She took the $ cuz she thinks it's all hers. Even the $ I got from my settlement. I had the crask before i even knew her, but ti took 4 yeears to settle and I got the $ after we were married. So... she keeps telling me that's OUR money as I got it AFTER we wed.

Of course when things are good, and a marriage is a team I agree...hence when I pais cash for the new car i put BOTH our names on the title...I didn't HAVE to do that...I'm a nice guy and a team player in a marriage...

When I took a loan out for the 2nd new car, she REFUSED to let me take it off the dealership lot until she came down andmade the dealership redo ALL the paperwork so her name was on it too.... forcing her name to end up on the title as well.

So now she says the 2nd car (my car as we call it) needs to be sold so there is no loan against it, and she keeps the 1st car (her car as it's affectionately known now).

She says she's the bread winner (makes more than I do) so all the $$ is hers... This has been going on since we met. I'm allowed to put $$ into an account but I better have a good reason for
a) spending it without her prior knowledge
b) transferring it out of a joint account and into my account.

oh and my account is known as "MY private secret account" She's going to crap her self when the paperwork for a new accoutnf rom a new bank reaches my mailbox. i applied for a new account last week, got an email saying all the paperwork is being sent to the old address... this will be fun. Though isn't it a federal offense for her to open MY mail??? (happens ALL the time btw)

your wife needs mental help. sorry to say, but she is a controlling, manipulative liear that obviously feels that strength comes from keeping someone under thumb. Why are you wanting this witch back?

And all the stuff about money and such in a marriage is pointless..it is jointly owned no matter what the title says.

Ah, nicely done. I thought you might have given the whole game away by telling her that as well, but apparently you didn't. Good work. I say save it for the hearing, for when she makes the accusation that you cheated because you have an STD. Let her build her house of lies around that cornerstone and then, when the time is right, you yank the cornerstone out. Her house of lies will collapse around her and expose her for what she really is - an accomplished gaslighter.

How odd it is, this board over many years has resounded...trust your gut instincts.

I did and I do, yet after reading tonight- I have had to come to the conclusion that ( while posting here)-
If you see a red flag that has nothing to do with adultery-don’t say a word.

A prior victim of domestic violence also did-and was scoffed at...and for those that did that, I sure as ****** hope you head out of your kitchen door in the morning trusting your children’s partners. Mk says he sees a lot-nothing like a woman’s face being caved in by her husband’s boots...isn’t that right Mk...we still will have to catch up one day on your stats...when I did my training 6% of males accounted for the total of reported domestic violence victims-perhaps you should check your water. Coz nearly 50% is uncanny- for lack of a better word.

I have dropped in and out of here for yrs-I have felt the pain of adultery-good news is, I survived- I can answer that honestly-some of you may want to pose the question to yourselves-said it before and I will say it again-you can’t see the forest for the adultery.
And even if there is adultery here-it pales in comparison to the ignorance that has been displayed. The word Lemming comes to mind.

I do wish T well- I do believe he needs support and if you read his wife’s email ( that is the one without the invisible ink)-she does too- that is not a malicious attack, it is a simple observation.

An STD-this has been another that has stumped me---did not anyone here think to ask the question about the “dormant state” WTF-if it is dormant, how on earth does it do the damage it does? Voodoo? real clever.

I believe something happened that night T’s wife called the police-and I hope it is sorted.

Later

Troll.

Ummm, you might want to ask your attorney about this but I believe this is separate property the same as an inheritance would be. I might be wrong, but I feel pretty strongly that this is the case. If it is, then she's got some explainin' to do.

Well, that is VERY SCARY! She makes accusations based on "instincts" she feels over the INTERNET! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Even in marriages we tell people NOT to act on instinct alone but to INVESTIGATE! Your "instinct" should not lead you to the bad judgment to make insinuations about abuse with absolutely no corroboration. That is just irresponsible. ugh!

I wasn't quoting stats princess...I was giving you my real life experience. When you work in an urban setting in a large city (Philadelphia) the majority of the calls that you go on are domestic disputes. Invariably in those situations one partner will likely claim the other struck them....most likely the woman making the claim. Sometimes when you show up, there are signs of obvious abuse...no talking is necessary. Other times you get a loud mouth wife...with no marks on her "claiming" she was struck...but when you question the people in the house individually, you find out that she indeed struck her man...if he chose to defend himself by striking back, he was within his rights. I would say as often as not...when someone left in cuffs, it was the woman.
Madmax, your stats don't mean squat to me...and I doubt you have had any training...and I also doubt that you were an abused mate. More likely...you are an woman with an ax to grind against men because you can't get a date.
I have no problem with someone going with their instincts...but you were being a weenie and wouldn't come right out and ask the questions that needed answering...I did. If TOMK lies, there is nothing on a forum that can be done about it. You go with the info at hand. You on the other hand continue to take your little shots in a PA way.
I suggest that you slap a rainbow bumper sticker on the back of your VW Rabbit and find yourself another woman that has a problem with men.

Where is that little emoticon for ROFLMAO? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BTW MEDC, when I first read the first line of your post I thought you were talking to me. LOL

From what I've read about his wife, it is not outside of the realm of possibility that what happened is that she realized that he was packing and preparing to leave quietly.

Hmmm...given her ego, I should say that it would be humiliating for her to have to admit that her husband just packed his stuff and left, so she called the police so she could tell everybody that he was abusive, so she had to throw him out. You know....get the sympathy going so she doesn't look like the bad guy when she publicly takes up with her paramour.

I suspect the back-tracking she is attempting to do on the criminal charges is because she realizes that she may have bitten off more than she can chew, and NOT because she is being "nice".

What Lady said.

Lady,

From what little you (and anyone else) knows of me and my wife. you SO HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!!!

I left on my own once before (if anyone is truely reading this whoel story). After months of being told to get out, and trying to fight what I thought I wanted and stayed... I finally gave up and left. I left quietly that time too. Only that time, there was no child, not even a gleam of him in either of our eyes. Just a pet puppy. (Whom I took care of mostly as well btw).

She sat ont he couch and watched me pack ALL my things, not some of them like this time. When she saw I had the last box and was headed for the door, she started crying uncontrollably, telling me to stay.

I sat and we talked for hours about why I was leaving...she told me to, daily. I finally listened. As I walked out she said "Remember, this was your choice to leave..."

My choice? huh? After months of being told to, daily... how is it my choice? I simply didn what I was asked to do after giving up the fight to stay. She told ehr family I walked out on her....

It took many months for them to speak to me again, and to this day I am not in "the circle" as I was origionally. Her mother won't even look at me anymore...

So this time I left on my own. EVERYONE knows I would never leave my son. Not an option, period. Would I ever kidnap him? Yeah sure, why not just go to the police staion on my own and say hey, I'm the dad and I'm leaving my wife...btw just arrest me now cuz I don't have her permission to take my child with me. I don't want to be on the 6:00 News for an amber alert so just lock me away now....

So yes, her calling the cops and making these accusasion are her way of maintining the illusion of control over me. Just as she agreed all 4 times tot he civil standbys then chaged her mind last minute. Literally last minute, as in whent he police showed up and knocked on the door!

Yes max... something did happen that night. I told my wife (without speaking to her mind you) that I control me, not her.

Just got another IM for nno reason... unless of course my lawyer's investigator talked to her today..


edited only my son's name out...

I SO BADLY want to reply to this one!!! Luckily I ahve to go on a busineess road trip for the next 2-3 hours so I can't...

I sure HOPE you're documenting all these IM's by printing them & saving them!!!!!!

Definitely do NOT respond to any of her emails or text messages.

I't possible that she is just baiting you into violating the RO. She is using your son to get to you. Throwing in an "I love you"...so she still doesn't look like the "bad guy". She is using the your son to torture you and to try and make you think that you need to go comfort your son.

If you go anywhere near her and your son, she will likely have you locked up so fast your head would spin.

I agree 100%...........she is manipulating....I would not trust her as far as I could throw a tree....a very large tree.

DONT RESPOND!!! Please listn to us... I know it hurts, but DONT RESPOND.

Is it possible she is missing her 'babysitter'?

You will be home soon. I have a good feeling about this!

The one thing I love about my job...is I truly love my job. So much I really get into it, so it worked out that I had a client over an hour away that I needed to go fix ASAP. I will not call her and could not reply to the IM so I didn't.

But apparently I love my job too much... i never went to school for anythign I knw about computers or networks. I have a talent for troubleshooting. On my "off time" (when my wife says I'm online and neglecting her) I'm teaching myself more and more about IT stuff. Any other techies out there know that if you fall behind as much as 3 months and you might as well go flip burgers....

But I love learning new tips and tricks and troubleshooting, so when i don[t get paid for it, it's like a hobby i have. Maybe I was too much into it and really did neglect her emotional needs...in that making her go find it elsewhere, hence gone from home 12-14 hours a day.

regardless, she could have confronted me in a way to let me know she was hurting from it instead of accusing me of having online girlfiends!

So... I did not reply. In fact I just got in from the emergency call. No new email or IM. Though I much prefer the idea that she's regretting what she's done to me and really wants the bst for me, I tend to agree with all of you. as history has shown, perhaps that last IM was a last ditch effort the day before court.

I cannot reread it, I have it printed off and in the folder with the rest of them for tomorrow. If I read it, thoguths of him crying looking for me become real. I knew that's how he's been, but it has yet to be "spoken" so in a sense make sit that much less real.... but now it's been said and it's KILLING me.

I have to stay up tonight and keep my mind busy, otherwise I'll be a wreck thinkignabout my poor little man wanting me home and missing me... OK need ot stop!

I really hope things turn for me and go my way tomorrow. I need them to. I'm hopeful, but scared. I am scared of what she may say to the judge. I've been advised by my lawyer NOT to go into detail about why I was arrested, no matter how much I'll want to, to show him I was doing nothing wrong and falsely accused. But anythign i say in this hearing can be used against me in my criminal hearing. This one, worst case I don't see my son for a couple months, the next one I could go to jail for up to 6 years. I don't agree with my lawyer, i want all of this gone now, but the lawyer advises with what's in my best interests... so i must agree.

Going to be a looooooooong night.

Good luck today, I'm praying for you.

Same here. You have quite a few people thinking of you.

So court today was not at all what I expected it to be. I thought that once this was cleared up, everything went away and I could sleep in my own bed tonight. Oh how wrong I am!

First let me say this, I actually thought she may not even show up... I win by default right? Well 10 minute before our scheduled time, she shows. Typical of her, never early for anything but "work".

She looks at me, we lock eyes, she mouths "I love you" and we both start to cry a little. I'm trying to hold it back... She walks over to me and hands me my EZ Pass for the toll booths from out of her car. I told her I didn't want it and tried to give it back but she walked away saying "I don't want you to get into trouble".

We finally go in to the courtroom, only her and I in there. The judge comes in and we swear to tell the truth and nothing but...

Here's the bomb. She says she wants to drop the Domestic Violence charges as long as I agree to let her have custody (temp as it may be) of our son. And I'm to have.... supervised visitation.

The judge asks me if this is OK, I said no. I want to go home and be with my son 24/7. This I when I find out my days in court have just begun, not come to an end like I thought they may have. The judge tells me she understands I have criminal charges against me and advises me anything say in her courtroom can be used against me in my Hearing on 12/13. I was beside myself thinking this was to take care of both?? The court case on 12/13 is from the state charging me with threatening to kill her. There is nothing she can do about those charges now. I'm here today, because my wife who called the cops on me (and didn't want to arrested after the fact) went to the police station EARLIER THIS WEEK to have a new RO put against me.

But today my wife had a change of heart. She told the judge she was "misinformed on the correct paperwork to fill out. She wanted a temporary custody order, not a restraining order due to the happenings of that Monday evening." So this is my wife's way of getting out of telling this judge she lied about the charges against me. She had those dropped as far as she is concerned. But now the state is pressing the charges, basically on her behalf I guess.

So... because of the class A misdemeanor charges on me, this RO, the original one, is still in effect as part of my bail conditions. THIS I WAS NOT AWARE OF. So I can't go home until my court date, I can't talk to her until my court date, I can have supervised visitation with my son at a state facility, that I will have to pay for before I can see him. And I have to wait for today's paperwork to be processed before I can petition the facility to get a visitation schedule.

I am devastated that I am to have "day visits" with my son that need to be supervised. But at least I get to see my son... I have to remain positive.

Through all this, we had to leave the courtroom once to wait for paperwork and then go back in. During that time, when there was no bailiff around. She tells me she's sorry for all this and that she wants me home too, but it's now out of her hands.

I got back into the courtroom after I get the new paperwork on my visitation, and as I read it I can't help but cry. This is when I learned for the first time I would not be at least having him every other weekend till this mess is over. There was a clerk of some kind, and my wife in the room too. I look up in disbelief, and my wife has the nerve to say to me "What did you want me to do?" I look at the clerk, then into my wife's eyes, and say "Not call the cops on me and just let me leave quietly like I was trying to." That got a shrug of the shoulders...

My timeline is off here... while we were out of the courtroom I called my lawyer to find out why things weren't completely dropped seeing how she had the DV thing dismissed. As I'm talking with my lawyer, my wife doesn't know who I'm on the phone with, she tosses me the evil look I usually get and mouths something I can't make out. But the message is something to the effect she's not happy I'm talking to someone.

In all that.. Somewhere she gave me my wedding ring back too. I saw her wearing it on her right thumb so asked her for it. She said again "I don't want you to get into trouble, I can't give it to you". But then gave it to me anyway.

Never got the chance to tell her about my test results... I could have told her outside the courtroom, but I didn't. I wanted it to be on record that she knew... She does now however that I was in town where we used to live... same town her parents are in. That's where our Dr is, well Mine, she changed her already. I passed her father in the center of town, and apparently her sister told her. First time ever, that I saw her dad and he didn't wave... so they know... something.

I asked her about it during one of the times there was no bailiff around. She said all they know is that I'm not at home right now and that she belted me across the face.

So I reluctantly agreed to the supervised visitation so that the DV charges are dropped. In hopes that the record of what happened today will go along with what the state is charging me with. I went and gave my lawyer the latest paperwork and BEGGED HER to get my date moved up sooner. So I could go home. Waiting till Xmas is just too long to wait to go home. She said she would see what she could do, and reminded me that the investigator is still trying to reach my wife. I got an IM from her @ 1:00 today saying she's meeting the guy @ 3:30 today....

I'm numb. No appetite, no desire to do anything. I just want to go home.

I guess this is a win of a battle and a step closer to winning the war.... but I sure don't feel that way.