Could you do a little social engineering and call the doctor's office.

"Hello. Yes, my wife-- who's a little nutty now-- asked me to call because she cannot remember for the life of her when her next appointment is. She also wanted to know if there's going to be a sonogram anytime soon. Thank you, I'll hold."

I don't know.. seems kind of shady to do something like that.

I'm going to wait until all the charges clear.. there's an undescribed $480 charge on there... perhaps she miscarried or aborted?

Basically what I can see is several injections, an immunization, a lab test, and the undisclosed charge.

Not sure what all of that means, but given his 'message' that was there for a few days and then she deleted.. and the sudden trip to the Dr. and a flurry of activity on my insurance... what else could it have been.. I'm tempted to ask her point blank about it on Sunday.

The good news that I really didn't have time to relay before, is that everything as far as the property/who pays for what we initially agreed on was agreed on again today in court without a fight.. the only fight was for DS..

Now.. what I -didn't- count on that might work against me is that DS was born 6 months prior to our marriage.. so -technically- she had custody of him then even though we were living together at the time and I was paying all the bills.. don't know how that's going to play.. the rest is really a toss up depending on what the judge believes.. a lot of the stuff I know about the A was inadmissable as hearsay.. but my lawyer -did- get her to admit on the stand that she was in a R with coworker's kid.. and also that he was taking care of DS when he wasn't in daycare etc..

Not sure how it's all going to play... she also played the fact that she knows one of the people I used to play with, and still see from time to time smokes grass.. it's something that really didn't occur to me as being in a band you run into that kind of thing all the time.

I dunno.. depends on what the judge believes.. I can sleep well knowing that I didn't lie once.. she lied a -lot-..

Her preapproval note was for a 120K home loan.. says she's found a house and is making an offer Monday, and is relatively certain it will be accepted. Good luck to her.. at -my- interest rate she's looking at about a grand a month. She grosses $550 a week.. she's -got- to be using my credit to get that.. and she's going to have a suprise when she actually goes to finance and my credit has vanished.

Cart before the horse methinks.

Pride goeth before a fall?

Let's hope God talks to judges too..

Okay, bad suggestion then. Forget it.

Not trying to discard your suggestion PM.. I'm just trying not to be reactionary at this point.

I think I'm going to wait until the Judge comes back with his decision.. not anything else we can say to him until then anyhow I don't think.

If DS is home.. I'm not going to worry, just move on with our lives and get through the D..

I'm sure one way or another this will play out more clearly.. not like she can hide things for long if she is preggo.

If she's miscarried or aborted.. well.. I wouldn't want to have to deal with her conscience about now.

God works in mysterious ways.. His will is at work here whatever the situation is. I'm learning to live with uncertainty for now. Trust in God and He will see me through these times.

DS fell asleep in my arms tonight.. my anxiety from today is gone.. I have DS this weekend at least.. Today is what matters. I'm going to enjoy it.. and tomorrow too.. and Sunday.. I'm not going to let the wondering about next week ruin my time with DS and DD.

Keep prayin folks.. we're not out of the woods yet. I have a feeling whatever the judge decides, this battle has just begun.

James,

I am sorry that you are having to go through this weekend waiting and wondering,,,I am sure it's really hard but it sounds like you are doing well. Staying focused on the kids! Perfect!

Just briefly, about this,


It doesn't sound like a prenatal visit to me. In fact, because most prenatal visits are covered by insurance, they usually SAY prenatal in the description. You wouldn't happen to know anyone who works in the insurance arena or a dr office, would you? They could likely tell you what the codes mean,,,,,,,,,.OR just simply call your insurance carrier. They will tell you what the unexplained charge is.

Like you say, though, IF she is expecting, she won't be able to hid it for long.

Keep busy this weekend.

You are in my prayers. What time is court Monday?

Staying busy.. getting ready to do breakfast with DD and DS.

Didn't really make any 'special' plans this weekend, but might take DD and DS to a movie and hang out today.

Mass on Sunday.. and then it's time for DS and I to catch some football.

Don't think we have any more court dates scheduled at this point.. just waiting on the judge to return his decision on provisional custody and support.

Did some more page flipping in the Bible last night.. landed on Jesus talking about the Prodigal Son.. it's a wonderful reassurance that God keeps sending me the same messages over and over.. I know I should just 'believe'.. but it's nice that He gives me the reassurances when I need them.

God is with me.. whatever comes I know I will walk with Him.

Well.. not preggo.

Found another post from him.. this time to his sister dated Oct 28 saying that they are -trying- to have a baby.

Weirder and weirder by the second.

Imagine that means the undisclosed amount was probably removal of the device preventing her from getting knocked up.

No anxiety really.. just pity.. for the both of them.

Turns out the house she's making an offer on is right next door to work friends... running about the same as what I owe on mine.

Which means her house payment will be 2.3 weeks a month worth of work for her at her current rate of pay.. plus the van pmt and insurance will take up the 3rd paycheck of the month.. then if she's paying for daycare at the rate she's claiming on the child support worksheet there's 4 weeks worth of checks and we haven't even gotten to food, gas for the van, utilities and sundry expenses.. plus she's going to owe another $275/month on a promisary note she and I signed..

Wonderboy better have a better job than a swing shift construction gig or they're screwed when they 'succeed' in getting her baking a new baby.

I think reality is going to be a real cold wind in the face for the both of em.. I see this going to crapsville really quick even with the support I might have to pay.

BEEP BEEP - - HONK HONK,,,,,,,

Look out everyone,,,,,,,,,,,,


Karma Bus will be pulling into the station for her & Wonderboy really soon!!

James - just praying for a successful judgement tomorrow. Hope you are enjoying your weekend with the kiddos.

I'm praying for the same Bugsmom..

I really don't know how I feel about the M right now. The lies are killing me.. the way she seems determined to destroy her life and the lives of our children tug so hard at my heart.

*sigh*

I'm having a good day with DS who is playing on his gameboy right now.. getting ready to sit down and watch some football together.. he's all decked out in his Colts gear so we're having a blast.

I just wish my heart was not so heavy today. God seems to be telling me to wait.. my WW is -real- into her plan FU and plan D..

I just can't stop thinking about her whole situation and wondering how on earth she can do this to a man she claimed to love so much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.. to children she actually believes will be better off on her wild goose chase for happiness.. things like taking up with another man, and buying a house with him.. and -wanting- to get pregnant with his child.. these are -permanent- things..

It's the hard pill of acceptance that she really has completely abandoned me.. thrown everything we had in the waste bin.. and has no intention of ever looking back.

God seems to be telling me to wait it out.. I will obey. I am continuing to stand for the M.. the IL's are abandoning me.. my family is adamantly against reconciliation.. seems like the only people actually for it are here, our church, and the priests.. I'm just feeling a little adrift today.

Going to get off of here and get back to wrestling around with my boy.

Thanks for letting me vent..

Still no word yet, and the case doesn't look to have been updated.

Definitely have some anxiety today.. feel a little like a worm on a hook.

Since DS isn't technically a COM (born 6 months before the wedding) I'm wondering if the judge won't just throw this part of the D out and let us handle it as a separate custody case. If so, I imagine that changes a lot of things.. then again it may not.

He took the matter under advisement according to the court records, and so we'll see. He said he'd get back to the lawyers on it 'first of the week' whatever that means.

Had a good weekend with DS.. but tossed and turned a lot last night. Not sure if it had anything to do with the anxiety, the time change, or both.

The transfer last night went well, though a few odd things did happen.

She called from her cellphone to make sure I had taken the time change into consideration and would have DS ready when she got there. The thing is she called as she was leaving to come get him, which would mean had I -not- taken the time change into consideration I'd have been waiting for her for almost an hour already before she called. I told her we knew about it and that I'd have him ready.. and when was she planning to come get him, she said she was on her way and it'd be about 10 minutes. I told her I'd start getting him ready then.

When she arrived I gave her her winter jacket and told her that I was thinking about her and figured she'd need it. She took it and DS's things. I smiled and told her I'd see her later, and went back inside.

When she got home she called -again- and asked if I had a green jacket/pullover thing she sent DS to daycare on Friday with. I told her that I didn't know anything about it and didn't take it from daycare, so it was probably still there.

She hesitates now when she talks to me.. like she wants to say something but doesn't. It's not like she -needed- to call me either time.. but she did. I almost feel like she's testing the waters to see how I'll react to her after Friday. I was calm and pleasant all 3 times we interacted within that half hour window.. so I think I did a really good job. Even met a 'need' of hers without being asked or any prompting.. showed concern for her.. I think I'm doing better.

I'm not sure how this follows a plan other than what I described before.. Plan A when we do interact at her initiation or on transfers.. and Plan B otherwise... I'm trying guys.. and without the pregnancy hanging overhead, it's making it easier to stand for this M as I believe God intends.

I'm not even hopeful for a recovery at this point though.. the offer on the house.. she's -trying- to get pregnant with Wonderboy.. and has made no -real- moves back towards the M. She does call me a good dad though.. and acknowledged on the stand how close a relationship I have with DS and DSD.

It's that little bit of clarity that makes me afraid that she isn't foggy really.. she's just lied to herself so much that she honestly believes in what she is doing.

Only God can guide her home.. and I've read his promises that he will go after his lost sheep. I believe in them.. and I believe our M is -still- salvageable.. but it's going to take a lot of work. I also believe that I'll be able to go on with my life if she doesn't decide to turn the course of her actions either.

Still focusing on the changes Jamesus needs to make.. working with God to make those changes and be more open and listen to others opinions and give them full consideration. I'm certainly getting to a point where it doesn't always have to be -my- way.. this whole situation is not -my- way but I'm navigating it.. how successfully remains to be seen.

She's still got OM and OM's family to pressure her against the M.. she's still got all of her flimsy justifications that they reinforce and the lies she's built to them to make them believe I'm some terrible person... and then there's the A.. the fantasy is not yet dead.. and they haven't really had to face -real- life yet.. so it's going to be a while.

God does not delay.. or so the scripture says.. but then again, patience is a virtue I believe I'm being taught by this situation.. perhaps God is not done changing me yet.. to cement these changes as permanent ones.. not something I will backslide on once she walks through that door. I think I'm getting there though.

It's going to take time with her out of the house to actually see the changes being permanent.. I know and understand that.. and honestly I think there's a good chance she is starting to really see them.

I'm reassured by a few things.. that nothing shakes a wayward mind like a custody battle.. and the quickest way to a mother's heart is the love and adoration of her children. I know DS desperately wants her and I to reconcile.. he was sad for a while about it this weekend and we talked about it.. I let him get his feelings out, and all he could say was that he was sad, and it made his heart hurt.. He said he wanted his mommy to be a good guy like his daddy.. don't know where that came from but I had the 'mommys and daddys sometimes can make bad decisions but it doesn't make them bad people' talk with him again.. second weekend in a row on that one.. I just hugged him and assured him that we both love him very much, and that this is a grownup thing we have to go through right now, and that he'll always have the both of us in his life.

Makes my heart hurt too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.. poor guy.. he deserves so much better than this.

James -

I am so sorry you are still waiting. I hate waiting. Patience is hard for me to come by also. Have you heard anything new? Still praying for you.

Well.. I haven't heard from my lawyer yet as to why..

But the judge granted legal and physical custody to WW at least in the Provisional Orders.

I'm heartbroken.. this is a horrible blow, but one I have tried to brace myself for.

Keep praying for me guys.. I'm really down right now.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I'm so sorry.

I am sorry too.. sorry for my son who will have to endure this for even a little while longer.

Just talked to my lawyer, and told him that we're fighting this to the very end.. getting a guardian Ad Leitum, a custody evaluation etc..

*sigh*

I'm just sick about all this.. it's almost like Dday all over again.

sad, very sad indeed.

I'm sorry, James.

I'm really freakin' mad, too. But going to try and keep my mouth shut.

But her "trying" to have another kid right now makes me want to...I don't know. What a farse.

You knew it would be an uphill battle, but part of the reason you did it anyway is because you had no choice. You have no choice but to fight. You're a Dad who loves his children, so you really have no choice at all.

Thanks weaver... I'm just so heartsick about this right now.

I'm not giving up.. I'm not giving in.. I'm going to fight for my son to the very end of this Divorce.

Even if it only amounts to me getting more time with him it will be worth every effort.

I know it doesn't fit with where I was when I got here, but I really am not the type to just roll over and give up.

I despair right now in ways I haven't since WW left me.. but I'm not going to let it keep me down. My DS deserves better and dangit.. I'm going to do everything I can to fight for him.

Does the judge know she is shacked up and sleeping with some guy, right in front of her kids? that she took them out of their home to do so? Away from their father adn stepfather?

I can't believe it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry but I kinda anticipated this result. It's very hard for a father to win custody of a near infant (3 year old DS).

I add this...not to hammer you but to encourage any other men that come here and view your thread in the future. The biggest mistake you made was allowing her to leave and take primary custody of your son at the same time. You acquiesced to being an every other weekend father without any court order relegating you to such. Until the court orders otherwise you must demand 50-50 custody at a minimum and you could of as soon as you realized she was living with her affair partner. I think your attorney was wrong to advise you over a month ago to await a court hearing. You gave her temporary custody upfront and the judge saw no reason (based upon her lies...no doubt but they ALL lie) to change the status quo.

That being said...doesn't mean you can't win in the end. This was merely a temporary order. You'll have to continue fighting and NEVER settle if you ultimately want to win. Be it 6 months from now or 4 years from now...you can't win if you settle.

Strategies. Well perhaps you'll consider delaying the divorce proceedings to the fullest extent possible. Every day you document and WW messes up will bolster your eventual case. Plus...every day you delay your child gets a day older. IF you could drag it out a year and 1/2 your son will nearly be in Kindergarten at which time winning for a father becomes slightly easier. Courts seem more biased towards mom's with young children. Plus the delay keeps WW from marrying OM and legitimizing their affair and hopefully the affair will end before the divorce is finalized.

Finally...a delay will enable you to work and save up the funds necessary to carry out such fight until the bitter end.

It ain't over. You lost a battle. The war continues all around you. Plan to win the war. Always remember that SOMEDAY your son will be able to choose where he wants to live. It's not like any court order will permanently take your son from you. You'll win someday.

Mr. Wondering

This is bringing back such memories for me. I so remember the pain and the fear when I was in our custody battle. My ex got 50/50 in the end, and as hard as it was on me and my DD...we all survived.

She is thriving, I am thriving...

I grew up in some pretty bad sitches, my DD's dad grew up in ******...but we both made it.

Your kids will too.

Be a strong, loving force in their life. That will make all the difference.