I LOVE THIS.

And so TRUE....

Thanks CW, SG, Rin, rwinger.. you guys are one heck of a group to keep a guy upright when he just wants to fall down.

I guess my anxiety here is that I really have no good reason for feeling this way today.. why today is so hard.

Thanks for the prayers, the support.. everything you guys.. I'm feelin the love.. right where I needed it to be.

Got some questions to answer.. see.. it's good not to be wandering aimlessly through the day.

SG: The criteria Father talked about was
1) Does it follow God's commandments?
2) Is it one of the 7 deadly sins?
3) Does it further my walk with God?


Honestly Rin.. I'm not sure what the -next- step is.. If I can just let go, I think I'll be ok. Maybe the next step is learning to deal with the triggers better than I have.. not sure how I'm going to do that unless I get triggered.. so I guess I'm learning.

Well.. that's kind of interesting you asked. Through the family grapevine I'm hearing that the seller has completely backed out on dealing with her, and now she's looking at houses in 2 other school districts around town because there's really nothing else in the pricerange.. which means they will be well geographically separated from the CoWorker friend.. and the way it was phrased, it sounds like she's trying to look at and close on a house within the next 30 days.. not sure why the time limit but we'll see how things shake out.

No word yet on the custody eval.. so I'm kinda hangin tight.

I am about to really show my ignorance. What are those?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins

SG- check this out...

james, how about standing still...which you are doing a great job of today...it occurred to me that when we stand still we are gathering our strenght...perhaps down on one knee...holding the hand of God...or our friends and family...

Today's just one of those days for gathering strenght...

Positive, not negative...

Well.. honestly, with the news about the house and whatnot it helps rationalize some of the recent behaviors etc.

See.. the school system that I and CoWorker live in is one of the best in the state. Any other school district in the county is a definite step down.. so her even entertaining the idea of going elsewhere is less-than-perfect for her.. not to mention the house she -wanted- was right down the street from CoWorker.. and these other school districts would put the pressure squarely on her and WB in their little lovenest.. which I don't see lasting long..

Next is... -why- would someone selling a house in this market suddenly refuse to deal with my WW?.. Only thing I can think of is with the 3 closing dates so far that were missed (that -I- know about) she's probably having trouble getting the financing she needs and the seller doesn't want to bother with her foolishness anymore... Sooooo she's probably also looking at have to settle for a house that has a lower value than she's looking for.. which I know from experience -REALLY- burns her in the pants...

Next.. she's in a -huge- rush, saying that she has to start from square one and look at houses, make offers, blah blah and try to get out of where she is within the next 30 days... now the question is, is this -her- deadline or CoWorkers? Not that it matters to me right?

Now.. is it bad that I can be comforted by the fact that everything isn't as 'fine' as she says it is over there?

To be honest with you.. I think it's not bad at all.. but encouragement for me to know that God -is- at work influencing circumstances on the other side of the street.... maybe I should just be still like you said Rin.. God seems to be doing a wonderful job on His own over there.

I'm just gonna keep on Plan A'n when I get the opportunity.

Keep your chin up, James.

This seems like a long fight and it will take great patience and strength.

I know the pain you are going through as I struggle many days wondering why everything happened and I should be with my ex right now enjoying the new year and making plans for Valenetine's day my birthday etc.

That's the tough part changing the routine and being to accept the changes.

So far you're doing an excellent job. The path is not a linear one and there will be hardship along the way.

This is a test from God unfortunately the path has not yet been revealed. And so you persevere with faith.

This is your life's challenge the one we all must face. It is very unfortunate that these are the cirumstances, but this challenge/test was placed before you for a reason.

Thanks Infodude.. glad to see you drop in again.

Glad you think I'm doing well.. everyone keeps telling me that, so maybe I'll start to believe it.

I think I'm mentally well for the most part.. emotionally I -know- I'm still very raw.. even at a superficial level where most people just bounce off... it's not familiar ground for me.

Physically I'm in good shape, but I have been backsliding on my workouts in favor of going out with friends.. might need to get my butt out of bed earlier in the AM to make sure I'm working out... going to be a self discipline issue on that one for sure.

Guess we'll see how things shake out in the coming days.. if she really is back at square one on looking for a house, it's going to be a while before she gets through that process.

Maybe CoWorker/CoWorker's husband are getting tired of the "living arrangments". I'm thinking your WW may get "hit" with the reality of her life as she tries to find a home to buy. Not only is she having to do it on her own, but now she has another "child" to worry about (Wonderboy). If she's supporting him (i.e., financing the house, etc) that will get old pretty fast.

Or maybe the 30 days is because they know there's an evaluation coming and it won't look good if she stays where she is.

I'm thinking things will come to a head pretty soon.

James - geez ya think? This would be normal for most people in your situation. This is draining and tough.



I was wondering about this myself. Not only WB but his GF and kids - very odd family they are.



Very good observation

If I were forced to guess.. I'd say CoWorker or CoWorker's husband is probably fed up with the situation.

Might be a DJ here to say this.. but I think WW would have been just fine with hanging there as long as they'd let her.

Dunno about the eval stuff.. haven't heard from my lawyer since I gave him the thumbs up a little over a week ago to go get them... He mentioned something about a motion to have them named as evaluators, and so far that hasn't popped up on the court documents source I've got.

Ok.. sarcasm completely deserved here.

It's just wierd.. there are times I feel like a complete emotional amputee (if that makes sense) just having phantom pains of the love I used to know..

then there are times it's like someone didn't sew up the stump and just stuck it in a bucket of salt.

Today's forecast is salty..

Who knows.. maybe tomorrow I'll be numb again and more able to function.

Jamesus,
Popping in to say hello...was lurking for a bit reading your story.

I'm a BS and the sitch with my WS has made me feel similar some days...I have been so extremely drained physically, emotionally, mentally...that I have felt like I was going to vaporize completely, just into nothingness. Strange. I don't like it one bit.

My dr just prescribed me some anti-depressants and I myself have just delivered the PBL. That was my own prescription for sanity! Have you thought about going ahead with the Plan B in full force?

Hang in there.

I'll have to read up on your sitch. I started to follow it early, but I've been away from the boards more often than not lately. I've thought about Plan B.. I've honestly thought about other options that aren't MB and taking a completely different road.

I think I'm right where I need to be right now. I'm going to need to keep up the plan A at least through the eval if not all the way up until the D if it gets that far.

I'm taking it day by day and continue to evaluate where I'm at. I'm trusting God to direct me when I don't know the answers, and trusting that I'll get through this, somehow better for having done it the right way.. whether that's with WW or not.

I'm praying, for the sake of my family it's with her, but she's got a lot of 'her stuff' to deal with before that happens, and to be F&O so do I.

I liked this when I saw it the other day:

The affairs of God are accomplished little by little and almost imperceptibly. The Spirit of God is neither violent nor hasty. He does all things in His time.

-- St. Vincent de Paul

Hey James

First off--sorry about the Colts. I was soo pulling for them yesterday...even up to the end.

And what others have told you is true--the good days and down days are normal. Heck, it's been 8 months for me since D-day and some days I kick myself because I think I should be over this. I'm a pretty resilient girl after all!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> But then I stop the stinkin thinkin and realize that over time the bad days are farther apart and shorter in duration. And that there are more good times, or least times when I am truly focused on me, and not WH, OW and the whole sick, sad mess they've created for themselves and so many others. That's progress!

It's like wise folks have told me--if we didn't suffer at all through this ordeal, we wouldn't be human.

IMHO, I think you are doing great...

Smartie

Hi Smartie,

I got your email. I was pulling for the Colts too.

Queenie

Thanks for checking in on me. Who are you pulling for next week?

Smartie

PS No more t/j James!!

{{{{{{{{{Smartie}}}}}}}

I think San Diego and Green Bay, you?

Oh Smartie I am having the hardest time tonight, what are you doing?

Sorry James for the TJ

(((( Smartie & SG ))))

Hey, thanks for checkin in on me ladies.

Like I said.. eventually with everyone saying I'm doing well, I figure I might actually start believing it.

Had a good night last night at least, after such a worrisome day. I think I'm settling into a comfortable Plan A day today, got some work around here to do and maybe clean up a few of my program requests while I'm at it.

I'm sorry about the Colts too, was just embarrasing how they got beat by a bunch of scrubs on the SD offense. I'll be pulling for GB (WW's team) the rest of the way.. but it's going to be tough for anyone to stop NE it looks like.

Smartie, I too feel like the down days are fewer and farther between. Still, it feels so much like you're backsliding during those days and just clawing to hold on to the ground you've gained. Today I feel a little more like I'm back on the horse.

There was a quote I found last month I think, and I can't remember it word for word or who said it, but it went something like: When it is over you will not regret having suffered, but you will regret having suffered so little, and suffered that little so poorly.

I think that's probably going to ring true for me. I know in my heart that this suffering is for God's purpose to work in my life for the better.

Meanwhile I pray that He sends his Divine Influence to work in WW's life to guide her back to Him, and our family to restore our covenant with eachother and God so that we can all better serve Him.

J,
My church counselor suggested I pray Ephesians 3 for my WH and ask God to transfer his inner self to feel and know God's love. Because without the Holy Spirit's inspiration, will any changes be lasting or real? See below...I substituted the word "you" and "their" to WS and HER for you.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that he may grant WS in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through HER Spirit in the inner self, and that Christ may dwell in HER heart through faith; that WS, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth, length, height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that WS may be filled with all the fullness of God.

There you go! I pray mine for my WH every day.

Thanks Free!!!

Just added to my daily prayer stack.

God and I are having some pretty good chats in the AM.. and I'm diggin that.

Best part of my day these days.