doing
i lost contact with her when i left the area
she wanted nothing to do with me anyway
I am in deep therapy ( with 3 therapists).. I cant seem to maintain a relationship and keep picking "bad" women.
I'm sorry to say..but therapist thinks its a "mom" problem for me

2 long..i've read Michelle langleys 2 books on women's infidelity and have been posting on her womeninfidelity website
I sure aint NO EXPERT... but i think BB needs to get some calmness and clarity in his life, by distancing himself from his wife
its a tough call because his wife may feel "lost" and abandoned if he does cut and run.. but dealing with her is clearly destructive to him and not working on getting her back. all the pros say the worst thing a man can do is be "needy" needy men freighten women Plan "a" is a loving man..Plan B is an independant man..NEITHER is NEEDY
BB surely needs some professional help, and MB can surely provide it.. but he has to implement it.

and we all need to remember that we cant " save" anyone
we cant save BB
and BB cant save his wife
JB

J, this is how I explain it:

When the swedish people left sweden, they left a cold dark snowy place, where did they go? to Minnesota, another cold dark snowy place, you know why? its all they knew, they couldn't go to Florida, the land is sand, the sun shines, it gets hot, its real humid, the air is salty. Minnesota is what they know, they knew how to live there, work the land, grow the food in that cold dark snowy place. We are swuedes (sp?) we go where we know. I married a guy that did things like the men I knew, its what I knew, its what you know, We have to learn to go to Florida and that is what I am working on.

BB,

What's up?

JL

JL:

I'm not sure we'll hear from BB again. Something he said about his visit with his WW bothers me, though, and I just have 2 say this. Maybe it'll be of some use 2 others in a similar si2ation, if not BB:


Thankfully, I don't need 2 call this behavior "piggish" because BB already did that (and so he recognizes it for what it is).

This behavior was not in BB's best interest for at least 3 "obvious" reasons (and these can serve as an example for others in this si2ation, and BB, if you read around on this or any other infidelity forum, you'll realize this si2ation is rather common):

1. Mrs BB may have brought home an STD. BB 2k a risk 2 his own health by having SF with her.

2. Why keep this visit and the activities secret from the OM? You want 2 END the affair, not prolong it by supporting secrecy.

3. Your W will go back "home" 2 the OM confused, alright. You have confirmed her revisionist suspicion (assuming it isn't really true), that you only want her for sex, you don't want her for who she is. Heck, I got accused of the same thing, and I NEVER treated my W in that manner.



Again, I didn't need 2 call it selfish, because it is obvious that you recognize it for what it is.

I wish I could remember who said "the best way 2 a woman's heart is through her ears". Not sex.

Even WSs need 2 be shown some level of respect, otherwise where's the draw for them 2 end their A and come home? I don't mean honor their behavior. I mean remind them of the good qualities that they have that made you fall in love with them in the first place.

That's good plan A (and plan B) behavior. Boning a confused infidel every chance you get, because it feels good, is not.

-ol' 2long

2 long
1. i think bb and his wife deserve each other
2. I feel for the kids
3. I also love DUNE.. early novels at least
jerseyboy
"usele has attracked a big one"

Hello Everyone.
Sorry I haven’t had time to join in. Been living out of a suitcase for the last 6 weeks.
A lot has happened since I posted last.
I was offered a promotion to bigger facility in the company I work for. More responsibility but also more money too. Happened the week after I got back from picking up my Ex in Seattle. Wanted this job for about 3 years and the opportunity came up. Both my kids are very pleased since they both like this city. We visited there often all their lives. It is a good move.
The moving truck arrives in 2 days.

The big news. My EX broke up with here boyfriend and has agreed to try and reconcile. She will move to the new town in 3 weeks and try again. I am pleased but also very nervous. Most of the issues are still there. We have talked at length about these issues but have a lot to do. The kids are pleased.
In case anyone was really paying attention to details? My Ex met me in Seattle and I brought here back to my home town. We got along well. She intended to stay for 2 weeks and return to Mexico. She stayed for 6 weeks.
It was a roller coaster but when I took her to the airport, we were very close to reconciling.
She broke up with her boyfriend when she got there and moved out and got an apartment near some friends of hers. They have been keeping a close eye on her and now even call me to update me. My Ex and I talk regularly.
My first thought was to get her home immediately. It was hers too. However with the move and reconciliation things were getting too tense. We came close to calling it off. Too much pressure.
We agreed that she would stay a little longer and get her head on straight before returning. She feels awful for what she has done to everyone but is still confused and worried about the reconciliation. So am I for that matter.
My thoughts are now that if she comes back OK. We have a plan to handle that. If she or I get cold feet then so be it.
We are going to give it a shot. We will see how it works out.
BB

bb:

That's great news!

Now, this time is going 2 be delicate. Why not get with a good marriage counselor or coach 2 help you put a good recovery plan 2gether?

As always, I highly recommend calling the Harleys.

-ol' 2long

Update
Reconciliation is going well. We are still sometimes at odds. But rarely. We have yet to start counselling together. I have been going for months. She is planning on going this week herself. She wants to sort out her issues before we start on duel counselling.
She calls it her mid life crisis. She seems genuinely happy now?
We appear to be on the road to recovery
BB

Wow BB. I am so surprised. I seriously didn't think you had a snowballs chance in...

How great for both of you. I hope you are both practicing the MB concepts.

Radical Honesty, The Policy of Joint Agreement, No LB's/DJ's.

Learning how to communicate was and is a big one for me in my marriage. At least how to communicate effectively, before I get upset, and without getting rattled. It's difficult.

Have you both read His Needs/Her Needs?