James,

I am with the rest,,STAY POSITIVE. STAY FOCUSED ON YOU AND THE KIDS.

Your love and light will shine through.
Leave any game playing or mud slinging to the WW. That way the only one who will be tainted is her.


Prayers are on their way. I know it will go great!

Thanks all for the well wishes.

2.5 hours until eval.

Now mind you this is only the initial visit. she makes 2-3 per parent.. so this is just the start.. but you only get one chance to make a first impression as they say.

Keep up the prayers.. and yeah, going to keep the mudslinging to a minimum.. I figure my best foot forward is the truth. I love my son, I may not be the best dad in the world, but he and my daughter seem to think so, and I want more than anything in the world to spend as much time as I can with him, and to be able to give him a permanent home where he can grow and thrive in a strong moral and character building environment.

Saying a prayer for you, James!

Good luck!

James:

Just be James.

Sling no mud.

You will be fine.

-ol' 2long

Well, I -think- it went well.

There was a lot of paperwork to get out of the way the first time through, and she wanted to get all the 'dirty laundry' out right away.

I didn't bite too hard on it, and kept everything in the perspective of how I'm doing this because I want to spend as much time as I can with DS, and provide for him a home, and a strong character and moral foundation and example for his life.

Without going into details of everything we talked about, I think things went pretty well. I'm sure I stumbled in a few spots but I REALLY get the impression that this lady isn't going to be fooled by anyone. She talked a lot about how she does things, reads body language, inflection in voice etc.

I think I'll be in good shape, but keep me and DS in your prayers folks. I really appreciate the concern and care poured out here, I can't thank you guys enough for helping to get me on the right path.

What happens next in the process? How long does it take?

Well.. it's probably going to take a while, as the evaluator is very thorough.

She also talks to a lot of peripherial people, does some testing and bg checks and such..

I meet with her for a 2nd time on Monday 17th.. again without DS (as it will be WW's birthday).. but there are other things she wants to have me do etc... I guess that's ok... guess that'll be my 'rebuttal' time for whatever dirt WW throws, or for her to ask probing questions about my history. I'm sure the next visit won't be so relaxed.. of course I don't think I've got anything to hide or be ashamed of so I'm not too anxious about it.

I'm glad it went as well as can be expected.

How are you doing with it all?

What did you learn so far about this process?

I'm actually doing pretty well with it mentally and emotionally.

I think the only thing I'm anxious even a little about today is that my IC and I will be parting ways. She's moved her office into her home and out of the church and as a result will be charging per hour, and TBH I really wasn't getting a whole lot out of my sessions with her other than validation that I'm doing well, progressing faster than expected, and getting towards 'done'.. well.. that's great and all, but cost vs benefit for me at this point I don't see it. She agreed though to a call as needed arrangement which seems like as good an idea as any.

As far as learning about the process.. I know that what I'm doing is much different than the normal process around here. A lot of places apparently you go -to- the evaluators office and take a bunch of psych tests and they observe you with your child etc etc... this person comes into the home, does extensive work getting to know people.

Not sure I've really learned anything about this process other than it's best to just be yourself and let the truth speak for itself.

I'm cool with that.. at least I won't have to remember what lies have been told... WW on the other hand? I dunno.

We just get to leave WW with G-d and let him take care of it all.

So simple in concept, so hard to put into practice.

I am very proud of you and how you have handled this whole sick mess.

Your children will always know how you fought for them.

This is of CAPITAL importance to me.

I dunno.. with DSD's grandparents going silent on responding to whether or not they'll talk to the evaluator.. and thus causing me to leave them off my list of references.. FIL moving away last week.. then the IC thing today.. I dunno.. getting that 'abandoned' feeling again..

I look around and get constant reminders that the people I've chosen to confide in, or love and care about bail on me when the rubber meets the road..

Maybe it's just self pity, and the 'victim' thing creeping up again. I'm not going to wallow in it, just acknowledge it for what it is and move on.. but still, it's disturbing.

Ranger on, as my dad would have said if he were still alive.

God's still with me.. at least I believe He is.. coming up on 7 months now.. I'm stronger than I was, but I can't help but feel like I've got a long way to go, and grow yet before I'm 'there'...

Maybe that's the key.. getting to 'there'.. instead of getting to 'done'.. I dunno.. I think I'm pretty close to 'done' at this point.

Just riding the day.. 2 hours till gettin off work time.. then home, mess with the dog, then off to DD's swim meet.. should be a good one.. they clobbered us last weekend at the invitational, so I know the girls are hungry to get some back..

You and I are so walking the same path.

Remember this is always been a rollercoaster ride. Some days are just simply harder, why? I have not flippin clue, but they are.

There are shifts happening in me. I am laughing more about my future, planning it without WH and knowing that I will be ok.

That may be true in your physical world, and maybe it's a reminder that the truly one thing we can only depend on is G-d, but remember that NO ONE on here has bailed and we are walking with you every step of the way.

On here, we KNOW each other's pain, we support each other, care deeply for each other, celebrate our triumphs and cry together through the horrible pain.

You are not alone my friend. You may only see one footprint today, but I know for a fact that is when G-d is holding onto you the tightest.

{{{{{{{{{{James}}}}}}}}}}}}}

(((((((((Queenie))))))))

Thanks for the reminder.. I needed it yesterday.. and today too.

Our daily email really touched me as well, discussing Simon Peter and the plans God had for His life.

Now that I've given WW to God.. the next challenge is to truly give all of myself to Him as well.

I'm working on it.. failing at times.. but getting up and continuing to try.

God is faithful.. and I am more certain now than ever that His promises for my life will be fulfilled, in His time, according to His will.

Walk in faith my friends.. and thank you all for your continued prayers and support.

Glad you are getting on with the evaluation. Hope everything goes smoothly. We are going to be starting the process in May. My attorney told me the evaluators don't cross counties so we will have someone different than you. Shame because she sounds really good.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your son.

Guided..

Not sure where your lawyer got his information. My evaluator is not from my county, and you'd actually be a little closer to her home base than I am.

I'd talk to your lawyer again about it if I were you.

Asked lawyer again and he said that our county uses someone out of Cicero. If we want your evaluator we would have to change venues...which we are doing. He said they still usually use the people out of Cicero, but we could petition for a different one if we want.

We will see how yours goes. The ones out of Cicero may be fine as well and it is always who my lawyer has used before and he is pleased with them.

Ahh, I see.

I suppose it's different strokes for each of the locals, and probably depends largely on what the Judge would be most comfortable doing.

Glad to hear things are progressing for you. Been keeping you in my prayers.

Hey dude,

How are you doing?

Wow.. seems like it's been weeks since I've been here..

Ok.. well 2 weeks almost.

Honestly I almost wonder if it wasn't better for me to be away from the boards and not really spending time dwelling on WW, my circumstances, or anything else.

I am glad to have this place though to go and vent and get it out in a somewhat constructive way.

Lots of things have happened, but then again not much has changed. To my knowledge WW has not yet visited with the evaluator and I have now met with her twice. The evaluator indicated there were some difficulties scheduling with her. I'm not sure what that's about, but we all have our priorities I suppose.

The second visit went pretty well, she had some specific questions about my childhood, parenting style, values etc.. and basically went through my growing up, and spent some time discussing some of the rough changes in my life through the end of high school and beginning of college. I actually really enjoyed the conversation as she took an interesting vantage point and drew some conclusions about that really rough patch of my life that I think may help me understand it and put it better into perspective.. was kind of interesting to walk away from a visit with someone evaluating me for custody of my son and learning a few new things about myself. I really like my evaluator by the way.. she's tops.. very perceptive, and very on top of what she does. I know that she will make a very well thought out evaluation, which I believe at least will bode well for me and DS.

In my daily life though things have been BUSY.. it's difficult even to find time for sleep sometimes. DD is just so busy, as we wrapped up her middle school swim season.. the community swim club is year round though and still going 3 nights a week.. but we've dove right into volleyball and softball, not to mention all her student council and honor society stuff going on this time of year. Have I mentioned lately that I've got some FANTABULOUS kids? I'm so proud of them.

Heard through the family grapevine that WW ultimately did transfer DSD out of her school and into the district she's now moved to, which is unfortunate.. as much upheval as that little girl has suffered in her life, to just continue to do it.. HOWEVER from what I've heard her grades are good, which is a relief. Maybe.. just maybe God will put his hands around that little girl and protect her, and she'll come out ok through all of this.. I pray.. I still miss her very much.

DS seems to be doing ok.. the daycare has mentioned to me a few rough spots and behavior issues as he's starting to act out in school. Probably an inevitable result of the crap heap his life has been made into, but I'm working with him and trying the best I can, with what time I have to raise a well behaved, well mannered boy who understands the importance of good character and virtues. I just wish there was more of it to go around.

This past weekend was a little rough as I didn't get to see DS, which makes 2 weekends in a row. I don't know who came up with the parenting time guidelines in Indiana (my evaluator does though.. interestingly enough).. but as nice as they look on paper, it SUCKS getting 2 days out of 14 when it just happens to be her holiday weekend. WW did however offer to let me have him on Friday because she had to work, so I snatched up that time and DS and I had a pretty good time on Friday.. guess it's not all bad, but still.. I miss him even when it's only a day between getting to see him.

The only really down thing lately though is the financial stuff, WW's really dropping the ball on her end and it's starting to put the hurt on mine.. going to try talking with my lawyer in the next day or so to see what we can do about her not upholding her ordered payments.

Meanwhile.. been working on stuff for the band at home at night, we've finally got our website back up and running and maintaining our myspace page again.. should be a good run as we're really only a couple months into this and have about half a CD's worth of new material written and pretty solid.

All told.. not doing too bad.

James,

Well, WW having scheduling 'problems' with the evaluator should bode in your favor. Frankly, what could possibly be more important than meeting with the person who will be the major factor in deciding how much time you get with your son??!! UGH that just makes me so angry for your DS!!

I am glad you are getting on well with the evaluator. I just feel the need to perhaps caution you in your interactions with her. Not that I am saying lie or hide anything,,,,,but use care in how MUCH you share with her as you really do not know how it may or may not be viewed. Give her everything you need to show the wonderful man/father you are - but remember she is a court appointed evaluator, not your friend. Does that make sense?

I'm sorry to hear that she has moved SD to a different school. I know the worries you have with that, as I am in the same boat. I did talk to my DSS after his first day and he sounded good about everything. I still worry,,,,,,,,,but that's what parents do!

Keep a close eye on DS. If he is acting out at school, it may just be a phase or his age - - but it may also be as a result of everything going on in his life. It's hard enough on us "adults", I can not begin to imagine the confusion for our little ones! Do not hesitate to get him some counseling,,,I HIGHLY recommend it for kids of any age who have had to deal with this situation.

You sound good,,upbeat & positive. Keep up the busy life. As I read on another forum today, The best 'revenge' is a life well lived. That's my motto these days!