like I would need some familiarity to do that. But if I were to ask a man for dinner (not that it would ever happen), I would fully expect to pay. So I guess I agree with Newly.

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alternate... one pays one time, one pays another time. and get that decided BEFORE going out to eat! lol

but that is how i feel. i am old fashioned but i also understand that most of us are divorced and probably paying out cs or alimony and such... and in most cases both men and women work so... i think it is fair that you could alternate who pays.

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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If I were to ask a woman out, then I would expect to pay. If, after a few dates, the woman decided to call me and ask me out, then I wouldn't feel threatened if she were take the bill.

Just an FYI to the ladies who may not be aware or realize it... While asking a man out first might be intimidating to him, asking him out after a few dates would be a very big signal that you are interested in him.

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I think I'm an independent woman who doesn't need a man to take care of her. This isn't the way everywoman is.
I find that when I date NMNK, they have no problem paying all the time, and seem offended when I offer.
OTOH, these NMNK seem to really enjoy a home-cooked meal. And a home-cooked meal allows the inviter to control costs, much more than a restaurant meal.

Seabird, I didn't realize until reading your post that she's been gone less than a month. Yikes.
When you are ready to date, look for the people you want. I would much prefer a picnic date in the park listening to a free concert than a formal dinner out. A walk in the park is also a low cost and enjoyable outing.

On a recent date, I suggested we walk through the park rather than take a cab. This seemed like a foreign concept to my date, and he didn't appear to enjoy the park at all.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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newly - Yeah, I'm nowhere near ready for any of this, but I'm at least to a point where I can conceptualize it without getting ill.

I am hanging out in this forum mainly out of curiosity. As I said before, it's been so long since I've been in that world, I wonder how much it's changed. I'm going to be looking at an entirely different demographic in terms of age and personal situations. There was also no real internet to speak of for folks like us back in the early 90s. Definitely no online dating sites and whatnot. I'm just wondering what to expect when I DO decide to dip my toe in the water.

That, and I'm really, really bored at my job and I probably spend way too much time hanging out in forums that I have no real business hanging out it. LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

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Well, this is my distraction from researching accounting regulations for an article I'm writing.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 464
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Generally, I pay for the first few dates as it makes things easier. Since I am usually doing the asking the first few dates (old customs die hard) I choose things that are not very expensive. After 3 dates, if we are hitting it off, most women will usually offer to pay at times and I have learned to accept this or I will appear to be an old fashioned chauvanist pig of a jerk!

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One thing I have noticed is that women seem more willing and insistent to pay when they are thinking of getting more physical. Just like we guys!! Really, I am not kidding.

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Quote
One thing I have noticed is that women seem more willing and insistent to pay when they are thinking of getting more physical. Just like we guys!! Really, I am not kidding.
Not just like the guys. A woman likes to make the point that getting physical is her choice rather than feel that is bought for the price of a meal. Guys don't mind paying if they think they might get something in return.

I am old fashioned and think a guy should pay, at least initially. However, my boyfriend was unemployed and just recently got a job. If he asks to take me out, I let him pay and am reasonable on what I order. He needs to be able to manage his money and shouldn't ask if he can't afford it. If I want to go someplace nicer, I will offer to pay. I occasionally want a nice meal out but don't expect to be wined and dined at fancy restaurants. More often, I will buy something nice like steak and we will fix dinner together.

I feel like my ex used me to support him. It is very important for me to feel that a man shows that he wants to take care of me and is not bumming off of me.

BTW: I know some women that expect $$$flowers, gifts and meals all the time. I don't understand why guys seem to flock to them for this mistreatment. They can't be that good.

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Hi folks!

I used to think this was a silly question. If I only have about 2 dates a year, it wouldn't matter if they cost $1000 each. LOL.

But as a man, I expect to pay and don't mind. However, I may change my opinion as I stumble down this path.

I'm a finacially conservative guy, and if I'm eating alone or with a buddy, rarely top $10 for (my) lunch. On a date (as rare as they are), I don't think about the expense... unless things go poorly.

I had one date where I drove a hundred miles to meet the lady for lunch. As soon as we had ordered, she recieved an upsetting phone call about a family emergency. I told her that if she needed to leave, I understood. I had them box our lunch so she could leave to go attend to the situation, but things resolved quickly (2nd phone call) so that we could stay and eat. So, we had lunch, but she was very distracted.

I have to admit that I did the math. Including the cost of gas, it was about $75 (and 3 hours' driving time) for lunch with a distracted woman.

It would have been really cool if she had called in a day or two, appolgized for the situation (which wasn't her fault, just something that came up) and offered to meet me in my town (or halfway) at her expense. As it is, other than a very brief email exchange, we haven't communicated since then.

Now I have to admit that I chose the restaurant, and that I had said that I understood if she had to leave (which turned out not to be neccesary). So, really I have no right to feel bad about it - so I feel a little guilty to complain. Just goes to show that we can't ignore our taker.

-AD

Last edited by _AD_; 08/26/07 09:37 PM.

A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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