OK GC.. PM.. it's difficult to detect sarcasm here.

I figure GC means that this is the anticipated response when a WW gets a volly from the truth cannon?

Not sure what you mean by yours PM..

SG: Honestly I didn't figure I'd escape this exchange without drawing a little venom, so I'm not suprised, and my feelings really aren't hurt by it. I am turning to God, and my prayer is that at least some of that sticks with her and gets the gears turning.

Someone gave the analogy of Plan A being like throwing pebbles into a stream.. it takes a lot of pebbles over time before you start to notice anything affecting the surface.

I'm actually feeling ok right now.. I'm not dwelling on all that, and I don't figure on responding to that latest email.. way I see it is that she waved the white flag and is done digesting her dose of truth for a while.

Oh.. and for those that are counting. Here's what Webster says on devotion.. thought you all might find it interesting. I'm almost tempted.. but I won't send it.

devotion



Main Entry: de·vo·tion
Pronunciation: \di-ˈvō-shən, dē-\
Function: noun
Date: 13th century

1 a: religious fervor : piety b: an act of prayer or private worship —usually used in plural c: a religious exercise or practice other than the regular corporate worship of a congregation

2 a: the act of devoting <devotion of time and energy> b: the fact or state of being ardently dedicated and loyal <her devotion to the cause> <filial devotion>

3obsolete : the object of one's devotion

synonyms see fidelity

Oh Jamesus I wasn't being sarcastic to YOU. I was agreeing that the exchange made her think. I imagine her head spinning round and round trying to figure that one out. DO NOT TAKE HER WORDS TO HEART!

PM were you being sarcastic toward my post?

Not really. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But when you said rattler I was typing rattled and decided to change it. I think we meant the same thing. She was rattled by his email.

Jamesus:

Just a quick point, as I'm on my way 2 Australia, basically leaving the boards...


I think what I would have meant if I'd said what gc said (you may have noticed that it wasn't me, however) is that you fed the snake what she needed 2 continue 2 be a snake. It'll go straight 2 the venom glands.

Fire with fire stuff - oops, different meta4.

-ol' 2long

Thanks for the clarification folks.

Honestly I'm not suprised at the reaction.

I do however hope that some of it ends up sinking in.

2long ol pal.. you will be sincerely missed. I hope you'll check up on me from time to time. Please keep in touch.. my email I think is in my profile.. can't tell you how valuable you've been on this thread.

Jamesus:

Well, seein' as how I'm taking nigh on forever 2 get on outta here, odds are better than not that I'll drop back in before I head off 2 Australia...

-ol' 2long

Well folks, another day dawns and my morning devotionals still tell me to wait for the promises of the Lord.

So one of the things I've started doing is paying closer attention to those little signs out in front of the churches that sometimes have little inspirational quips and such.

First one I passed today: Why worry when you can pray?

The one that sticks with me though is on the other side of the church just down the road from that one that I see on my way home from work: Trying times are not the times to stop trying.

I talked to Dad several nights back, and he's still astonished with how I'm hanging in this fight.. and he asked me again why I keep going. I told him that I feel that I've been called by God to stand for my marriage.. I've asked God.. I've prayed for Him to tell me the way to go.. and each time I've received the message to wait.

Last night, particularly the message was Be Still... it came up 3 different times between the radio program I was listening to, and my page flipping. My Bible received 3 more bookmarks last night.. I think I need to break out of the Psalms and get back to the New Testament letters from the apostles to the people in other regions.. teaching them how to live a Christlike life.

I know I have a problem with holding on to anger right now.. and I read that if I cannot let go of my anger and be forgiving of my enemies, then God cannot rightly forgive me. I have a need right now to purify myself, to feel as if I'm right with God and can receive the blessings of his righteous people.. but I'm also having a very difficult time of letting go of my anger and resentment.. Little things each day seem to pop up and stir that pot just about the time I get it settled.. so I'm working on that now.. trying to figure out good ways to let go of my anger. I think I'll try reading the detachment with love thing again.. it seems helpful in dealing with this kind of thing.

Well.. going to jump into the daily grind. I'll check back in from time to time today. May God bless you today and always.

That anger is going to hurt you and I would suggest remembering your humility here and admitting you might not be able to get rid of it with your religious practice.

You can't do what you're doing indefinitely. To my knowledge you have never stated a plan with a schedule. If your plan is to be a superhuman and endure for months upon months you are making a mistake.

Perhaps GC.. and I don't plan on being superhuman, but I am going to depend on God to provide me with what strength I need to go on when I falter.

I'm not sure when the D will wrap up.. I don't think I can Plan B until then safely without jepoardising my sitch with DS.. which to be honest is far more important right now than saving my M.. this is 4 months now.. not sure if that qualifies this as a LTA but it's got the characteristics of one.. so it's going to take a while for that to fall to pieces too.

On my end, I have the comfort of knowing that I -can- withdraw even in Plan A to a safe place when I need to.. I don't -have- to answer the phone when it rings.. I don't -have- to immediately respond to TM's or emails.

My involvement in the daily drama is my own choice, and I own it.

I do agree with you that the longer I go in my Plan A, the higher the price emotionally. What I don't agree with is that my faith can't get me through it. My faith tells me that nothing is impossible with God. If anyone can teach me to forgive and let go of my anger.. it will be the one who has perfected the art of doing just that.

I agree with you GC.. I may be making the biggest mistake of my life holding on like I am. I may be setting myself up for emotional damage for the rest of my life.. I may be setting myself up to be unable to trust and truly love another human being the way I ought to be able to...... But if I give up now, I guarantee those things for my children.

that is absolutley untrue James.

I don't know MEDC.. I don't buy into anyone's notion that children of divorce... especially divorces like -this- one looks like it's going to be.. don't come out severely harmed by the irresponsible choices of at least one parent.

Regardless of whether or not -that- parent has custody.

I'm sure your mileage varies, and I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job with your little one.. but we don't get the results of this test until much later in life.. and no matter how good a job we do with our kids, you and I.. they will always have this event in their lives.. eventually they will know why.. and they have to emotionally cope with something that NO CHILD should ever have to go through.

Much like the moment I said 'I do' to my wife.. the moment my wife told me she was pregnant with my son I had a commitment.. I accepted the mantle of father in his life and be damned if I'm going to give up on our family and figuring he'll tough out the D and be 'ok' because now mommy and daddy are happy.. without fighting with my last gasp.

I already got the 'If I'm happy the kids'll be happy' speech from WW... it's bovine droppings.

James...your wife will do damage to your children. It isn't the divorce that is their worst eneemy...it is her. many kids survive divorce just fine...it isn't the ideal situation...but many do just fine. Your wife is the danger to your kids. IMHO, your child would have a happy life if you got custody and they only rarely saw her. You could be the model for a relationship and parent.

I agree, damage is currently being done to your children, much more damage than would be done if they were in your sole custody. I realize that this is not in your control, but the RIGHT custody decision as a result of a D imo would actually be BETTER for your son than the current situation.

If you can push the divorce through before she gets the house set up, wouldn't that be in your favor?

If you'd called a lawyer and pursued a speedy divorce immediately on your discovery day, that choice would not have been an offense against your children.

You would just have been acting on a different judgment of your situation.

GC

James, the way I think about it is, no mother (save a very few very evil people) could do a worse job of raising her children (and your child) than your wife has done. SHE is clearly a danger to your son and anything that would remove your child from her care would be beneficial to a child that has not quite reached the point in his life where long term memory really kicks in.

You would have better luck to open a phone book...point to a name and marry that woman and have her help raise your children. The fact that she had an affair is not what puts her in this category IMHO, ...it is what she has done to her children by removing them (or at least your son) from their home. Truly James, your wife is a horrible mother that your child would do better off not growing up with her influence.

Just my opinion based on your situation. If she does a 180 degree turn, perhaps she can be a good mother...but from what you have said based on her handling of her first child...she never really has been a good mom and there is no reason to suspect that she will ever become one either.

Tyk: Yep, getting the eval done before she gets her house would, I believe be in my favor.

GC: You're right of course, but the point is moot. I'm not seeking Divorce from my wife.

MEDC: I empathise with your POV in this. I agree, what she has done since this all started is deplorable, and certainly does not paint a positive picture of her as a mother. No, she wasn't mother of the year either when we met. Together though we made quite a team and have done a wonderful job of raising our children up until this all started. I don't think -any- stepparent at this point is going to be better for my kids than their father or their mother. I just differ in my opinion. If my WW ever loses one of the W's I'm very confident that she and I can provide a very good, nurturing environment -together- for them. Yes.. I can do it just fine on my own, but that isn't the -best- I can do for my kids.

"Normal" affairs last from a few months 2 a 2ple of years. No, then, this isn't an LTA by any stretch of the imagination.

Someday, look up Hope4future's story from some years back. She didn't wake up until the DV was about final, either 1 or 2 years after her A started. She is one of the most memorable FWWs we've ever had here.


I don't think this is the case at all. Rather, you recognize that you must work through your pain, you can't circumnavigate it. You will need the perspective you gain at the end of the process 2 make you the better father and H that you will be at that point.

Notice I didn't say anything about what your WW does or doesn't do. That's irrelevant, so far as YOU are concerned. And finding the right balance between ignoring her behavior and protecting your kids from it is part of your process, 2. It's just more obvious there that you can't avoid going through it to come out the other side with children who are as emotionally healthy as they can be.

-ol' 2long
Australia beckons <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'll definitely check that out 2long.. thanks, you've been pointing me in good directions for a while now, and I appreciate that.

You know.. I think that you hit the nail on the head with your last paragraph.. that's what I was talking about.. that I -have- to go through this journey to grow the way I need to for my children... so that they know I've always fought for them and their mother.

Enjoy your time in oz man... just remember the 'little people' from time to time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />