I know that thought well. Just when I thought my H couldn't sink any lower....there he'd go. We never want to admit nor see that side of the people we love. I am still not sure if my H is capable of the changes I need or if I am diluding myself again. I hope that this time he will be who I need him to be.

I never wanted to know the man who could do to me all that he did. I just pray that the man I married this time, is the right one.

Coming to peace over an OC is never easy. It took me along time to seperate her from her mother. I do not love my H's child, nor do I think that I will ever love her as my own, but I am willing to give her the home she deserves. She couldn't choose her parents anymore than I could. I don't hate her or resent her...in all honesty I feel absolutely nothing for her. Maybe that will come in time..I don't know. I have not really been around her but a couple times.

For me it was so heartbreaking because my H and I have no other children with anyone else. It was something that was sacred to only us and he destroyed it by giving that wh!re a child. It wasn't intentional..she also got pregnant on purpose, but I feel that everytime he had sex with her it was a possibility and he knew it. So, in that way it was no mistake. But it cheapened the children we had together. Made it not so special. It took me along time to not look at it that way.

I love my children more than anything. I divorced him and put him in jail because he wasn't what they needed and I had to prove that to him. Apparently it worked. I am just so sorry it came to that.

You are doing the right thing by your son..don't ever doubt it. A true mother would never put a child in that position nor would she bring another innocent life into such a situation. My heart breaks for your son, DSD, and the unborn child.

I think you are right in letting this woman go. From what I have seen another woman will be greatful to have a man such as you. Just keep your head up and know that we are behind you 100% in whatever you decide to do. Just know that there is reconcilliation after A's and OC's but I have doubts that your wife would not just do the same thing to you again. Still praying for you.

Funny you mention this Weaver.. even though our girls were born before we ever met eachother.. all of our children bear the first names of monarchs.

Otherwise you're absolutely right.. I am certain that God places nothing on our hearts that is not meant for us to learn from and grow from. I am also certain that God has a plan for me.. and that my life can only get better.. to be honest I don't feel like it can get much worse at this point.. getting DS home will be an improvement of colossal proportions. I'm not going in there underestimating her, taking anything for granted, but I feel like any judge would be completely out of his goard at this point to award her temporary custody... then if the PT comes back positive we're on hold for several months.. which will let me be the new status quo.. and -hopefully- edge everything out at the end.. Pray for me.. pray for my son. That's the best outcome at this point for him.

GuidedCertainty: Can't thank you enough for sticking with me.. your friendship here especially, and also your knowledge of the local systems is invaluable to me. Nobody can be sure what tomorrow will bring. I'm not going to worry myself about winning her back anymore.. she really hasn't turned out to be the person I thought she was.. the person she is, I cannot envision spending another day with, let alone the rest of my life.

I suppose you could say I am now completely disillusioned about my wife.. and as unfortunate as it may be, about marriage and love. I still can't believe I have feelings for her after all of this... God's love I suppose.. just makes it painful to watch though.

Question for you though.. if I launch the request for a Preg Test.. does that put -everything- on hold in our jurisdiction? Including the Temp Custody hearing? Do I automatically have the fathers rights pending paternity? Even if she signed in her dissolution petition that she was not pregnant?

Ok... now I have to wonder if I'm not being played.

On a lark I went to the website of the contraceptive method we were using... it says: Typical fertility can return after removal at any time between 2 and 6 months.

If she's -now- knocked up.. then she had it removed when we were still together. I -don't- think that happened.. I really don't.. can't think of any time where she would have had that opportunity...

I'm either being played.. or something's really off..

Not sure which at this point.. either that or this is a freak thing..

Turmoil... drama..

I doubt I'd ever get the truth from her... maybe the thing I found doesn't meant what I thought it did..

second guessing... not sure..

Not going to worry about it too much though.. I've found my resolve.. if she decides at some point now that I'm letting go, to come home.. we'll see how honest we are about things.

James..
two things...haven't you been apart for two plus months?
typical doesn't mean in every case...

True enough MEDC..

At this point my course is set either way. I -need- to detach.. stop giving her that kind of power over me. Might be better for me to stay with the assumption that my gut reaction was correct.. honestly not sure how else I can interpret what I found..

Time will tell either way.. Honestly I almost hope I am being played... I can't imagine she really is -that- nuts..

We separated August 17th..

The only Dr's appt I can find on my insurance is the first week of September.. now if she's knocked up it'd have to have happened in the last week or two.. not sure how she'd know at that point..

Arg.. too confusing to try and figure out.. I shouldn't waste time on it either..

Ahhh.. .nevermind..

Looks like fertility can be restored almost immediately.

No change.. carry on.

This is still fukt though

Jamesus,

Read every one of your post.. quit the story..unfortunately been there and done that. I wish back in those times a board like this would have existed, I certainly would have benefitted from some the most excellant advice that you have thus far been given.

So its been two months now and you still do not have an "emergency hearing". How is this possible considering how much your attorney fees are costing you?

Did you ever go to the courts directly as recommended?

Did you give up on CPS? Have you done a background check on OM?

You are certainly more of a man than I am, I don't know if I would feel the same as you do about my WW and I certainly would not be inclined to take her back.

I'll keep reading your post and hope that something expedient comes you way.

Prayers to you!!

James a couple things and MEDC can feel free to contradict me of course. But in our great state if she is pregnant then LEGALLY ( legally MEDC!) you are the father unless you demand paternity...which you should. The baby is yours until otherwise legally specified. So, I would make sure the court knows she is pregnant if she is. If you don't she could come back on you later if he takes off. Don't let this get by you. Make sure your lawyer knows ASAP.

Second - when my H and I were getting married we decided we wanted to have a baby about 6 months later. I stopped taking my birth control 2 weeks before our wedding. I was a week along at our wedding. There are no guarantees. Just please make sure her pregnancy is brought up in court. It will make her look even more irresponsible.

I am also concerned about your lack of court date. What is going on? Anything new?

agreed

Happy to help.



Don't be. This wasn't a real marriage. She was just waiting for the next kill. You were no more than another child support payment and meal ticket while she waited for the next mr. wrong. It was her fault, not yours.



You don't have feelings for this person. You have feelings for your wife. Except the person you loved was a lie. You are now seeing her true nature. This new baby only proves it. You mourn for someone who never really was.



I assure you that God did not have this in mind when he created love. The person God meant for you is out there. Why don't you let him pick her this time instead of you.



Then don't. Watch only your son. As far as you need be concerned she is only the horrible vessel that your wonderful son came out of. Imagine her has a female genetic donor. Nothing more. She certainly isn't a mother.



Nope. Even if this baby was yours they would be handled in different cases. Paternity would have to be established (per your request) before custody could be decided on an unborn child. And that couldn't happen till the birth. Either way this child has no bearing on your case with your son....except to help you.

Wouldn't it have a bearing on the divorce case though? In Texas if the wife is pregnant, then the divorce is put on hold... because custody can't be decided until the child is born AND unless the husband challenges it, the court presumes the child is a child of the marriage. Although I do think temporary orders (re custody of the existing child) can be granted until the unborn child is born.

Wow. That was confusing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks you guys..

LTKramer - A lot of the emergency stuff and whatnot has been poo poo'd by my lawyer, who thinks we stand the best chance with the judge the lawyers have agreed on. Nuff said on that.. I'm not peeing on a grease fire if I can help it.

Madame Certainty: Thanks to you very much for the insights.. I guess I'm still struggling with the thought that the last 4 years were a lie.. how I could have fallen for it, and why I let myself love so completely someone who was so evil.. or even why I still feel the way I feel. Perhaps it is simply the bond of two people who have children.. I still care for DD's mom.. but we don't see her or talk to her hardly at all. I certainly didn't spend 4 years of my life dedicated to enriching hers either.

PrincessMeggy: I'm hoping that's the case.. honestly I'm fine with dragging out the D -if- I can get my son at the temp custody hearing. Kind of a catch 22 I suppose.. it'd be hard to watch her have temporary custody for 7-8 months or so till the baby is born and paternity can be established. I'm going to discuss options with my lawyer. Called Monday AM, still haven't heard from him.. I'm calling tomorrow AM first thing.

Jamesus,

You dont need a lawyer to do a background check. Most states will publish information related to legal violations of individuals IAW Freedom of information Act.

Here in Wisconsin you can access legal violations such as drug arrest, DUI, child pornography at the Wisconsin Circuit Access.

All you have to do is type in his name. You can also do that on a simple search in any web browser.

Be surprized what you may come up with that may even solidify your case of your child being in an "unsafe environment"

Check it out an see. Everything to gain and nothing to loose!
Luck to you my friend

PM - Yes, it will probably delay the divorce case, but it will have no bearing on the temporary custody case. If you get the right judge it may not affect the divorce either. It really is up to the judge. A good lawyer would try to prove to the judge that the child is not James, but who knows what they can do. She may have delayed the divorce, but not the custody hearing which is what really matters.

James - As per the advice on background checks. I emailed you at the email address you posted a few posts back with some information on that. Check it out.

Making personal decisions based on uncertain information is rarely a good idea.

GC

Thanks for all the help guys, looks like it might prove really useful.

He really is a POS it looks like.. ahh well.. more stuff to talk with my lawyer about.

I agree GC, making personal decisions based on uncertain information is -not- a good idea. Unfortunately I doubt I'll ever get the truth out of the Ice Queen.. she's made a life for herself out of lying to get what she wants. Sad really.. but I have to face the truth of the matter.

Good for you. I reread all your posts last night. H got wrapped up in a video game and forgot that I existed for a couple hours..lol. (Shaking head) I am so amazed at how far you have come. You are a totally different person from when you first came here (more proof the MB works people!). Very proud of how you are handling this.

I hope that the info I gave you proves helpful. Sure did for us.

Just wanting to ask, but since you have only been seperated for a short time....is there anyway that this baby could be yours? Just want to know if you are certain she couldn't have been pregnant when she left. Some women don't know for awhile.

Well.. we were pretty active in late July. I suppose it could -possibly- be mine. The only way though would be the astronomical chance that the IUS failed, or she had it removed without telling me.

I have a doctors visit on my insurance for her in early September with an odd charge on it, I imagine that's when she had it removed, not sure how to prove that though.

Looks like we've got a judge and the provisional hearing is set for next Friday. Wish me luck.