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Yep... she never went on... refused to when I encouraged it. I don't think she would come here now... but I saw what happened to others... and there is a whole lot about her that I didn't think... Maybe I should change my name as she is familiar with this name... it is a combination of my 2 sons names, so she has used it as well. How easy is it to change? She could probably still find my new name by reading the sich. I haven't talked about this site in a long time, she probably doesn't even remember what it's called. I'll take the chance for now and see where this leads. Like I said, I've got nothing to lose.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935631 09/05/07 09:20 PM
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Mrs. W... my eyesight isn't working well... did you type "quiet and demule"???


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935632 09/05/07 09:31 PM
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Mrs. W... my eyesight isn't working well... did you type "quiet and demule"???

Just itchin' for an [censored] whoopin' aren't ya boy? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

P.S. If you ever did wish to change your name it's so simple that even a Canadian could do it, so you're in luck there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Just go to where it says "My Home" and you'll quickly figure it out from there I believe...If not, one of us kind Americans will take pity on ya and walk you through it step by step...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Surely they don't allow FOREIGNERS to change their names?!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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"What's the horse for???" <-----asks MrW, yankee, when told you need a tree, noose and a horse to hang em high in Texas! **snort**

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!! Now THAT was funny!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Right now I'm just feeling SO lucky that I did not make it into your signature line the time that I said "rush and roulette" here...Now THAT would have been embarrassing!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

P.S. Sorry for the threadjack Shaden...We've missed your good "sportedness" around here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Boy kids, at least the ones I have, are not at all bashful about telling mom how the cow ate the cabbage. Good show Shaden.

Larry

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Hey Shaden! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I wondered how you were doing.

Congrats for telling your boys the truth.

The truth will set them free.

Free to heal... and not blame themselves.

I'm glad to see you taking steps to change your sitch. I knew it would have to start w/ you.

Praying for you and yours.

~ Marsh

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The latest quote from WW's older sister...straight from facebook.

"What the ****** have you done? Why? WHY? After biulding security in your boys thru all this would you TEAR it apart because of your OWN INSECURITIES???
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS. You've upset no one else but your children"

...and my reply...

"I will say this one time.

I have not done "this"... (WW) has done this to the kids. The truth is what it is.

When you told SIL's son about SIL's EX being an alchaholic or other truths about him... were you hurting SIL's son... no he did.

The boys need to be taught about right and wrong. Keeping silent only allows the cycle to continue.

There are way too many secrets being kept... some that you don't even know about.

I won't answer the rest of your comments... it isn't worth it. Obviously others are upset... but that's not why I did it.

It's funny how everyone rallies around (WW) while she is having multiple affairs... and that is ok. In case you didn't know... she is already talking marriage with OM. His marriage ended because he slept around. I know you or the rest of your family WILL NOT believe this... but I did it because I love (WW). She obviously did not learn how damaging this behavior can be to everyone... most importantly herself. Half of the reason why I was able to be so patient the last two years is because I understood that she hurt herself more than she hurt me... and she is continuing.

If we didn't ever speak to each other again that is one thing... but what she is doing is still wrong. Is there ever any situation that infedility is ok? (Note... Mr. W. used your line... thanks)

That is what is hurting our sons. The truth that I told is the actions she is doing. I didn't have the affairs.

I know you all think I'm self-righteous... I am just protecting my family and I had a lot of advice before I made the decision.

Next time please think about what you are going to shout at me. How can I be doing this to the kids... it is her choices.

I don't understand the insecurities comment?

Do you know what is going on between WW and OM? Has she told you that nothing is going on?

You just don't see what is wrong here, do you?"

Any thoughts... drawn into too much... or ok babble cutting?

shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935638 09/05/07 10:34 PM
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Thanks, Marsh and Larry.

I can't believe how many of the same names are still here helping others.

What happened to Pep?

shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935639 09/05/07 11:36 PM
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I doubt I would have wasted breath and energy on her myself. Are you saying SIL KNOWS that WW is with yet another OM?

No wonder evil flourishes with such as her. I wouldn't engage with her if it was me.

Conflict (which exposure has generated) is excellent. It will halm her affair have no doubt.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I spoke to my SIL (on my side of the family) last night. She used to know OM years ago and knows that his previous marriage ended in divorce because he was sleeping around.

It turns out that her brother in law is OM's cousin... so there is a connection for further exposure.

I found out also that OM is a real estate agent... a salesman. Go figure. I'm not putting down salesman (maybe), but the last was a car salesman, and her Mom left her 1st husband for a salesman (actually he was a minister at the time, but became a salesman)... It is that type of personality that seems to attract my WW.

Fast-talking, money flashing....

I'm just the boring, nice guy, great friend.

Nothing else to report from last night. No other nasty emails. I'm sure that she spent a while talking to the boys and got them in bed... laid with them and fell asleep... probably also talked for an hour with OM and her Mom and sisters.... that's an hour each... her usual time.

I am hoping that I won't have trouble with seeing the boys. But I'm sure they will help me in that respect. They will want to see me.

shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935641 09/06/07 07:45 AM
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I have not done "this"... (WW) has done this to the kids. The truth is what it is.

When you told SIL's son about SIL's EX being an alchaholic or other truths about him... were you hurting SIL's son... no he did.

The boys need to be taught about right and wrong. Keeping silent only allows the cycle to continue.

Great answer! It is amazing how your WW is portrayed as the victim, when the real victims are you and your boys. At least now the boys can protect themselves by understanding what is going on here. They will be able to come to you now and talk openly about their concerns about their mothers behavior.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Shaden #1935642 09/06/07 09:07 AM
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The latest quote from WW's older sister...straight from facebook.

"What the ****** have you done? Why? WHY? After biulding security in your boys thru all this would you TEAR it apart because of your OWN INSECURITIES???
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS. You've upset no one else but your children"

...and my reply...

"I will say this one time.

I have not done "this"... (WW) has done this to the kids. The truth is what it is.

When you told SIL's son about SIL's EX being an alchaholic or other truths about him... were you hurting SIL's son... no he did.

The boys need to be taught about right and wrong. Keeping silent only allows the cycle to continue.

There are way too many secrets being kept... some that you don't even know about.

I won't answer the rest of your comments... it isn't worth it. Obviously others are upset... but that's not why I did it.

It's funny how everyone rallies around (WW) while she is having multiple affairs... and that is ok. In case you didn't know... she is already talking marriage with OM. His marriage ended because he slept around. I know you or the rest of your family WILL NOT believe this... but I did it because I love (WW). She obviously did not learn how damaging this behavior can be to everyone... most importantly herself. Half of the reason why I was able to be so patient the last two years is because I understood that she hurt herself more than she hurt me... and she is continuing.

If we didn't ever speak to each other again that is one thing... but what she is doing is still wrong. Is there ever any situation that infedility is ok? (Note... Mr. W. used your line... thanks)

That is what is hurting our sons. The truth that I told is the actions she is doing. I didn't have the affairs.

I know you all think I'm self-righteous... I am just protecting my family and I had a lot of advice before I made the decision.

Next time please think about what you are going to shout at me. How can I be doing this to the kids... it is her choices.

I don't understand the insecurities comment?

Do you know what is going on between WW and OM? Has she told you that nothing is going on?

You just don't see what is wrong here, do you?"

Any thoughts... drawn into too much... or ok babble cutting?

shaden

I wouldn't change a word. Your SIL is being dense and enabling. Those are both bad choices. You clearly state the obvious and you did it very, very well. You are not the bad guy here.

Oh, and I am a salesman <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But I don't fast talk and I don't flash money. . .some do and they are like bad lawyers giving a horrible reputation to those other lawyers who are not evil and totally self serving.

Larry

_Larry_ #1935643 09/06/07 06:27 PM
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Update:

Asked by email to have the boys for supper tonight... one had a meeting at school, so no good. I should have them tomorrow. WW emailed back... "Don't you think enough damage has been caused already?" I replied, "more than enough damage was caused"

The boys didn't go to school today... not happy about that. She always keeps them home for any little thing or upset. It's good they still get good grades, but they are learning some poor habits for the future.

I guess they were up too late.

I asked the older son... I said, "I am only going to ask one question about your discussion with Mom... Did she tell you that I was lying?"

My son said, she didn't comment on Mr.P... the first OM, but she said I was mistaken about new OM. She told him how I could have thought that. I just replied... "I am not trying to turn you on your Mom... you need to make up your own mind... but I know what I saw, and I was not mistaken."

I asked him "do you believe her?" I can't remember his words, but basically said that he wanted to believe her.

I didn't push it at that point. I'm already a little concerned about this part of the plan.

Now what's next?


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935644 09/06/07 06:28 PM
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A lawyer should be calling me in an hour or so with legal advice. Is there any particular questions I should be asking... besides how to protect myself financially? and what should I be doing to improve my chances of custody if it comes to divorce?

shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935645 09/06/07 06:31 PM
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I spoke with someone today who is a couson of OM. I asked if he would call OM's brother's wife and tell her how OM's brother is involved and assisting... also he is talking to my WW's sister.

the cousin said he would think about it and pray on it... he didn't know if he wanted to get involved.

I said that sometimes we need to make tough choices to do what is right. At the very least, would he get me the phone numbers. He did say he was thinking about calling OM himself. I don't see that helping, but it can't hurt.


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935646 09/06/07 06:38 PM
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My WW's twin sister is talking to OM's twin brother. It didn't seem as intimate, but still inappropriate. I have a copy of one email from her to him discussing her own marital problems. Should my next step be to contact her husband?

3 things about this...

1) her husband has been backstabbing me and supporting my W.
(I know... wrong is wrong regardless of what the person is like or doing... but I could see him somehow twisting me contacting him to his advantage with his W... putting me down for stooping to that level, which he would never do)

2) I did tell his W that I knew about it and it was wrong. I do agree that she needs to set boundaries in her marriage... probably separate, but I also said that I would leave it up to her to figure it out with him. I regretted this right away... I know, Mel... isn't it you who says that a bad promise made should not be kept.

3) Most importantly... her H is an alchaholic and has hit her a couple of times already. By telling him, am I putting his W and kids in danger?

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935647 09/06/07 07:08 PM
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1) her husband has been backstabbing me and supporting my W.
(I know... wrong is wrong regardless of what the person is like or doing... but I could see him somehow twisting me contacting him to his advantage with his W... putting me down for stooping to that level, which he would never do)

I think the best thing you could do for both of them is tell him. That would be an act of decency, grace and class despite the fact that he has backstabbed you. I think you should rise above it and do him a good turn.

While he might be mad at first, it will give him a heads up and he will come to appreciate it some day. Besides, if there is nothing wrong with adultery, as her family avers, then there should be no issue.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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have a copy of one email from her to him discussing her own marital problems

This is how affairs start; shared confidences. It goes from there.

If you tell him, he might think you are trying to get even for his backstabbing and he might not believe you. "I don't give a damn if you believe me or not," is a good start to any such conversation. "The reason I am telling you this is because from my recent experience with adultery, I would tell my worst enemy if I thought his wife were cheating or thinking about cheating. It just goes with how I feel about adultery."

If he gets drunk and slugs her, I have mixed emotions. The dominant one is that she should have bailed a long time ago.

Your mileage may vary - these are just suggestions.

Larry

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One more thing:

When a kid says he wants to believe, he doesn't.

Larry

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