I know Mark -- I read the book (again) a year ago when these issue came up. (my annual check-up!)
I'm most definitely in the buyer's category.

I never asked him to take the quiz -- but I suppose I could.
Clearly he's a renter.

So here we are:

Renter and Buyer

This is a classic “I’m talking but you can’t hear me” situation. The problem is that while the Renter’s and Buyer’s perspectives on the relationship are probably quite different, they may think they are headed in the same direction. The Renter has one or more solid reasons why he or she is not interested in becoming a Buyer, but the Buyer believes these reasons are just minor obstacles to be overcome — or waited out.

In a Buyer-Renter relationship, the Buyer can sometimes overcome the less committed approach of the Renter. A good example set by a Buyer can occasionally convert the Renter to the Buyer’s perspective. If that’s not accomplished, though, the relationship will always be hampered by a lack of communication and, most likely, a gradually increasing sense of frustration and strife.

oh good grief. I took the quiz as him. I think I have a good sense of how he would answer the questions.

And guess what? He's a buyer too.

Now what???

This is really quite simple, Lexxxy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

He does not want to get married. You do. So unless one of you changes, one of you is going to end up being unhappy in the long haul.

So, since we established that the long haul is an unhappy ending, the only real question is what to do for the short haul - enjoy the present or move on.

I really think it's up to you (singular) - if you are enjoying the present enough to make up for the resentment of knowing that there is no happy future, then keep up the status quo.

But if your resenment/frustration is exceeding your satisfaction with the relationship - then end it. What coud be simpler?

What you should not be doing is keep hoping that he'd change his mind and then resent him when he doesn't - he made himself clear, you have all the facts, so it's all up to you to decide where you stand.

Keep taking the pulse of your own feelings and see what you think - if you are still happy with the present and knowing there is no future, then keep enjoying it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. If you start getting so frustrated that you are not enjoying the present - then end it.

AGG

I agree with what AG said, “What you should not be doing is keep hoping that he'd change his mind and then resent him when he doesn't - he made himself clear, you have all the facts, so it's all up to you to decide where you stand.”

My situation was somewhat similar to yours. M and I started off with our relationship as taking it slow and enjoy the moment. Ten months down the road things are going well, we talked about introducing my kids to him. I had this nagging feeling that he was holding something back and had second thoughts about introducing my kids to him. I had the talk with him and he did admit he was holding something back. He took the day off from work and talked to me face to face about his medical issues. Well, his medical issue was not a deal breaker for me. After our talk, I notice a huge change; he was sharing more info about his medical condition and we talk about what the future holds for him. I introduce my kids to him, things are great; kids love him, everyone is happy.

Then 18 months into our relationship I decided to have the check-up talk. He was honest, told me he can see us being together but he didn’t want to get married. He was concern about being a burden on me because of his medical issues. I was so devastated, all I heard was “He didn’t want to marry me.” Three months after the check-up talk he was in the hospital and faced a major change in his life. I decided right then and there that I was going to enjoy our time together and not push the marriage issue. He had many hospital stays and each time I was there to give him support. We enjoyed the good times and the bad times. Then we reach our 2 ½ year mark and out of the blues he talks about marriage and here we are planning for our wedding for this December.

Things could have turn out differently, but I would still stand by my decision. You just have to do a lot of soul searching, and be comfortable with what makes YOU happy.

Rest assured -- there is no hope left.
I won't even bring it up again.
There is something really yucky about having to convince someone that you're worth it...ya know?

But this really leaves me kinda feeling like I'm using him.
Although I suppose he's using me too...hmmm...

And then that leaves me feeling totally withdrawn.
I'm not looking forward to him coming back...and thats unusual.

More pondering to do.....