It's been a long couple of days! This has hit me so hard, and I didn't expect it. Several months ago, I was wishing he'd have an affair or do something stupid so I had a clean break. Our marriage was rocky to say the least.
Well, when the possibility was there, it completely devastated me. Two days ago Husband and I had a really good talk, the best I think we've ever had. I know my part in it (I'm very cold and bitter to him as a result of his behaviour towards me, big vicious circle going there) and I do understand how he got entangled in this. Which in no way makes it right, but I can understand, and I can see how easily it could have happened to me as well, if someone attractive suddenly started paying attention to me when my husband doesn't.
I don't believe there was any intimacy between them. For one, he's so busy, he'd never have time. The first thing he said when I questioned him was that she was way too young, so at least he knew that much. It was all phone/texting. Still not right, still hurts like ******.

It started because she got a hold of his cell phone number. She works at the local convenience/gas bar and they had his number in case of a service call. So anyway, beautiful (very) young (very - 25 years younger, just 20 years old) girl starts calling and texting him. He's flattered...blah, blah, blah. She's asking him for advice, giving him compliments and he's totally eating it up. He should have realized far sooner that it was inappropriate, that he was leading her on, etc.
So I find out, all ****** breaks loose. He stopped responding to her texts, she still sent them. I sent her a text "I suggest you f. off and stop calling and texting my husband, consider yourself warned"
By that afternoon, her cell phone account had been disconnected. Hope I scared the living s. out of her.
So I had called and made a lawyer's appt for Monday. I thought alot about our conversation and the 'awful' realization of how much I still love him. That sounds weird but things have been so strained, it really had become buried. I asked him if he's willing to completely flip our relationship around and change the way we interact with each
other. I had been wanting to Marriage Builders years ago. He agreed he would try it with me.
But, first thing was he is to have no contact with her at all, regardless of this being a friendship only, or a flirtatious friendship, whatever. So no more going to that gas bar, etc. He also had to tell me her name, which he really balked at. I promised I wouldn't go near her or confront her, and that was the important issue for me. I had to know who she was, or how would I know if he was still communicating with her or not?
So anyway, he tells me and we're trying to start again from the beginning. I think he'll keep his word because he's seen how much he has to lose. And I'll keep mine and stay away from her. And if he doesn't keep his word, I won't keep mine...which would ruin his reputation and hers.
His mother, sister, my parents, my friends all know about this. I needed to talk and I was very upset, and now I see that it was the right thing to do according to MB.

However. Yesterday I get this email about a girl named Vanessa who wants to be my friend on facebook. She's a daughter of one of his teammates. I don't believe I've ever spoken a single word to her. I've seen her around with her mom, who is a friend of mine on facebook. So I'm thinking this is odd. I go and look at her profile and she has 421 friends, all under the age of 25. All people she's gone to school with. No old fogies like me (35) So why on earth does she want to be my friend? Well lo and behold, one of her friends is this GIRL/OW. Who happens to attend the same college. So I called Husband and told him this and how it was extremely fishy, and how I'm glad he finally told me her name or I might have added this Vanessa girl and therefore let her friend have access to my profile. And he's all stupid and niave, thinking it can't be possible, but what other explanation could there be? I told him that she likely has a far bigger crush on him than he realizes. (or she so scared of me, she wants more info on me) I also told him this is exactly what I would do if I saw someone as competition.
This Vanessa girl did get onto my profile through her mother's friendship with me. I've since blocked that access.
I promised not to go near her, so I'll keep my word. And I check his cell phone usage regularly and there's been no contact via that route anyway.
He's got a lot of ground to make up, and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to get over this indescretion. And this is where I need help.
The pounding heart, suspicion is really tough to handle right now. This site has been really helpful in making me realize what I'm feeling is normal, and our marriage has really taken a huge step in the right direction in the last 3 days. It's trying to keep my emotions from eating me alive that will be the toughest part for me. I'm not sure I"m strong enough to do this.

I just wanted you to know I'm sorry for what you are going thru. Right now you MIGHT not feel like you are strong enough but you are. Don't try to tackle everything at one time with your emotions. It's a rollercoaster ride you won't forget. Read info here. Ask questions, vent (HERE) the folks here will help you.

When you first find out it's so confusing. Try and take a deep breath, try and decide what resolution you want. Do some deep thinking. Try and calm down, easier said than done I know. It will take time to address everything YOU need. It will take time for you to even know what you want.

Good luck.

Thanks - I've been reading your posts and almost sent you a pm, since our stories had a similar vibe to them. THank you for your support. Some days are harder than others. She contacted him again two days ago and he said there was to be no more contact (so he says)
I just found a picture and her class schedule in the console of his truck. That sounds so absurd!! He's 45 and she's 20 for cripe's sake.
It was from before I found out, but it still hurts. We're supposed to be going away for a family weekend and this just rips me open again.

Hi,
Hope you are doing ok. It sounds like since the OW is in your neighborhood or at least near by that you need to really think carefully about how you and your H achieve no contact. As you know, no contact means that both of you have no contact. It also means that you need to think carefully about how you will avoid contact with potential triggers that will set you back emotionally.

Is face book going to be a problem for you?

Yeah when the info just keeps coming it does hurt just like day 1. Hang in there! There will be days that seem so great and then out of nowhere you'll be so sad/angry/hurt. I'm having a hard time with my emotions too. Keep strong. If you find OLD evidence, do yourself a favor, get rid of it. It's the NEW stuff you're looking for. Don't let on that you are snooping. If you find new stuff you have to be very careful how it's presented to him. You don't want this to go underground. If there is no new stuff you are on the right track, and H is actually (hard to believe) going to abide by the NC.

You mentioned she contacted him...how do you know? Did he tell you or did you find out somehow? Have you asked him about it?

But you will still have triggers. Be prepared for them. And if you can figure out what they are you can try to avoid them.

Stay strong. You can do it.