Agreed...the choice to continue the marriage or not after she cheated is entirely yours to make, and no one can fault you for making that decision either way.

Being honest with your kids about what's going on is HUGE...and the advice you've been given makes a ton of sense.

What do YOU want out of all of this? Pick your goal, get a gameplan to get you there, and then work your plan til you get what you want.

Perhaps YOU should abandon the dissolution and pursue the divorce yourself. Get the upper hand, and show her that a decent person does not do this to her family, and then get everything that she wants.

As a father, I would feel incredible anger at myself for allowing her to do this to our children, and then willingly sign over 50% custody to her so she can expose them to this POS OM.

Do not presume so much bias against fathers is still the norm. Get yourself an attorney that is even more stubborn and clever than herself, and make it clear to her that if she wants out of the family, she is free to leave, and that you and the children will carry on as best you can without her. Let her pay child support, and alimony. Let her "babysit" the kids every other weekend, which is about all an emotional teenager should be allowed to care for them.

Even if you don't want to save the marriage, you most certainly do not want this man around your children. This is not what is in their best interest. As a loving father, you should fight for them. You will find that fighting for what is best for your children will help transform some of your anger into useful energy that is focused on something good and just. Anger is not always a negative emotion. It tells us that something isn't right, and we should want to do something about it. If we don't act on it constructively, it turns inward and becomes depression. Then we ain't no good for nobody.

I agree, if you want to split, file for D yourself and stick it to your WS. You do not want your children exposed to this evil OM. Do it to protect your children. Do you really want this SOB to take the place of you?

Gale gave you outstanding advice and I will only add that he gained full custody of his own son. He protected his son as best he could from his wife's affair and did a great job.

With you, RIL, the stakes are even higher. You have a little girl, and this is how little girls end up molested. The statistical risk of her getting molested is much greater in a situations like this. Dr. Harley talks about this on his radio show. This is why your kids have to be protected as best you can. You can't afford to be the go-along to get-along guy when it comes to protecting your kids. YOU ARE ALL THEY HAVE!

I am going to go see if I can find the radio archive on that.