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Shaden #1935730 09/13/07 06:43 PM
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Mr. W.

I just spoke to my parents. My Father is a minister, a social worker, and a top Executive in the Church they are involved in. He feels your move-in idea is extremely "compelling" (his word). They just happen to be flying into town tomorrow morning, so I've asked him to join me in meeting with the lawyer as he knows the lawyer well and can assist me in building a plan.

What about the possibility of me moving in, and then my WW changing the locks the next time I go to work? What would be my response to that scenario?

Mel. I have partially written a new note to my MIL and SIL including some proof. Should I still send it if I am planning this new step?

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935731 09/13/07 06:45 PM
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Hopeandpray.

Thank you for adding your advice here. I agree that I need to shelter and protect my children first. As I said earlier, I believe that a STABLE homelife and family is the 1st option for doing this. If my WW does not choose stability, then I am their best hope.

Please continue to offer your advice.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935732 09/13/07 06:48 PM
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Marsh,

I missed your input earlier. I would not be able to go dark without finalizing with the lawyer as I do not have any schedule for visitation setup. I could do that, but if there were problems in the law process, I might have to come out of the darkness (which might put WW further into the darkness <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ).

Thanks for being here. I will also look up the carrot and the stick again, it's been a while since I read it.

Now I am leaving to go copy a key.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935733 09/13/07 06:55 PM
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Remembering Heartsore's experience (has anyone heard from him BTW?)... should I stop discussing these plans on here?

I don't think my WW will come here... but who knows.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935734 09/13/07 07:09 PM
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If she changes the locks...so what.

IF your name is on the deed you can break into your own home anytime you want.

Might want to leave a window or two unlocked somewhere for just such an emergency.

Further...make several copies of the key. She might think stealing your housekeys off your keychain might keep you out. Also, be very wary of the fake call to the police saying you attacked her or hit her. Some WW's have gone as far as hitting themselves and calling the police. Might want to wire yourself for sound. A recorder in your pocket might protect you (and get wife for filing a false police report).

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - I know you've emailed me in the past. Just to be sure you are using the same one...can you email me again??


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I have some keys... hopefully they work.

I thought about the possibility of a call to the police. Another lawyer recommended this to SIL when she was separating from her H. He drank and was often smashing up the house, though. I didn't even get into any fights in all the years I played hockey... what a wuss.

But... I will protect myself from her desperation.

Is there any thought on how moving back to the home might affect the kids... other than the positive results long term. Anything I should be prepared for that anyone can think of?

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935736 09/13/07 08:57 PM
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That would be interesting to know what my sons would think if WW did lock me out of the house... hmmmmm.

And if she tried to tell them she was scared I would hurt her... I doubt it would fly... they have always seen me treat her with kindness and respect.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
Shaden #1935737 09/13/07 09:12 PM
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You are busy answering your own questions and moving forward. I concur in all you said <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Placing an entitled WW who has had four (4) affairs of one sort of the other at the disadvantage is a really good thing. Actions have consequences (or should), time for her to enjoy a few.

Larry

_Larry_ #1935738 09/15/07 01:38 AM
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Had a great evening with my 2 sons. They are now in bed sleeping.

When I picked them up, I was at my most pleasant best. WW was wondering what was up. I just said I had a great week and day. Gave her a hug.

Later, when the boys called to say goodnight... it was very late, around 1:00 am. WW had been on the phone for a while. She sounded tired... I said so and asked how she was. She sounded very cold. My gut is that my emails to MIL and SIL were unsuccessful and MIL was telling her about it. If that is so, I am not surprised. MIL would rather take the easy route then look at what is really needed. She can't condemn her daughter without condemning herself. She would rather her daughter just be happy then safe and good... that would create conflict and would be bad for her heart.

The idea that my emails had failed had a very short negative affect on me. Then I remembered that this was a war with a long fight. This was not a setback, as I did not really expect their help.

On to planning for the next skirmish.

Shaden


BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.

Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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