When it comes to extramarital affairs or sexual addiction, this statement couldn't be more true. Dorothy's life was one of mediocrity.There was little or no color to her existence at the homestead, and she felt constrained by life's hardships and by those who controlled her life. She believed that no one understood her. In frustration, she tried to leave, only to find herself directly in the
path of an ominous tornado that sent her helplessly spinning into a strange new land of fantasy. Unlike her old life, this new life was painted with vibrant colors and was full of song. Furthermore, Dorothy was no longer alone. She found a strange troop of friends leading the way: a scarecrow that lacked brains, a tin man missing his heart, and a lion with no courage.This motley crew committed their lives to assisting young Dorothy and her dog Toto in her search for the Wizard of Oz. Interestingly, flying monkeys, wicked witches, and deception left Dorothy pining away for the very thing from which she had tried to run. She just wanted to be home again where she belonged.

I wonder if the author of the Wizard of Oz might not have been writing about some pitiful person trapped in an affair? How often do these indiscretions begin with feelings
of mediocrity, or a desire to feel alive and understood, free from the constraints of life's responsibilities and no longer alone? People often find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time because of the ambivalence generated by life's circumstances and frustrations.

Catapulted into a strange new fantasyland, the individual is left to wrestle with what to do. Only then do they end up operating with a series of handicaps like Dorothy's team—no brain, no heart, and no courage.

What do you decide to do when somebody has lost their brain? If you've ever observed someone in an affair, it is apparent they are operating a few cards short of a full deck.

They lose the ability to make even the simplest decisions. I have seen successful men and women in extremely influential positions transformed into inept and incompetent individuals who cannot make a rational decision.They become willing to jeopardize career,
family, and future for this momentary pleasure. If the behavior of being “in love” were not socially acceptable, they would be certifiably insane. Instead, they are allowed to stumble through life like the emperor with no clothes. Everyone else can see they have no brain, and that reason and common sense are gone, but often they are too polite to say anything.

The loss of heart is also apparent.There is an illusion that if one is in love, they are finally in touch with their heart, when in reality they've just lost what little heart they had. The selfish pursuits of personal gratification and self-glorification have nothing to do with
heart; rather they are based on self-centeredness.The total lack of consideration of how the betrayer’s actions will impact others is one of the most astounding aspects of an affair.

Like the tin man, the person involved in an affair has no heart and no empathy. Contrary to this, people with heart are actually able to feel the impact their actions have on those who are connected to them.They care about the pain they are inflicting upon those they love.The path out of this dark morass requires that they acquire a heart, not only to begin to experience awareness of the pain that's been inflicted, but also to learn how to truly love.

Finally, courage is certainly not a term used to describe those indulging in affairs. In fact, their betrayal seems to rob them of courage. Instead of exercising the necessary courage to acknowledge and own their feelings and actions, they hide behind a veil of secrecy, afraid of discovery and the consequences of their actions. Rather than having the courage to face the reality of the deficits in their marriage or address the issues resulting from their betrayal, they attempt to avoid conflict and hide their feelings and actions. Ironically, it is this lack of courage that keeps them hopelessly trapped in the life they claim to want to escape.The only way they can stay immobilized in this state is by the continued avoidance
of life's realities. Instead, why not be honest and stand up and own what has been done?

This simple solution creates immediate change as well as a loss of control. It requires courage to take personal responsibility for their life and actions. Frequently, those lacking the courage to stand up will hide behind the rationalization that they don't want to hurt their mate, claiming they are acting in their mate’s best interest by keeping secrets. In reality, however, they are controlling and robbing their mate of the information necessary to
take responsibility for their own life, to make informed decisions, and to address the issues in the marriage. It takes courage to be authentic in a marriage, but like the lion of Oz, courage is a trait that is often missing.

Interestingly enough, this trip to affair fantasyland usually culminates in a longing for home. Like Dorothy, they often realize that “there's no place like home.” But how do they return? It would be nice if they could click their heels together and repeat,“There’s no place like home,” but more is required.The journey back is more exciting, and ultimately more rewarding than the fantasyland, but it takes time and effort. It is, however, one’s best hope for growth and happiness. Come back to reality. Rediscover your brain, heart and courage, and you’ll find there truly is no place like home.