To answer the previous comment

now we have cut communication, but we definitely had about 1 month of a lot of intimate conversation over the phone and email. Enough to put enough points into each other's bank...Enough for me to have those feelings for the first time in my life (and I am 38, not 19).
I had known of him for some time (a few years), but I only met him for the first time about a year ago - and during that visit to his work place (we live in different cities) it was clear that we clicked, but we did not have intimate conversation. In fact we were never alone, but always with other people. We then saw each other when work-related business trips brought us to the same city. During 2 of these trips (one evening in one trip in december and 3 evenings on another trip in june), we went out to alone, and we really "clicked". Because conversation was intimate, he stated that he was undergoing separation after having undergone various rounds of counseling over the years. After the last one of these trips, we started the intesnse email/phone, until we realized (or, admitted, rather) what had happened (i.e. he was not divorced yet) and cut communication.
Prior to that I knew of him and his work through colleagues and reading his work. I admired his work, but did not know him personally.
So I suppose an extension of your question would be: in such a short time of exchanges, how can you be sure you can fulfil each other's emotional needs so well?

Perhaps the first thing is because I felt for the first time that I had/was falling in love. So it was a new feeling. But I suppose that it is not really worth it to look more into why we would be right for each other. Because the premises that he is not divorced is a reality, and I should not even think of any possibility in such a circumstance. So all the other reasons as to why he fulfils my emotional needs... I should just try not to even think about them.

Yes you are right (just learning)
I was fine alone until I had those feelings for the first time. Perhaps if I dont have those feelings anymore, I can be fine being alone again. Or perhaps I will look for someone to share something special with. But I hope it does not take another 38 years to have that feeling again. Perhaps I should just open my heart more to the possibility.

Mmicky,

I think JL was asking if you feel any different where you now believe Marriage is a sacred union for life between two people. For yourself, do you feel it should be taken seriously and not viewed as a temporary arrangement that can be easily and quickly ended if you find you feel differently later?

And if you consider this to be the case, do you think everyone's marriage should be respected in the same manner?

Jo

I am afraid you are being played mmicky.

In your first post, you said he is "separating from his wife"..ie, he is STILL with her.
But he's thinking about leaving. Seriously considering leaving.
That's a far cry from divorced or even separatED.

In another post, you said he is "undergoing separation".

What exactly is his current situation? Does he still live at home with his wife?
Does she know that he is "undergoing separation"?

Divorce can be a long process. He is not available to you until he is divorced. That could be many months...years even.

I'm with the previous posters. You should run.

thanks yes!
I am not sure what his current situation is. Since we do not communicate. Last I knew he had a place of his own, but I dont know if it is "all the time" or just temporary.

For the previous q, you are right, I do feel differently with the belief that marriage is a sacred union. And it is a completely different concept to be a person who is taken seriously, rather than lightly.

But I must admit I still have "anger" vs some marriages of friends of mine where I see that they either dont respect each other's feelings and emotional needs and are miserable and make v little efforts to listen to each other. And I think it is a crime to live so unhappily because life is short and a true gift, so it is disrespectful towards life not to "live". These people, and I know very many, have to learn to figure things out and find their original love. But even when they try, I see that they dont listen to each other half the time. So they can be as communicative as they want about their emotional needs, but if the other person only hears what they want to hear, rather than putting themselves in the other person's shoes, then no wonder it does not work out. I think that, in addition to all the rules, one should really learn to listen to what the other one is really saying. But what do I know....
Anyway... thanks again for all.

In my situation, my then-husband told the OW he was cheating with that we were getting a divorce. I had no idea he was even unhappy. Quite the contrary, during this exact point in time he had just taken me on a second honeymoon and told me how every day married to me just got better and better.

People who cheat lie to everyone, Mmicky. EVERYONE. Especially to the people they say they love.

That is quite terrible! Thanks for sharing. I feel very sorry for you. But things can get better in the future, I am sure. You are in the right place to have things work the next time (if you find someone who does not lie, which apparently seems to be quite rare... apparently 60% of couples undergo infidelity... so that is not encouraging).

I don't know their situation (i.e. what she believes). I just know they tried counseling 4 times (and friends confirm). So I do think she knows, especially if they are not living together. But still, the lying problem is a reality.

I also have another question.... but should probably post it on another thread, so look up "other topics" if interested. It has to do with the fact that I feel that some people just dont put any effort into the relationship, with the excuse that they have this contract of marriage so it's safe and OK to be a jerk. I agree, it is a contract, but it does not justify being selfish. It has to do with a student at work, and I clearly cannot talk to him about it because if I did, it would produce intimacy. And he is male, and a student (I am faculty). So it could be a card for disaster. But I think his wife is really taking advantage of things.
so check "other questions" if interested.

Mmicky,

The above is a very typcial theme for people who cheat. I've been here many years and have read thousands upon thousands of stories, not to mention what I have seen in RL.

I hope you're learning to see marriage differently to where you will find someone that will honor you and marriage in such a way that it will last a lifetime, but only because you both share the common belief that marriage is a sacred union between two people.

Jo

Mmicky

He's lying. Use your brain. He's NOT divorced but he's dating. It doesn't matter how many friends "confirm" that MC didn't work. He made a commitment that he isn't honoring.

As much as you want it to be different with you-it won't be.
The statistics for M's that come from an A are even worse than the one you quoted.

He isn't divorced. He's dating. He has an apartment.

What do you really think? That a quality guy would be in this situation? Wouldn't he be trying to do whatever it took to make his M, his covenant, work? And then, wouldn't he be working on himself AFTER the divorce BEFORE pursuing another relationship?

Sorry to be so blunt-

Thanks for your honesty. Yes, you are right. I think I was impressed by the fact that he had been married 32 years, and things had (according to friends) gone badly for the past 15 yet he held in there and went to counseling even though she never wanted to go. She did go eventually, and in the last of these rounds they admitted that things had been over for a long time. But that is as far as I know from the friends and from him when I used to talk. Seeing everyone get divorced after so little time, 32 years had seemed a lot and it had impressed me. And I think i wanted to believe that "they are divorcing" means they are divorcED, which was not the case. Is not the case. So that says a lot. I think I had wishful thinking because it is the first time it happened to me to feel that way (and I am not that young...). So I thought it was like some sign or blessing. But probably just mid-life crisis...

Whether or not they've been to MC is irrelevent. There are many reasons to go and only the 2 of them know theirs. True, it takes more than a piece of paper to make a marriage work. But it is nobody's place to get involved with one of the spouses until it has been disolved. Right now, it hasn't, regardless of how it looks to you. And ditto what others here are saying - it sounds like he's lying to me. Is this the type of man you wan?

So he has been married for nearly as long as you have been alive? How old is this guy?

!!!
cute.
54

Here you go Mmicky. Maybe this will help.

--------------------

He'll be different with you, you're special.
Author Unknown

You two have a "connection," a rapport that he didn't have with his wife. You have more things in common, similar personalities. He's pointed out all the ways that you two are so alike - it's just uncanny. You are so lucky to have met him at this point in your life. He says that he really appreciates you for who you are - and he's the first person to really do that, isn't he? Sure, he said the same things to *her* when he got together with her (and then grew to hate so many things about her), but it's different with you. He couldn't possibly be operating from scripts anymore. And it's so nice to finally have someone YOU can lean on, isn't it? It's hard being on your own, managing a household, and doing it all yourself. All of a sudden, here's this guy offering to help in ways that no one ever did. Knowing all the things you have been longing for and wanting in a partner. He couldn't possibly be hooking into your heart-felt desires and hurt places and pretending to be the answer, because he knows that's where you are vulnerable. He couldn't be pretending to like the things you like, and want the things you want, and be the person you have been looking for, because it's part of his patterns. Just because he did that with the women that came before you, doesn't mean he's doing that with you. He's really sincere this time.

He's told you all his deep dark secrets (at least, all the ones he thinks can win him sympathy and attention). He's acknowledged how he behaved badly in the past (even though it was brought out by who he was with). You two must have a very special connection for him to be so open and "honest". And he seems to be remorseful, so that must mean he won't do that kind of thing again, right? Not with you. You're special. So what if he told his wife the same kinds of deep, dark secrets, opened up in the same way? So what if he exhibited the same kind of remorse for things he did to partners before HER? So what if he told her all the same sob stories and pretended to be working on his [censored] with her? So what if he lied to his therapist and others? He really means it this time, with you.

He says things are going to be different with YOU. Even though he SAYS he accepts responsibility for his actions, he also says that it was really things in HER that brought out his bad behavior. He's not going to be like that with YOU. Sure, he said the same things to HER, but this time he'll be different, because he's told you how YOU are different from her. (So what if he's told other people how you remind him of HER? That doesn't mean he's following the same old patterns, targeting the same types of women. That doesn't mean that he'll be turn emotionally abusive with YOU at some point...) He's such a sweet, wonderful, helpful guy, it MUST have been something in HER that caused him to act badly, right?

So what if he was busy cutting her down behind her back with their mutual friends while he was telling her she was the "best thing that ever happened to him", and that he had "never loved anyone as much as he loved her"? That doesn't mean he still has the capacity to be manipulative and dishonest and cruel. He was just confused, the poor man. And besides, he won't be like that anymore, with the right woman to love him and dote on him. She just didn't give him the kind of attention he really needed. But YOU will. So he'd NEVER do that to YOU.

So what if he didn't leave his wife before he got together with you? It's not like an abuser should spend a few years in therapy, and work on his stuff before getting involved in another intimate relationship, right? I mean, after over 4 decades of emotional abuse and being an abuser, he can get himself fixed up enough to stop harming others in a just few months, with the right woman to rescue, er, "help" him.

And those stories of how his wife emotionally abandoned him... He's just had it so ROUGH all his life! He told you how she didn't even try to keep the marriage together or say that she wanted to try to salvage their relationship when he said he wanted to separate. She was just so unfeeling! The poor man - here he was trying so HARD and all - seeing a counselor and everything! It couldn't possibly be that SHE was so emotionally beaten down by his behavior that she was RELIEVED when he wanted to leave... He couldn't have been emotionally abusive and dishonest with HER too! If his wife didn't trust him, it had nothing to do with HIM and his behavior - it must have been HER issues.

Even if in his past, he DID say, "Some of the problems I bring about by vamping, pumping up the emotional content of a situation. Of course that's easy to do with a new friend. I have a stock of techniques and behaviors, tested. I'm also inventive ... so I pick up new techniques fairly quickly ... It's just I'd rather enjoy the "romance". It comes naturally to me. I enjoy doing it. It's also a head trip for me, with my poor self esteem, to have someone so taken with me. I like the first results, the joyous feelings, the elation, the euphoria, just not where it leads." ... he couldn't possibly still have been doing that with his wife, or even YOU. He has REAL, deep feelings for you. You've even seen him cry and show his vulnerable side. That MUST mean he's sincere, right? He couldn't possibly be using YOU for an ego stroke. Not the man YOU know.

He's just so caring and sensitive and considerate. He's so sweet, rubbing baby oil all over you, making love, sending you little cards, doing all those romantic things. He really does seem too good to be true - cooking, cleaning, intelligent, literate, creative, affectionate. So what if he was like that for the first year or so with her too... before the subtle patterns of abuse started to creep in? So what if all that "wonderful" behavior shifted until he was telling her he loved her one day and then telling others how horrible she was behind her back the next? He wouldn't do that to you too, down the road. She must have brought it out in him. He couldn't possibly be playing the same game over and over again, with you as the next target. No. This time, he'll be different, with you.

So what if he has been incapable of honesty and integrity all his life? So what if he actually admitted to his wife (just about the time you two started up again): "I am afraid of truth-tellers. I have so many lies in my past and present. The truth burns." That couldn't mean that he was telling lies to YOU. After all, he was so HONEST about his dishonesty so THAT'S got to count for something... It must mean he realizes his mistakes and won't make the same ones again, right? The fact that he acknowledges things is so CONVINCING. If he acknowledges it, then he couldn't possibly STILL do those sorts of things. Sure, sure. He had HER convinced too. But he couldn't possibly be STILL lying to YOU. You're special.

Yeah, sure, he might have done those kinds of things in the past, but the past is the past, right? It doesn't have any danger of repeating itself with you. Because you're special. His love for you is so strong and your connection to each other is so different (at least, that's what he has told you, and you know you can trust him, right?), he wouldn't EVER do anything deliberately hurtful or malicious to YOU. He wouldn't undermine YOUR support network and use your friends to hurt YOU. He'd never make snide remarks about YOU behind your back and then make sure you found out about it. No no no. She must have brought that out in him. But you, you're special.

Besides, he's been in therapy. That must mean he's sincere, right? He wouldn't possibly be using the whole "therapy" thing as a cover-up to make himself look better because his reputation got damaged after the fiasco with his wife. He couldn't possibly be using contrition, and the "I feel so bad about myself"-line to get sympathy and support! He couldn't possibly be going after women who have a strong sense of personal responsibility because he knows how to manipulate that to try and get them to feel responsible for HIS sick feelings. He couldn't possibly be seeking out active, intelligent, dedicated women, so that he can PUNISH them when they don't direct all that energy to HIM. Just because he has engaged in such manipulative behavior in the past doesn't mean he would be doing that NOW. Not with YOU. You're SPECIAL.

He's so contrite and sincere about "working on his issues", he couldn't possibly be lying about that. Just because he has a history pathological lying to himself and others, doesn't mean he'll be that way with you. Besides, if he has deceived himself so completely that HE doesn't know it's a lie, then he can't be held accountable for it, right? He can always claim that he doesn't have good "memory" for things in the past. But don't worry. He won't use that sort of deception and evasion with YOU. You're special.

The poor guy just made bad choices before (you). Sure he made mistakes, but if his ex doesn't want to have anything to do with him, and now think he is mentally ill, it must be because SHE is unstable - I mean, look at how amazing and kind and charming he is with you... He couldn't possibly have been like that with HER TOO... He wouldn't be using stock romance "lines" on YOU.
This time, it's REALLY love. You're Special.

Sure, he did a *few* things in his past that were unkind, but he needs to be forgiven for HIS behavior, (after all, she drove him to it), but HER mistakes and reactions to his emotional abuse, were unforgivable. But things will be different with you. He won't think YOUR mistakes are unforgivable. He won't apply a double-standard to YOU. He won't expect YOU to be perfect and subtely criticize you when you don't measure up to his standards. You're the one who is going to change his life.

And speaking of unforgivable, of COURSE he can't forgive her for doing things that *hurt* him (he's so deeply sensitive, you see) - but he couldn't possibly have lied about the things he said she did. He couldn't possibly have "set up" situations so he could cry foul... He wouldn't have ENCOURAGED her to do things so he could later claim that he was hurt by her... And, well, even if he DID, maybe do that, he certainly won't do it with YOU. You're too special for that. Any time he tells you he's happy for you and he encourages you to do something, he'll REALLY mean it, with YOU. He won't create a revisionist fantasy of your past so that he can insist you did things to hurt him as a justification for his cruelty to you. He won't secretly resent you for not devoting all your time to him. Even if he DID do that with her, he won't do it with you. Especially after he makes all those sacrifices for you. He won't secretly be dependent on YOU for all his attention. He won't be more demanding of you and your time and resent you when you don't give it all to him. Not THIS time. You're SPECIAL.

He's such a nice guy, he won't "help" you (especially unsolicited) and then have an unstated hidden agenda like he did with all the others. He's going to claim his right to be "selfish" now, because he's been so USED from all the excessive GIVING he did in the past that nobody really appreciated. The poor guy. He's never taken time to be selfish in the past - not even when he was sitting alone in his room, sucking off his hurts, or using other people. That wasn't selfish - that was just "acting out". But he's better now. Don't worry. He won't use his new-found right to be "selfish" against YOU. No. He really is a changed man, with you. With you he will give unconditionally.

It's no WONDER he behaved so badly! Look at how his wife was always hurting him, oppressing him with her refusal to live her life solely for him, expecting him to be honest with his feelings and actions, when he just wasn't ready. And besides, he just can't handle confrontation, you know? And like, she's just so SCARY when she's upset (it's just so unbeCOMing when women display any anger!) that he HAD to act that way. She actually raised her voice at times! Can you imagine? Nobody else is allowed to have anger and raise their voice except HIM. Because, like, he can't DEAL with it, and he shouldn't be expected to! He couldn't possibly have been projecting HIS issues on her so that someone else could have his anger FOR him, or so that he could get angry with someone other than himself! He couldn't possibly have been DELIBERATELY hitting all her hot buttons to hurt and upset her so he could lay blame. And, well, even if he DID do that for years, he won't do it anymore, with you.

And if somehow you accidentally do things that "trigger" his old abuse patterns, he'll be so sweet in telling you how you are doing things that remind him of her, so that YOU can change YOUR behavior. After all, you wouldn't want him to start acting emotionlly abusive again because of something YOU did.

And you don't have to worry about that, because you'll never get upset with him, and you'll never challenge him to be honest or to accept responsibility for his actions. SHE did that, and it was "controlling," but it'll be different with you, because you know better. And you won't need to worry about calling him on his behavior anyway, because he'll NEVER lie to YOU. He'll always be completely honest and upfront with you. He won't have to "forget" any promises he made to YOU. If he is inconsiderate, it won't be DELIBERATE, with you. If he lied to her or anyone else, it was because they drove him to it. With you, he won't withhold information, or distort or omitt the truth. He won't break fundamental relationship agreements with YOU. He won't HAVE to, because you'll be right there validating him 24/7, supporting him and telling him how he's so CLEVER and BRAVE to have escaped such a horrible relationship, and how wonderful it is that he is working so HARD to overcome his terrible past!

And it's a good thing he's not going to do any of those things he might have done in the past, because then you won't have to worry about forgiving him. You see, she REPEATEDLY forgave him for the lies and the accidentally-on-purpose "mistakes", and all that did was make him feel bad about himself - that she could forgive and he couldn't. Wasn't that AWFUL of her to make him feel so bad that way? So she DESERVED to be punished even more. And she should NEVER have shown any guilt when he manipulated her. It just caused him to hurt her more. He told her it was "like blood in the water for sharks" for him. She should have known better. YOU know better. But then, he won't be manipulative and passive-aggressive with YOU. He'll be different with you. You're SPECIAL.

And sure he made her work at the relationship when he wasn't really trying, but that wasn't being dishonest - he just didn't know what he really wanted, so that made it OK to put the burden of the relationship responsibility on her. Sure he admitted that he wanted her to make him the first priority in HER life, but he wasn't willing to afford her the same consideration. But that wasn't one of his patterns. He won't do that with YOU. Besides, he admitted his dishonest behavior after he abandon her, so that makes it ok. It erases everything. His slate's clean. He even said he was sorry, months later, so that shows how sincere he was. He couldn't possibly still have been interlacing the apology with blame. He's not STILL acting manipulative and projecting issues.... and well, if he is, he's only doing that with HER because of their history - he wouldn't do that with YOU.

And it's so sweet how he still talks about how much he cared for his wife, how much he did for her out of love. Sometimes, he even talks fondly of his treasured memories of her, of how she "helped" him (when she wasn't hurting him, the witch) - that must mean he's a deep, sensitive guy, right? Maybe you can even "help" him to forgive her and heal from his terrible past... Just like SHE thought she could "help" him.

And besides, he did so many NICE things for her and all those other women. That should count for SOMETHING, right? It's not like he was emotionally abusive or manipulative ALL the time. So it kind of cancels things out, right? It's not like he HIT anyone or anything. At least the things he did didn't leave any VISIBLE marks. Besides, he probably just made honest mistakes, that's all. He couldn't have actually got off on seeing them hurt and crying. He wouldn't have LAUGHED condescendingly in someone's face while she was crying. Not the man YOU are involved with. HE certainly doesn't remember doing anything like that - and HIS memory is inviolate.

He's told you how different he feels with YOU. How different he IS with you. How healing your love is. How much he NEEDS you. What a wonderful person he thinks you are. How important you are in his life. How much he values and appreciates you, and misses you when you are not together. How amazingly transformed he feels now that he has finally met someone as SPECIAL as YOU. So what if he told her the same things? He really MEANS it this time, with you. He's a changed person, (this time, for REAL) with you. You're special.

You don't need to talk to any of his ex's to find out what he was REALLY like, because the past is the past, right? You couldn't possibly learn anything from their experiences, because he's not going to be like that anymore. It couldn't possibly be that they have anything valid to say. Besides, you trust him to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH about his past (as far as he can "remember" it), right?

And he's such a sensitive, caring guy, he REALLY does wish he and his wife could be FRIENDS now. He can't understand why she would have NO desire to have any contact with him, NO desire to have anything to do with him - after all he did for her, after what they had. After all, SHE is the one who did unforgivable things. He's so uncomfortable around her now, because of how much she hurt him. He wouldn't STILL be projecting HIS issues on her, and implying that they are HER issues... After all, he's a changed man.

But you don't have to worry. He won't PUBLICLY divulge YOUR insecurities or deeply intimate things you told him in confidence to other women - he won't betray your trust - like he did with her. No matter what happens between you and him, you'll ALWAYS BE FRIENDS. You and he will always be able to work things out. So what if he said EXACTLY THE SAME THING TO HER (and all the others) too? It'll be different with you. You're special.

He won't wait a year or two before he starts in on YOU. He won't then use his knowledge of YOUR insecurities and emotional hot buttons to deliberately hurt YOU. He won't start using psychological warfare to couch his deliberately hurtful actions in social plausibility with YOU. He won't flirt with your close friends and use any attraction they might have to him, against YOU. NO. He won't tell you that you just weren't meeting his needs or living up to his expectations. He won't expect you to read his mind. He won't try to make it look like YOU are the reason he is unhappy, and YOU are the cause of your relationship problems. He won't set you up to get upset with him so that YOU are the one who breaks it off with him, (or you get so angry with him that he HAS to break it off with YOU) and HE looks like a martyr (AGAIN). So what if he made all the same promises to her? Just because he was following some of his old patterns when he got involved with you, doesn't mean he's going to follow through on the rest of them. He's CHANGED now.

You're special. Just like SHE was when he was with HER. Just like they ALL thought they were.

YOU are the one who can "fix" his wounded ego. Your relationship with him will be So Much Better than his last ones, because you're special! With you, he'll be honest and straight-forward for the first time in his life. He won't become cruel or passive-aggressive. He won't play headgames anymore. He'll stop using and discarding people like old kleenex. He won't be rude or unkind or disrespectful like he was with those other women. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH, HE'S NOW A CHANGED MAN. (Changed for the better, of course.) Not because of therapy. Not because he's removed himself from relationships and taken some serious time to get his [censored] together. Not because he's done any REAL work. Not because he's actually admitted to his real motivations, or made a single sincere change.

He just needed to find the RIGHT woman to "save" him from himself and "help" him become a better man, and that's YOU.

You just KNOW he'll be different with you. Right?

--------------------

Mmicky,

Now that you've read the above, I'm going to ask you to do something that will take courage on your part.

This MARRIED man's wife should be told that he has been pursuing you. She needs the truth so she can make informed decisions about her life, because lord knows he has not told her.

Put yourself in her place, would you not want to know if your husband (separated or not) was seeing someone and was telling her all the things he has told you. Things that are private intimate details that should only be kept between two people in a marriage. Its wrong he has done that, I know you must agree.

But moreover, she deserves the truth. Being left in the dark about her husband's cheating ways does not allow her to make decisions based on truth.

If everything that he has told you is the truth, then there shouldn't be any problem with you exposing this relationship you had with him to his wife. But, if he has been lying, then you are giving his wife what she needs and deserves. The truth.

Jo

My WS told OM that she was separated and that we were through. When that relationship ended, she picked up a phone and computer relationship with former friend, and told him the same thing.

My advice? Tell him to call you when the DIVORCE is final. There is a reason why some states have a separation period. The reason is so that spouses can come to their senses!

P.S. Tell him to bring a copy of the divorce decree. If he is serious about leaving his wife then he will take steps on that. If he just wants to "play the field," let him play with someone else. My two cents.

One of my former acquaintance whom I met in Divorce Care met up with a man who is still living with his wife and claims that they will separate; but just not yet because he has an autistic child. The child is very sensitive and that prevents him from moving out of the home. I told this woman to run, and don't get involve. She didn't. I tried explaining to her that her XWH probably did the same thing to OW and if she is getting involved with this man, then she too will be label as OW. She still couldn't see it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I completely 100% disagree with the above.

This MARRIED MAN has demonstrated he does not honor marriage PERIOD. Why in God's name would you think he'd be marriage material even after he's divorced. He doesn't think its wrong to pursue a relationship while still MARRIED. What does that say about his character or the way he thinks of marriage. He has a failing moral compass. And will bring that broken compass to his next relationship.

Jo

Gee Scott, do you support females on the OW board too?

You want to be sure and let all the betrayed wives over on the Plan A/B, JFO, GQII and the Recovery boards know you think this is the answer to their infidelity problems. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to know that you suggest OW should use those tactics above to get their cheating husband's to leave and divorce them.

Lord.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

After I found out that my WH was in an A, I called the OW and she said exactly the same thing "He told me that you were getting divorced." News to me at the time. I thought that we were happy. We were looking at a new house to buy, planning for retirement, just bought a new car for me, refinanced my business etc.