Well.. no breakthroughs so far.. Talked to DSD's grandparents on the phone. They apparently had a good sit down with WW, DS, and DSD yesterday.. kept everything light.

DSD's grandmother did say that once the kids were in the car she gave WW a tearful hug and told her that she was praying for us, and told WW that she really wishes she would go home and work things out.. that she felt I was a good man, making an incredible stand and hasn't given up on her..

WW's response, according to DSD's grandma was: I know..

Nothing like the response in the past when DSD's grandmother has tried this tac.. which was WW railing against her with the no, never, blah blah blah..

An improvement? I dunno.. not going to worry about it. Changes nothing right now.. I just have to keep going like I have been.

Because you are doing all of the changing inside for YOU.

Right?

What happens over there is G-d's business and work. We have our OWN, don't WE.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes indeed.. we have our own work to do.

Honestly though, I think I'm getting to a point where I'm just going to embrace my life as it is.

I'm going to -enjoy- not having to report home at a certain hour, or call to make sure my plans are 'ok' with her etc etc.. I'm going to live like she isn't coming home (with the exception of opening myself up to another relationship) and enjoy it..

There's going to be enough work to do if she ever does show up at that door.

I'm going to -show- her the consistent love and devotion to what extent she will allow me, and I'm going to positively shower my children with it.. because they -need- it.

Nothing new to report on the WW front. Probably a good thing to let everything settle for a bit anyhow. It's been a busy last few weeks. Lot's of things 'happening' and getting involved in the drama of it all.. so a break is probably called for about now.

I'm going to hang back and keep my fellowship with God and enjoy my life as is for now like I said above. Got DS coming tomorrow and then Friday for the weekend and DD's got a lot going on this week so I should be kept pretty busy, which is a good thing.

Got a call from my guitar player last night and went out to meet with him and watch a DVD our old drummer (from our band 2 years ago) put together finally. Was about 2 hours worth of live footage compiled from our year and a half sweep across Wisconsin, Indiana, Ohio etc. He basically selected the best representation from all of our shows from our very first to our last 'official' show to get the best recording of every origional song we ever played live. It was pretty cool to watch and go down that memory lane.. then there was a photo slideshow portion of the DVD set to music from our CD which was pretty cool too. It's part 1 of a 2 part DVD he's putting together, with the second part basically journaling our 2 studio experiences which he wants as many of us as possible to come in and do a 'commentary' track on.. that should be fun too. I was really impressed with the work he put into it, and I personally think it came out pretty great. We're 'talking' at least about trying to get a majority of that group back together for a new project. I suppose that'll be something to look forward to if WW doesn't come home. If she does though, I know where my focus needs to be.

Well... that's life for today... nose to the grindstone for work this morning.

Ok.. here's what I don't get..

She's cohabitating with WB and his family.. even if she's sharing in bills they are -much- lower than what she'd have on her own.

She's receiving a rediculous sum of money from me in CS for DS.

She's still getting CS from DSD's bio dad.

She just got paid on Friday

She's put her taxes in for an early refund.

Yet she can't pay the CC she agreed to pay at the temporary hearing on time resulting in a higher interest rate on the card and $60 in penalties over the last 2 months.

I send her an email asking what the deal is and she tells me that things are tight, and that she had some unexpected stuff pop up that wasn't in the budget.

So I ask if everything is ok, and remind her that I'm here for her if she needs me.

She responds: Everything is fine.

BUHWHA??? If everything is fine, why can't you take care of your responsibilities???

ARRRRRRRRgh.. so incredibly frustrating..

I just don't get it.

Forgive me if you've said before- but does WB work?

Perhaps she's helping support him as well???

I dunno guys.. I'm praying -really- hard right now..

1) CoWorker and CAMCH have obviously about had it.
2) She's back to square one looking at houses.. none available in the school district we live in (which she desperately wanted to be in).
3) Financial crunch
4) No contact with her family
5) Unable or unwilling to comply with court orders


Meanwhile her husband is managing (somehow) to stay afloat with the house.. is trying -extremely- hard to maintain and improve communication/relations with her and the kids.. is OBVIOUSLY here to help if she'd just ask.. has the arms out and wide open and has the tools in his arsenal to pick her up off the ground and start working on getting our ship back on its proper course..

Ugh.. how the he11 can't she see how much better off she and the kids would be back home trying to make this work?

All she's going to be left with is an even worse financial situation than she left (we're not in real great shape admittedly).. a boy who can't or won't bail her out of the messes she digs for herself.. accepting 2nd best for her kids schooling.. a house that she's going to be stuck with for several years.. ugh.. when she could have IT ALL.. if she'd just reach out for it.

CW.. WB works, but he's a flagman swing-shift road construction worker.

Not real lucritive if it's cold and snowy out.

SHE IS IN AN ADDICTION. SHE IS AN ALIEN AND CAN'T SEE ANYTHING REAL...

Trust me when I say I am still working through this, but you and I and so many others THINK we KNOW what's best for them. All we are doing is letting them take up rent in our head and possibly blocking G-d from working on them. How are we blocking G-d, I'm so glad you asked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> By having him spend energy on us worrying about us hurting and not surrendering. Remember, I am still in progress.

But you get what I mean. We DON'T know what is going on over there. We can only pray for them and keep moving forward.

What they are doing MIGHT NOT make sense to US, but what if that is part of G-ds plan and everything that is happening is really happening for the good or to eventually have HER come home. I hope I am making sense.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

{{{{{{{{{{{{{James}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

James:

When an asteroid is absolutely about 2 strike the Earth, it's pointless 2 pile up pillows at ground zero or try 2 catch it with your bare hands.

You need 2 get out of the way and clear the women and children from the streets.

I hope that when she screws up HER finances, that you give her some time 2 prove 2 you that she's jettisoned WB for life before you step in and help her out.

If that ever happens.

-ol' 2long

I know I know guys..

Thanks for the reminder SG.. I needed it.. yeah, I've got to let God handle this.. I'm no good at keepaway anyhow. Besides He's everywhere.. how do you keepaway from that?

(Just kidding.. much love to God who has kept me in the relm of sanity throughout all this through His divine comfort and grace... I'd be in a far worse place right now if not for Him)

2long - You seem to indicate that we are drawing close to a fecal matter to cooling unit type situation. Honestly given the circumstances.. if things don't change and fast for her, I can't imagine it being put off for long.

I only wonder if it's going to be enough.

Financially she was ruined when I met her.. we worked -VERY- hard for the last 4 years to get her credit back into shape and it's still not pretty. It's this kind of thing.. the inability to prioritize and plan ahead long term that kept us flirting with that terrible cycle throughout the M as well.

She thinks that she can go out and spend $40 at Applebees etc for dinner for her, the kids, and WB every night and make ends meet.. She thinks there's nothing out of the ordinary about dropping $160 in a day to get the hair, nails, eyebrows etc done.. She doesn't see a problem with buying a bunch of crap for a house she doesn't even have yet... She doesn't think a NSF notice from the bank is a big deal.. or that late charges and more than doubling the interest rate on -my- credit card that she's been court ordered to pay is a big deal.. Noooo... everything's fine.

Where's my f'n kool-aid?

OH YEAH!


If that continues she's going to be in some pretty sorry shape..

I couldn't see how she could qualify for a home loan when you first said she was buying a house. Now, with the market the way it is and all this talk of recession, there's probably absolutely no chance.

She's going 2 have 2 crash, burn, and the smoking hole in the ground is going 2 have 2 cool for a while before it's safe 2 peek in.

Better, would be 2 wait for her 2 peer out.

-ol' 2long

She might wind up being in bad financial sake James...But, my question is, why are you willing to be there for the rescue?

She very well could find herself in a place where she needs your help...and she could very easily take advantage of you. I see that happening to you based on your hopes.

Are you willing to stand a FIRM ground James? I would strongly suggest that you get prepared for her returning home by having a conversation with your lawyer. He should be able to direct you how to best assure that if and when she comes back again that your SON never is able to leave with her again. A custody agreement could be a condition of return along with a post nuptial agreement.

If you fail to do these things James, I would bet that your son will be bounced around again after she gets back on her feet.

Obviously this is all just speculation. She may very well be in a very good place in her relationship with the OM. I am just suggesting that you be very well prepared for the next steps here.

I agree... unfortunately I'm also torn between whether or not it would be better for her to be 'stuck' at CoWorker's place and let CoWorker and CAMCH get REALLY irritated with her.. or for her and WB to get out on their own and have to keep the roof over their own heads.

I've percolated that thought a few times MEDC.. RE: Custody agreement/Ante-Nuptual..

I'll continue to think about these things.

Almost sounds like you're -worried- she'll be coming back there MEDC.. better stop or you'll get me all hopeful and such.

Just kidding.. I -totally- understand your concern.. and yes, in a few different ways I plan on making it absolutely clear that DS will not be going through this little episode -ever- again.

It would almost 100% CERTAINLY be better for her 2 be stuck where she is.

You seem certain 2long.. expand please?

I AM very WORRIED that she might come back James. I think, based on what you have said, that she is an opportunist and a "user" and if she feels that you are the best ticket right now, i wouldn't be surprised to see her come back. BUT, I also wouldn't at ll be surprised to see her come back and leave again too.

Do everything you can to protect your finances and your son. She is not to be trusted.

Oh.. BELIEVE me.. I am right there with you on this.

I -gave- her trust.. complete, unconditional trust.. when we first got together.. she's going to have to earn what she gets from this point forward by taking extrordinary precautions and total transparency.

I'm not settling.. and I'm not going to let her get away with half-a$$ing recovery.. there MUST be a commitment to recover and -stay- married before she crosses the shadow of my door.

James,

I'm keeping my eye on you and how much rent space she is taking up on your day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />