What believer said...

When you plant those seed you "believe" they will sprout.

Keep planting, and believe!

Update:

I'll try this again just lost entire post twice!
Yesderday WW came over early and we all had breakfast together. We then went to christmas party. DS really enjoyed it. There were clowns and Santa arrived in a fire engine. We then returned home had a big talk and WW said she would stay for dinner. She then had a lie down and I took DS to park and then had dinner and they left about 8.00pm.

Big Talk:
This sorta just happened I did not initiate. WW was holding a newborn at the party and I said it suits you. On the way home she asked what I meant. I told her that it just looked good and had she gotten pregnant in Feb when we were trying it could have been us. She said she didn't think she would have any more kids but said she thought I would. I then said after trusting her for more thatn half my life it would be really difficult to let yourself that vunerable again to someone you know nothing about. She agreed. We then said how we used to say that we felt sorry for people in their 30's who were single as all the good ones were gone blah....

She then went on to say that after everything that had happened she just needs to be on her own and has no plans to get involved with anyone. She needs time to understand everything thats happened and why it happened. She said she may feel differently in a few months time who knows.

We then started talking about OM and she says she has not heard anything from him at all. She says he had his chance with her and told her he could leave his family but in the end he couldn't do it. She still doesn't hate him as she doesn't want to have bitterness in her thats not good. She says the man he was before all the exposure is the man she wanted to be with. I asked her if she would ever be with him in the future and she said it was highly unlikely. I told her I would have expected her to say no way in ******!

I said its obvious you still have feelings for him and you miss the man he was or thought he was. She didn't answer. Then she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore so I changed the subject but 5 mins later she brought it up again. She says she knows what she did was morally wrong but if people could get into her head they would understand. She was honest throughout. I reminded her that she wasn't. She knew he was the one since dec 06 and feelings had been building for God knows how long. She gave me the ILYBNILWY speach in june and had to force A out of her.....

I told her everything I did from then on was put into the justification file of reasons why we shouldn't be together. She aknowledged this and admitted emotionally checking out around sept 06. I told her I never had a chance. We discussed me checking her emails etc and I told her I was being lied to and that is a horrible feeling and I needed the truth to deal with things. She didn't use the controlling thing with me at all for a change but seemed to understand.

She then said OM really met her need for admiration and I never did. She recounted one time when we were at home on holidays and were in a pub with friends. She had to leave at 12 as her parents were babysitting and I wouldn't leave. I sent her home with a friend and stayed on with her brother and friends. She felt she was an inconvience to me and I never appreciated and admired her to others. I agreed this was wrong of me but if OM hadn't been involved we could have discussed this and fixed it. OM also met conversation and shared her interest in spirituality and when they talked it felt like the world stopped.

She is adamant there is no contact now and I sense she is longing for some closure or something. It was an insight into where she is mentally. No LB's at all during our talk. And no relationship talk about us or me asking her to reconsider.

She then said she was really looking forward to christmas and spending it alone with DS. She said "I know its weird but I'm really looking forward to christmas this year on our own".

Comments please?????

Oh and she kept saying how hard it was being on her own......and then sometimes she doesn't know how I can even sit here and talk to her.

I really want to believe that she could be coming slowly back or is she just happy being friends?

Please any FWW's give me an insight into where my WW is now right now?

Sorry, just remembering more bits of conversation. She also said that she felt that I was happy that she was hurting over loss of OM and I felt it was like payback for what she did to me. I assured her that I love her and hate to see her hurting and I do not nor ever have felt that way.

Also I said that OM told me she told him that I wouldn't care if she left cause I didn't love her and all that. She admitted that she had said this. He told her the same thng

I agree fluffy - that's exactly where her head is.

You did click on the link didn't you Vladie?

I need more insight!!!!!!

Yes BigK I clicked the link. Didn't see WW yesterday at all but she is coming over wed and we are putting up the christmas tree and having dinner.

Anything else I can do?

You really need to stop asking the same questions over and over again, listen to people like Believer who have posted you great advice and not expect this to be resolved before mid-day today.

Patience is a virtue.

Did you expect this to be easy?

Yes your right BigK - just seems to drag on and on and on.....Is plan B a good idea in jan if she still feels the same? Do I ask her if she wants to work on things before Plan B? Is Plan B a good idea if there is no active A?

I certainly believe you should persist in your Plan A even there is no affair (that you know of) for a little longer. You have LB'ed her a lot and your attempts at relationship talks just piss her off.

I do worry that she will find someone else and that is certainly a risk if you go to Plan B before you show her that you can again be the man she married and a husband she wants.

I wouldn't go along with any attempts to sell your house - I would stall her off as long as you can.

I do think in the new year if nothing changes, maybe in February, I would consider Plan B knowing it's a very high risk procedure in your case.

I agree. Thats what I was thinking too. I think the last week or so I have being doing a good job at Plan A and she is happy to spend time together as a family. Also, I haven't brought up relationship talks for a while. She brought it up on sunday and I never said "we should give things another go", and no arguments or LB's

On a different not, a friend of mine back home has reconciled his marriage. She moved out in Aug to live with OM and took his Son. From what I know he did not try to get her back, she just begged for another chance and they seem to be working things out.

How can some WW's jump straight back to the M while others cannot?

Because affairs almost always end.

What is he doing to recover from this Vladie?

He just spent 2 weeks on holidays with FWW and DS. I have told him about this site so hopefully he will check it out. He is really happy now that his family is back together and so am I.

It's fools gold if he's only happy because the affair is over and he doesn't have a recovery program cause she'll d it again and he will never recover long term.

I hope he comes here.

Yes, I will try and get him to come here. Today I am feeling really down. No appetite - a bit like I felt a few months ago. This Plan A is so hard - expecting nothing in return. I feel like she is doing fine, happy in her life and happy that we are friendly. Meanwhile I am dying inside. I really don't think she will ever want to come back..........

It's possible she won't come back. All you can control is yourself and what you do and make yourself as attractive as possible.

Thanks mate, I suppose I've just got to keep remembering that. Cheers. How was Samoa?