At the request of an MB friend who helped me in my previous thread, I'm reposting this here, originally posted on the After Divorce: Dating and Relationships board...

Here I find myself in this forum, after many months on GQII.

My sig line has my timeline. Until recently I'd been trying to work toward reconciliation with XH by working Plan A with a 180, with no success. We're friends at least - I'd hoped for more, but he chose to say no. I kept working the Plan, in the hopes he'd reconsider, but after several months of the same, it appears that our relationship stops at friendship and nothing more. I'm happy about that much at least.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, a gentleman asked me out to dinner last week! We'd met in person once before, and had corresponded by email a few times. We both share a common hobby, Geocaching. After some inner debate as to whether to accept this invitation or not, and with the encouragement of my friends and some of the good folks here at MB, I decided to accept. We had a wonderful time, and since then, have spent some time together, getting to know each other better.

He's a gentleman in every respect - respect being the operative word. It's been a long time since I felt that someone was actually interested in what I had to say, how I feel, and I find him fascinating too.

We've spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other. We're taking things slowly, and one day at a time. I have felt comfortable telling him about the 'place' that I am in, and while he's never been married, no kids, he has had a couple of long-term relationships that ended badly. He's been on his own for just over a year now.

We're both a little cautious, guarded, and we're both fine with taking things slowly and not putting pressure on things.

After our nice dinner last week, we've been on a picnic by the lake, and we went out Geocaching together. I'd say that RC is one of his important EN - and I've discovered that for me it has more importance than I might have thought.

It seems that I'm starting on a new journey, in a totally different direction. I never saw it coming - but now that I'm here, I'm enjoying the ride.

Any advice? There aren't any problems or red flags... I just want to continue working on myself, so that I can be the best dating partner I can be, and learn to listen to myself if I do spot a red flag - I've been known to ignore them in the past...

I have to say, it's really nice to receive a good morning email, or a phone call, or to have a door opened for me... I could get used to all that

Life had been pretty good recently - now that I can look forward to a little accompanied recreation, it just got a bit better!

JinGA

Jin,

I've followed your thread, and know how hard you tried with your XH. Sorry he isn't open to reconcile. But, sounds like you may be ready to move on. Happy to hear that you are open to dating, and I hope it goes well for you. Just take it SLOW.

Glad to see you have a new thread, JinGA. Also good to see it on GQII. Many have lost hope and left after Plan D, but you are a true inspiration in how to seek and start to achieve personal recovery even if the other chooses not to recover the marriage.

You've focused on self recovery and are being rewarded for it. Whether you and H reconcile or someone else sits patiently waiting on the couch (was he jumping up and down on it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />).....you will be better prepared for either.

Thanks for the new thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (You inspire me and I'm in recovery!)

Ace

Thanks, Ace <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

He was waiting patiently on the couch, figuratively as well as literally.

We talked and talked again last night - and the more we impart to one another, the more I'm realizing just how much I have learned, and am learning. I've taken lessons from past mistakes, applied the knowledge I've found here, and armed with all that, no matter what is in store for me now, and going forward, I *know* that I will be the best person that I can be.

That's really rather empowering!

I've always known that I'd be OK - that much was a given. I know now that I'm not "just" OK, but regardless of what my own future brings, I'm going to be more than OK.

JinGA

Yeah, enjoy yourself. Let it be about you now. You are not in a place of need any longer. You have survived the worst, and have done it virually alone (well with a little help from your friends, your kids, and from above that is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

When I met my new husband, I made a decision that I would never enter into am R again from a place of need.

And that this time around, I would do the choosing, and I would do it very carefully and deliberately. 2 areas I had failed in terribly in the past, and it showed by the failures of those R's.

Jin, I wanted a partner and a friend, someone who I could have a lot of fun with...and someone with a healthy idea of what a marriage is all about, and it's purpose.

This is what worked for me. I told myself if I felt at all anxious re: the guy, I was not going to continue in the relationship. I wanted no part of infatuation. I wanted no part of carrying the R, trying to control it, or of trying to make a man out of a little boy.

Good luck to you, and please just enjoy yourself now. Find joy in your kids, in life, in others, as well as in yourself.

That's my advice. (hey, you asked <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Great words of wisdom, Weaver. Glad you've been around after plan D and onto remarriage.

Also, did ya see that you inspired our "mispelling" theme on today's Friday Fun Thread?

Check it out.

Ace

P.S. JinGA....incoming soon, as promised.

Where is Friday's fun thread, ACee? It is Friday isn't it?

I'm the only one in the office today, so I am definitely going to have some fun.

Hay, why did I enspire it? Are yiou saynig Im a pour speller?

Kimmy's worst. Arks worser.

I'm deaply greeved ovur ths. Yu whoondith me.

Weaver, JinGA.....I've been gone so I was not aware of the drama surrounding the locked thread issues. I started the fun thread on the Recovery forum but forgot to link it.

You inspired it because you called me a name <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> after I picked up on Mr. W. mispelling of the word 'misspell'...then Kimmy spelled peditrition and Mrs. W helped her and it was just funny... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />....so I thought I'd change the 50 Something thread from a Trivia Theme into a Friday Fun Thread (to laugh at funny misspellings here and other places), but I just changed it back. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Sorry I'm a little unsettled today. Somehow I bumped a thread for sexymamabear last week and yesterday, but both posts disappeared....and now her H has revealed he does NOT want to recover his marriage. Actually, I thought they had disappeared but they were on her other thread. My bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Plus, I have tons to do today, my last day of vacation and my 'project' is still not done.

Sorry for the threadjack, JinGA.

Ace, Acey, Acie, Acee, (Arsie!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LOL I duck out for a day or two and you ladies are making mischief!

Weaver - you are SO on the money - that *is* the place where I am at, and I have seen "B" again - we made dinner at his home last night - we both cooked, cleaned up and ate like kings <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm enjoying things so far, taking it day by day and while it's early yet I can honestly say I've seen no red flags, we get along great, we think a lot alike, and I can see some great potential here. At the same time I'm not putting the cart before the horse - it's one day at a time.

It's so nice to have somebody else to enjoy doing stuff with - we went to DD's football game (she's in the marching band) Friday night.

OH and this is important... XH met B on Friday night - I had told XH about B, and he was positive about it. Well we got in the ticket queue for the game and who turned up right behind us, but XH and DS! We all sat together, XH was videotaping events so he was here and there, but both men hit it off well. I know for many (most?) this might have been a most awkward situation - but it was anything but that. DD was happy to see us all, and she was just great - I'm so proud of her in her uniform, she got all her moves just right... we lost the game badly but I was so darned proud I was nearly busting buttons!

Yesterday at the shop, XH told me he really got a good first impression of B. How do you like that?! He said he seems like a really nice guy, and I said yes he is - and he said he had a better first impression of B than the last man I had a relationship with (heck so did I!).

So he "approves" - not that I would need that, but it certainly makes life more easy when everyone is amicable and gets along. We *all* had a great time at the game!

He likes me, he really really likes me! (And a I really like him!)

JinGA

JinGA,

I got poose gumps reading your post. Good for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sorry we were makin' mischief on your thread....Not sure if Weaver saw my explanation of how she inspired the "Misspelling" theme on the 50 Something thread....but I won't prolong the 'event' to avoid continued TJ's of your new thread.

Did you get my article or did it launch out into cyber-ozone when you were out for a bit makin' merry?

Keep us posted on B.....sounds like a great opportunity!

Ace

LOL on the mischief - I live for it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> No offense taken whatsoever!

I did get your article - wow! I just haven't had a chance to comment on it yet... but I will. Today I need to catch up on a bunch of stuff.

I spent Monday out playing! B and I went geocaching fairly early, and I got home just after 8, when the kids returned home from XH's place. I had intended to be home before the kids, but there was a huge police checkpoint (DUI checkpoint) that took us about 20 minutes or so to get through. The kids called me to say they were home just as we were waiting for the local constabulary to wave us through.

We found about 15 or so geocaches - B took me to some he'd already found, I took him to some I'd already found, and we both found a bunch that neither of us had visited before. Some were easy, "no-brainers" and a few were quite strenuous hikes. He took me to a park where there's a "Deep Cut" - before the Civil War, a railroad had been run through a deep man-made gorge through a local mountain - very neat, the air in the 'cut' is about 20 degrees cooler than the temperature around it. Living where I do there's a ton of historical landmarks that revolved around Civil War battlefields and such, and I'm rapidly learning about all of that. While the war itself is not of particular interest to me, I do find it fascinating how the armies used the landscape to their advantage and such, and the local topography and geology is really interesting. We took photos, found caches... had a nice lunch to refuel... I'm not sure how far we walked, but I'm surprised I'm not 'feeling the burn' from all the uphill climbing, some of those hikes were pretty steep.

B has told me that he's really happy to have a lady friend to go on these hikes with. There are lots of women in this hobby - but perhaps not all go for the higher degree of difficulty hides? I don't know - but I used to hike and walk a lot as a kid, so it's coming back to me quite easily!

I feel the same, and I really enjoy his telling me about the local landmarks. He grew up around here, so he's much more versed in local history and such - so I'm gaining a lot more from the geocaching than just the thrill of the hunt, and the obvious exercise of getting out there and schlepping through the forest. A T-shirt I saw on another geocacher once sums it up best: "I use multi-billion dollar military satellites to find Tupperware hidden in the woods."

On one of our hikes B found Muscadines - I'd never heard of them, but they are a grape-like fruit that grows wild. He used to eat them as a child, and one of his family used to make wine from the fruit. We went all "Survivor-Man" (LOL!) and ate some! I'd never heard of this fruit, but it was tasty! Guess not every gal will hike into the bush and eat wild berries! Hey - when I was a kid I'd go searching for wild blackberries, blueberries and such - so this was no different!

I think I forgot to mention too, that on Saturday, it was quiet at the shop, and I asked XH if I could leave a bit early since there were 3 of us there... and he was willing to hold down the fort so I could go. That was nice. Between leaving a bit early on Saturday, and having Monday "off" (shop is always closed on Mondays but I didn't have to go in and do *any* work at all!) it was the closest thing to a vacation I've had in over 18 months. Very refreshing, and it was nicer still that I had someone fun to spend some time with!

We also cooked dinner together Saturday night. He bought the steaks, I bought the fixings for tortellini Alfredo. We worked in his kitchen without getting underfoot and we had a great meal together, then cleaned up afterward. We talked and talked long after that.

And I've laughed more in the last week or so, than I have in years. It seems that we have a very similar sense of humour, and once one of us makes a funny, we laugh and laugh til it hurts! Haven't done that in forever. He said he hasn't either.

It's so nice to just relax, be myself, and spend time with someone who appreciates me for who I am. I don't have to put on airs, I don't have to walk on eggshells, I don't have to try to impress.

It sounds kind of corny but I feel like a teenager again, but with about 22 years of life experience to make me a bit smarter! I'm laughing, being silly, doing things I used to do when I was a teenager (hiking and stuff) - yet doing so with the maturity factor that isn't there when you're 17 or 18. I'm loving it!

People are noticing too. Once again I got compliments from a customer on Sunday - a man and his family came in, they haven't been in in a while and at one point he asked me how I was doing, said I looked great! Said last time he was in I looked a bit worn down (ya think?) and tired, and that day I looked rested and rejuvenated. I thanked him and told him that things are going very well, and I was glad he'd noticed!

I guess it's showing that I'm finally relaxing and just having a good time!

Who'd have thunk? I mean - I've been taking better care of myself and losing weight for several months now - that's not 'new' and I've been receiving compliments for some time now as people notice my positive changes. However since B asked me out on a date, things have changed quite a bit for me, and now I have something to look forward to, rather than pining away for something that may never happen, while going through the motions of moving on.

I think at this point I can really say I'm really and truly moving on - and it's FUN!

JinGA

Thanks for sharing. Sorry short on time. What fun it is to hear how well things are going. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Keep it up....keep on being you....keep on sharing and inspiring others who have been bogged down by Plan D.

Ace

There is life after plan D - just took me a while to find that out. The relationship I had after XH was a train wreck - and I knew it but I let it happen anyway.

So far, this is SOOOOOOOOOO much different! I'm having FUN!

JinGA

Post deleted by kingleonidas

King, sorry you're still having grief. I think I may know who you are <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Hopefully things can get worked out for you. Sucks to have tug-of-war issues with the kids.

I'm very fortunate in that regard. It turned out to be a good weekend all around, as XH's brother was in town and he stayed with XH and the kids (who spent the weekend at XH's), and yesterday they went out to a local landmark that Uncle C had wanted to see for some time.

When the kids and I got home last night we had lots to talk about <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm taking care of housework and stuff today. I don't open the shop til later, and I'm going out of town on business this coming weekend so I'm trying to prepare for that and get a lot of stuff done around the house. I need this week to be about 3 days longer! LOL! Well, life is never boring, that's for sure!

JinGA

Well last night was uneventful. I spent a good chunk of the day housecleaning - needed it since I've been busy with other stuff the last week or so <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Went to work at 4 and it was slow - I think people are a day behind after the holiday.

B called last night after I got home - it's funny - DD is usually fast to jump on the phone - it's usually for her. She didn't recognize the number on caller ID so she handed me the phone without answering it, and when I recognized the number and answered, she rolled her eyes. LOL! Sad to have to 'compete' for the phone with your mom! B and I talked for a few minutes, then DD had the phone to call her BF!

I had a quiet, early night and slept fairly well - for the first time in a long time, I'm actually getting a decent night's sleep. I seriously doubt that's a coincidence - my life is smoothing out a bit more, and I'm able to settle down and rest at night.

Tonight is 'pizza night' - once a month I trade store services for pizza with a client who owns a pizza place. I invited B to join us. The client drops off the pizza at the shop before closing, we take it home and heat it up - and it's yummy!

Both my kids really like B - they met him for the first time when I met him for the first time, at a group geocaching social event, so we already have something to talk about all together. B also has 2 younger half-brothers, the younger is the same age as my DS, and the older is a few years older than DD, so while he doesn't have children of his own, he's been there while his brothers were born and raised, and since his father passed, he has sort of assumed a 'father figure' role in his brothers' lives, which is nice because he can relate to teenagers quite well.

That's all the news for now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

Good for you, JinGA. Glad your "letting go" of something you thought you wanted for a long time has given you such comfort.

AND......a new phase of your life can now unfold. It would have make me wonder what might have happened if I had let go earlier.

Actually, now that I think of it, I DID let go early....right after D-Day #4....and another upgraded version of my WH entered my life in the form of a dream man I never thought I would ever get to know. Amazing how that happens! And he has been earning the title of FORMER WH for nearly 10 months now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for sharing about your 'uneventful' evening.

Ace

Well I'd let go before, latched on to something unhealthy, let go of that, latched back on to XH... now I'm truly letting go of that, and not 'latching on'. I'm free to be ME, but I seem to have found (or he found me) someone who can be himself with me, and I with him. Definitely a much healthier place.

Tonight B came for dinner - once a month I trade services for pizza with a client, so he came and joined us, we watched TV for a while afterward, and he left a little while ago.

A nice quiet evening at home <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This is the good stuff!

JinGA

Jin,

Good stuff indeed. You are a true inspiration......fall down, get back up.....fall down again....get back up again.....keep on keepin' on!

There is a light at the enD of the "D" tunnel after all.

Thanks for sharing.

Ace