I met B's Mom last night. What a nice lady... totally different from B, but nice in a different sort of way.

B loves his Mom and they are close, but at times he can only "take" her in small doses. I'm sure many of us can relate to that (I can!). They have totally different personalities.

We (B, his Mom, my kids and myself) went to dinner last night. B's Mom chattered away about her work (according to B she just returned to the work force recently - to me she presents herself very professionally)...I asked her questions about what type of work she does and etc. B remained pretty quiet. When I spoke, I'd make eye contact with B as well as with his Mom, but for the most part he seemed a bit zoned out while his Mom was talking LOL! I almost felt like I was ignoring B while his Mom chatted... so I made sure to speak "to" B as well as his Mom.

I think I made a good impression. Well I wasn't trying to "impress" per se... but if she came away with a favourable notion of who I am, that's great!

This evening after work I'll go by B's and pick up his doggie... he was going to bring her over last night but I have a feeling he didn't want to part with her just yet! She's such a sweet creature. He's got an aquarium too so I'll tend to that while he's away. Gee it's only 4 days (3 nights)... not a month... LOL!

Well this weekend between this that and the other, I should be kept hopping. It will be Sunday before I know it!

JinGA

I just posted the question regarding unusual adventure activities on the 20 to 90 Something thread on the recovery forum.

Jump on over, JinGA and any others. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ace

Ace, I just put in my 2 cents over there and I'm watching the topic <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Went by B's last night and picked up his doggie. She misses her daddy but she's settled in nicely here. B made it to his Grandma's and he sent me an IM yesterday afternoon when he got there, and we talked on the phone last night between DD's phone calls - dang I feel like her answering service! I don't use the phone much... but lately I have to make an appointment! Ah, teenagers!

Busy day/weekend for me... got work at the shop, then Homecoming football game (I volunteer in the concession stand to pay for DD's band scholarship), DS is in middle school but his band is playing at the game too. XH is still out of town but due back today sometime. I don't know if he'll attend the game or not - likely not. So somehow I have to juggle it all... then tomorrow there's a lot of work at the shop, have to go to the airport to pick up a shipment, XH has a tank to move on Saturday and one on Sunday. Tomorrow is his b'day and I wanted to give him the weekend off but customers had other notions. We have agreed (a la POJA!) that he'll take next weekend off as the work this weekend can't be rescheduled (customers moving, have to be OUT, short notice...and XH is currently out of town). Besides, the kids will be able to spend the weekend with him, I think DD has a football game Friday night, but otherwise she'll be free so they can have some quality and quantity time together.

B will be back before I know it (on Sunday). I don't expect to see him after a long drive back, but he did say he'd see me... I guess he'll want to pick up his pooch anyway <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'll play that by ear.

Routine *should* be back to normal on Monday - but I just had email from a client who is selling her tank to someone out of state who's coming to pick it up from her on Monday and they might need somebody to pack up the fish and corals for travel... so I might have an abbreviated half day off.

B has a full work schedule next week too. Often he's finished by 2:00 and on my short days we spend some time together, but that may not happen this week either. That's OK - we'll work out some together time when we can. It's good that we're both somewhat flexible. When he first asked me out I was worried that my weird work schedule may not have been conducive to a relationship, but so far it's all working out nicely. He comes by the shop sometimes - he doesn't interfere with my work, and sometimes he even lends a hand, so it's nice. Finding time and things to do together outside of my wacky schedule hasn't been a problem either. It's all good!

Well I'd best get my kiester into gear - lots for me to do today!

JinGA

Hi JinGA,
This is my first post on these forums. I justed wanted to say that I think you are a really strong woman. I've kept up with your posts as a lurker and am really happy that you've found happiness again. I happened across this site as I was looking for ways to better my own marriage after having a little girl. I felt like things were getting too much about her and not enough about our marriage. So I happened across this site and even though most marriages here are going through really tough times, I've learned a lot of what/what not to do's.

I started visiting your thread often because I believe we are pretty close...I live in the Carpet Capital a little north of you. Anyway, I hope you continue finding happiness with B, and good luck with all your daughter's band activities.

AnginGA

Hi Ang! I know where that Carpet Capital is - yep not far from me at all! Glad you've found some important info on these forums - *before* you needed it, as it were. Foresight is much better than hindsight!

I haven't posted in a few... it was busy around here. B and his Mom stayed an extra day and he returned yesterday afternoon. It was good to see him ... I missed him, and he missed me. It's nice that we have things that we do on our own that we can talk about when we're together again - keeps things interesting. He, his Mom and Aunt did a bunch of geocaching and went to an event cache, and they had a great time.

B's cousin also had surgery to correct an orthopedic problem that she was born with - and he got a chance to visit with her, post-op so that was good too. The extra day gave him time to see more extended family that he may not have had time to visit with. I'm glad that family is important to him - it's important to me too.

I worked the football game concession stand Friday night, DD had Homecoming dance Saturday and both kids spent Sat night at their Dad's. I had some real alone time. I haven't had that in a while - Mondays and Tuesdays notwithstanding - when I am either closed or open the shop late and have some me time at home. I went to bed early Saturday night and Sunday night too. Caught up on some stuff I had on the TIVO... well not caught up but I made a dent in it! I watch a soap and I'm still in August episodes! I may never catch up! LOL

Yesterday I did what I had to do at the shop - my technician fell and hurt herself on Friday so she's taking a couple of days off - she might be back tomorrow but I told her to take all the time she needs - she hurt her wrist and can't lift - and her job involves a lot of lifting. No sense overdoing it too soon, that will only prolong the pain. She's a trooper though. After I did my thing at the shop I came home and did some housework. B came over last night and we ordered pizza and spent a quiet evening - well quiet as it can be with my kids <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> We all sat on my bed and talked about our day/weekend and stuff, kids did their homework, we ate pizza and talked some more...

B is back to work today, I have to go across town to pick up some stuff before I open at 4. I'm not in the mood to work - I haven't been lately. Not sure why.. I take vitamin b12 shots and I missed one (bi-weekly) - I took it yesterday perhaps I'll be a bit more energetic when that kicks in.

XH and our part time help moved 2 tanks over the weekend so a bit of extra money came in - that helps. It's always a struggle when you own your own business... I think I get a bit burned out keeping all the balls in the air. I had last weekend off to be with my Mom - first weekend off in about 2 years... but it wasn't laid back, we went non-stop. I think I need a few days off with nothing in particular to do, so I can do some stuff I need to do - if that makes any sense. Oh well... that's life. I wanted to give XH the weekend off as Sat was his birthday but there was too much work to be done. He's going to take this weekend, but I don't think he wants to take the kids (again) - he said he's going to a party Saturday night. He might do something with them on Friday night. Guess we'll play that by ear.

I just need to snap out of my funk. There's no reason for me to be in a funk - everything is going just fine in my life - perhaps it's the change in weather or something - it's cooler here now - suddenly. Just need to snap out of it, smile and tarry forward! Oh well, if I'm going to be in a funk, it's best that I am consciously aware of it so I can deal with it, without taking it out on anybody (and I haven't...) I need to count my blessings - I have *many*.

JinGA

Another week humming along. I got over my Tuesday funk - I still don't know what was up with that but I got over my grumpy/sad mood without taking it out on anybody <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I don't usually transfer any negativity I'm feeling, I just am not sure why I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Oh well - I got over myself! I guess we all have a weird/bad day once in a while.

I did get my stuff done on Tuesday - caught up with my buddy the wholesaler across town and had a visit there, and a mutual friend of ours dropped in while I was there - he's the H in a couple I know through my industry. Haven't seen his W in a while since she changed jobs but I got her cell # so I'm going to call her up and catch up with her sometime soon. It was good to see both of my friends.

Had a busy sales night too - that helped boost my mood too.

B and I went to dinner (sans kids... Mom needed just a plain old date night)...kids fixed their own dinner and I went with DD's blessing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Was home by 9:30 and I died before 10:00... I was tired after my weird sleepless night the night before.

B stopped by the shop for a little bit yesterday after he finished work. He had a headache and he was tired after a busy day. He said he might come over later, but I knew he was tired - I smiled and told him that if I didn't hear from him I'd know he was tired and went to bed early <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> He did call last evening, but yep he was tired and got an early night - he was leaving for work way across town and beyond at 5:30 this morning, so no worries there. We plan to get together this evening for a while.

Halloween was quiet around here. My kids didn't go trick or treating, they are a bit old for that and since I had to work til 8 (I left a bit early but I had to wait for a delivery that didn't come til 15 mins before closing time), so they got dressed up and scared the little kids coming to our door <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Not as many kids as in previous years - the format of the event is changing in these parts - less door-to-door stuff in favour of organized activities at churches and community centers and such. Oh well.

XH hasn't been to work at the shop yet this week. Mondays we're closed - Tuesday night he went to a concert at a bar - a band we both like from our home country was in town... dunno why he didn't do a customary driveby at the shop - the concert didn't start til 9:00 PM but hey - any excuse not to show up, right? Then he popped by the shop at 10:20 yesterday morning - I guess he was a bit late for work... he usually starts at 7. Out past his bedtime. He never was good at getting up on his own in the morning. He doesn't hear his alarm. Oh well - not my problem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> He did stop by to tell me all about the concert and show me pictures/video he took on his phone. I'm glad he had a good time. Nice to see him get out and live a bit.

Because he was late going in, he worked late, so he hasn't come by the shop to work last night either. I've got a few minor repair jobs piling up... hopefully he'll stop in tonight for more than 10 minutes because things need doing and I agreed that he could be off this coming weekend since I had a weekend off with my Mom. The "time off" is still very lopsided but I intend to request some more time off in the weeks to come. I need more of a break, a bit more often. Business ownership isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

So it's business as usual... I'm feeling good, life is good, working on little ways to tweak it and make it better!

JinGA

Wow I haven't posted here in 10 days! Time flies...

Work has been busy - sorta... kids have kept me busy, and spending time with B. Life is good and keeps getting better.

B had some time off this past week and came in and pitched in at the shop. It was his idea.. I didn't ask, he volunteered! Then after doing all kinds of stuff that helped me catch up some, he thanked me for all I taught him! How amazing is that?

Aside from the obvious results of the work that he did in the shop, the boost to my morale was immeasurable. I thanked him profoundly for all that he did - gave me such an emotional lift... XH has been busy and had out calls for customers this week and the kids had this and that going on (XH helps with that stuff) - I was a bit overwhelmed at work, and while I don't "complain" as such, I do talk about it sometimes, and B had the time and he just showed up and pitched in. Even XH was impressed and thanked B so much for all that he did. Not only did he help - but he did an exceptional job at the tasks he took on!

B and I have also been socializing a bit more. Friends/customers of mine have become fast friends of his too, and last Friday night we went out to dinner with the other couple, and then to the coffee house where one works for some live music. Saturday night it was a quiet evening here, then Sunday he did his thing, I did mine. We got together a few times during the week, including his helping me out at work. Friday night we had a quiet evening at his place (one of my kids was with XH, the other at a football game). Last night we went to a Geocaching gathering then stopped at the coffee house on the way home for live music (DS was still at XH's and DD was at a hockey game with her BF). Tonight I'm home procrastinating about doing the mountain of laundry I've got... B is home doing his laundry quite likely LOL!

I think he has a short work day tomorrow, as do I, so we'll probably do a bit of geocaching in the afternoon. Stinks that the daylight evaporates so quickly these days... cuts into caching time!

At least the marching band/football season is done (our team didn't make the playoffs...) and DD's practice schedule has decreased somewhat so that takes a bit of pressure off me. Then the holiday concert season will start - DS had a concert Thursday (XH went to that one) and DD has one this week (I'll go to that one) - unfortunately XH and I can't go at the same time as somebody has to mind the shop - but we are pretty good about sharing responsibilities in that regard.

Other than that, no big plans for this week, although B and I have talked about Thanksgiving. I think he's going to come here for Thanksgiving dinner - although I'm not sure if XH wants to have a Thanksgiving dinner with the kids - I'll have to ask him this week what his plans are, if any. The kids are off all that week and I'm unsure if they'll want to spend it at their father's - I guess I'll sort that out this week.

Hard to believe the year is about 6 weeks away from being over - where did it go???

JinGA

Well I haven't posted in a while... a few folks whose threads I was participating in, have dropped off <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Hope all is well with them.

As for me - things are great. B and I are enjoying spending time together, we spent Thanksgiving together and the kids went to XH's on the Friday (and for the weekend).

I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year - first time in quite a while.

I'm heading home for a visit this week... 6 days. I haven't been home since I moved to this country, almost 8 years ago. Should be fun. XH had some extra vacation time and agreed to cover the shop and keep the kids, B will drive me to/from the airport and help look after my pets while I'm gone.

Life is good, and it keeps getting better!

JinGA

Jin,

A few of us are still on here. Just lurking and posting a little.

Glad to hear things are going well for you. Things are rolling on my end. There will be lots of activity soon and my kiddos are doing well. We put up our Christmas tree the other night.

Will write more soon!

Glad to hear it Pomdbd3. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

Been a couple of weeks since I had time to post. I went back home to visit my Mom for a week, for the first time in 8 years. I've seen Mom but haven't been able to "go home" in all that time. Had a blast - never stopped the whole time I was there.

Now I'm caught in the pre-holiday scurry... but I'm still here and all is well. I'm glad I had the opportunity to go home and I'm grateful to XH for being able to cover the shop so I could go.

Things are great between B and me... all is right with the world.

I have a hectic few days ahead of me - but I'll get there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

Good to hear from you JinGA, hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas!

On a side note... just posted a new thread...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3360307

Our Christmas plans...

JinGA

Well I haven't posted here in forever... but I thought I'd peek in for anyone who remembers my tumultuous saga from last year, and how I finally started getting my junk together.

B and I are still dating. Nearly 7 months now and things are going very well. The "newness" of it all has worn off - as these things do, but we are enjoying each day, one at a time, and I'm very happy with how that is going, and how my life in general is going.

I finally feel like I'm in a healthy relationship. We love each other, enjoy each other's company. He fills my needs without my even needing to tell him what they are - he just seems to know intuitively. From the feedback I receive from him, I think I'm filling his needs too. I can look back *now* and realize that what I thought I wanted a year ago, wasn't sane. It took having some time alone, and working through those issues, with lots of help from the good folks here, to figure out what I really needed was to look after myself and my kids *first*.

That's what I did, and when I wasn't even looking, B came along. We're still taking things slowly, nobody is in a hurry for anything. I like that. We're both on the same page. I do see long-term for us, and he does too, but we aren't rushing to get to the long-term part. We are exclusive - neither of us is the sort to date more than one person at a time. We're both independent - we can get along just find without the other - but we *enjoy* being with one another, and we both feel that our relationship makes a good life even better.

I truly feel that I'm with an equal. Neither one of us has to push, pull or drag the other. In my M I was always the initiator, the organizer, the doer. B and I share those responsibilities. He plans for us to do something, or I do. We're both laid back and easy going. We can plan something ahead, or do something spur of the moment - and we seem to be in sync with each other's moods and such. And we're both flexible. If one or the other feels like going someplace or doing something and the other just isn't into it, that's OK - we adapt and compromise.

We've never had an argument. We've disagreed on a few things, but we're both respectful, and there's always middle ground. That's refreshing - no more "my way or the highway" (and I've been guilty of that in the past).

I can tell him about my day (and vent sometimes!), and he doesn't take it personally. I don't transfer my frustration TO him, I just talk to him about it, and he listens and understands. He does the same - if he's had a rough day, he'll tell me about it, I am sympathetic and understanding, and we'll both feel better to just talk it out and get it off our chest, and move on to something else. When we've had a good day, we'll share our joy about it and each is happy for the other. The good and the bad - we talk about it all.

One of the best and most interesting things, is that even if one of us (or both of us) have had a crappy day, we can laugh about it. The other evening he came over, and he was frazzled from a difficult day - he told me about it, and eventually made a joke about it and before we knew it we both laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face. *That* is so nice - that even when we're grumpy we can find the humor in it. I am that way and I've always tried to be - it's nice to have somebody else that does the same thing, and it turns something negative into something positive.

OK I guess I'm gushing a bit... but after all the junk I have gone through in recent years, I'm just so appreciative to be with someone who understands me, who thinks the same way I do, and whose personality meshes so well with my own.

I know people say that relationships are "hard work" and to some extent that's true - you can't just sit back and put it on autopilot - but when you find somebody who jives well with who you are, and you don't have to pretend to be who you aren't, and you don't have to force things (we know that doesn't work!), it's just so much easier to relax and enjoy life as it happens. It's not "work" as such... it's what I want to do. And B seems to respond in kind.

The other night he came over and fixed supper for us. DD15 was out at an extracurricular activity, and when she got home, she was very impressed at B's culinary skills. She told me she boasted to all her friends about it! DS13 likes joining us for geocaching or gold panning... we have fun outdoors and get some exercise. I still work long hours, but I've learned to make the most of the bit of time off that I do have. Instead of hanging around the house, we get out there and do stuff. Having somebody else that also enjoys doing stuff and helps with the "grunt work" involved is nice. The kids and I do stuff anyway, but having another adult to help with some of the responsibilities from time to time makes it easier to do more, more often.

XH is still around - doing his own thing, still helps in the shop and he and B actually get along quite well when they see each other. B has lent a hand in the shop from time to time, and XH appreciates it. XH has been helping more where the kids are involved too - spending a bit of time helping DS with his homework and such - good for the kids, and I daresay good for him too. I wish XH would do more around the shop - he is half owner, but I try not to get myself too worked up over it anymore. It is what it is, and I just have to deal with it. I'd still like to sell the shop but struck out with brokers I'd tried to enlist to sell it, so for now I just keep on keeping on - hopefully if/when the economy picks up a bit, we'll find a buyer.

That's all the news from me. Life is good, and it keeps on getting better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

Hi JinGA,

Glad to hear that you are doing well. You sound really happy and at peace and that is good.

Who