I don't think she is going to dump you because she needs you too much. Maybe she is frustrated at being a mother. Some women just aren't cut out to be one.

I don't know your wife, but even I looked up the Chlamydia on the net, and there are LOTS of stories of married folks who end up with it when there has been no cheating. I am assuming that your wife would look it up also.

You need to stay away and stay out of trouble. See if she starts contacting you.

She's a great mom...when she's home with him. I don't think she'll be contacting me again. unless.... another week of her dropping off and picking up gets to her.

I have no clue what or who she's told. If she's told her family, she will want to save face with THEM and I'm history....

TOMK,

I don’t understand your reluctance in getting the info on dormant Chlamydia though to her.

The absolutely first step in ending this is to get her to be willing to accept the possibility that the STD is not from an infidelity. I personally think her reactions are so strong because she is innocent of an affair and assumes you are the guilty party here.

You can get it to her through a third party. This issue regarding the RO and your visitation to your kid could be cleared up in a couple of hours.

The “system” works in a way where escalation is always bad. Right now the DA could simply remove the charge. Finito. Case closed. If this goes to court there will not be a Matlock moment.

You two definitely need work. That’s obvious. But I truly believe you can make it.

It’s all down to you. Once you stop being a victim and start working on saving your relationship things will happen. Your recent comments reek of you feeling like a victim. We can send you virtual hugs and Kleenex but that won’t get you anywhere.

Listen, I do NOT WANT TO GO TO JAIL!!!!
I have a restraining order on me that will not let me remove my name off the utilities, I can't go to my mailbox and get my mail, I can't go to my house, I can't go anywhere she is within 1000 yards, I can't talk to her OR HAVE ANYONE ELSE TALK TO HER FOR ME.

If I do ANY of the above, I go to jail till my court case. 12/13

Are you suggesting I go to jail so that I can give her this information about a dormant STD? In the hopes that she might belive THAT over her thoughts that I was the one who cheated?

I want to get this info to her so that she too may feel the way I feel... put some doubt in her mind that maybe I didn't cheat, as I now have doubts that she cheated. But I can't unless I want to go to jail!!

I dont pretend to know the nature of RO in NH...

The RO was placed on you - correct? Your wife sent an email to your sister. How can that be against you if your family member responds to an email that was originally sent by your wife. Is she going to have your sister arrested? - How can the officials arrest you if your sister responds to your wife's email - i dont get this logic.

Does the RO include all your family members even when she starts the conversation via email? Does she have the right of only having a one way conversation from everyone she chooses?

Sure wish Mr W or MEDC can look at this thread - this is odd to me. There has to be something more here that is missing.

Yes... NH Law, whoever is on the receiving end of and RO cannot contact in any way shape or form. However, the one who issued can still (I call it harrass) contact the other any way they like, if the reciever replies at all, it's a violation of the RO.

Stupid.

I've asked the Police and researched it. She can call me, if I answer the phone and she shows the phone bill with the call lasting longer than 1 minute, we spoke and I violated my RO.

If she IMs me and I reply, I violoated my RO.
If she emails me and I reply, I violoated my RO.
If she contacts anyone I know and I relay information to her through them, I violated my RO.

The answers to my questions are:
Do not reply to IMs or Emails, print them and bring them to court. Do not answer the phone when she calls or call her back regarding a message she leaves.

Basically I have to sit with my hands tied until my court date.

Unless of course I want to go to jail. But going to jail to say something like...

I would leave her COMPLETELY alone. She is smart enough to look it up on the computer. I know I would want to know where it came from.

I really think she will start missing you. I raised my sons alone for the first 12 years, and it wasn't easy. I felt very lonely, and always behind in everything.

Meanwhile, you need to do some reading and posting on the Emotional Needs board on ways to react to her disrespect toward you. The folks there are experts.

I have to leave her alone. no choice there.

I have been trying to explain that to bigger...

I would LOVE to know what she's thinking, but I guess that will come in time.

My sister thinks the email sent to someone named "J" wasn't really sent to "J" and that it was sent to me to get a reaction.

If that email is accurate and sent to whoever "J" is, I'm screwed.

OK Got it...altho I don't fully understand it.

This goes beyond disrespect. You are being abused by your spouse and the system. Not sure there is much of marriage to build here. Good grief - who would want to live under this threat for the rest of your life ? There is more then Emotional Needs not being met here.

Speaking as a male and trying to put myself in your situation - who needs this crap - i know - not the MB way. Not giving advice - this is just my comments while thinking out loud.

I can't disagree with you - priority one is stay out of jail. Fighting the RO and the abuse charges are going to take a lot of your energy. Did you ever get an Atty for your case?

That's NOT true. That's not even remotely true. Whoever told you that has NO idfea of what they are saying. Absolutely, positively untrue...in every single state in this fine country.

the restraining order is issued by a judge and can only be rescinded by a judge. However, you cannot be held liable for a crime that YOU did not commit. While you should not engage in any conversation with her....you should make note if she contacts you and speak to the clerk in the judges office. More likely than not, the order would be amended if she is the one contacting you. If not,she will told to cease and desist by the judge.

You could spend 2 minutes telling her to not contact you again. Phone calls are billed in minute increments so even if your answering machine were to pick up, it would show a minute for a call.

Use some sense here and stay away from anyone that has taken out an order on you. Call the judge and make it clear that she is putting obstacles in the way to obeying his order.

And do not call her back....ever...as you noted.

In NH here is what a judge can do in a RO..

How can a protective order help me?

In a final order, a judge may order your abuser:

not to abuse you, your relatives, or your household members in any way
to stay away from:
your home,
your place of employment,
school, and/or
any specified place you or any family or household member go
not to contact you
not to take, sell, or damage your property
to return your personal items
A judge may also:

grant you temporary custody of children, determine visitation, order that visitation shall be supervised, or order a specific visitation schedule
order your abuser to help support you and your children financially
order your abuser to make automobile, insurance, health care, utilities, rent, and/or mortgage payments
grant you "exclusive use" of any property you own with your abuser, such as your home, household furniture and car.
order your abuser to turn over all firearms and all other deadly weapons to the police or sherriff
order your abuser to pay you for out-of-pocket expenses resulting from the abuse, such as
hospital, doctor or dentist bills;
lost wages;
taxi fares or babysitting costs;
moving or shelter expenses
prevent your abuser from disconnecting your utilities and services, or discontinuing your mortgage or lease
restrain your abuser from intimidating you, your relatives (whether or not they live with you) or your household members
order your abuser to attend counseling
order that your abuser pay your attorney's fees
Whether or not a judge orders any or all of these depends on the facts of your case.

yep...long laundry list there.
wonder where my rights are in this list.

I'm just going on what the officer's who arreseted me said, and the officers who where there at each civil standby.

I don't make a habit out of disobeying the advise of a law enforcement official...

If I call the clerks office, we all know what I'm going to be told. The date for the RO review (to go from temp to perm or -hopefully dropped) is 10/12. They are going to make me wait another week, cuz to them it's just a week.

To me, being away from my son a day might as well be a lifetime.

Besides, I thought the idea was to get this info to her BEFORE the court date, so how the heck do I do that? i can't....

anything you need to get to her should be sent through either a third party...or your lawyer.

I have not read your entire thread, but as a former cop I was baffled by what you were told, so I looked up the NH info.

That list is not meant to protet your rights. I don't know why the order was issued in the first place...so, I cannot speak to what you should have done to protect your rights.

And as far as your call to the clerks office, do not assume that is what you will hear. Judges do not like their orders being ignored.

have you offered to take a polygraph test to prove you have not cheated on her?

what exactly did she tell the police to have you arrested?

make an offer to the judge to take a polygraph if the order is not lifted. While they are NOT admissible in court, they are very frequently used to rule out a criminal act.

If your wife has testified falsely against you...hold her feet to the fire and make it known that you will be willing to press charges against her. This should be done through an attorney.

you should also contact her OB/GYN in writing and ask that the dormant issue be addressed with her. I believe that it probably was already but that she is just reacting emotionally. Let them know your family is being torn apart and that you need them to educate her about this disease.

i'm not ignoring the order, I'm doing everything in my power to follow it to the T. I've gottem email, IMs, and phone calls that seem top be just to get me to react and reply. I refuse to.

I have offered to take the polygraph but she keeps saying "you're so good at lying you could beat that thing without even trying". This is one thing I can't seem to get her to get past, she thinks every word out of my moth is a lie. It's very frustrating and partially the reason why I stopped engaging any time she seemed to want to pick a fight.

I was charged with "back handing her" then "pushing her into a wall" then "threatening to kill her and kidnap my son". All lies. She called the cops on me simply becuase I refused to acknowledge her, never mind argue with her, while I was trying to calmly pack my things to leave for a while. I can only assume, even though I'm constantly being told to get out, that she paniced and thought if she called the cops I would talk to her.

Her OB/GYN is the one that "informed her that she had the STD and that I probably gave it to her". As I can't talk to her now and don't know her current Dr, that will be difficult to thank them for ruining my family. And thank them for NOT telling her the full story after she told them she was going to "Kill her F*ing husband" (Could I get an RO on her for that?!?!?! - just a rhetorical comment there) And that is was indeed possible to have had this for years as it lay dormant.

I'm not saying this is a case of a Dormant STD, but I'm really hoping it is! Why? Cuz I knwo i didn't cheat on her, and I REALLY hope she didn't cheat on me. At least it would be easier to move forward with those facts out of the way!

oh...well, perhaps she is the cheater and is using this crapp as a way to get out.

do you have a lawyer? If not...get one immediately.

have a lawyer contact this ob/gyn. there is enough clinical information out there to suggest this could be a dormant issue. Have YOU spoken to this doctor...because I wonder if a medical professional actually told her something like that. It would seem to open them up to litigation if in fact they are wrong. I have my suspicions about your wife.

On top of that , many of the things that you have said about her make me question her maturity and the type of mom she really is.

Haven't spoken to her Dr... don't know who that is. Which you make me realize is quite strange.... last time she was pregnant, i went to EVERY appointment. She hasn't asked me to go to a single one of these. But then I thought that was because of us growing distant... who knows.

If i could have my way, she would respect me and my opinions, at least listen to them before basically telling me it's her way period. And I would have my family intact, and this new baby coming (still hopeful for a girl) is mine. And we can get on with our lives in a happy mutually equal way.

I ahve a court appointed atty for the criminal charges I have to go to court for on 12/13. I asked if she could help me see my son before then. I was told as a court appointed atty, she can only assist with the crimial case. Although, she did tell me to bring in the printed emails with me when i go see her wednesday...

So, Monday... do I call the clerk and ask if they can have the email with the links I want my wife to read sent to her without me gettign into trouble? I just think a "civil servant' will take the easy raod and make me wait....

Tonight marks one week of not seeing my son. I don't know how I will have my head in my work tomorrow....