Our weekend wasn't as great as either of us expected. Our 4 hour trip up wasn't bad but the weather was. So there were some tense driving conditions but we thankfully made it to the hotel with no problems. However once there things just sorta went downhill. My understanding was we were going to stay Fri & Sat then come home. Apparently my H decided no just Fri then make the trip home Sat. after the picnic. Friday he said he was exhausted from the trip, so we sat in the room the rest of the night watching tv. Not what I expected.

The picnic and location was absolutely gorgous. It was a nice time.

Our trip home was nearly silent. After about 3 hours I asked him, how do you stand to travel in silence? He told me he turns the radio up. Ok, ugh. Well that lasted a little while longer until I said enough. There were things we had discussed the week before, things he needed to think about, that needed to be resolved. So we did talk. Some issues were clarified. Some we are still working on.

I did tell H that I felt I was doing all the work to put things on the right track. He has been putting forth effort but if I don't "remind" him then he'll let it go. I don't want to remind him. It's frustrating. We are truly working on communication, it's taken us awhile to get where we are and unfortunately a while to get to a better place.

So even tho the weekend wasn't what either of us had anticipated, maybe it didn't turn out so bad either.

How soon should you expect a WH to step up his meeting your EN's?

WH is meeting some of mine, but had started doing that pretty soon after I found out and confronted him. H just is not progressing. Is that normal? Am I expecting too much? Or not enough? Where do I go from here? Wait it out? Or what? and IF wait it out, how long?

Thanks for any advice.

any suggestions?

anyone have ANY suggestions?

Hi mvg,
when you say should I wait it out and if so, how long---what is your alternative to waiting it out? I guess I am asking, are you committed to the relationship or are you thinking of ending it if he doesn't step up to the plate? You have mentioned before that you have been a very good wife. And I am sure this is the case in that you have done many good things.

The only thing that I can suggest to you is that you take a look at his emotional needs and make sure that you are doing a stellar plan A related to HIS emotional needs. After all, a wife can be a very good wife, but not be doing a stellar job at meeting her H's specific emotional needs. So the thing I can suggest to you is--Do you know for certain his emotional needs and are you doing a stellar plan A to meet them. Good luck. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I do finally have his ENQ's. I have been trying very hard to meet each one. Because of his work schedule I do not bring up/talk about any conflicts/questions regarding our relationship during that time. Only on his days off. Days working I try to meet his EN's I still meet his EN's on his off days, but I will inquire of him for ex., "I know you've been busy and tired, are you still going to participate in MB? And if when do you think you'll have a chance to (or want to) read/fillout __?___ and can we talk about it." I have not been pushy just inquired. The past couple weeks it was the ENQ.

If I said I have been a good wife I by no means meant without faults. Maybe I should have phrased that a dutiful wife. We've been emotional apart for a long time, unfortunately we didn't even realize that it could be different, now we do. I am in NO way suggesting I've been the perfect wife heck not even good, but loyal and do my part plus some in our relationship.

To answer your 1st question, I'm not sure I'm willing to wait it out. H's is VERY good at dragging his feet, doing just enough to look hopeful and waiting me out. For some reason I really feel doubtful at this time. His favorite hobby, hunting ( I think that's it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) starts in a couple weeks. I do not enjoy hunting, I've tried, I don't care for it. It does not make me unhappy that he hunts, it does however make me unhappy that there will be NO time for me or us except Sundays then. And then he'll be tired from not only work but hunting too. So again I'll be put on the backburner. I'm just tired of being no where important.

Maybe I'm just starting to get to the "angry" phase and this to shall pass.

I'd hate to think my H is to lazy to care. I just feel very insignificant and of no major concern to him. I'm really emotionally lonely.

Lake thanks for responding. I think my posts for the most part are just venting and wondering.

After I posted the above, I got to thinking. I guess I'm wondering is this Plan A I'm doing? If it's Plan A shouldn't there be some timeline? If it's recovery shouldn't there still be something for me to hang on to? Some point where either he's really taking responsibility for his EA and he's trying harder?

I am just lost. I don't know what I should be doing for how long before I just say he's not going to change for me. I'm still trying hard to meet his EN's. I want this to work, I just don't want to be the only one doing it.

I'm so sad right now. I'm afraid he's not going to put our M as a 1st priority. I'm afraid he'll do the minimum to try. I don't want to end our M. I just can't do it alone anymore. I need a life preserver.

Update: Well according to H after me asking him a question says here we go again, "I should just be Over this by now. Geezzz if it were him he would have been "mad" a couple of weeks and over it. It was just the internet." According to him "he can't change overnight but he's trying. But this was a wakeup call for not just him but both of us. And it seems nothing he does will ever be enough."

I asked him ok wake up call, please explain, other than it's expected of him to go to work every day and bring home the $ he could give me nothing else. He did say however, I (me) also work and bring home a little $. Never remembering ALL the years before the last 13 that I BROUGHT home the bigger paycheck, paid for all the family insurance, took care of 2 kids, him and the home. He moved us here, I got the best paying job I could in a rural area. This just seems so wrong. I am very PBS (pi$$ed betrayed spouse) now.

When do you realize they are never going to change. They will always put their needs and wants before anyone else?

update on Fencing sitting thread.