I would love to see an example of such an uncooperative canvas getting something pretty painted on 'er.

I'm sorry to say I have never seen it. It's not something I personally believe in.

The uncooperative canvas needs to have hope of its own, and there's the rub.

She'd rather be adored by her accomplice than redeemed by her victim.

That's her character, and she has zero interest, and zero potential for interest, in changing it.

I've just described probably about half of the people in the world.

It's on you, my man, to survive them.

GC

Ahh Graycloud.. my ray of hope and sunshine <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I know it seems impossible. It feels that way sometimes, especially given that it -is- a character issue, an established life pattern, and a mimicking of her father that is at work here. Lots of things are working against it.

I am, however starting to see things deteriorate in Affairsville.. which gives me a little hope.

I never -really- implemented a Plan A, and I'm 3 months into separation at this point. I'm trying to get back to square one and do the best Plan A I can from a distance. I'll let that go for another 3 months if I can. I realized that being 'cordial' at the dropoffs and kindly answering her questions when she calls and asks things that she already knows the answers to is Plan A behavior, not even Modified Plan B.. so I'm going to back burner my personal notions of Modified Plan B for a moment and continue what I have been doing the past couple of weeks. That way, at least I'll know that our last conversation wasn't a fight, and I closed the door on good terms.


I'm praying, and giving my WW to God at this point, knowing that only He can change her. I too would love to see this uncooperative canvass receive the color and life that God can only paint. I -believe- He can work with this canvass. If He can create the universe in a week, He can surely move the mountain that is my WW. My faith is in Him, regardless of the outcome.

Meanwhile I will be in the trenches, with His armor on, fighting for the life of my son.

Good morning, James!

I see I am not the only one still on 'weekday' schedule this morning! DD came in my room to tell me it was 'almost get up time', and then she remembered it was the weekend- OOPS!

So, what fun times are planned "in the trenches' today??

Well.. it's my weekend off so to speak. DD and I are getting ready to meet up with my mom for breakfast. Mom's been a real champion through all of this, super supportive of -me- even if she's extremely unsupportive of any reconciliation attempts. We've been eating together so it kind of feels like having the family around again.

Plus I get to cook.. which actually does make me pretty happy.

Took a peek at your thread Bugs, and hope everything goes well with the puppy today. I also hope my IL's end up giving WW a rake over the coals when she comes to them all 'victimized' by me continuing to fight for DS, even if they aren't directly supportive of me. They keep saying I'll always be part of the family.. but I don't know if it's just talk or what.. we'll see how that turns out I suppose.

Jamesus,

You are I walk such similar journey's. I am so there with you in the rethinking of Plan A. Remember, G-d has deep faith and belief in us to walk through this pain, loving our WW and becoming the people he has always intended, while awaiting his blessings of bringing them home to us.

Not an easy road for sure, but if we seek G-d daily and even way more than that, he will walk with us through the valley of darknesses when we search for him or jsut be there behind us cheering us on.

Have a great breakfast, talk to you later.

I myself am walking to work, putting in a couple hours of quiet time and then walk to a coffee place for some fun and convo with a close friend.

I'll check in with you later to make sure you are doing well.

SG

Sorry, James, if that felt like a pail of cold water.

I don't take it back. People do nasty things to other people and never atone for them and still sleep soundly.

That truth was haaaaard for me to swallow, but I'm hopeful again because of it.

GC

It's ok GC.. I need that bucket to come by every so often.

My faith is stronger.. hope you don't take offense to that. Honestly it's just me that's going to prolong the hurt for me if I'm wrong.. but for now at least, faith is keeping me going.. faith and what I see through the cracks in the fence.

It's the holidays.. if I can continue to be cordial and nice when she initiates contact or if I have to see her.. then I'll continue that through the holidays at the very least.. maybe until the day after Valentine's Day.. if nothing changes by then I might make sure my Plan B letter arrives on Valentines Day.. it's supposed to be a loving detachment right?.. well.. that's what it will be.

Skinsgal

You're going to need to do what's right for you. Remember your counseling session and make sure you're not acting on feeling. Your head needs to lead right now, not your heart, since they aren't in synch.

I'm studying SAA again.. and I think I can do this.. my 'control' in this though is that she has to initiate contact.

Her picking up the phone when I call the kids doesn't count (she's started doing this though.. says Hi.. and just waits.. I typically just ask to speak with DS and DSD.. I only get DS.. but still, I always ask... before this week though she'd just hit the button and hand it to DS.)

James,

I saw where you (and skins, too, I think) were asking Mimi about how to Plan A with the WS out of the house.

I did that with Drac. I don't know if it will help either of you, but I looked up my Plan A thread. My personal actions may not be right for you, but you may find help in the great advice I received from so many!

Sorry, I don't know how to link it in a pretty way,,,,


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3178106

Have I told you lately that you're -awesome- Bugs?

Thanks so much for sticking by me through this, it's awesome to have great friends like you.

This weekend has so far been all about getting closer to God for me. I hope it's been a good one for everyone else. You're all in my heart and prayers.

Glory be to God today, and always!

James,

Why thank you,,,,,,,,Sometimes I *feel* awesome! LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope you had a great day!

Well, today was interesting... and a bit upsetting.

I went into the office today, even though our facility was closed for Veteran's Day. I intended to do some testing but discovered not only were were short parts for the test products but that they weren't coming.. not today at least.

I got back home around 9:30 and called WW to see if she'd mind if I picked up DS so that I could spend the day with him while she was at work.

Her response? I'm going to have to get back to you on that.

So I wait.. 10 minutes later she calls back and says: Well.. short notice and all, it doesn't really work out with my schedule today.

I tell her that I've got no plans, so I could meet her with DS anywhere at any time she'd like me to.

Well.. just didn't work with her schedule today.

Well.. she's been at work all day.. what's up with that?

I know what's up with that..> DS probably isn't at daycare, and she called Wonderboy to figure out what they were going to tell me for that little 10 minute interval.

The best lie she could come up with was that it didn't fit into her schedule??? WTF?!?

Documented, logged, going to find out on Wednesday if DS was at daycare today..

I'm so angry.. Are we really supposed to just -let- the WS spew forth lie after lie at us when it's so obvious?

Bless you!! Will your delema ever end? When are you supposed to hear the final judgement? Does your lawyer have any additional ideas of recommendations to strengthen your case??

Prayers be with you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

James,

I feel angry about that too! What a beee-atch! I hate, hate, hate it when I read about WSs playing any kind of 'games' when it comes to the kids.

That is pure and simple EVIL.

The truth is, we have no power to stop the WS from spewing lies - there is no choice in "letting" them or not. To expect TRUTH from them while actively in their A is like expecting monkeys to fly out of their butts. Ain't gonna happen without a divine miracle!

The only choice you have power over is how you react to the spew,,, Mostly it is best to duck so you are not splattered with goo from the spew.

I am not trying to be flip about your pain,,, but am trying to lighten it up a bit & get across that YES, the WS is absolutely ridiculous! Don't expect anything less.

{{{James}}}

Thanks LT and Bugs.. you guys are fantabulous..

And you're right, it's despicable.. but I almost look at it this way, the harder she fights me, the more conflicted I think she is. I've done no LBing for months now, been kind and warm to her when I see her, on the phone, and by email.

But the BIG news tonight is *drumroll please*

When I called DS as I do every night, I heard DSD in the background shout 'Hi Daddy!'.. so I asked DS to tell her I said Hi back.. well.. he handed her the phone.

I got to talk to her for a few minutes, told her how proud I was of her grades at school and for being very close to passing level 1 in gymnastics.. got to tell her I love her and miss her, and promised her a picture of me and the dog.

Oh how it did my heart good to hear her voice.. she told me she got an A+ on her spelling test last week, and that she was working on her vault and cartwheels to pass level 1.. she sounds good.. though WW made her hand the phone back to DS who was throwing a fit because he wanted to talk to me.. guess he just thought I'd say Hi and be done.. hehe.. It's almost like the old days, the kids jostling eachother for my attention.. it -feels- really good.. and talking to DSD gave me the lift I really needed after being angry all day.

Gosh I love my kids.. I'm sorry as heck they're going through this, but I'm glad within a week I've gotten to speak with DSD a couple of times. Not to diminish my talks with DS or my DD.. but just between all of us here, DSD is my little angel... I love her to itsy bitsy pieces..

I could tell it was getting to WW the way she got agitated about making DSD give the phone back.. started lecturing DSD about her making DS throw a fit while she was driving..

God.. I pray some of the reality of what's going on is sinking in to WW.. her reality check is due for bouncing hard.

Also.. heard from FIL last night, had called to wish him a happy Veterans Day (he's a retired USAF MP).. he and I talked for a few minutes, apparently WW is still undecided on her holiday plans.. and FIL intimated to me that Wonderboy is not welcome at Thanksgiving or Christmas at SIL's house.. so we'll see how that unfolds.. should be interesting.

Oh.. FIL -also- told me that SIL's husband has worked with Wonderboy.. apparently doing the road construction gig and has been doing it for a year or two at least.. but is -always- the first one to get laid off when work slows down because he's.. well, worthless. So much for improving her lot in life eh?

Wow.. amazing how the voice of the cutest little 8 year old you've ever known can lift your spirits back to the heavens.

I was praying just before I got the call.. there are no coincidences.. Glory be to God.

Interesting sidenote..

FIL just finished nursing school this past year, and has lined up a job at one of the local mental hospitals.

Wonder if they get an employee discount for children?

James,



Amen brother!

FABULOUS news!!

Ride the high and enjoy!!

GOD also listens to the prayers of children - even if children don't understand what is going on. Hope this adds more pressure to the affair. In any event - in DSD eyes - you are still her daddy.

Take this moment as a sign (gift) that your prayers are being heard. Rest up tonight - there will be more to battle later.

Dude . . . my heart skipped a beat for you when I read that. Very cool.

Good, wonderful, great!! It is these small things that happens, that re-instills your efforts and show you that they are not in vain.

When are you going to get even?

Prayers with you "my brother from another mother"!!

You'll rest easier tonight, sweet dreams and may tomorrow bring you joy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />