Hanging tight Guy Smiley..

MAJOR trigger tonight though at the exchange. I think I handled it well though.

Here's how it went:

WW shows up at the door.. I saw the van pull in so started getting DS ready, zipping up his coat and get a big hug and a kiss from him before opening the door to let him out. I notice that DSD is in the 2nd row seat, so I ask WW if it'd be alright if I go say hi.

WW says: Sure, if she'll talk to you..

I go over on the opposite side of the van from DSD as WW is putting DS in on that side. Her hands are over her face so I don't say anything at first.. then DSD pulls them down and she's -bawling-.. not out of fear.. not out of anger.. I ask her what's wrong.. she says to me that she misses me and our dog.

I notice that Wonderscumbag is driving my van again.. what a guy.. can't even look my direction.

I look to WW and say: Mind if I take her back to see the puppy for a few minutes?

WW says: We really don't have time.

I muster a smile to DSD and give her a wink: Maybe next time baby girl.. I love you, everything's going to be ok.

DSD: I love you too daddy!

I give DS's leg a squeeze fighting with everything I've got to hold it together: Love you too little man.. I'll see you later.

I then wave goodbye and go inside..

I've been inside for 15 minutes just shaking.. I love that little girl -so- much.. to see her hurting like that just rips my heart out...

your ww is a no good pos and wilol burn in ****** for this stuff. that is cruel to her daughter

My heart goes out to you from one father to another. I hope and pray you get some positive breakthrough - maybe just maybe DSD planted a seed to WW.

Take care of yourself

Well, at least you got the validation that WW is making it up about DSD not wanting to see you.

So sorry, man.

Breathe...you knew she was lying about DSD. Doesn't make knowing it for sure any less hurtful. It will be okay..stick to your plan. Reality WILL hit her sooner or later. Lets just hope its before she gets pregnant again.

James - you are still doing the right thing. Just one step at a time...one day at a time.

Thanks guys..

Yeah.. I knew in my heart that DSD isn't really so mad at me she doesn't want to see me. I totally appreciate the fact that she can't possibly totally understand what's going on right now. Heck, -I- don't even understand it all.

Just seeing her though, hurting so much really got to me last night.

I do think though, that I've finally got the 'it' thing that I need to do for DSD.

I'm going to take some pictures of me and the puppy together and find the best one, print it out on a full sheet of paper.. write her a note on the back saying: We both miss you, and love you very very much. Hugs and kisses and all our love, Daddy and Payton (the kids named the dog.. he's a black lab.. I wanted to name him Marvin or Reggie if we were going with a Colts thing.. but hey, it's the kids' dog).

Then I'll have her friend down the way who she plays with at recess take it and give it to her at school so she's got a picture of us to keep with her.

I'm hoping it planted a seed... Wonderscumbag did not look at all happy sitting there in the driver's seat.. WW looked a bit haggard last night too, but there I was, looking -great-.. smelling awesome.. and smiling even though inside as soon as I saw DSD my heart broke all over again.

I -wish- I had gone over to her side and given her a big hug.. I wanted to.. so many things over the past two months I've wanted to say to her.. how proud I am of her keeping up her grades, and working hard in gymnastics.. *sigh* another missed opportunity.. I won't let another one slip by if I get the chance.

I -really- hope it planted a seed in my wife.. but honestly, I know she's still going to have to let this illness run its course in her.. hit rock bottom before she looks up and sees my hand there for her to take.

I prayed to God for the first time today, to truly break her.. to weigh her down with so much shame and guilt and misery that she has to turn back to Him.. I know that if she does, she will likely return to me as well.

I'll wait patiently, and walk my path with God, making the changes in my life I need to make in order to have the strength to pull through Recovery -if- she comes home.. or simply be a better man for the next woman in my life.. whenever she comes along.

Insist on urine drug test!!!!!!!! She has got to be smoking pot or crack or something!

Nice guys most of the time always come in last. Did you run this thought through your lawyer? Drugs in the home will certainly illustrate an unsafe home environment.

May be want to consider Jamesus!!

Prayers to you my friend!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I really have no basis to make that request LT.. my wife and I barely even drank while we were together. She has tried weed in the past but said it made her paranoid and sick, and feel out of control.. so I know she's not doing that kind of thing. I honestly don't think it's drugs man

I think it's just waywardness.

She's lying to herself, heaping lie upon lie, justification on justification.. Sin would not be so attractive if it didn't feel so good and give some great instant gratification. Her luggage has arrived at the terminal, and she's just now starting to realize that her unhappiness is going to follow her here too.

Like my friend at work said today: Her reality check is bouncing -hard-.

Not sure there's much more I can do apart from being a great guy, a great dad, and continue to pray for her. I have no problem doing those three things.

I'm working on me, making the changes I need to make, and I'm comfortable with that too.

They definitely didn't give off the pretenses of being a happy little unit last night.. and she's tried -really- hard to keep that facade up and going to this point.

I also told her that I did not plan to reenroll her on my health insurance as we're in our open enrollment period until the 15th, and advised her to get anything she or DSD needed done before then. She basically told me 'You can't do that!!!' So I asked 'Why not?' and she said that I couldn't remove her from my insurance until the end, and that she'd be talking to her lawyer about it. I just smiled and said 'Ok.. well, have her let me know, I'll talk to mine too, but I honestly don't think I'd -have- to reenroll you even if we weren't getting a divorce... this way just saves me the trouble of doing a 'life status change' at work once the final paperwork comes through.

Yet again.. that Financial Support need with her.. too bad, that's just one of the many benefits she's going to give up not being with me.

Her loss really... and I may keep DSD on until the final.. but I really don't want to end up paying for prenatal visits for Wonderscumbag's girlfriend.

Well.. actually just got off the phone with my lawyer, and he said to keep her on my insurance..

Lovely..

Ok.. well that's that then.

Jamesus,

I said the same prayer last night and will again this morning. I had wondered if you read the email. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It makes perfect sense, doesn't it.

I am really sorry that DSD was sad last night. Children are truly the victims in all this and the wayward will have their day on the pain that they have caused.

I love the insurance idea. In fact, I would do that myself if I could. The level of the wayward to hurt others is still beyond my grasp. But, you and I are walking in G-ds will and G-ds shelter. He trusts we have the strength and when we don't, then we seek his protection until we can again.

SG

Yeah.. that email really did make perfect sense. It's one of them that I'm going to print out and keep close by.

I really hope DSD lights a fire under her, but I'm not hedging any bets on it.

I'm going to just sit back, be cool and wait things out at this point, trust that God is doing his work.. I'm seeing the evidence more and more every day.

Well.. I'm not sure what to make of it.. but things are moving.

She emailed today asking for the login information for the website to pay the credit card she was ordered to pay. Now she knows the login information, it hasn't changed since before I met her.. but she still asked.. another unnecessary contact initiated by her.

Then she also sent a product warning about DS's bed.. said I should look into this. Which is fine, I responded that I was planning on replacing it with one of the twin beds I had at my mom's place this weekend anyhow. I also went on to tell her that I wouldn't remove her from the insurance just yet, and that we'd need to talk later about some of the recent charges. She emailed back about me needing to be more specific.. so I gave her the dates of the charges for 9/5 and 10/24.

She says that on 9/5 she went in for the smoking cessation stuff and the Dr gave her a lung capacity check.

Says on 10/24 she went in to have her annual checkup.. seems an awful lot for a pap but -ok-... they sent something off to a lab, so that might be it.. but there were injections and immunization too.. not sure what to make of it, and then there was the $407 charge.. which I still think is probably the removal of her IUD given that on Oct 28th Wonderscumbag said they were trying for a baby.

Course, I can think of several reasons why she wouldn't tell me she had her IUD removed.

Jamesus,

OK well, I am just trying to help you brainstorm. You know with everything that has happened to you and how biased the courts have thusfar been, I don't know If I would be as consistant as you have been in this whole matter.

Brings out some bad carma man that I would be compelled to say F- it and go on about my way.

Good for you and keep up the good work. Cannot beleive that your lawyer insiasted that you keep her on the healthcare insurance.

So is he suggesting that she make the co=payments and insurance payment??

Seems like that would be the right thing to do.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jamesus

I'm not in agreement that you have to keep your WW on you health care insurance. I'm in HR and employees change their dependents for all kinds of reasons during open enrollment, not just divorce/separation. I've known pleanty of people who dropped their estranged spouses from insurance even if the divorce was not final. Sometimes the WS's cry foul, but from what I've read on your thread, there is no mention of any court order in place that requires you to keep her on your insurance. How could she make you keep her on you insurance without a court order or law?

Unless it's not a big deal for you, I'd ask your attorney for more clarification about his advice. Given your situation, I'd take her off your insurance if at all possible--particularly if there is the chance she will get pregnant by her AP before the divorce is done--if you get that far. Of course you can continue to cover your children if you choose.

Just my 2 cents, for what it's worth... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Smartie

I agree

Jamesus,

Godd luck with you future endevours, I'll think of you often and also pray.

**************edit********

MB gives the inference that there is more to "just giving up and filing for D". But it also appears that they are against anyone disagreeing with some of the long timers here.
Take care and to all my friends that answered my post a sincere thanks!!
GL to all!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

James,

Hey there. I just returned from out of town and am trying to catch up with everyone.

As much as it hurt, I am glad you were able to see DSD. It has encouraged you to continue to reach out to her in whatever ways you can,,,, which is OH SO important for DSD. Keep it up. We both know it means the world to her now, and down the road. Trust me on this,,,I see it with my own DSS.

I don't know much about the insurance thing,,,it's unfortunate sometimes we are faced with having to deal with issues such as this during an already difficult time. If you can, I'd drop her off insurance. It's a reality she should have to face & will have to face so it's likely better Sooner rather than Later.

Hope you have a Great weekend! Keep your chin up!

Thanks Bugs..

I'm going to leave the insurance thing alone, I can see how it would look pretty bad if I dropped WW and DSD at this point, and it's really not -that- much extra through work, so I'm going to let that slide for now.. having mentioned it though, perhaps she will let that run through her mind. I know she's been online searching for private health insurance and examining the costs. I'm betting that was a big suprise.

Ran into my neighbor whose daughter goes to school with DSD, and plays with her at recess. I didn't have the photo ready yet (still trying to get that goofy dog to sit still long enough with me to snap a good picture). But he did say he's run into DSD at school a few times. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me with what she's said about me.. he says that when he's talked to her he's told her that I love her and miss her very much, and am very sad that she and I haven't been able to see eachother. Her response to him was: Mommy says he's not my daddy anymore.

*CRUSHED*

I took it pretty well.. but man that hurts. I understand why he didn't tell me.. he sees me suffering enough, but it just adds to Wednesday night.. that poor little girl, being used and manipulated by her mother like this. I pray for guilt and shame to overwhelm my wife.. when it does I know she will be brought low before God and perhaps finally see her way home to make ammends.

Saw the IC last night, and she's right.. as are many of you. Weaver I believe brought it up a few pages back in this post that it's a character issue with my WW. Those types of things don't have a tendancy to change, and there's absolutely nothing I can say or do to change them. Typically it takes monumental circumstances to so fundamentally cause a person to change.. that and time and experience.

I realize, perhaps fully for the first time just how long, and how patient I'm going to need to be should I choose to continue standing for my M. I also know and understand, and am finally able to let go of her in the way I need to in order to stay out of God's way. I trust in God, the messages he has given me about patience, trust, and waiting for the Lord.. and know that only -He- has the power to mold the events in her life, to influence her away from the trap of the Enemy that she has fallen into.

Keep me in your prayers.. you are all in mine.

As for my weekend plans, tonight I'm taking DD to a father-daughter dance with an 80's theme. Not entirely sure whether I'm going to go for an early or late 80's send up, but it should be amusing.. going to try to 'poof' my little girl's hair.. that should actually be fairly comical itself.

J, it broke my heart reading your post the other day, about seeing DSD in the van that loser man was driving. opps didn't mean to call names, yes I did, sorry I am not to nice today and its morning, yikes, it will be a long day for someone.

you are always in my prayers. You will find your joy soon, don't hurry yourself. I try to find mine in everything I do.

keep writing so we know where your at in this.

Thank you for the prayers Doingfine..

I guess it really is all up to God now. I've got to do my part on me, give God a bit of a break even though he's helping me out a lot. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He's got a lot of hard work, and an uncooperative canvass in my WW. I'll just try not to get lost myself in the wilderness with the other 99 righteous sheep while He goes looking for his lost one.

I do owe Him a lot for keeping me together through all this, so I'm going to keep on keepin on folks..

As Guy Smiley says: And the beat goes on.