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Lookout...incoming! Jeez, this whole thing is like a frickin' minefield!!!
OK, her mom is out of the picture - practicing alcoholic. Next is OM's family, but I'm not expecting much from the parents who caused a broken home and produced this kind of progeny.
I'm trying to walk the line between being totally underhanded, yet exposing with as much force as required. If and when we reach recovery, I do NOT want to have put myself in a position of explaining the hypocrisy in my own "dishonesty". I feel fairly certain that any spin she puts on this can be seen through by the most casual observer - even my kids were instantly mad and disappointed - before I even implied that I thought what she was doing was wrong...boy was I proud of them!
I know you fight fire w/ fire and you don't negotiate with terrorists, etc., but in the end, we become what we do. In the end, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know you did right. I have to believe that truth will win out over deceit.
So, to use one last analogy, I'm trying to exorcise the WS without killing the host body!
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How would exposing be underhanded and dishonest. If anything it seems honest. Don't worry, if you ever get to recovery your WS will eventually realize that exposure was a necessary evil, and even if they don't, they'll understand it was WAY less underhanded and dishonest than what she did. Blame it on Dr. Harley and his advice. He is one of the leading experts in infidelity and you took his advice reluctantly.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Truth will not win over deciet. (well it may eventually but not soon enough tosave your marriage) Where did you learn that fairytale????
YOU should expose to anyone who can influence her affair. You should expose to anyone who knows your marriage is rocky. WHY are you protecting this infidel from the consequences of her decision.
You want to be able to look yourself in the mirror? Well start by manning up and knowing you've done EVERYTHING you can to kill this affair.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Thanks Big K, I needed that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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Lookout...incoming! Jeez, this whole thing is like a frickin' minefield!!!
OK, I've exposed to my family, the kids, and several other key friends. Her mom is out of the picture - practicing alcoholic. Next is OM's family, but I'm not expecting much from the parents who caused a broken home and produced this kind of progeny.
I'm trying to walk the line between being totally underhanded, yet exposing with as much force as required. If and when we reach recovery, I do NOT want to have put myself in a position of explaining the hypocrisy in my own "dishonesty". I feel fairly certain that any spin she puts on this can be seen through by the most casual observer - even my kids were instantly mad and disappointed - before I even implied that I thought what she was doing was wrong...boy was I proud of them!
I too explained some of the expected WS behavior and the addictive nature - hoping to "arm" them against potential weird reactions.
I know you fight fire w/ fire and you don't negotiate with terrorists, etc., but in the end, we become what we do. In the end, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know you did right. I have to believe that truth will win out over deceit.
So, to use one last analogy, I'm trying to exorcise the WS without killing the host body! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> We are trying to help you save your marriage and you are talking about being "underhanded" and "killing the host body!" What "dishonesty???" WHAT??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Capitan, did you tell those boys that adultery is immoral and give them moral guidance?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks Big K, I needed that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I suck at sunshine enemas
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Yes, I DID tell my DD and DS that it was immoral and a sin, although by their initial reactions it was so clear they already knew that on their own. Going with entire family to out-of-the-way fishing cabin for the weekend immediatly upon return. No TV, no cell phones, just us. My main focus will be on the kids - being tuned into how the recent revelation is making them feel. I will not pry, but just gently remind them they can talk to me if they want. Don't know what WW said to them yet - I will ask her directly. Very interested to see what WW's dynamic will be, as I'm sure she is about mine. The emails we've been trading have been nothing short of Jekyll and Hyde. One thread has her fogging at me about how she's not going to be "explaining" ANY of her behavior to anyone - it's private, and 2 minutes later comes a nice, light, informational and conversational email about nothing in particular. Gotta love it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> My plan for the weekend will be solid Plan A. I'm practicing my "non-responses" to typical WW b.s. I am now in the driver's seat, and it feels good... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> ...no I WON'T be negotiating w/ terrorists...
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My stbx told my SS that I abandoned them.
Now he hates me and I am not allowed ANY contact to tell him the truth, that she threw me out on the side of the road and that she was the one who destroyed our family with her affair.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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Pariah, I'm so sorry to hear that. How old is your son? What did she tell him?
That's the main reason I told the kids first, so that I could know for sure that they were given a calm, rational and truthful explanation of what's going on. Anything wife says later must then be compared to my side, and make "sense", otherwise will be discarded...
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