good luck tomorrow.

Prayers,

Mr. Wondering

Thanks Mr. W

I'm just going to play it cool. Make sure I'm all business in court. I'm going to sling as little mud as I can, and just emphasize what I can offer DS.. what my responsibilities were when we were together.. and the advantages he would have living with me.

I'm going to let my lawyer deal with her living situation and affairsville.. I'm going to stay positive and try to get the zingers in through the lawyer. I'm sure I'll need to deflect a few myself. I'm not a perfect father, but I do the best I can for my kids. I -know- I can provide DS a better foundation for his life, and certainly more stability as he and the rest of the family go through this terrible time.

That's my angle... and thanks very much for the prayers. Since angle spelled sideways is angel I'm hoping for a few to help get me through with strength, calm, and integrity. WW has said many times her boss likes to try to make opposing spouses cry.. I'm going to be strong and not break down.

Remember...

The judge will be watching you and looking for signs of anger, bitterness and vindictiveness.

Stay calm and unemotive. Don't allow them to rile you up no matter how much she lies (and she will)

Mr. Wondering

Well.. that should be easy then.. I'm not angry, bitter, or vindictive when it comes to my son.

I'm just doing my best to give him a consistent environment in the care of a loving parent.. consistency in his schedule, and with the people in his life are what he needs right now, not the chaos he's in. He needs his family around him, not OM's right now.

you'll do fine james.

Thanks MEDC...

I know we haven't had the most harmonious discussions.. but in a -lot- of ways I have you to thank for helping me get my head right about getting DS -out- of this terrible situation.

I owe you a brew someday bro.

I'll buy....look, if your lawyer can get your custody...that's all that matters. Obviously, I am going to be very partial to suggest what has worked for me...but you're on a good path and focused on your son...that was always my goal for you.

Amen amen amen brother.

Going to do a lot of self prep tonight. I was a debater in HS.. was -really- good about dealing with questions and didn't get flustered. Why? Because I was prepared.

Nice thing about all this is.. I've got truth on my side.. I don't have to make anything up.. don't have to keep track of lies and other peoples opinions and evidence. I've lived all of this.. I -know- the subject matter intimately. I'm going to just relax, be honest, forthright, and lay it on the line for my son, even if it hurts my chances at recovering my M.

I really am no longer angry at my wife.. I understand what made her unhappy in the marriage. While I don't think it justifies the steps she's taken in having the affair, and leaving the marriage, I do have an understanding.. and from that I can operate without the high speed wobbles that had my head completely cemented in my rectal cavity when I got here.

I don't feel vindictive.. getting my son is not about getting back at her. It's really about making ammends to him about my bad decision for letting her leave with him anyway when I suspected (but had not yet proven) the affair. It's about providing a safe, STABLE environment for him in the midst of all of this chaos going on in his life.. not adding to his personal confusion.

It's not about the money.. yeah, the child support amount would hurt me a lot, especially provided that she's been unwilling to help with any of the bills or responsibilities we've racked up while we were married.. but it's not going to break me completely if I have to pay.. Honestly I don't want her money.. not for me anyway, I'm going to ask for support if I get my son.. I'll even give her the satisfaction of knowing that she'll be providing for his college education by making deposits into an account I will then turn into his 529 plan... which will also save her money down the road when he goes to college.

What I'm going to do tomorrow is an act of love for my son. Do I -want- him to see his mom less? No.. I'd love nothing more than for us to spend every day with him, but that's not my choice. If we can't do that together, then it's my job as his father, as the one who has put a roof over his head and food in his belly since he was a baby to continue to provide that, and also protect him from further being harmed and confused in a situation that is already extremely harmful to his development, and terribly confusing to him.

Traditionally speaking a mom's role is to provide care, love and emotional support for a child, while the father provides stability, discipline, and the 'things' a child needs.. she is capable of providing those things from afar, and will if he's actually more to her than a meal ticket. I cannot provide stability for my son if she continues to choose to put him in extremely unstable environments and relationships.

James,

This is your mantra



And remember, sometimes the best thing to say is NOTHING!

Let your A do his job,,,,,,,,,,,talk to him and let HIM do the talking.

What time is it scheduled?

We're on at 2:00.. so I'm going to leave work around lunchtime, get into the suit and head to the court house.

I'm fasting in the morning and afternoon tomorrow and praying.

I'll eat good Friday night.

Lots of anxiety.. but I'm handling it well tonight so far. Going over things I need to keep fresh in my mind.

Went over my logbook.. lots of triggers in there so it's been rough.. hard not to get angry when I think about all of this.

Called DS tonight to tell him I love him and would see him tomorrow night.. I'm glad at the very least this is my weekend with him.. if I get custody I know it's going to be a very rough weekend for WW.. and if I don't.. well, at least I'll have DS to keep me off of it for a while.. maybe by Sunday night I'll be ready to deal with things.. and if I get custody.. well.. I'll have until Wednesday to sort things out.. even better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keeping my head up and my eyes fixed on the goal.

James,


Yep - It's going to be a BIG celebration dinner tomorrow night! I'm thinking McDonald's,,,maybe Red Robin if you have them in your area,,,,,,,,,,,or the ULTIMATE CHUCKEE CHEESE!! Whoo HOOO!

Perfect!

And the only time you bow your head is in PRAYER.

I remember the one and only time I had to be in the courthouse for my sitch. I was sitting on a bench, , Drac was down the hall a bit. There were all kinds of people around, , I could hear conversations about what they had going on and it was SO heartbreaking. Then a very young man sat down close to me and he couldn't wait to tell Someone,,,, ANYONE,,, that he had just gotten CUSTODY of his Daughter!! He was busting at the seams! I was so happy for him.

I then put My head down, and was writing on the notepad that I had brought with me. All I wrote was prayers for all of the people around me,,,for their souls to be soothed and I wrote prayers for Drac.

It was the hardest day of my life until that point,,,but the prayer got me through!

I know you will be OK, {{{James}}}

I'm sure of it now..

Did some page flipping in the Bible tonight.. just kind of let it open to where God wanted to speak to me from.

If anyone is interested.. Psalms 27-36 is what I was given.

The stories of the prodigal son, and David and Goliath, have been recurring themes in the last month in my life.. I just need to keep my faith close. Your story about your walk with God will be in my thoughts tomorrow Bugs.

It's impressive you mentioned McDonalds though.. I asked DS tonight on the phone where he wanted to eat tomorrow when I picked him up.. and he said McDonalds (he's been asking for Burger King lately *ick*).. normally I'd object to fast food, but I said sure this time. As he was hanging up.. I heard work friend's husband in the back ground say 'McDonalds eh.. that dad of yours is a -real- big spender'... it made me angry.

Just for a minute... my boy and I are going to have a great time this weekend.

James,

I love the entire book of Psalms! Glad you have found what speaks to you.



Well, this says a lot doesn't it? Further proof that they don't 'get' what life is about. You are right,you ARE going to have a great weekend - - because YOU understand that you could be in a 5 star restaurant, or Mcdonald's or White Castle, or whatever, wherever,,,, if you are together, NOTHING else matters.

Keeping you in my prayers.

I think this mantra is better for me today.

Thanks for the prayers.. I feel them today.

Lots of anxiety, but I'm trying to keep myself cool. I just hope I can calm the nerves before heading into court. I'm a jumble of nerves today.. hoping I do and say the right things.

Not going to let myself succumb to fear. Going to do the best I can, and leave it to God to influence the judge to make the right call.

I will sure be praying for you today and sending good thoughts your way. Just relax, everything will be fine. And you had better find yourself a computer ASAP and tell us what happened. Everyone is going to be on pins and needles. Who knows maybe we can have a country wide McDonald's celebration dinner. lol. My kids are up for it.

And it doesn't matter how much you spend on your children..its the manner in which you spend it. A penny in love means more than a million in indifference.

I'll try to let you guys know.. I'm going straight from court though to pick up my son from daycare (unless something goes -terribly- wrong today).

I'll try to post an update when we get home to take care of the dog before embarking on our adventures tonight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm taking your sig line to heart Guided... Faith isn't believing God can, it's knowing that he will.

I know he will be with me today.

Prayers to you also my friend. Keep your chin up, head high, you have a lot to be thankful for. After you sons issue is resolved, you need to really elevate your love for yourself!!

Get use to looking out for number 1 (your son included of course).

Let her be the back burner for a change. The day will come when she comes crawling back to you.

You need to be prepared!!!!! You need to be prepared!!!!!

IF you decide to reconcile, it MUST BE on YOUR TERMS!!!! Settle for NOTHING LESS!!!

Get your son!! Then think about this whole situation. Would sure make a good movie!!

Best to you~!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks LT... everyone..

I'm on my way to court.. freshly showered shaved, and looking -very- snazzy in my suit.

I'll let you guys know how it turns out.

Well folks.. no news isn't bad news I suppose.

Judge is taking things under advisement and will get back to us on Monday.

You were right Mr. W... she's lying.. and she got the co-worker to lie for her too else to lie for her too.

Says she's on her period... so not preggo.. hmm

Explain the prenatal visit on the 24th to the Dr hmm?

Are you SURE? Could it have just been coded wrong?