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#1935570 09/05/07 02:30 PM
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Hi guys.

It's been many months since I've been here. Mr. W., I see that you are still around giving out fantastic advice and Pep and Melodylane.

Unfortunately, I am here looking for advice on Plan B. Any pros want in?

shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935571 09/05/07 02:36 PM
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Hey Shaden! I was thinking of you recently, how goes it?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Shaden #1935572 09/05/07 02:40 PM
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What up dog.

Is it still snowing up there in the Great White North?

You may want to clarify your call out for Plan B experts. I'm assuming the affair is still LONG over but you still have not seen any or should I say meaningful reconciliation efforts from your wife.

This would be a recovery Plan B, correct???

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - time for some black or white...living in limbo (the grey area) just ain't cuttin' it.


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Shaden #1935573 09/05/07 02:46 PM
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I guess I should give a short update...

For those that remember, my W had an A now a couple of years ago. This was over.... we were working on the M... the progress stalled. I set boundaries... she said she couldn't meet them... we agreed to separate.

We have been separated for 2 months now. I thought things were going great. We were still very good friends... doing a lot of family stuff with our 2 sons. She would invite for me dinner, visited our campsite when I went with the boys, took a roadtrip that ended up overnight because of car trouble... even a couple of times of SF. She would tell me she misses me, and loves me. I didn't push relationship talk very much... we had a plan to go 3 months and then see where we were.

This past weekend (the same weekend of our little overnight trip away with the kids), she connected up with an old friend on facebook. This friend, actually 2 friends... they are twins and so is my W... hadn't been in contact with her since she was 7... they were about 10 years older than her. I knew she had talked to one of them on the phone for 2 hours... I was ok... figured it was all just catching up.

Had a bad vibe and went snooping. Found messages back and forth which were very flirtatious, mentioned that she couldn't wake to get back from (our road trip) to talk to him again, and she was discussing marriage with the one who is divorced. After a few emails and one conversation... she has found her long lost love from when she was 7. She quotes that her Mom says she hadn't sounded happier than she did after her 2 hour phone conversation.

My W's sister is also talking to the other one... about her own marriage problems. The two of them are feeding off each other.

I flipped and said I want a divorce... the first time those words came out of my mouth.

Since then... a couple of sleepless nights.... I have decided that I need to go to Plan B... which never happened with us before. This step should happen before I say I make it permanent... for a few reasons which I won't get into now.

Ok... now waiting for questions, 2x4s, incredulous statements, and laughter at my naivette... anything that will help... or even if it doesn't help, it will give me something to do when I can't sleep.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935574 09/05/07 02:50 PM
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Hey Mr. W.

Had a great summer up here... even camping was awesome... hardly any mosquitos... generally they are the size of crows in my neck of the woods. I guess the West Nile has had some positive affect... the government is spraying more.

As for my sich... I just updated a little. You are correct about the black and white. My so-called separation was hardly showing her what life would be like without me. I was helping out to set up her new place, I put my name on her condo... she couldn't afford it without me, I basically was allowing myself to be a doormat still. A tougher doormat than 2 years ago, but still a doormat.

I am ready for black... go dark... except for scheduling or problems around the kids.


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935575 09/05/07 02:52 PM
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How's Mrs. W?

Still finding time to help out with her quick wit and QUIET charm?

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935576 09/05/07 02:53 PM
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So you are in the marital home with the kids??? Seems maybe you sold the house a ways back. Maybe you need to move back in to YOUR condo.

Are the kids firmly in your camp???

Is there a separation agreement in place???

Is winning custody and protecting your children from mom's poor decision making abilities and foggy thinking a priority to you??? Why not???

Mr. W


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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The government should spend more time spraying your wife for OM's.

Shaden #1935578 09/05/07 02:54 PM
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I think you've already got your answer...you knew it all along.

Plan B like a BIG DAWG!!!

Shaden #1935579 09/05/07 02:58 PM
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Hi Mel,

Except for the whole new internet A that my W is having, things are going great. Work is extremely busy and challenging. My sons are fantastic. I don't have to clean up after my 2 dogs... my W has them at the condo. And I have connected with a couple of friends I used to hang out with from years ago. One old friend I found out is living in South Korea... I had no idea.

Oops... my W just left a message on my cell phone. I haven't talked to her since yesterday... the longest we have gone in a long time. Probably just seeing if I needed to take the boys so that she has some time to phone her new friend. I won't be calling back right now, though.

How are you doing? It's great to see you still on here. You got me going sometimes with your Non-Canadian style... but you (almost) always made sense.

thanks for showing up.

shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935580 09/05/07 03:06 PM
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Hey Shaden, I wonder what Dr.Harley would say about your situation? See, the point of Plan B is to protect you from THE AFFAIR. Your situation is a little different in that your main issue is not necessarily an affair, but a lack of commitment from your wife. I would be interested to see what his take on all this is. Did you know you can call and email him for free on his radio show?

Is your wife paying all her own bills?

Also, you can go black as night in Plan B, even with kids. Some here have done it with a little pre-planning, etc.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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"The goverment should spend more time spraying your wife for OM's. "

They probably have the technology to do this... but someone out there is making a tonne of money off of A's (not just the marriage counsellors), so it is being kept off the market.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935582 09/05/07 03:15 PM
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Shaden, do you know what MrW said to me today?? It is the funniest thing a yankee has ever said to me! Ark said in Texas all they need to hang someone is a noose, a tree and a........... horse!

MrW, that silly yankee says "whats the horse for???"

BWAHAHAHAHAAA <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am giving him an AWARD for dat! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Shaden #1935583 09/05/07 03:17 PM
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Mel...

I hear what your saying. I was thinking about getting in touch with the Dr. I have been plan Aing my xxx off for the past 2 years. You are correct about the commitment issues. I met with pastors today to discuss (she is a trained counsellor as well). My W's history is against her. She definitely is in need of something... the same as her Mom. My W just doesn't know what she's got.

As to the bills. We have most of it separated. I am working to finish the rest. We were just paying off bills from the sale of the house... the money just came in a couple of weeks ago. I was about to consolidate the remaining loans with her new loan that she got right after she moved out.... a 7 year loan on a 2005 Ford Escape. She is in way over her head with her budgets. I wonder if the new guy has money. Good thing I didn't go through with it. I'm calling for financil advice with the separation today.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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p.s. I am just IN AWE and SO PROUD that you seperated, Shaden!! You have come a very long way from the guy who just wanted to keep the peace at any cost. WOW! Way to MAN UP! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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"WOW! Way to MAN UP!"

I'm learning... slowly... but still going in the right direction.

I have my moments, but I have a lot less fear... and probably a whole lot less to lose.

If my choice was just about her right now, it would be an easy one... I would be getting a divorce as quick as possible. My choice is about the kids, and about the person I want to be... to know that I did everything possible "for better or for worse" before giving up. I don't see giving up as giving up on her or us... but giving up on God... who I am testing with my faith.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935586 09/05/07 03:30 PM
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"whats the horse for???"

Mr W... were you serious??? Not one of your better moments...?

Ok... I'll admit it... I had to read it twice before it hit.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935587 09/05/07 03:41 PM
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Quote
"whats the horse for???"

Mr W... were you serious??? Not one of your better moments...?

Ok... I'll admit it... I had to read it twice before it hit.

Shaden

Of course I've seen the movies where they hang a guy off a horse; however, I am also aware that that won't work in Texas. Texas is devoid of trees. Thus, I was left to presume the Texan's must require a horse for the after-execution BBQ dinner of Horseburger. I'm guessing they also eat pickled horsefeet...the sicko's.

Sheesh...do I have to explain everything.

Mr. Wondering

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Quote
Quote
"whats the horse for???"

Mr W... were you serious??? Not one of your better moments...?

Ok... I'll admit it... I had to read it twice before it hit.

Shaden

Of course I've seen the movies where they hang a guy off a horse; however, I am also aware that that won't work in Texas. Texas is devoid of trees. Thus, I was left to presume the Texan's must require a horse for the after-execution BBQ dinner of Horseburger. I'm guessing they also eat pickled horsefeet...the sicko's.

Sheesh...do I have to explain everything.

Mr. Wondering

You overdid the hoochieweed today, didn't ya??? JUST ADMIT IT to Mel!! SHE KNOWS!! SHE KNOWS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

No trees, indeed! GOOD GRIEF!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I'm sure there were trees on the show Dallas... or was that filmed in Vancouver?


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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