Jamesus...If you need to talk at any point regarding this fight...email me and I will send you my phone number.
I have walked in your shoes and I want you to know that there is hope.

Email sent....and THANK YOU... I feel like I need a lifeline right now..

He's very family oriented, and he can spot bullpucky from a mile away.

It's interesting that so many people in the legal field are getting sick and tired right up to their eyeballs of this type of thing. We have some great atty's too, a lot unfortunately will no longer handle custody issues for their own protection (vexation to the soul and inner conflict). One of our towns most beloved lawyer's recently left the legal field to become a monk.

But back to Jamesus.

Aww Weave that was nice to read...there are times when I wish Mr. W would decide to practice divorce law REFUSING to represent any and all WSes...I think he'd be GREAT at it, but I'm a bit biased obviously...lol...

Jamesus...email Mr. W and I at the address in my signature...We have a document that we purchased for another MB friend about father's winning custody that we would be glad to pass along to you...

Mrs. Wondering

Jamesus...I would seek an emergency petition...call the courthouse yourself today to see how this is done.
And please call child protective services today too.

link to Indiana child custody factors...

NOTE the section that refers to "all individuals involved."

you need someone to evaluate this home and "man." CPS

http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/Indiana-Child-Custody-Factors-522.html

perhaps a call to this lawyer will help.
http://www.stanleyrobison.com/CM/FSDP/PracticeCenter/Family-Law/Divorce.asp

Thank you all for your help and support. I'm trying to do these things now.

I just hope that I'm doing the right thing..

Trust us. We've all been where you are before, and we have experience with this kind of stuff. We know exactly what you are going through.

Thanks again everyone.

I've talked to my lawyer, we're going to squash the Stipulation in Lieu of Provisional Orders as it has not yet been filed. We're going to stipulate that my son stays with me.

Looks like we're going to get to fight it out in front of a judge. I'm not dropping off Alex on Sunday.. at least, I don't plan to. I have her daughter here with me for the weekend as well. I will have to drop her off but I don't know.. would it look bad if I didn't drop off my son? Would she be able to use that against me if I'm seeking custody?

Discuss this with your lawyer. I would think it would be okay if you already filed.

Sorry guys.. I'm waffling here, I know..

I don't know whether or not it is going to be better to drop him off.. or keep him here.

I wasn't able to get ahold of my lawyer before the end of the day today to ask if it is ok for me to keep him.. I don't want to mess this up if me keeping him against her will would hurt my position with the court.

"But let me ask you this.. if the ultimate goal is reconciliation.. doesn't this hurt rather than help?"

As already noted the primary goal is protecting your children from the WS and the OP. IF/when your WS returns to sanity, then reconciliation may follow. Reconciliation doesn't happen with a WS, but with a FORMER WS (FWS); and a FWS that is really ready for reconciliation will not hold a grudge about you acting to protect your marriage and family.

Yes, anything you say or do that is not 100% endorsement of the adultery will anger the adulterers. So what? You HAVE to teach your children that adultery is wrong. And you have to protect that from the adulterers.

Another suggestion: Contact your WW's first husband, the father of her daughter. He may be willing to give you some info that can assist you in a custody battle. PLUS he may be concerned about the OM his daughter is spending time with now.

Your WW might be a serial adulterer. It sounds as if she's done this before? And her father has had 5 divorces?!?!? Has your WW ever been to any counseling about her father? What sort of comments had she made in the past about her father's divorces?

You mentioned that you were married in a Catholic church. Have you exposed the adultery to the priest?

Also, if I were you I would give written instructions to the daycare that they do NOT have your permission to allow the OM to pick up your son! Make sure the daycare knows that a copy of the letter is going to your (NEW) lawyer. Even if the daycare can't do anything about it at least you will have it in writing that you protested (and probably they will be intimidated by the letter enough to tell your WW they 'cannot' allow OM to pick up your son even if technically they can...)

I definitely would hire a new lawyer ASAP. Believe me it can be very frustrating trying to convince your own lawyer to stick up for you! PLUS every time you have to e-mail, phone call, or meet with your lawyer you are billed for it. You certainly don't want to have to PAY EXTRA just because you have to talk to your lawyer more because you have to convince him to do his job for you.

I also agree with the advice to contact social services to see if there's any way to protect your children from exposure to the OM and the adultery. Even if they can't do anything for you, it will at least be another documentation of your effort to protect your children.

Oh, also my WH tried to stop me from talkign to his family and coworkers... It's a pretty typical WS tactic. The WS will pretend that the people you are contacting complained to them about you and that they want you to not contact them. Unless you hear this from the folks yourself - don't believe it.

Of course, be respectful, don't call before 9 AM or after 9 PM, don't talk too long, normal courtesy stuff... I even asked if they minded me calling (they told me they didn't but WS claimed they did).

The adulterers hate exposure. But when the A ends they eventually get over it.

James,
Be strong. I hope the phone calls went well today. Do not forget to mention to CPS and your lawyer that she went AWOL on her first H with their child. That may be very important.
Call, email or post if you need to talk...we have seen this stuff before and while it isn't easy or pleasant will get through this.

how are things today ?

Slightly edited from my divorce journal for this weekend:


Friday Picked up my son from daycare, got confirmation that OM brought him to daycare again today. Apparently son has not been at daycare all week except for Wednesday and Friday (the days I am to come to pick him up). Got stepdaughter home from the bus. Both kids are tired, as WW had them out very late Thursday night at OM’s baseball game. Stepdaughter’s homework appears to have been looked over and signed off on by OM. I made a copy of one of the papers to document. Stepdaughter also volunteers Friday night that OM has been the one helping them with baths and get ready for bed, not WW. This is very troubling, why are our kids naked in front of this man? Son’s temporary tattoo from Aug 26 is –still- present. Washed off easily in the bath I gave him tonight. Stepdaughter took a bath too, her hair is now no longer stringy and full of dirt, and the grubby remains of her temporary tattoo are gone now as well. They aren’t washing very well at all when they do wash apparently.

Saturday was interesting, I took the kids to my friends house. My daughter, stepdaughter, and son all love playing with those kids and it'd give me a chance to refocus myself on just spending time with the kids and friends and not worrying about what's going on with her. WW called though to talk to the kids, and when Stepdaughter handed me the phone, the OM was on the end of the line thinking I wanted to talk to him. I told him that I didn't have anything to say to him, and wanted to talk to my wife. He took some offense to that, apparently as he answered the phone when I called back to discuss next week with WW. He had me on the phone for over an hour wanting to talk to me like he and I could possibly be ok with eachother. Three times on the phone he made the veiled threat that if there wasn't going to be mutual respect between us that he'd have to be a particular way that he didn't want to be but would if I forced him... not entirely sure what that means, but I took great offense to him trying to intimidate me about matters that are none of his concern and none of his business. The phone conversation finally ended with my phone battery dying, so after getting the kids settled in when I got home, I called back to talk to WW. We actually started communicating for the first time during this whole mess (Funny -now- she wants to talk) and I made my wishes explicitly clear that if our son is supposed to be at daycare, that she better make sure he gets there, and that she is taking him, not leaving him all day with OM. She agreed to this Saturday night and we talked a little about 'us' (no real progress here.. but it's good she's willing to start talking about it at all) and then hung up.

Sunday things really took a turn. Had a great day with all 3 kids. We played for about an hour at McDonalds after eating breakfast, and then came home and my daughter helped my stepdaughter find some fun activities to do on the computer. Stepdaughter's really becoming quite the tech wiz, and I'm constantly amazed at how naturally computers come to these kids. Even my son was playing games on the Disney site and was doing pretty good considering he's only 3. We hung out and played with the dog until about 2 when we headed over to my moms house. There we ended up in a game of hide and seek. One of the times I was hiding my son was running around upstairs and wound up bumping his eye on the corner of one of moms tables. When I came out of hiding he was upstairs with my mom, crying. He came to me immediately and settled down within a few minutes. Going to have a heck of a shiner on that one. More on that in a minute though.

When I dropped son and stepdaughter off at the place where she is staying I didn't say a word to anyone other than to ask OM to help carry some of the stuff that the kids wanted to bring over there, and some odds and ends I discovered that she didn't list on her initial batch of items. The kids were ushered inside without even allowing me to say goodbye to them, so I knew something was up. As I was pulling out of the driveway OM's stepfather comes out and flags me down. I pull back into the drive and roll down the window and he starts making these threats to 'kick your [censored] if you ever call my wife a liar again'. Apparently WW made it out to be like I denied having a conversation with her friend from work, which I never for a moment deny. I tried to explain to her coworker's husband that I never called anyone a liar, and simply put the words my wife is twisting around back into context, that I have a lot of respect and appreciation for coworker and her husband for being so willing to take care of and provide for my family. He actually knocked my sunglasses off my face and drew back like he was going to hit me and started on the whole calling his wife a liar again thing. Ultimately not getting a rise out of me he told me to leave. I guess that means I'm no longer welcome there, and considering the threats of violence I'm absolutely uncomfortable dropping off my kids there, let alone having my son stay in that kind of environment on a daily basis.

Later Sunday night, wifes coworker calls me on the phone, very apologetic for what happened, and she and I talk and 'smooth things out' between the two of us, that she didn't have a problem with me. Still however, it's been made clear by her husband and son that I am not welcome there, and I still feel very uncomfortable about the whole situation. WW got on the phone and asks about our sons eye, I explain the situation and told her had she actually been there to receive our kids, that I would have told her at the time. Then starts making threats to remove my son from daycare because she doesn't feel 'safe' about me being able to pick him up if I'm going to be seeking custody. Like I wouldn't drop him off when I said I would, or that I'd try to completely take him from her. I explained to her that I wasn't the one who left with the kids and took them somewhere I refused to give my spouse the address to, that I wasn't the one who ran from state to state with my kid after leaving my first husband. If anyone should be concerned about things like that it's me.. and obviously with this newest threat I'm absolutely concerned. I actually dropped them off when and where I said I would, 15 minutes early even. She kept going on and on about how she'll never let me 'take him away' from her, and went on and on. I tried to get her to see the point simply that I am better able to provide stability, security, and a home and a bed of his own than she is, or will be for the conceivable future. I'm only doing this out of concern for our son and the knowledge that I can provide his week to week, day to day needs better than she can. She assured me that against my wishes she wouldn't be sending our son to daycare where he is currently enrolled anymore. I'm calling my lawyer this morning to discuss what I need to do about the present situation, if there's anything I can do to protect my son from being yanked first from his home to the place where she's staying, and now being yanked out of his pre pre-school education and care of people that WW and I both know and trust and are comfortable with.

Wow, you need to get your kids out of there and possibly get a restraining order to keep them away. You don't need to be nice to these people, they are sick and twisted. In fact, I might urge you to expose their behavior to those that would be in a position to act like human beings, including the law firm. I might press charges for assault against this guy. You need to start standing up to these people. Make sure your lawyer is a bulldog, and fight these pieces of garbage.

Also, expose this stuff to WW's family about OM dropping your kids off to daycare and giving them baths, and about OM's father assaulting you. If OM's mother is just a paralegal and the only one of the family that works there, expose her behavior to the law firm as well. Do they go to church? Expose them to their congregation. These people are just sick.